Thursday, July 5, 2012

Changes are Afoot

Yesterday was the day for changes. I had to make a confession. On my blah day, I had went over on my smoking. Not just by a little bit, but by a lot. Steve had known something was up by the fact I was quiet, but he didn't know what until I told him. At first he wasn't happy with me, especially since I had chose to wait until the next day to tell him rather than telling him that night. In fact, he took my arm, pulled me around the corner so we were out of sight and gave me a few swats right then and there. It took me by surprise because he's never done that before.

We talked about it. What we had been doing was him setting a limit of how much I could smoke each day (he had the same limit). The only problem with that system is that I seem to have a knack for going over the limit on the same day he does so he doesn't feel right punishing me for it when he did it too. The system needed changing.

Steve was all ready to go cold turkey right off the bat and take my bank card to ensure my compliance, but I know from previous experience that I don't do good with cold turkey. So he's giving me a week to let my prescription for Chantix start working to make it a little easier on me. Then we're both quitting. If I smoke after the week is up, there are consequences. He said he wants to make sure I'm around a long time and I can't argue with that logic.

Of course the smoking conversation led to another confession. I haven't been taking my Chantix or most of my other medications. He's never supervised whether I take them or not because he didn't think there was a problem. Most of the time there isn't. I'm pretty good about taking them, but occasionally, I get fed up with swallowing all those pills and start slacking on them. Now's one of those times that I'm slacking and I've been struggling to get back on track. So now he's made it a new rule that I have to take all my medicines as prescribed-no skipping doses. He will be checking and there will be consequences if I don't take them.

The smoking conversation also led to a talk about some other things. You see Steve knew something was up with me because I had gotten quiet, a sure sign that something is on my mind. Since he'd never really pushed me before when I got quiet, I assumed he didn't realize that. While he was on the subject of knowing me better than I thought he did, he also brought up my tendency to sulk (his word) and refuse to talk to him when I'm mad at him.

So changes were made there too. If I get quiet, he will give me a little space to work things out for myself, but will push for a reason if I take too long to start talking. As far as sulking and refusing to speak to him, since it's not good for us as a couple, that's no longer allowed. He will ask me once and if I refuse to talk to him about it, he'll take matters into his own hands

Last but not least, I talked to him about the household chores. Our current system is sitting down every evening to pick a few chores for me to do the following day. The only problem is that we don't always remember to do it. Sometimes he remembers the next morning and just texts/calls me with a list of chores, but a few times he's forgot completely and I ended up with a chore-free day. Not that I mind a chore-free day, but still, we needed to fix the system.

So we've decided to change to a different system, a chore calendar with specific chores for each day of the week and a deep-clean of a specific area of the house each week. It's similar to the FlyLady system. He's leaving it to me to figure out the calendar, but he gets final approval on it. If he needs me to do something aside from what's on the calendar, he'll just tell me and I'll add it to my to-do list for the day. When he comes in from work in the evenings, he can reference the calendar to check whether I did my chores and go from there.

So in a single day, I got 2 new rules added, one existing rule majorly modified and a change in the household chore system. It's funny. I never really saw Steve as a leader before, but now that I've stepped back, I'm seeing that there was a strong leader hiding inside just waiting for the opportunity to take the reins.

At first, he was kind of tentative when it came to rules. In fact, he only suggested 2 rules for us to begin with (dishes done daily because it drives him up the wall if I don't and no disobedience). I suggested the third rule of not being disrespectful because it was something that really bothered me when I did it. Now that he's growing more confident in his role, he's no longer asking if we need a rule about something or waiting until I suggest one; he just makes it a rule and that's that.

I don't know if he's been reading up on DD without me noticing it or just finally allowing himself to think of the way he wants things, but he's definitely making changes. And even though I may pout or gripe about some things., I can't help but love Steve all the more for the things he does to make sure our relationship, family and home are doing well.

Now I better run because I have one chore left for the day and while I have worked on it, it's not finished yet and he'll be home from work soon.



  1. Wow, sound like you have both turned a corner. well done. I remember when my hubby and I started making rules. i bulked so much and my butt recived the full rewards. but now, i hardly ever get into dd troubel, (which sometimes anoyes huby lol) but once you get into the swing, its really good. wel done on stepping back. how is it making u feel about him and it all?
    Ticcers wife xx

    1. I'm still struggling with stepping back. While I like the changes I'm seeing in him and my respect for him has definitely grown as a result of those changes, I'm not used to giving up control. I'm having to fight the urge to jump in. I told him that, but he had already noticed it. He's being careful to let me have my say, even if he does overrule me in the end.

      I haven't really bucked the rules yet, but I have a feeling the smoking one is going to get me in trouble. If he had enforced the original rule of sticking to the limit he set, I would have got spanked several times over it already. It's not that I intend to deliberately break the rule, but it's a hard habit to kick and I'll probably fall off the wagon a time or two before I manage to quit.


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