If you read my last post, you know that right now I'm dealing with my grandmother's death. It's been a rough week and my emotions have been all over the place. Add in a visit from Aunt Flo and you'll understand why I'm contemplating investing in a tissue company. As a result, DD has taken a backseat this week. In fact, it's been pretty much non-existent.
Between feeling like I can't get enough rest and just not having any motivation at all, none of my chores have been done aside from dishes. While I haven't been overtly disrespectful, I have skirted pretty close to the line a few times.
Given the situation, Steve said he doesn't feel right about punishing me for slips right now. Aside from a very brief, very light role affirmation session earlier today, I haven't been spanked. There really hasn't even been any warnings or looks either.
I'm conflicted on what I'm feeling right now. On one hand, I appreciate the fact that he's willing to give me time to get my head back on straight before we get back in the swing of things. If he had did role affirmation on our first day home like he planned, I probably would have been overwhelmed because I had too much emotions going on to start with.
On the other hand, I'm feeling a bit disconnected. Aside from our usual morning and evening hugs and kisses, we haven't touched much. Even though he hasn't said anything about it, I know he's not touching because he doesn't want to start something I may not be up to.
Like I said before, the only time I've been spanked this week was during our role affirmation this afternoon. And while I may have submitted to it and gave him the right answers to his questions, he and I both knew that my mind wasn't really in it. I almost wish he'd kept going until he broke through the wall of emotions I'm hiding behind so he could really get to me. Instead he opted to go easy and I was left feeling like it was a pointless exercise.
We're just a hair over two months into DD so we're still very much in the learn as you go stage. Right now we're both struggling because we're not really sure how to deal with all this. He's scared of making a mistake and possibly making things worse so he's stepped back and isn't doing anything. I'm honestly not sure what I want right now so I'm just keeping quiet.