Life has a way of knocking you down. You'll be going along happy and secure in your life when all of a sudden life throws a punch at you. Sometimes you see it coming and can prepare to lessen the blow or dodge it altogether. Sometimes the punch comes out of nowhere and you never see it coming. Some blows knock you a little off balance and some put you on your ass.
Life's been beating the crap out of me the last few years. I've lost several loved one. We've had some health issues between the two of us and we've had several rocky financial patches. This weekend life threw the strongest punch yet. My trip away was to see my grandmother, one of the people in my life that I was closest to. She had been fighting cancer and there was a good chance she was going to beat it, but then it took a drastic turn a couple weeks ago.
We drove all night to get there. Even though we were exhausted, we were planning on going to the hospital after a brief respite from the car. We visited with family and then got ready to go. We were heading out the door when the call came.
It flattened me. The news knocked me on my ass and sent me reeling. I'm so grateful that Steve was there with me. We talk about loved ones holding us up when we're weak. This time was literal. When my legs gave out and I collapsed, he used his strength to keep me from falling face-first into the concrete sidewalk. When I sat down on the ground and couldn't get back up, he picked me up.
He's held me and comforted me when I cried. He's listened while I talked about memories and raged about the unfairness of it all. He's been careful to avoid saying any of the trite things that people say in situations like this because he knows they just piss me off.
When my emotions got the better of me and all thoughts of submission and DD flew out the window, he even let me off the hook for snapping at him despite the fact I did it several times. He did call me on it, but he didn't push it. And even though we were supposed to do role affirmation once we arrived home again, he decided to skip it because he realized as high as my emotions are running right now, I wouldn't be able to handle all the emotions it would release.
Even though the funeral is this weekend, we weren't able to stay in town the whole week. So we came home for a few days and he's making sure I can go back. And I'm hoping he can get away to go with me on this second trip because I'm not feeling that strong right now and I need his strength to get me through this. He's my rock, the one I hold onto when life is good and when life is bad.