Monday, October 15, 2012

How to Panic a HoH



I've been thinking.

Okay, about what?

I've been thinking that I want to go back to the way things were before.

What?! Why?!

For the record, I wasn't talking about doing away with domestic discipline. I was talking about the system for getting housework done. When we first started, Steve would give me a few things to do each day. It might be cleaning out the fridge, making some important phone calls or doing a load of laundry. I always had at least two chores, but usually no more than five. If he knew one of the chores was a time-consuming one, he'd only give me a couple chores. On days that the chores were easy ones, I would get more. You get the idea.

The only problem with that system is that he sometimes forgot to give me chores and I'd end up with a chore-free day. Not that I'm complaining, but things weren't getting done. And he didn't always notice other things that needed to be done and I wasn't exactly forthcoming about those. So we decided a new system was in order.

I did a little research and settled on the FlyLady system. Each day had specific chores. For instance, I decided that Mondays were when I would dust and wash towels. Each week focused on a specific area of the house. Ideally the area would be done by the end of the week, but the goal was to spend some time each day working on that area. I wrote out the plan and took it to Steve for approval. He said it looked good and we were off.

It was a good idea in theory, but failed miserably in execution. There were a couple reasons it failed. The first reason (the main one) is that Steve could never keep up with what I was supposed to do each day so he usually just assumed I had done it. If he asked me, I would tell him, but for the most part, I had a don't ask don't tell policy. This caused two reactions in me. I got frustrated because I worried about being in trouble only to have nothing happen and I was tempted to keep doing it since it went unnoticed.

The second reason was that it wasn't flexible enough. Take my recent illness. Admittedly there were some days that I could have done some chores, but there were also days when I didn't have enough energy to get out of bed, much less do chores. Did I do them anyway regardless of how bad I felt, roll them over to the next day or skip them altogether?

So last night we hammered out a new arrangement. Laundry has to be done Monday, Wednesday and Friday. He doesn't care what I wash on those days as long as I do at least one load each of those days and by the end of the week, we all have clean clothes, towels and sheets. If I know a chore that needs to be done and I know he probably won't think of it, I have to suggest it. Otherwise, each day he will give me the chores that he sees need to be done.

A little later, we had another conversation.

So you thought I wanted to quit?



Because you're tired of getting spanked?

Well yeah I don't like getting spanked and sometimes I get frustrated that I'm still getting spanked over the same things, but I can't argue with the fact it has changed things.

It has.

So what if I had said I didn't want to do this anymore?

We would have talked about it and I would have tried my damnedest to talk you out of quitting. Because I like the way things are now. I'm not just talking about the house either. We get along a lot better now.

I like that too.

Besides I like how cute your ass looks when it's red.

At that point, I smacked him with a pillow. He retaliated by tickling me. We laughed and played for a bit, then snuggled up and fell asleep holding hands. And all was good in our world.


  1. Oh goodness! lol Men! That sounds like something Michael would say, so it doesn't surprise me at all. I'm glad you've worked things out in regard to chores. My latest attempt to stay on top of things is a chore/errand app that I downloaded on my phone. We'll see how it goes I guess. Good luck to both of us! ;)

    1. Grace, the look on his face was priceless. When I said it, I didn't even think that he might take it that way.

      Hopefully this new chore system will work. I'm not the best housekeeper, mainly because I tend to procrastinate. There's just too many other more fun things I'd rather be doing. The exception is when I'm really, really mad. Then I clean to work off my anger and the house is spotless. But me being that mad on a regular basis wouldn't be a good thing.

  2. You're absolutely right. That is the way to get a HoH to panic. Take away the happiness and bring back the old misery. It's enough to even panic the sub, even though she's not being spanked anymore.

    1. I didn't intend to panic him. His reaction was funny though. In all honesty, I don't want to go back to the old ways. Even though the spankings suck, it's worth it for all the changes it has brought.

  3. Keeping a home looking good and feeling comfortable can seem like an insignificant thing when compared to something as important as marriage. Yet, a messy home, piles of unwashed laundry, dirty dishes and suchlike can take a big bite out of the harmony in the marriage. It's great to hear you and your husband are developing a home management system that suits both of you. When the system works well, its creates a physical environment that feels more "peaceful". For me, a "peaceful" physical environment encourages unstressed communication in the home... and that enriches our marriage.

    1. Thanks OFM. I would love to have our home give the impression of peace and tranquility rather than chaos. It's just a matter of finding a system that gets me there. I'll keep what you said in mind.

  4. Hi Dana,
    From my experience, once dd is present in the home and marriage, an HoH would rather do most anything than let it go.
    Your poor hubby got a little fright, but he will be pleased that everything is okay.
    Good for you guys, working together on a system that works with the unique needs of your household. This thing really works, doesn't it?
    I have read that other girls use Flylady. Hope it works for you, Sweetie.

    1. I honestly didn't mean to scare him. I know he wouldn't give it up without a fight, and even though I don't like the spankings, I probably wouldn't either.

  5. Lol, SUCH a guy thing to say:)

    1. Thanks for stopping by Tess. It is such a guy thing to say and he said it with a smirk too.

  6. Hi Dana, sounds like you did give him a fright. Like his comment, definitely something Rick would say - men huh! LoL

    I'm glad you were able to discuss the situation with the chores and work out a new plan together. I hope it works well for you.

    1. Thanks Roz. I'll probably choose my words more carefully in the future so I don't scare him, but I'll never forget the look on his face. Priceless.


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