Wednesday, November 28, 2012

Cleaning Epiphanies

There's something about monotonous chores that frees your mind. Every time I do dishes or fold laundry, my mind wanders. Some of my best thinking is done while my hands are busy and my mind is free. Yesterday was no different.

Yesterday's chore was to clean the den. I had been putting off this chore because the den is a huge room, the biggest in the house. Since it serves multiple purposes (home office, personal library, craft room, our daughter's homework area, the dogs' eating, playing and sleeping area), the  room tends to be one of the messier ones in the house so it takes a while to clean. It's a high traffic area between us and the dogs so the floor is the worst of the mess.

I put it off as long as I could. I worked on dusting, straightening, picking up various things and returning them to where they were supposed to be and sweeping. Finally I was down to just the floor so I gritted my teeth and got to it. As I was on my hands and knees scrubbing away at the floor, I was thinking. About halfway through the room, I had an epiphany.

The wall I built a while back has got a lot of blame for the problems we've had. It got blamed for me not being able to open up fully. It got blamed for Steve not getting through to me. While the wall is something that needs to come down, it's shouldn't be taking all the blame.

You see Steve and I have been lying to ourselves. He spanks and because he doesn't like to see me in pain, he sometimes stops sooner than he should. He tells himself it was enough even though he knows in his heart that it wasn't.

I add to the problem by not admitting to myself or to him that it wasn't enough. Spankings hurt and the last thing I want to do is tell him I need more. I know I should, but I don't.


And it starts a cycle. When things don't work out, it's clear that the spanking wasn't enough. Rather than admit it, we do the same thing all over again. And the cycle continues, leaving both of us frustrated.

Now I know one of you is probably going to tell me I need to talk to him or at least write a letter. I'm happy to say that I already did it and this time our communication skills worked better.

Last night as we were laying in bed, he curled up behind me. My pain meds were starting to kick in and Steve was rubbing my back because I was hurting. I had been hurting before I started cleaning and after spending so much time scrubbing the floor on my hands and knees, I was in major pain.

I was starting to feel relaxed and since he was behind me instead of looking at me, it was easier to let down my guard and open up. So we talked it out and hopefully the next time a spanking is needed, we'll both be more honest about whether it's enough or not.

Tuesday, November 27, 2012

Some Visual Thoughts on DD

Not much going on here to write about so I thought I'd share some of the messages I've come across in my online wanderings.





Sunday, November 25, 2012

Another Round of Fun with Search Terms

When looking at the search terms that lead people here, some are obvious. A lot of visitors arrive here after searching domestic discipline, domestic discipline marriage or domestic discipline rules. Other search terms are less obvious.

OTK for Husband

I think we've all wished at least once that we could be the ones putting our husband OTK instead of the other way around. I have to admit I'm a teeny bit jealous of Rogue getting to spank her husband. Of course my husband offered me the opportunity once and I turned him down so who I am to complain.

Female Led Household

Sorry, you're not going to find that here. While I have been guilty at times of covertly trying to take the lead, Steve is very much male and very much in charge of leading our household.

Ambivalence Spanking

Ambivalence on whose part? Or do you mean being spanked for being ambivalent. I've had some ambivalence about a spanking. I think I even wrote about it once. Steve generally isn't ambivalent about spanking. Once he decides one is called for, it's going to happen.

Domestic Discipline Heels Butt Plug

I'm not quite sure how this search led here, but apparently it did. Personally, I rarely wear heels. Between weak ankles and a general tendency towards clutziness, it's a recipe for disaster. As for the butt plug, we have one but it rarely gets used. As for combining domestic discipline, heels and a butt plug, I don't think that's ever happened and it's probably not likely to happen in the future.

Friday, November 23, 2012

Communication in Other Languages

After our mess earlier this week, communication has been on my mind. The whole mess came down to simple miscommunication. I thought I was saying one thing. He thought I was saying something else. Clearly our communication skills need work.

But that wasn't our only miscommunication. I was upset with Steve for not apologizing or seeming to make a move. In hindsight, though, he was making some moves that just didn't make it through the communication barrier.

You see Steve's never been one to dive right in after a fight. He starts picking at me trying to get a response or he talks about other stuff to try to get me talking to him. Only after I've started talking do we get down to what's really going on. That's one of his ways of communicating.

And while I was waiting on him to say sorry or he loved me, he was doing that too. I just couldn't see that because I was waiting on the actual words, but he was saying it in a different way. He cleaned the living room and got down on his hands and knees to scrub the kitchen floor.

A while back I took the quiz on the 5 Love Languages website and I asked Steve to do it as well. The results were enlightening for both of us. If you haven't taken the quiz with your partner, I highly recommend you try it (it's free). You may be surprised at the answers.

I rank highly on touch. I need to be touched to feel love. I don't necessarily mean sexually, although that intimacy is important to me, but the little touches. The hug when he comes in from work. Holding my hand as we walk through a store. His hand on the small of my back as we walk through a crowd. The pat on the butt as we pass in the hall.

When he's not touching me in some way, I feel lost. Even if he's not willing to say a word to me, I need for him to reach out for me. I need it to feel his love.

My next highest love languages is actually two of them. I tied on words of affirmation and quality time. I need to hear him say he loves me and appreciates me. I light up like a Christmas tree when he compliments me on something. On the flipside of that, I feel hurtful words more deeply. Of course some of that can also relate to me being a cancer sign, but that's another post.

Quality time with Steve is very important to me. I get frustrated some times when I'm trying to talk to him and he's busy texting or watching TV. To me, if you want to show someone you love them, you give your full, undivided attention. You care about what they're saying. When he's busy doing something else when I'm trying to talk to him, it hurts.

A lot lower on the list of languages is acts of service. While I do like it when he does things for me, it doesn't rank as high as other things on my love meter.

I ranked the lowest on gifts. Don't get me wrong. I like gifts as much as the next woman, but I don't really see them as a way to say I love you. To be honest, the best gifts Steve has ever given to me are things that he got for free or little money. Him bringing me flowers he picked on the side of the road meant more to me because they were a sign he was thinking of me than because he actually brought me flowers.

In some ways, Steve's love languages are similar. Like me, he doesn't assign a lot of importance to gifts and touch is important to him. However, his highest rank language is acts of service. He sees himself as proving his love every time he goes to work. Every time he fixes my car. Every time he takes out the trash.

The flip side of that is that he looks for acts of service from me as a sign of my love. I never looked at keeping the housework up as a sign of my love, but he sees it that way. When I let the dishes pile up or don't wash his dirty clothes, he feels unloved.

Sometimes we can save ourselves a lot of trouble if we just learn to speak our partner's language, or at least translate it into a language we understand.


Thursday, November 22, 2012

Conflict Resolution Steve & Dana Style

In the movies, when a couple has been fighting, it seems the makeup scene always has them staring at each other from a distance and then running into each other's arms. I'd like to say that's what we did, but that's not our style. No, we take a more roundabout approach.

Last night I did some thinking and some praying. A fellow DD wife helped me see that I was so wrapped up in what I was feeling that I hadn't considered there might be something going on on his side. I started thinking that while I was sitting here waiting for him to make a move, he might be waiting for me to make a move as well.

So when we went to bed last night, I decided that I was going to quit being stubborn and make a move so we could get past this. It didn't quite work out the way I had planned. I started to reach for him and he turned away. I got hurt all over again. I spent the night getting up and down, unable to sleep. He apparently had no such problem and happily snored all night long.

This morning I was feeling a bit frustrated. It wasn't long until that frustration bubbled over and we ended up in another fight. Considering how rarely we fight, for us to get in two fights in less than week is a record, not one I ever hoped to hit.

He stomped away angrily and I stayed where I was just simmering. The longer I sat, the angrier I got. Now normally anger isn't an emotion I recommend holding onto. As a good friend told me, anger has a way of poisoning not only a relationship, but also the person that's holding onto the anger.

But in this case, anger was a good thing. It was what motivated me to get up and go after him. I was determined that whether he liked it or not, we were going to have this thing out and get to the bottom of it. I was not going to let another hour go by with this mess hanging over our head. With that in mind, I stormed through the house looking for him.
.
When I opened the bedroom door, I'm sure smoke was billowing out of my ears. I found him sitting on the bed looking like he had lost his best friend. Seeing that just drained me completely of all the anger and hurt. Because that's how I was feeling too.

So instead of going on the attack like I had planned, I softened. I made the first move. I crawled in bed beside him, laid my head on his chest and told him I loved him. Then he wrapped his arms around me and told me he loved me too.

Then we talked. Basically what it all came down to was miscommunication. When I made my confession, I was telling him that I was at fault. I was admitting that I hadn't been giving my all to our relationship. However, that's not what he heard. He thought I was blaming him for things not working. He thought I was saying he wasn't providing what I needed.

So we talked for a while and then our daughter interrupted. A little while later, he left with her going to his parents for Thanksgiving dinner. Thanks to the shingles, I have to stay away or risk infecting my father in law. Before he left, he made it a point to come find me, give me a kiss and let me know he'll miss me. When I asked if we were okay, he said yes.

So the storm is over and we're basking in the glow of the rainbow. And it feel nice.

Wednesday, November 21, 2012

Distance

The problem with domestic discipline is that it brings closeness. I know that doesn't sound like a problem, but it is, at least sometimes. You see one you've experienced the closeness and intimacy that DD brings, you don't want to see it disappear. You don't want to go back to the way things were before.

Distance can come in a variety of ways. Maybe one of you is traveling away from home for business or visiting friends or family. Maybe you've fought over something. Maybe a hurtful word was said, whether intentional or unintentional.

Since you've experienced new heights of closeness, this distance is felt more acutely. In the past before you learned how great that closeness really is, the distance may have been noticed. But you wouldn't realize exactly how much it hurts to not have those intimate talks, those little touches, the comfort of curling up in each other's arms at night.

I get a lot from music. Most people that know me can figure out my mood simply by paying attention to what I'm listening to. For instance, if I'm listening to Limp Bizkit's Break Stuff, it's best to leave me alone because I'm in a bad mood. Yesterday and today, one song has been on my mind a lot, Faith Hill's It Matters to Me. The chorus especially speaks to me.

When we don't talk.
When we don't touch.
When it doesn't feel like we're even in love.
It matters to me.

When I don't know what to say.
Don't know what to do.
Don't know if it really even matters to you.
How can I make you see?
It matters to me.

 
Yesterday I was more hurt than angry. I was hurt that he didn't understand that I was pouring my heart out to him. I was hurt that he chose to say what he did. I was hurt that he walked away instead of comforting me.

Today I'm angry. I'm angry that he's acting like nothing happened, like he didn't shatter me yesterday with hurtful words as he walked away. I'm angry that he doesn't seem to notice this distance between us, or if he does, that he doesn't care that it is there.

And maybe, just maybe, I'm a little angry that he's not donning his HoH hat. That he's not saying that's enough, quit avoiding me and sit down so we can talk this out. That he's not telling me this distance is bad for us and he's not going to let it go on one second longer.

But I have faith that we will get through this. We've been through rough patches before. While it may have been dark and stormy, we've always come through to the sunshine on the other side. And we've learned from the experience and came out stronger than before. Because you can't have a rainbow without the rain. It brings to mind another song, The Oak Ridge Boys' It Take a Little Rain (To Make Love Grow).
It takes a little rain
To make love grow.
It's the heartache and the pain
That makes a real heart show.
When the sun always shines
There's a desert below.
It takes a little rain
To make love grow.

Tuesday, November 20, 2012

The Aftermath of Confession

This morning I finally worked up the nerve to tell Steve the thoughts that had been weighing on my mind and heart these past few days. To say it didn't go as planned would be an understatement. It was a disaster of epic proportions.

I guess I had this picture in my head of how it would all work out. I'd finally get my nerve up and talk to him about everything. He'd hold me and be supportive. He'd tell me it was okay and we would get through this. Then we'd talk some more about it and figure out where we were going to go from here.

That's not what happened. At first, we were both calm. He said we needed to get through that wall and I thought that meant he was ready to help and we would get through it together. But then he basically tossed the whole problem in my lap. I was upset at his lack of support and then he got angry.

Steve lashed out and said some things that cut me pretty deep. I'll spare you all the details, but suffice it to say that what was said was something he knew would hurt me. Why is it that we always use the things that hurt the most when fighting with the ones we love?

I was hurt and angry and I lashed out too. We fought the entire time he was getting ready for work. When he went out the door, I got the last word in, yelling "well f**k you!" just before the door slammed shut. He didn't respond and we haven't spoken since.

I know keeping a secret of this magnitude wasn't good for us or for our relationship. I know I needed to tell him what was going on so he understood what was going inside my head. I know we needed to talk so we could fix things instead of leaving things the way they were. But I never expected things to go the way they did today.

I almost wish I had kept my mouth shut. Sure it was weighing on me and we both knew something wasn't right. But if I hadn't said anything, we wouldn't have fought this morning. He wouldn't have said the things he did. I wouldn't be hurting right now.

I don't know where to go from here. I thought we were in this together, but it doesn't feel like it right now. It feels like he said "This is your problem. You deal with it." and then walked away. Of course. that's pretty much what he did. He walked away without saying that he needed time to think about things. He walked away without touching me.

Maybe I had unrealistic expectations. After all, I'm not even completely sure what I need. How is he supposed to know? The only thing I know is that whatever I needed, it wasn't there. There was just hurt and anger.

Maybe I was asking too much of him. Is it really fair to him to ask him to lead me if I'm not willing to give up the reins completely and quit trying to control things? Can he really lead if I'm not giving my all to him, to us?

The whole reason I brought domestic discipline to Steve was to help us grow closer, to repair the problems we had, a lot that came from my destructive behaviors. But right now we don't feel close at all.

We feel very far apart and I miss the man I've gotten to know these past few months. I miss the man who held me when my world fell apart a few months ago, the man that supported me when I was weak, the man who showed me that we can get through anything if we face it together. I miss my husband.

Monday, November 19, 2012

All or Nothing

A couple recent posts have got me thinking. They got me thinking about truth and honesty in our relationship and how even an innocent-seeming fib can lead to problems.

When I first brought domestic discipline to Steve and asked him if he would be willing to consider it, I suggested we do it for a trial period. In his wisdom, he said we wouldn't be giving it our all if we knew it was just temporary so it was all or nothing. So we agreed to give it our all.

And I did. Or at least I thought I did. Like most of us, I had this picture in my head about how this all was going to go. When Steve didn't quite do things the way I expected, I decided to step up and change some things. It wasn't an overt move, but a more sneaky attack.

I manipulated him. When I wanted him to be all sweet and loving, I was sweet and loving. When I wanted needed a spanking, I took advantage of nearly eight years together and pushed his buttons. With a few insidious moves, I yanked the control right away from him without him ever being the wiser.

There's more. I'm sure I'm not the only one that's tried to save their hide from a spanking. Him letting me off the hook because I say I have a headache is okay. Me letting him assume I mean a migraine isn't.

Him stopping a spanking because I appear to have had enough is fine. Me kicking and squirming, while carrying on like a banshee so he thinks I'm in more pain than I am isn't. I'd like to say these things aren't lies, but the fact is they are. I'm misleading him.


It gets worse. You see I've been hiding a big secret from him. A few months ago when my life got thrown in an uproar, I built a wall. Pushing back emotions is a long-standing tactic of mine and the wall just sort of popped up one day when I couldn't deal with the emotional upheaval I was going through.

At first, I didn't want to take down that wall. It was my buffer between pain and hurt and sadness. I chose not to notice that it made it hard for Steve to get through to me and led to frustration on both of our parts.

The longer that wall has stood, the harder it has become to get rid of. I haven't cried in months. I come close but can't let go of that last little bit that holds me back. Where a spanking used to always refresh that submissive spirit I need for this all to work, it no longer does. I come up from a spanking frustrated at myself for not getting there and frustrated at Steve for not seeing I'm not there.

I'm not the only one that's frustrated either. Steve commented the other week that it doesn't seem to be working as well as it did before. He spanks and I turn right around and do the same thing again. He hasn't caught on to the fact there's a wall separating us and that's why he doesn't get through to me. I haven't told him.


Trust is the foundation of every relationship, especially a domestic discipline relationship. Our HoHs trust us to be open with them so they know if there's a problem. They trust us to be honest in our actions and reactions to them so they have a basis for making decisions about how to proceed with us.

I've jeopardized that trust by not being honest. In doing so, I've put our relationship on shaky ground. Even if he doesn't know it, I do and I need to make it right. It's time I truly gave it my all. Otherwise, we have nothing. 




Sunday, November 18, 2012

Liebster Award Round 2

Wow, I'm feeling so loved. Bluebird nominated me for the Liebster Award as well. For those that noticed I missed a few answers on the first round where I answered Rogue's questions, I have to confess. I had a blonde moment AND I'm doped up on pain medication. I went back and added the answers so if you were really curious about those answers, they're there now.


Now for Bluebird's questions

1. What did you want to be when you were little?
I wanted a lot of different careers when I was little. The one that I actually ended up as is a mom.
2. If you could meet someone famous who is still living who would it be?

Angelina Jolie
3. If you could meet someone famous who was dead who would it be?

Pocahontas, who happens to be one of my ancestors.
4. What kind of car do you drive?

A VW, at least I did until it tore up. Right now I'm driving Steve's car.
5. Where is your favorite spot in the world?

Home. What can I say? I'm a homebody.
6. Is there one thing you wish you could change about yourself?

My vision. I'd love to be able to see well without glasses or contacts.
7. If you could get close and touch a wild animal, which one would you want to touch and why?

A zebra. I just think they're neat.
8. Do you like hot or cold weather?

Neither. I prefer more average weather.
9. Coffee or tea?

I'm a Southern girl so it has to be sweet iced tea. 
10. What is your favorite cuisine?

Italian
11. What is your shoe size?

Depends on the cut of the shoe. I can wear anything from a 5.5 to an 8.5. 

And just in case you didn't get enough random facts about me earlier, I'll throw in 11 more. 

1.  I'm terrified of snakes.
2.  I'm an avid reader and go through two to three books a week.
3.  I'm a major clutz. It's easy to trip over actual things, but tripping over nothing takes real skill.
4.  I love to cook.
5.  I once punched a guy twice my size for calling me a rude name.
6.  I'm not a big fan of chocolate. I only eat it once in a blue moon.
7.  My favorite color is purple.
8.  I prefer fruity drinks when I drink alcohol.
9.  I'm an insomniac.
10. I can type around 100 words per minute.
11. I had a brief career as a telemarketer.

The Liebster Award

I was nominated for the Liebster Award by Rogue. Thanks Rogue! If you haven't found her blog yet, take some time and check it out. There's some interesting things going on there lately.

The Rules:
When one receives the award, one posts 11 random facts about oneself and answers the 11 questions asked by the person who nominated you.
Pass the award onto 11 other blogs (while making sure one notifies the blogger that one nominated them).
One writes up 11 NEW questions directed towards YOUR nominees.
One is not allowed to nominate the blog who nominated one's own blog!
One pastes the award picture into one's blog (You can Google the image, there are plenty of them!)

Rogue's Questions

1.  What is the first thing you notice about a man you just met?
His eyes
2.  What celebrity do you resemble?

Candace Cameron
3.  What is one thing you swore you would never do....and did?

Smoke
4.  How tall are you?

5'4
5.  What color is the underwear you have on right now?

White
6.  Are your dreams in color or black and white?

Color
7.  Are you a morning person or night owl?

Night owl.
8.  What is your nickname?

I don't really have one, but Steve calls me woman or brat.
9.  If you could go back in time, where would you go?

Civil War
10.  What is the funniest thing you've ever heard a child say?

I don't snore. I don't even know how.


11 Random Things About Me

1.  I'm allergic to cats. I love them, but I get all itchy-eyed and start sneezing when I get around them.
2.  Steve was my third fiance and the only one to actually give me a ring (and follow through with the marriage).
3.  I've driven an 18 wheeler.
4.  I live in the mountains and love to see it snow, but I hate the cold.
5.  I've moved 13 times, most of those moves in the last 13 years.   
6.  I will eat very few vegetables if they're cooked.
7.  I'm a water sign and gravitate towards water when I'm upset.
8.  I've had my writing published in a magazine and a number of websites (and got paid for it).
9.  I'm an amateur genealogist who dreams of doing it professionally.
10. I'm extremely ticklish.
11. I've never flown in an airplane.

My Nominees
 
Lillie of At Ian & Lillie's Place
Wilma of Barnie Married Wilma
Blue Bird of A New Road
Emma at Steven and Emma
Roz at Roz in His Hands
Bonnie at My Bottom Smarts
Grace at Enjoying the Journey
Christina at Red Booty Woman
PK at New Beginnings
June at The Dish with Ward and June
Tess at Rules to Love By


My Questions for the Nominees

1.  What is your most treasured possession?
2.  What is on your bucket list?
3.  What historical figure would you like to meet?
4.  If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?
5.  What is your favorite movie?
6.  If you were shipwrecked, what three people from blogland would you like to be there with you?
7.  What person from blogland would you most like to meet?
8.  How many pets do you have?
9.  What is your greatest fear?
10. If you could go back in time and change one event in your life, what would it be?
11. What is your favorite color?        

Saturday, November 17, 2012

Words of Wisdom From Dana

In this journey, I've learned a lot. In the hopes of saving someone else from falling prey to some of my mistakes, I'm sharing some words of wisdom.

If your HoH asks if your bottom is still sore shortly after a spanking, saying "No, it's already quit stinging." is not the most brilliant response. They might decide the original spanking wasn't enough and turn you back over their knee for a second round.

If you try to control the spanking by asking that a specific implement not be used and your HoH says "Okay," it's probably not going to end well. They're probably going to substitute an implement you dislike even more.

If your HoH asks why you didn't do a specific chore, "Because I didn't feel like it" is not the best answer.

If your HoH is interested in a new implement and you decide to show them a site that sells that implement, it pays to make sure that implement is the only kind sold on that particular site. Otherwise they may learn about other implements you would rather avoid.

When telling a story about something that happened to a fellow DD blogger, it's a good idea to edit out any ideas you don't want your HoH learning about. For instance, hangers and sheds.

When your HoH tells you to do something or else, "or else what?" isn't the brightest response.

When your HoH takes spanking off the table temporarily while you're sick or injured, it's not the best time to forget about submissiveness or push their buttons. You may find spanking back on the table faster than you expected.

Unless you truly don't know the answer to something your HoH asks, "I don't know" is not an acceptable answer.

When your HoH stops at home for lunch and mentions that you still haven't done your chores yet, it's probably a good idea to quit procrastinating and get to work.

Friday, November 16, 2012

Did You Know?

Did you know that the Learning Domestic Discipline website recently added forums? Registration is free. It only take a minute and then you're on your way. Now we have another place to hang out and talk with other DD couples.

Right now there are only a few threads going, but I see this forum growing by leaps and bounds once the word gets out in our community. You can talk about issues that affect you, ask questions, get advice, find links to other sites and even connect with other couples in your area. Isn't it great?

If you haven't done so already, take a minute to register and check out the forums. I look forward to seeing you there.


Thursday, November 15, 2012

Got Questions?





Since Steve has taken spanking off the table for now while I'm healing, there won't be any spanking escapades to share for a bit. I could use this time to talk about maintaining submission without spanking, but we all know submission isn't exactly my strong suit. So instead I've decided to open up and take some questions.

Questions can be for me, Steve or both of us. You can ask anything, although we reserve the right to not answer questions that might compromise our anonymity. To participate, leave a comment here or send us an email at danaandstevek@yahoo.com

I'll give everyone a few days to get their questions in and then write a post with all the answers. We look forward to hearing your questions.

Wednesday, November 14, 2012

Isn't He Sweet?

If you missed yesterday's post, I was diagnosed with shingles yesterday morning at my doctor's appointment. It came as a complete surprise.

I did confess to Steve that the doctor had said it would have been better if I had got treatment within 72 hours. He did fuss at me for not getting looked at when he wanted me to, but decided not to punish me because I'm already hurting.

On that same note, spankings are temporarily off the table for now while I'm healing. However, he did warn that I was not to take that as an invitation to go crazy because he would spank if he saw the need.

Now for the sweet part. First he pampered me last night. He gave me a nice, long massage. If I needed or wanted anything, he jumped right up to get it for me so I didn't have to get up and down. He held me in his arms and stroked my hair until the pain medicine kicked in. I could get used to all that.

He's also taken on some of the household chores to make things easier on me. Last but not least, he's taken over getting our daughter off to school in the mornings. This has two benefits. One, it allows me to stay in bed and rest longer. Steve normally doesn't have to go into work until a little later so he's giving up his chance to sleep in so I can rest. I ended up sleeping until 10:30 this morning.

Two, it means I have to do less driving. While I normally don't mind that my car is a stick shift, with my entire left side in pain, pushing the clutch hurts. I still have to pick her up in the afternoons, but with Steve making the morning run, it's one less trip I have to make.

Isn't he sweet?

Tuesday, November 13, 2012

The Bite on the Butt that Wasn't

I spent the morning at the doctor's office. She cracked up at my description of getting bit in the butt. You always hear people saying stuff about something coming back to bite them in the butt, but it's rare when it's literal.

Anyway, after examining my "bite" and listening to my symptoms, the doctor felt that it wasn't actually an insect bite. She thinks I have shingles. Apparently the chickenpox that I nearly died from as a child didn't completely go away as we believed; the virus just went dormant. Thanks to all the stress of the past few months and my immune system not being in peak condition because I had been fighting a respiratory bug, it came back.

There's good news and bad news. The bad news is that I didn't get treatment within the first 72 hours. According to the doctor, early treatment with antivirals can help it heal faster with less pain. She still prescribed me some antiviral medicine to see if it would help, but it's possible that I'll be stuck with this for another couple weeks.

The good news is that in addition to the antiviral, she also gave me a prescription for a decent pain medicine that will probably knock me on my tush. So I'm not going to notice or even care if I have any pain.

And for some possibly good news. Because shingles are contagious and can spread through contact, Steve has to keep his hands off my butt. We'll see how that one works out. Odds are, he's already been exposed because he touches my butt on a daily basis so he may just keep up with the spanking. If he decides not to risk it, I'm going to be spank-free until I'm over this.

Now don't anyone give him any ideas about non-spanking punishments.

Monday, November 12, 2012

Being Hurt Sucks

To make a long story short, I got bit while sleeping a few nights ago by what we suspect was a spider, a poisonous spider at that. The reason we suspect it was a poisonous spider is that I woke up that morning with muscle cramps and pain running the entire side of my body that the bite occurred on. It's been getting progressively worse, but I have a pretty high tolerance for pain so I've just been dealing with it.

And did I mention that the bite happens to be smack dab in the middle of my left butt cheek?

Steve has been after me for a few days now to go the emergency room and get it checked out. So far I've been refusing. One, I have a thing about not seeing male doctors and our local ER is staffed entirely by male doctors. Two, I already had an appointment scheduled with my primary doctor (female of course) for tomorrow for an unrelated issue and I wanted to wait until I could see her.

Even though he wasn't happy about it, he respected my wishes. He didn't say it, but I suspect he's also a little pleased that he's the only guy that gets to see my body.

But as a result of me hurting, a few things have been non-existent for a few days. One is spanking. Thankfully I've been fairly well behaved. Yeah, I'm surprised too. Role affirmation has been postponed from tonight because I bruise easy and I really don't want to explain to the doctor why I had a bruise on my bottom when she looks at it in the morning. Not to mention, the location of the bite means he's going to have to be extremely careful of where his swats land.

The other is sex. We're pretty active when it comes to sex. I don't think I've ever just laid there and let him do his thing. Since half of my body is currently hurting due to the bite, the odds are high that we're going to bump, stretch or otherwise hurt something so he won't touch me for fear of hurting me.

Being hurt sucks. Hopefully the doctor will be able to find a quick treatment to get me back to normal.

Friday, November 9, 2012

That's Three

A few clues for you.









Do I really need to say it?


Last night I broke implement #3, a thicker wooden dowel that was bought to replace the last one I, or rather my bottom, broke. That makes three implements in a little under two weeks.


Oh, but it gets worse.


Much worse.




On one of my previous posts about breaking implements, someone commented that I should be careful because Steve might decide to get something a little more durable. I'm sad to say they were right.

The addition of the wooden dowels to our implement collection came about because Steve learned about canes. He figured the dowels were similar enough to give him an idea of whether it would be effective and also whether he'd like it. Well they are effective and he does like it. Needless to say, I would have preferred he never learn about it.

Since I keep breaking the dowels, he has decided to quit fooling around with cheap imitations and go for the real thing. He told me to order a cane. Ugh!

Thursday, November 8, 2012

Love Our Lurkers


Today is Love our Lurkers Day. This is it's seventh year running, but my very first time participating. It's a day when all lurkers are invited to de-lurk and join in by commenting. It doesn't have to be much. Even if you can't think of anything to say, a simple "hello" would be great.

If you've been reading here, but haven't got around to commenting yet, I invite you to do so today. I look forward to hearing from you.

Mornings, Migraines and Mechanical Difficulties

I'm not a morning person. This is especially true when cold weather arrives. I don't want to leave my nice warm cocoon of blankets to face a cold day. Since I'm not a morning person, I tend to be a little cranky when I have to get up. After almost eight years together, Steve is aware of this and tends to let it slide as long as I don't let it go too far.

This morning I woke up in the early stages of a migraine. If I catch a migraine early enough, I can sometimes head it off by taking some medicine and crawling back in bed for a little while. So I asked Steve to take our daughter to school so I could do that.

Most of the time, he's pretty understanding of my migraines and willing to help if he can. This morning, however, wasn't one of those times. He started fussing about not having enough time to get ready so I told him to forget it, I'd take her myself. Then I left the room, gently closing the door behind me. I waited until I was away from him before I let out some of my frustration.

I went out to find my car frosted over. So I cranked the car to get the defroster going and grabbed my ice scraper. I figured by the time I got done scraping most of the frost off the windows, the defroster would be warmed up and melting the rest.

I got back in the car to find the defroster wasn't working. This has been an ongoing issue with my car. The ignition switch is going bad and apparently it controls more than just my ability to crank the car. Sometimes my headlights, wipers and heater/AC panel won't work even if I can crank the car. So I tried gently wiggling the key, a trick that sometimes works. It didn't work so I turned the key off and cranked the car again, another trick that sometimes works. It still wasn't working.

After four more failed attempts to get the defroster to work, I was getting aggravated. As I've said, this has been an ongoing issue with my car. Steve keeps promising to fix it, but hasn't yet. He does all of our auto repairs and maintenance so I can't take it to anyone else to have it fixed. Normally he's pretty quick about fixing my car if it's having trouble, but for some reason he's dragging his feet this time.

I looked over at his truck with the thought of taking it. There was only one problem. While his defroster works great, if I waited for it to warm up enough to clear the windshield, our daughter was going to be late for school. Since I'm short and can only reach the bottom corner of the windshield, simply using the ice scraper wasn't an option.

About this time, our daughter asked why we didn't just ask Daddy to take her. I knew it was the best option, but I also knew as aggravated as I was, I'd probably end up saying something in the process and landing myself in hot water. So I sent her to ask.

He was a little grumpy about me sending our daughter in the bedroom to wake him up. While he didn't say it, I think he thought I was trying to get around his earlier refusal to take her by getting her to sweet talk him into doing it. He had a little bit of an attitude when he came out of the bedroom, which didn't really mesh well with me being cranky and irritated and on the verge on a migraine.

Since we had a similar situation last week that I did not handle well, I was trying very hard to not have a repeat of it so I calmly explained the situation to him. When I mentioned that the frost on the back window was so thick I couldn't even scrape it, he responded that I should have just turned on the rear defroster. Mind you the rear defroster button is on the same panel as the regular defroster. I snapped at him, caught myself and left the room before I said anything else.

After they left, I took some medicine and crawled back in bed. I was half asleep when he got back. He left me alone, but I could hear him stomping around and still griping about the whole situation. I have a feeling he's still irritated at me because he hasn't called to check on me like he normally does when I'm not feeling well.

So now I'm sitting here staring at my list of chores for the day and fighting the urge to tell him the chores will get done when he fixes my car. Or maybe I'll just go buy the dang part and fix it myself. It can't be that hard, can it?

So how was your morning?

Tuesday, November 6, 2012

Handling Tension

I've been under some tension lately. My parents are in the middle of a divorce. In reality, the divorce should have happened years ago so it doesn't really bother me. I have steadfastly refused to take sides in the divorce. My dad is okay with that; my mom is angry because I won't take her side. She's also angry that I won't listen to her badmouth my dad or talk about the divorce. Things have deteriorated to the point we're barely speaking.

The rift between us was never more evident than this past weekend. Steve had drove me over to see my family. My mom gave me the cold shoulder for a few minutes and then suddenly had to go to the store for something that could have waited. We hung around for a while, but finally decided to go because I wanted to see some other family members before we headed back home.

She got back as we were going out the door and got mad when I said we were leaving so we had time to visit my dad and my sister before we had to head back home. Steve went to buckle the kids in the car, figuring we needed a few minutes alone. Instead of talking to me about what's going on between us, my mom chose to start badmouthing my dad. I told her I didn't want to hear it and walked away.

Even though we had fun visiting other family members, including being surprised by one of my sisters who I didn't expect to see, the tension was there. It got worse when we had to stop back at my mom's house to drop something off before we headed back home. She wouldn't even speak to me. After a couple minutes of tense silence, I got up and left.

Steve is my sanctuary. He's the one person I talk to when I'm hurt, angry, worried, frustrated, whatever. He's the one person I truly let my guard down and open up to. The problem with him being that person for me is that when I can't lash out at the person or thing that is bothering me, I end up lashing out at him.

As a result of all the tension over my mom, I ended up snapping at him several times during the day. He knew what was bothering me and was nice enough to let it slide other than a couple stern warnings. The next morning I was still upset and ended up snapping at him twice before I even got out bed. I managed to get out of bed without getting spanked only because I had to get our daughter to school. I figured I was in for it when role affirmation happened that evening.

By the time the evening rolled around, I was about to fall apart. Between the situation with my mom and having a houseful of kids all day because I was babysitting, my nerves were ragged. When Steve came in, I had just knocked over two glasses of milk and was near tears.

Thankfully he realized how close I was to breaking down because he didn't try to touch me. If he had, I would have fell apart. I asked him to go to the store to get drinks and even though he normally hates going out after he's worked all day, for once he didn't complain. Once he got back, he took over with the kids to give me time to get myself together and to finish dinner.

Role affirmation ended up not happening last night. By the time I finally got the kids down, Steve was tired. To be honest, I think he even forgot it was the day for it. He just rubbed my legs and back to help me relax a little and then we fell asleep.

This morning before I even got out bed, he told me to roll onto my stomach and reached for the new dowel (which was replaced yesterday after the first one broke). It wasn't that many swats, probably not even ten, and they weren't that hard, but it was enough.

Tonight he's doing role affirmation. Or more accurately, it's going to be a combination of role affirmation, punishment (with all the kids, I didn't get my chore done yesterday), stress relief and a reset.

In the past when my tension spilled over to him, we would sometimes argue or avoid each other. Now he has another way of handling tension and even though I know my bottom is going to be on fire, I have to admit it works a lot better than our old methods.

Sunday, November 4, 2012

Another One Bites the Dust

When I posted about breaking my first implement last weekend, little did I know that I would be doing a repeat performance just a week later. But to both of our surprise, I broke another one Saturday night.

There's a long story behind it, but basically Steve recently learned about canes and decided we needed one. I tried to talk him out it to no avail. Rather than buy something that he wasn't sure he'd like, he did some thinking and decided to buy a wooden dowel to try, figuring it would be similar enough for him to make a decision.

He did a few mild to moderate test swings when we first got the dowel. It was just as stingy as I had imagined and I told him I didn't like it. Of course I have said the same thing about all of our other implements so he wasn't too worried about me disliking it. In fact, he considered that a good thing, incentive to stay out of trouble.

A little while later I managed to get myself in trouble. The thing in question was not something he had told me to do. However, he had mentioned a few times over the last couple weeks that it was something that was irking him. So even though he hadn't told me to do it, he felt that fact that he had mentioned it more than once was reason enough that I should have did it anyway.

He reached over for the new dowel and we were off. Since it was now a punishment rather than just testing the implement, he picked up the pace and the force of the swings. About a minute in to the spanking, I heard the sound of wood connecting with wood. It didn't occur to me what it was until I felt something hit my hand and looked over to find a piece of the dowel laying beside it. The sound I heard was the piece of dowel flying and hitting the dresser on my side of the bed before bouncing back to hit me in the hand.

My buns of steel have struck again. That makes two implements in a week. At the rate I'm going, we won't have anything left by Christmas.

Saturday, November 3, 2012

He Gives Me a Scare

Remember a few weeks ago when I inadvertently panicked Steve? If you missed it, you can read about it here. Anyway, I think it's safe to say that he got me back this morning.

We were laying in bed this morning talking and enjoying having the house to ourselves. We'd had snow earlier in the week, resulting in a snow day, so the school board had decided to make the kids go today to make up for the missed day. Steve turned to me and asked if I was ready for my spanking.

I probably had a deer in the headlights look while I struggled to figure out why he was going to spank me. I'd been spanked the night before and as far as I knew, hadn't done anything to deserve another one since then. Finally I asked why.

He responded that I'd probably be getting one before the day was out so he figured he'd just go ahead and get it out of the way. Now granted I've been on a bit of a roll lately and it hasn't been a good one, but sheesh you would think he'd at least wait until I got in trouble.

Then he gave me that evil grin and said maybe he'd do it every morning, just to keep me on my toes. That should have been my sign that he was kidding because when it comes to punishments, he's dead serious. But with the thought of getting spanked every morning on my mind, I didn't quite get the significance of his grin.

It took me a minute before I could speak. Then I asked if he was really going to spank me every morning. As in morning maintenance instead of just role affirmation once a week and punishments as needed.

He let me worry over it for another minute or two before busting out laughing. The stinker was just messing with me. He thought it was hilarious. He was still joking about it when he went out the door for work a little later.