Wednesday, November 28, 2012

Cleaning Epiphanies

There's something about monotonous chores that frees your mind. Every time I do dishes or fold laundry, my mind wanders. Some of my best thinking is done while my hands are busy and my mind is free. Yesterday was no different.

Yesterday's chore was to clean the den. I had been putting off this chore because the den is a huge room, the biggest in the house. Since it serves multiple purposes (home office, personal library, craft room, our daughter's homework area, the dogs' eating, playing and sleeping area), the  room tends to be one of the messier ones in the house so it takes a while to clean. It's a high traffic area between us and the dogs so the floor is the worst of the mess.

I put it off as long as I could. I worked on dusting, straightening, picking up various things and returning them to where they were supposed to be and sweeping. Finally I was down to just the floor so I gritted my teeth and got to it. As I was on my hands and knees scrubbing away at the floor, I was thinking. About halfway through the room, I had an epiphany.

The wall I built a while back has got a lot of blame for the problems we've had. It got blamed for me not being able to open up fully. It got blamed for Steve not getting through to me. While the wall is something that needs to come down, it's shouldn't be taking all the blame.

You see Steve and I have been lying to ourselves. He spanks and because he doesn't like to see me in pain, he sometimes stops sooner than he should. He tells himself it was enough even though he knows in his heart that it wasn't.

I add to the problem by not admitting to myself or to him that it wasn't enough. Spankings hurt and the last thing I want to do is tell him I need more. I know I should, but I don't.


And it starts a cycle. When things don't work out, it's clear that the spanking wasn't enough. Rather than admit it, we do the same thing all over again. And the cycle continues, leaving both of us frustrated.

Now I know one of you is probably going to tell me I need to talk to him or at least write a letter. I'm happy to say that I already did it and this time our communication skills worked better.

Last night as we were laying in bed, he curled up behind me. My pain meds were starting to kick in and Steve was rubbing my back because I was hurting. I had been hurting before I started cleaning and after spending so much time scrubbing the floor on my hands and knees, I was in major pain.

I was starting to feel relaxed and since he was behind me instead of looking at me, it was easier to let down my guard and open up. So we talked it out and hopefully the next time a spanking is needed, we'll both be more honest about whether it's enough or not.

8 comments:

  1. Wow Dana - So proud of you for coming to that epiphany. Realizing the problem is halfway to fixing it. Keep up the good work and communication.

    Blessings,
    Cat

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    1. Thanks Cat. After last week's fiasco, we're both working more on communication and it shows.

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  2. Dana, sometimes we have this same cycle. It is hard to tell Donnie that I need more to settle things. There are times I can do it and other times that I just let it go. The letting it go usually just adds to the problem. I am so proud of you to realize what the problem is and want to fix it. It takes alot of strength to recognize and fix the problem. I hope it goes well for ya'll. Just keep communicating and with some time and work it will pass and work out.
    Marcia

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    1. Thanks Marcia. I'm hoping that with us talking about it, we can break the cycle.

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  3. Ttwd is such a journey of self discovery. Since we began living this life, I have learned so much about myself, our marriage....it sounds like it is the same for everyone. Dd makes us examine ourselves, and then we can tweak where needed - a wonderful thing.
    hugs
    lillie

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    1. Thanks Lillie. It has been quite a journey and I'm finding that we learn more about not only ourselves, but also each other. While we sometimes have growing pains, it's all worth it in the end because of the changes it has brought.

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  4. Hi, just wanted to let you know that I love your blog. I missed love your lurker day because, wouldn't you know, I wasn't lurking that day! LOL!!

    I can so relate to a lot of what you say in your blog. My hubby & I don't practice the dd lifestyle, just do spanking in play mostly, but I have had a few well-earned ones that weren't so playful. Anyway, your blog is very enjoyable. I love your honesty.

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    1. Thanks for commenting Janice. I love my lurkers all year long.

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