Saturday, December 29, 2012

Hitting the HoH Stride

Steve just keeps surprising me when it comes to domestic discipline. Just when I think I have him figured out, he throws me for a loop. I think he's well and truly hit the HoH stride and he did it without me even noticing it at first.

Take our recent bout with the flu. I wasn't too worried about spanking because both of us were too sick. What I didn't expect was to see him stepping up in other ways. He's never enforced a bedtime because he knows I'm a night owl and also that I fight insomnia on a regular basis. Yet when I was sick, he sent me to bed early a couple times. I thought he was kidding the first time he did it, but one look at his face let me know he was serious.

On another day, I mentioned I was tired and was going to take a nap. I had barely got the covers pulled up over me when my phone rang and I got up to answer it. One hour later, I was finally off the phone. He asked why I wasn't napping and then told me to put the phone up and get my butt in bed.

Even now, he's still surprising me. Normally when we come back after DD taking a backseat for a while (like in the case with the flu), he takes a while to get back into full HoH mode. During that adjustment period, I can usually get away with some things.

Not this time. I woke up with a headache this morning and promptly went back to bed. When he woke me up again later, I was a little cranky. Even though he gave me a warning, I let it fly right by without noticing it. Then I told him to bite me.

Before I could even blink he had reached in the drawer and pulled out his new paddle. Since I was in the process of getting dressed when I said it and had nothing on my bottom to protect it, I sat down fast. He came around the bed to stand in front of me and told me to bend over. I tried to play innocent and batted my eyes at him while I asked why. It didn't work.

After I still hadn't moved the second time he said it, he grabbed my arm and started to flip me over, at which point I finally cooperated since it never ends well for me when he has to put me in position. Then I felt the crack of the paddle as he said words like cranky, attitude and disrespect. It wasn't an all out spanking because our daughter was up and could walk in at any minute, but more of an attention-getter. It worked. He had my attention.

A little later, he came to find me to tell me he was taking the neighbor to the pharmacy. The poor guy has numerous health issues and has been fighting the flu as well. Even though he has a 21 year old son that lives with him, the son couldn't be bothered to go pick up his medication.

Anyway, I apologized for my crankiness with him and admitted he had surprised me by reacting immediately. Then he threw me for a loop yet again when he told me to get used to him responding right away to disrespect because from now on, he wasn't going to wait and chance forgetting or getting too tired to deal with it later.

My jaw dropped. The no disrespect rule has been the least-enforced rule since we started. While I don't set out to be disrespectful, I usually end up smarting off, snapping at him or doing something else disrespectful at least once a week, if not more frequently. Most of the time he's let it go, but if he's going to be enforcing it immediately from now on, I may be in trouble.

Thursday, December 27, 2012

In Case You Were Wondering...

Getting spanked on a bottom that has been spank-free for a little over two weeks=ouch

Getting spanked with a cane on said bottom=OUCH

Getting spanked with a paddle after getting spanked with the cane on said bottom=OUCH!

Even though the cane and paddle had arrived two weeks ago, between the flu and Christmas, they hadn't been used. In fact, until last night, Steve wasn't even aware we had a paddle.

After two weeks of no role affirmation, I was feeling a bit out of whack. Add in holiday stress, missing Christmas with both sides of the family due to the flu and an argument with my mom and I was coming apart at the seams.

I knew I needed a spanking. I think Steve knew it too, although it took him a bit to catch on. But catch on he did. He sent me to get the cane and then I confessed to buying the paddle too.

So in the interest of trying out his new implements and helping me get back in balance, he told me to roll onto my stomach and we were off. It wasn't really a hard spanking or even a long one. The ouch factor came more from it being over two weeks since the last time I was spanked. But I quickly found out that I don't like the cane or paddle, especially used together.

And even though I would have preferred to avoid the cane and paddle (and plan to avoid them at all costs in the future), I'm glad he did something. Because I'm feeling much more balanced today.

Tuesday, December 25, 2012

Merry Christmas

This morning the little one had us up early. She had already been to the living room to check out the gifts under the tree and wanted us to wake up so she could start opening them. She kept running back and forth between the tree and our bedroom announcing every new gift that she had saw.

One hour later, the living room looks like a wrapping paper factory exploded, there are unwrapped toys and clothes piled high in the recliner and I'm listening to the wonderful sound of her, Steve and the dogs all playing happily with their new toys while I enjoy my morning dose of caffeine. Life is good.

I hope everyone is having a great day. Merry Christmas.


Sunday, December 23, 2012

Flu Update

The good news is that I seem to have gotten a light dose of the flu. Aside from some lingering fatigue, I'm pretty much back to normal already. I did manage to catch a cold, though, thanks to the weather changing, but I'm not complaining because I'd rather have a cold than the flu any day. I do think it's time to work on boosting my immune system. I've been sick way too many times this year.

Now for the bad news...

Steve has relapsed. He seemed to be doing better other than the fatigue. He took care of me while I was sick, took over with our daughter so I could rest and even helped some friends move. Then he started feeling bad again. He spent all day in bed yesterday and he's only been up for a few minutes today.

And in other bad news...

Our daughter got the flu too. I had hoped and prayed that she wouldn't. She's pretty healthy and often will stay illness-free even when Steve and I are flat on our backs with whatever is going around. This time wasn't one of them. She woke us up the other night to announce she was going to puke. I handed her the bucket just in time. Thankfully she already seems to be getting over it so I'm praying she got a light dose and her body is fighting it off better than ours.

We already had to postpone the Christmas celebration on my side of the family, which was supposed to be this weekend. We're supposed to be at my in-laws tomorrow, but unless Steve has a miraculous recovery, I don't see that happening.

Aside from missing out on seeing family, I'm also stuck with both a turkey and a ham for just the three of us when none of us really have much of an appetite. I had already thawed them so I would have them ready to cook for my family's celebrations (one for my dad's and the other for my mom's) so I now have to cook them.

I cooked the turkey last night and I plan on doing the ham tonight. I guess I'll just chop them up and freeze them for use in future recipes. It's funny, though, because Steve always complains that we never have leftovers because we always eat at other people's houses. This year he can't make that complaint. We have enough leftovers that he'll probably be sick of turkey and ham before we run out.

And as if being sick for both major holidays this year wasn't bad enough, last night while I was eating, I lost a filling on a front tooth that was broke a few years ago. It's not hurting, but since it is a front tooth and very visible, I'm feeling pretty self-conscious and now wanting to smile right now. I'm praying I can find a dentist open this week that is willing to fix it because my insurance runs out at the end of the year.

Thursday, December 20, 2012

The Flu Has Landed

As you may recall, Steve has the flu. Thankfully he's starting to feel better although he's still pretty weak. To my surprise, after I griped sweetly reminded him about my feelings on whining, he did tone it down so even though it was rough having him sick, it wasn't too bad.

Unfortunately, I now have it too. I had been on the verge of it for several days with a general achy, tired feeling and a headache that wouldn't go away, but it wasn't until Tuesday when I woke up with a fever of 102 that it kicked in.

Steve has been great about it. Even though he's not completely back to normal yet, he took over things so I could get some rest. He even picked up a container of hot and sour soup from the local Chinese restaurant for me since he knows that's all I want to eat when I'm sick.

So far our daughter has managed to avoid getting it, but odds are she'll be coming down it any time now. She's already been complaining about a headache and slightly upset stomach. Since she has only one day of school left before Christmas break, I'm hoping it holds off just a little longer if she is coming down with it.

Hopefully we'll all be over this crud soon. In the meantime, the holiday celebration for my side of the family has been postponed. We were supposed to leave tomorrow driving over to spend the weekend, but given how we're all feeling, I didn't want to chance being around the family members that have weak immune systems, not to mention my sister's baby. Thankfully everyone was willing to postpone until we're back on our feet, which is great because I was really bummed that I was going to miss out on seeing everyone, especially those that I only get to see at holidays.

In case I don't get another chance to get on here before Christmas (Steve's already telling me to get back in bed), I'm wishing everyone Merry Christmas from our family to yours.

Sunday, December 16, 2012

Patience

Steve has the stomach flu. You know the coughing, fever, headache, full body achiness, upset stomach, fatigue and general crappy feeling that goes around every year.

But wait, he is a man so his is much worse than any person on the planet has ever experienced. I've been serenaded by moans, groans, cries of "I don't think I'm going to make it." and whines about "You just don't know how bad I feel."

Don't get me wrong, I do feel bad for him. I know he doesn't feel well. It's obvious just by looking at him that he doesn't. But whining is one of those things that drives me up the wall. I don't even like to deal with whining from our daughter, much less a grown man.

And getting woke up multiple times during the night because he wanted someone to listen to him whine did not go over well with me. When I woke up this morning, I was tired, not feeling all that great myself and my usual morning crankiness (I'm not a morning person to begin with) was bordering on bitchiness. Lord, grant me the patience to not strangle him before he's over his man flu.

In the meantime, enjoy these cartoons and videos.









Friday, December 14, 2012

It's Here

Earlier this week I ordered the dreaded cane. The very next morning I received an email alerting me to the fact my package had shipped. I got a little flutter in my stomach when I saw that. Even though I have to give Cane-Iac props for getting it out so quickly considering it's the holiday season, I was kind of hoping it would take longer so I could continue to avoid it.

Since then, I've been anxiously watching the package's progress to our home. According to the tracking, it was scheduled to arrive yesterday. I breathed a sign of relief when the mailman passed without stopping. Unfortunately, he did stop today.


We have built a fairly decent variety of implements since starting DD. I don't like any of them. That's the point, though, isn't it? Some I dislike more than others, the plastic hanger for instance. But if there was one implement that wasn't in Steve's arsenal and I prayed he would never find out about, it would be the cane.

But alas, he did find out about canes. If it's anything like the wooden dowels we bought to test the concept, the first time he uses it, it will probably shoot straight to the top of my most hated implements list. And since canes tend to be more flexible than wooden dowels, the odds of my buns of steel coming out ahead in a battle are pretty slim. A girl can hope though.

I had a brief moment where I considered just hiding it away when it arrives. After all, Steve knows that I ordered it, but not when it was due to arrive. I could probably make it at least a couple more weeks before he starts wondering why it hasn't came yet.

But that wouldn't honest. To lie, even by omission, would be betraying Steve's trust. And as I told a loved one during a conversation the other day, a relationship can't survive without trust. So as much as I hate the thought of telling him it came, I'm going to do it anyway.

Of course I may wait until he's about to fall asleep tonight to tell him...


Also in the package with the cane was the paddle I bought as a present for Steve. Somehow it didn't look quite as scary on the website as it did when I pulled it out the package. So it is getting hid away until I figure out whether I really want to give him another implement, seeing as how I've regretted every other implements I've bought for him.

Wednesday, December 12, 2012

What Happened

You're probably wondering about how the other night's spanking went. Like most things I've found with DD, it was a learning experience.

I was nervous going into it, something that surprised us both. One, it isn't like Steve hasn't spanked me before and I didn't know what to expect. Two, I had asked for this spanking. And yet I was more nervous about this spanking than I was the very first one he ever gave me. I guess part of it was because I had such high hopes for it. Another part was probably knowing that he might have to push me further than we've been before for it to work.

He was understanding, yet firm. He helped me get into position and then threw a surprise in the mix by restraining both my hands and my feet. He knew that this spanking might be more than I'm used to and since I have thrown hands or feet in the way before, he wanted to make sure I was safe. I've got my hand and my foot smacked before on accident so it was a valid concern.

My nervousness grew as I laid there watching him open the drawer where the implements are stored. He took them out one by one, giving the edge of the bed a test swat with each one as he pulled them out. When he started pulling out some of my more hated implements, I half considered telling him I'd changed my mind.

I felt the bed dip as he sat down and then I heard the sound of the implements all hitting the bed. He stroked my back for a minute while we talked and then he started. From the very first swat, it was clear Steve meant business. I quickly found out that I did not like the restraints because I couldn't get away. I was also seriously regretting making him promise to ignore my ouches and pleas for him to stop.

Finally he stopped and went back to stroking my back. We talked some more. He commented on the bright shade of my bottom and I let him know that it was on fire. Then he asked me the question I was dreading. Was it enough?

Enough as in my bottom is already on fire? Yep, I'm good. Enough as in he broke through that barrier and got the tears to flow? I wanted so bad to say yes because that would end it, but I knew it would be a lie. I guess my silence was answer enough for him because he said "I don't think it is." and took off swatting again.

The second round of swats came a lot faster. Steve knows I can handle harder swats if there's a brief pause between them. But when it comes to rapid-fire swats, they always seem to hurt more even if the swats are actually lighter.

When he stopped again, I was on the verge of tears but still having trouble getting them out. We talked some more and then he got up to get the belt. It doesn't get used a whole lot because he finds it awkward and it can wrap if he's not very careful. We've talked about buying or making a leather strap, but haven't got around to it yet.

It was the belt that pushed me over the edge. To my surprise, it wasn't the flood of tears I was expecting, but more like a trickle. He kept going for a minute and then just laid down beside me and held me.

Once I got it all out, we talked some more. Then he turned my focus to more pleasant things and I forgot all about the fact that my butt felt like a swarm of hornets had attacked it. I hinted that he could release me from the restraints but he just gave me that evil grin I know so well and took the opportunity to tease to his heart's content since I couldn't get away.

Much later, Steve finally undid the restraints and I flopped on my back exhausted from the night's events. As soon as my bottom hit the sheets, the burn returned with a vengeance and I immediately flipped back onto my stomach. The man actually smirked when he asked how my bottom was feeling and I told him it was on fire. Then he asked if I felt better and I had to smile because I did.

So what did we learn from all this?

It's better to deal with walls sooner rather than later. The wall had been standing for a while and it took quite a bit for it to come down. If I had asked him to help earlier, I might not have had to go through as much as I did to get where I needed to be.

Restraints are probably going to be used in the future for harder punishments. As much as I would like to submit gracefully to spankings, I still haven't mastered the art of staying still. I do okay with maintaining position during role affirmation and easier spankings, but struggle with it for harder ones. Steve liked the fact that he didn't have to worry about my hands or feet getting in the way.

If I ask him to do something, I should be very sure that it's what I want before I do it. He took me seriously when I asked him to keep going no matter what I said. While I'm glad he didn't give in, in hindsight, I probably wouldn't have said that if I'd known it was going to take as long as it did to break through.

I need the lecture. Since role affirmation was part of all this (it was Monday after all), he did lecture some. But since it went on as long as it did, he didn't lecture the entire time and a couple times he ended up repeating himself. I noticed that I responded better when he was lecturing. When he ran out of things to say, it was hard for me to focus.

Tuesday, December 11, 2012

A Very Special Day

Today is a special day. It's a milestone event in two ways.

Six months ago, I brought the concept of domestic discipline to Steve and changed our relationship forever. These past six months have been a season of growth. We've learned a lot about each other, but even more about ourselves. Had you asked me just a few months ago if we were going to make it this far, I'm not sure I would have said yes.

But we did it. We rode the highs of our accomplishments and dug out from the lows of our failures. And in doing it together, we've become a stronger couple than I could have ever imagined.

Today also marks eight years from the very first time we went on a date. It's a funny story really. I actually was supposed to go on a date with another guy that night, but he had stood me up at the last minute. I was griping to a friend about getting all dressed up for nothing when Steve piped up and said he would love to take me out.

I was a little hesitant at first because I really didn't know him that well. But after being cooped up at home for a week sick and then getting stood up by my date after spending hours getting ready, I decided to take a chance. That chance ended up being the best decision of my life. We hit it off right away, fell head over heels and were married less than four months later.

I never thought I'd be grateful for someone standing me up, but in this case, I'm glad that guy did it. If he hadn't, I might not have ever went on that first date and wouldn't be celebrating eight years with the man of my dreams.

Monday, December 10, 2012

Just a Little Update

I know I've been kind of quiet lately, but I've been around. Rather than leave you wondering if I fell off the face of the earth, I'm giving a little update.

I finally put in the order for the dreaded cane. That was not a purchase I really wanted to make, but it was clear that Steve was not going to give up on that one so I gritted my teeth and got it done.

Since I was shopping anyway, I also picked him up a present for Christmas. As with other implements I've impulsively bought for him, I'll probably regret it the first time it gets used. I bought a paddle. The good news is that he doesn't know about it so if I change my mind about it once it arrives, there's still time to hide it away and forget I ever had the brilliant hair-brained idea to buy one for him.

In other news, we've been doing a LOT of talking lately. Communication is good, right? That wall I mentioned before is still there, although he's been making some efforts to get through it. Between the wall and all the recent stress I've been under, I decided to make a drastic move.

I asked for a spanking. Not just any spanking either, but a soul-cleansing, wall-busting, stress-relieving spanking. It seems lately he always stops just short of that cleansing cry that I desperately need. He's still struggling a little with the idea of hurting me and also with the thought that he might go too far. So I gathered my courage and asked for what I needed.

I asked for a spanking that doesn't stop until I'm in tears. Not just a few sniffles, not just eyes that are starting to water, but honest to goodness tears. And I've made him promise to keep going until he gets me there, no matter how much I beg, plead, squirm or try to get it to stop.

It was supposed to be carried out last night, but life interfered. So it's on the schedule for tonight. I'm a little nervous because I did ask for a humdinger of a spanking after all. But I'm also relieved because I know that once he's able to break through that wall, it will be easier for him to get through to me going forward. Plus I need an outlet for all this stress.

Tomorrow makes six month since we started this. It's also another milestone, but you'll have to wait for tomorrow's post to find out about that one. Sorry to be so short, but I have to run.

Wednesday, December 5, 2012

When It Rains, It Pours

It seems like no matter what we do, stress just follows us. This time of the year is stressful enough with holidays approaching and trying to squeeze enough money from an already tight budget for presents. Now we have another stress popping up, this time with our landlords.

We weren't originally going to rent our current place. We were happy where we were at and had awesome landlords at our old house. They were quick to make repairs if needed and otherwise left us alone as long as our rent check arrived on time every month.

Then some neighbors came to us wanting us to rent their house. They were moving out of state for a while and didn't want their house sitting empty. We originally turned them down because the house needed work and we didn't totally trust them.

But they kept pestering us about it and offered to rent their house at a couple hundred dollars cheaper than we were paying. Since it was a bigger house and we figured we could put the difference in rent towards buying a house of our own, we went against our instincts and signed a lease. We've regretted it ever since.

The house was a wreck when we moved in. There were several plumbing issues and one minor wiring issue. The house was filthy and pretty much all their stuff was left behind for us to move into the shed on the property. It took us close to a month just to get the house ready to move our stuff in.

The next problem came when a repair was needed. They tried to tell us it was our responsibility even though the law clearly states that the landlord is responsible for repairs unless we caused the problem. When I told them that, then they claimed to not have the money. We ended up paying out of pocket for the repair and deducting it from the rent.

A couple months later, we started getting calls asking for rent early. One month they even asked for it a week after we had paid. They always had some expense that they desperately needed to pay. Since our money is tightly budgeted, we couldn't do it and that caused problems.

We were just shy of our first year when they tried to raise the rent. Our lease clearly states that the rent can't be raised until it expires. They griped about it, but that was the end of that or so we though. Our lease has a clause that lets us us early if we give them enough notice so we started looking into moving even though we really didn't have the funds. We've talked to the bank about possibly purchasing a house, but without money towards a down payment, we can't get too far. So we're holding out for our tax refund in the hopes that it, combined with any other money we've managed to stash back, will be enough to get us in a place of our own.

Now we have another situation, one that's about to drive both me and Steve up the wall. The other day the landlord called to say he was coming to pick up their stuff out of the shed. We didn't have a problem with that.

The problem came when he arrived. He immediately set up camp in our backyard. I'm not entirely comfortable with the guy and Steve can't take off work to be here so I'm stuck at home alone with the guy here. His wife's a bit of a pain, but I'd feel a little more comfortable if she was with him.

Him being camped out in the backyard also means I can't let our dogs out. Our back yard is fenced in and normally I open the back door and let the dogs go in and out as they please. Most of the time if it's pretty, they stay out all day long other than coming in for food or water. As I've mentioned before, they're very protective of me. If I let them out right now, I run the risk of one of them biting him. So they've been stuck in the house for the duration other than short forays out on a leash.

The real kicker came yesterday evening when he told Steve he was planning on moving into the shed to live and would just pay the difference in our electric bill. The shed is not insulated and our electric bill already runs $150 a month just for us in the house. I don't even want to imagine how high the bill will go with him living in the shed and trying to heat it this winter. Not to mention, between the dogs not being able to go out and me being uncomfortable with him when I'm home alone most of the time, it's just not feasible to have him living in our backyard fulltime.

Steve struggled with it all night last night. He's a soft-hearted guy and felt bad for the landlord, who is currently living with his brother-in-law. But our family has to come first. So when the landlord called this morning, he told the landlord no, at which point the landlord told us we had to pay more rent or we would have to move out.

We know the guy doesn't have a leg to stand on with his threats. Our state is very tenant friendly and as long as we're abiding by the lease and paying the amount the lease says, the landlord can't do anything. If he took us to court and tried to evict us, he'd be laughed out of court. But it's still causing a lot of unnecessary stress.

On a good note, I'm handling this stress a lot better than I have in the past. I've managed to stay out of trouble (yay!). I've did all my chores and haven't snapped at Steve once. I haven't even given in to mindless eating like I used to. I have been crocheting like mad the past few days, but it's helping and I now won't have to buy winter gear (hat, scarf, mittens) for our daughter. I'm about to start working on sweaters for the dogs. Aside from the migraine I woke up with this morning, you couldn't even tell I was stressed right now.

Steve, on the other hand, is not handling it well. He was already stressed before this and the landlord hasn't helped the situation. After last night's conversation, it took me a couple hours to calm him down. He's always provided for our family, but now that we've added DD to the mix and he's taken the lead in our family, he feels deeply his responsibility to protect and provide for us. This mess has threatened our family and he's not happy about it.

I'm just glad he was already at work this morning when he told the landlord no and heard his response. Judging by how he sounded on the phone when I talked to him, it was probably a good thing he wasn't here where he could get his hands on the guy. It probably wouldn't have ended well.

I'm a bit lost here. I want to help him, but I don't know what I can do. I've been supportive. I've calmed him when he was upset. I listened to him rant for hours (yes hours as in plural). What else can I do to make this easier on Steve? Suggestions?

Tuesday, December 4, 2012

I Did It Again

No, I don't mean I broke another implement, although a girl can hope. That would be better than what I did. You see a couple weeks ago I came to the conclusion that I hadn't quite given up control like I thought I did. Or rather that I had, but I kept stealing it back.

So I've been working really hard at it. I've been trying to let Steve lead as he sees fit and not constantly put my two cents in about how he should be doing it. And I thought I was doing well.

Until last night. Last night was role affirmation, a time when I should be reminded that he is in charge and my role is to submit. But I wasn't. Instead I kept stopping him to tell him how he should do it. I wasn't consciously trying to take back control, but that's what happened.

Between healing from the shingles and everything else we have going on at the moment, spanking has taken a bit of a backseat. There has been a few swats here and there, but they've been fairly quick and light. As a result, my bottom is a little out of shape.

So when the first swat landed last night, I immediately went into "get me outta this" mode. First I tried to distract him. While my efforts were appreciated, they didn't stop the inevitable. When he resumed, I flipped over on my back and told him he should take it easy since it's been a while.

I have to give Steve credit though. He didn't back down. He just reminded me of why we do this. Then he waited for me to roll back over so he could continue. When I was still having trouble submitting to it, he kind of laid halfway down and cradled me against his chest while he continued. Surprisingly, that made it easier for me.

When it was over, I realized something. My respect for him had grown. He recognized I was having trouble last night. When we first started this, he probably would have backed down. Instead he looked for a solution to help me submit. I think he's finally hitting his HoH stride.

Monday, December 3, 2012

Vintage Toys

Lillie's post got me thinking. Nowadays our battery operated friends come in all shapes and sizes. But what did women have in the past? Enjoy.