I finally put in the order for the dreaded cane. That was not a purchase I really wanted to make, but it was clear that Steve was not going to give up on that one so I gritted my teeth and got it done.
Since I was shopping anyway, I also picked him up a present for Christmas. As with other implements I've impulsively bought for him, I'll probably regret it the first time it gets used. I bought a paddle. The good news is that he doesn't know about it so if I change my mind about it once it arrives, there's still time to hide it away and forget I ever had the
In other news, we've been doing a LOT of talking lately. Communication is good, right? That wall I mentioned before is still there, although he's been making some efforts to get through it. Between the wall and all the recent stress I've been under, I decided to make a drastic move.
I asked for a spanking. Not just any spanking either, but a soul-cleansing, wall-busting, stress-relieving spanking. It seems lately he always stops just short of that cleansing cry that I desperately need. He's still struggling a little with the idea of hurting me and also with the thought that he might go too far. So I gathered my courage and asked for what I needed.
I asked for a spanking that doesn't stop until I'm in tears. Not just a few sniffles, not just eyes that are starting to water, but honest to goodness tears. And I've made him promise to keep going until he gets me there, no matter how much I beg, plead, squirm or try to get it to stop.
It was supposed to be carried out last night, but life interfered. So it's on the schedule for tonight. I'm a little nervous because I did ask for a humdinger of a spanking after all. But I'm also relieved because I know that once he's able to break through that wall, it will be easier for him to get through to me going forward. Plus I need an outlet for all this stress.
Tomorrow makes six month since we started this. It's also another milestone, but you'll have to wait for tomorrow's post to find out about that one. Sorry to be so short, but I have to run.