Monday, January 14, 2013

A Surprising End to Our Bet

When I proposed our little bet, I clearly didn't think it through very well. If I had, I would have waited for a week that wasn't already shaping up to be a stressful one. Instead I let my mouth get ahead of my head and plunged right into a stressful week with Steve having some extra incentive to be consistent. Needless to say, I got a lot more spankings than I had planned on.

As the week progressed, I got more and more stressed. I knew that at the end of the week we would be driving over to see my family. While I was looking forward to seeing some family members, the recent friction with my mom had me dreading the trip as well.

Steve could tell I was stressing because I kept getting more and more worked up about it. Now I don't know about you guys, but when I get stressed, I tend to get a bit moody and snappish. Somehow I managed to keep that to a minimum, but it was clear to both of us that it probably was going to end with me over his knee.

The night before we were set to leave, I seriously considered asking for a spanking to help pull me out of it and hopefully help me keep it together during our little trip. But Steve was tired so I ended up not doing it.

The next morning while we were getting ready to leave, it was clear that my mood was heading downhill fast. Steve surprised me by not spanking or even giving a warning, but pulling me into his arms for a hug and then rubbing some of the tension out of my neck and shoulders.

During the trip, he kept up a constant stream of chatter about anything and everything, not giving me much opportunity to dwell on the upcoming visit with my mom. Whenever I got quiet and he could tell I was starting to think about it, he'd reach over and squeeze my leg and then say something so random that he would get me cracked up. As a result, we actually had a pleasant drive over.

Since my mom's house was going to be our last stop of the day, I was actually able to relax a bit and enjoy visiting with everyone. Steve kept a close eye on me all day, coming over if he saw I was getting stressed to give me a hug, kiss, a squeeze on the bottom or rub my neck for a minute.

Once we left there and were on the way to my mom's house, the tension returned. He went back to chattering again and reaching over to squeeze my leg from time to time. When we got there, it was as tense as I had expected. I nearly turned and walked away when my mom answered the door because her attitude was so cold. But my daughter had been looking forward to seeing her grandma so I went on in.

I won't bore you with all the details of that particular visit, but suffice it to say that it did not go well at all. By the time we left there, there was steam coming out of my ears and my mood had taken a definite turn for the worst. Steve was sympathetic while I vented, then he went back to squeezing my leg and chattering.

As a result, I made it through the whole stressful situation without snapping at him once, something that surprised us both. He could have spanked before our trip as a reminder to watch my mood and probably would have had to spank again when we got home because of my mood, but he didn't.

Instead, he kept reminding me in little ways all day long that he was there for me and I could lean on him. And because he handled it that way, I was able to let go of the tension and actually enjoy my time with other family members and then lean on him when the visit with my mom didn't go well. And even though I still vented some anger, it was to him, not at him.

Normally when I get stressed, I turn inward. I pull all those feelings inside, block them up behind a wall and try to go on. Of course, this doesn't do much good because eventually I run out of room and all the anger and frustration comes shooting out in a not so pretty explosion.

Thanks to the way Steve handled things, I didn't do that this time. So when I snuggled up in his arms last night, I thanked him for helping me get through it. It would have been easy for him to just focus on dealing with the result of the stress. But he made the effort to help me handle the problem and because he did, we both got through it without that explosion.

16 comments:

  1. Dana, that is so lovely. That is just what Starman tends to do at the moment. And between you and me, and the gatepost, I think it is a terrifically important way to communicate. Not all communication has to be carried out facing the carpet you know!

    Your Steve has an enormous inbuilt strength. He had demonstrated to you what a good HOH he is! He was fully tuned in to you for your entire trip. Touching is so soothing. And he was working hard at keeping you in check. The trip could have been so much worse. What a lovely man! You must be extremely proud of him!

    Many hugs, Ami

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    1. I am proud of him Ami. He has grown so much over these past few months, maybe even more than I have, and he's really finding his strength in the HoH role.

      Throughout the day, I felt very loved and protected. It's a wonderful feeling.

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  2. Way to handle things, Steve! Your HoH was there do exactly what you needed him to do, Dana - doesn't that take so much pressure off. I find that when I am not sure how well I am going to cope with a situation, knowing that Ian is watching me (like a hawk) and yes, reassuring me in little ways, a touch, a meaningful look keep me in a much more focused state.
    This twd works!
    hugs
    lillie

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    1. He really surprised me with the way he handled it Lillie. It definitely helped that he was watching closely and in tune with how I was feeling so he could head things off before I got too worked up. It does wrok.

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  3. Woo-hoo! I'm so proud of both of you! That doesn't sound condescending does it? I don't mean it that way. I just mean that Steve handled things, handled you so well. And that allowed you to handle yourself well too. I loved this post because to me it's a great example of the benefits of ttwd and why we do it. :)

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    1. That's not at all condescending Grace. The way he handled me did make it easier to keep myself in check. I'm sure this is something we'll use again in the future when I'm facing a stressful situation because it did work so well.

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  4. So glad he was there for you! What a great HoH :)

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  5. Way to go Steve! Dana you definitely have yourself a very wise HoH. So happy that things went so well for you. Ok, as well as can be expected when dealing with your mother - but at least you were able to constructively vent with no spanking!

    Blessings,
    Cat

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  6. This is wonderful Dana - way to go Steve! He handled the situation so well. Reassuring you that he was there to lean on and in turn you were able to handle the situation well. It's amazing how much easier these situations are to handle when we know they are there, watching us, giving us reassurance.

    As Grace said, a great example of the benefits of ttwd.

    Hugs
    Roz

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    1. Thanks Roz. It did make a huge difference in my ability to handle a stressful situation. Now that he's saw how much it did help, I'm sure he'll be using the same tactic in the future.

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  7. This is outstanding, Dana. I wish everyone who criticizes the way that we live could read your last two posts. I think many minds could be changed. Absolutely beautiful example of what TTWD can bring to a couple and a family.

    (((hugs)))

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    1. Your comment really touched my heart June. I think a lot of people that criticize TTWD focus solely on the spanking or submitting aspects of it, but they fail to realize that TTWD is so much more than just those things.

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  8. Outsanding series of post, it's very heartening to see a beautiful example to people of how things can be in a TTWD relationship

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    1. Thank you Ward. The whole experience ended up being a lot more than either of us expected, but it was a good thing because we both learned a lot from it.

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