Tuesday, January 1, 2013

Don't Tell Daddy

You may recall that we were both trying to quit smoking. That didn't go well. So Steve decided if we were going to continue smoking, we needed to find a cheaper option to do it. He got supplies and a rolling machine, showed me how to roll my own cigarettes and then told me I was not to buy another pack. It is quite a bit cheaper, but it takes longer so we both end up smoking less as well, which I'm sure was part of the reason he insisted on the change.

Aside from buying a pack the very first week, which he let me off the hook for but warned he wouldn't be so forgiving the next time, I haven't bought another pack. Until yesterday.

I woke up to find we were out of supplies. Since I knew I had to run errands anyway, I decided to just wait and pick them up while I was out. But nothing was going right yesterday and by the time I made my fourth errand stop, I was feeling pretty frazzled. Since I still hadn't got my supplies or made it home to roll a cigarette, I was ready to climb the walls.

So as we stood in line waiting to check out, I was eying the cigarette display. Our daughter must have saw where my attention was focused because she reminded me that daddy said not to buy any. Yet even with her warning, when the cashier finished ringing up our stuff and asked if that was all, I asked for a pack. Then I turned to our daughter.

Don't tell Daddy.

A few minutes later, we were putting things in the car and she asked why not. So I told her he wouldn't be happy that I had did it after he asked me not to. She got quiet then and I could tell her brain was churning.

Then it hit me like a brick what I had just done. In telling her to not tell Steve because he'd be upset with me, I was teaching her not to confess when she did something she wasn't supposed to, to keep quiet about misbehavior to stay out of trouble. I was also teaching her that honesty wasn't something that was needed in a marriage. That's NOT what I want to teach her.

So I had to fix it. Once we were back on the road headed towards home, I explained that I didn't want her to tell him because it was important that when you mess up, you are the one that admits to it. I told her that it's always better to confess yourself rather than hope that it doesn't come out some other way. It's a matter of respect. Then I promised I would tell him myself when he got home from work.

And I kept that promise. Even though I knew the consequences of it, I confessed shortly after he got home. But she beat me to it and he already knew. After hearing about my day and the fact that I hadn't smoked all day at the point I broke down and bought the pack, and taking into consideration the fact that I had confessed, he let me off the hook with only a warning.

16 comments:

  1. Wow Dana - I am so very proud of how you handled the situation. Yes, you started to be deceitful but you stopped yourself almost immediately and explained things very well to your daughter. What a wonderful example for her. Kudos to Steve for the way he handled the situation also.

    Wishing all of you a wonderful 2013.

    Blessings,
    Cat

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    1. Thanks Cat. Once I realized what I was teaching her, I was horrified. I'm so glad I was able to turn it around and make it a learning experience for her.

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  2. I'm with Cat on this one!

    My heart sunk when I read the words, " Don't tell Daddy" . Of course before ttwd, I might not have felt that- or maybe I would, I'm not sure. You turned something that started off bad, and made it a perfect learning experience for your daughter. Truly amazing in your growth.

    And in the end, she would have snitched on you anyway- KIDS! LOL. Good on Steve for being so lenient too.

    Happy New Year!
    Willie

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    1. Yeah the little stinker told on me. She claims it was accidental, but how does a kid accidentally mention that mommy bought a pack of cigarettes?

      After it was all over and I started thinking about it, I realized how often I did tell her "Don't tell daddy." before TTWD. Hopefully going forward, she'll realize even mommies sometimes make mistakes.

      Steve was great about it. Since he smokes himself, he understood that point you reach where you want one NOW.

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  3. I think you handled that perfectly! What a wonderful example you showed your daughter....I am sure she will always remember that! And I have to say....I am kinda liking Steve and how he handled this....very sweet indeed!

    Hope you all have a fantastic 2013....

    ~Lucy

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    1. Thanks Lucy. I told Steve what you said, as well as what everyone else said. He was very flattered.

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  4. You did the right thing!
    Hugs,
    Elle

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  5. Good for you Dana, for recognizing what path you were headed down and leading your daughter down, for rectifying the situation and following through with your confession. Good for Steve too for extending grace. You should both be proud of yourselves. :)

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    1. Thanks Grace. That's another thing we can chalk up to the good side of DD. With the growth it's brought in me, it's making me a better mom.

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  6. I'm with Wilma...my heart sank right with hers when I read that line, and also with Cat, proud of the way you handled it and turned it back around. Sometimes that's hard to remember when we're facing those things that they do take all those seemingly extraneous factors into consideration. How you handled it added huge credibility and a great big hunk of trust. Great job, Dana!

    (((hugs))) and Happy New Year!

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    1. Thanks June. When I'm worried about being in trouble, it is sometimes difficult to remember that he does offer leniency when he sees it's warranted.

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  7. What can I say Dana? I agree with all of the above comments. My heart also sank when I read "don't tell Daddy" but am proud of you for the way in which you recognised what you were doing and turned the situation around, also showing a good example to your daughter.

    Kudos to Steve too for how he handled the situation. I bet he is proud of you for confessing and, as June said, it shows him that his trust in you to follow his leadership is not unfounded. Good on both of you!

    Hugs
    Roz

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    1. Thanks Roz. He was proud of me for telling him, even knowing there would probably be consequences.

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  8. I had a similar situation this week. I am letting my 19 yr old, that is in from college, have a party tonight with her friends from elem/ middle school. Brice is going to be out of town so I didn't mention it to him. She did. He was not happy. I pulled the ol.....but I thought I told you. ( hanging head in shame) He was not happy. I was informed there must not be any signs of it when he returns Friday .....or else.

    Glad you made the right decision. I need to take notes. :(

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    1. Well at least you have a little time to clean up before he gets home. If there's no sign of the party when he gets home, he may forget about it and just enjoy being home again.

      I haven't tried the "but I thought I told you" line. I did once question whether he had actually gave me a chore or not, which worked so well I had him convinced that he might have just thought it rather than said it. Not one of my finer moments. Of course the next day he remembered that he had in fact said it. He was not happy.

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