Thursday, January 24, 2013

Priorities

This isn't the post I originally sat down to write. When I first sat down to write it this morning, I was frustrated. Frustrated at what seemed to be a slide back into inconsistency. Frustrated at what appeared to be a half-hearted effort towards TTWD.

Monday slipped by with no role affirmation. I thought he'd forgot so I dropped a few subtle hints. Apparently they were too subtle because he didn't get it. I found out later that he did remember, but by the time he did, it was late and I was already half asleep so he decided against doing it that night.

Then came Tuesday. Surprisingly, I had a good day. I had asked if I could do whatever chores I wanted rather than him assigning some and he had granted my request with the stipulation that whatever I chose to do couldn't be something tiny like organizing the sock drawer. I ended up working a little bit on several rooms of the house, then focusing the rest of my time on the laundry/storage room. Aside from a few more loads of laundry waiting to be washed, it's almost completely done now.

But role affirmation didn't happen that night either. Nor was anything said about it. Again, I found out later that he had thought of it, but decided not to do it since I had done so well that day.

Yesterday was not a good day. I woke up snapping and the day went downhill from there. It was clear that I wasn't myself and later that night my frustration spilled over and I told him how I was feeling. But at that point, it was late and things were put off yet again to be addressed this morning before he left for work.

But by the time he got done dropping our daughter off and running a few errands, it was already past the time he should be leaving for work. He said he would try to get to it this morning if he could, then went off to load his truck. I felt the frustration rising because I was sure he would put it off again. It didn't help that the neighbor came over as he was loading his truck, something I figured would make him late enough to not want to take the time.

So I sat down to write this post. To my surprise, he came back in a few minutes later and said "Let's go. I want to take care of this now so you don't keep spiraling and get yourself in more trouble." I followed him to the bedroom where he already had the paddle in hand and was pointing at the bed. I quickly stripped and laid down on my stomach and he began.

It was clear that he was feeling a little frustration himself because the swats were a little harder than usual. I was really fighting to stay in position and several times earned myself a couple even harder swats for moving. Then he stopped and I thought he was done so I started to get up, only to be told to stay still because he wasn't done.

Seconds later, I heard an ominous sound, the sound of the top drawer of our other dresser being opened. It's where the cane is stored since it's too long for the drawer where the other implements are stored. I'll admit I tried my darnedest to talk him out of it. I hate the cane.

But it did no good. He was determined to get me back on track and wasn't backing down. I had pushed one too many buttons the day before. It was even harder to stay still with that. Then out of the corner of my eye, I saw the cane hit the bed beside me and I breathed a sigh of relief. At least until the next swat landed and I realized he had grabbed the plastic hanger without me noticing. If you rank our implements on a scale of 1 to 10 with 10 being the most hated implement, the cane comes in at 10 and the hanger comes in right behind it at 9.

I was so relieved when I saw it hit the bed a minute later that I almost didn't mind that he'd switched back to the paddle. After a flurry of hard swats with it, he laid down beside me and pulled me into his arms. I didn't get to enjoy snuggling that long, though, because his phone rang and he had to answer it. He did come back after he got off the phone and give me a hug and a kiss, but then he had to run because he was already late.

He could have put things off because he was late, but he didn't. Instead he took the time. And even though I'm sitting here on a very tender bottom, I'm grateful that he did because in him making me a priority, he left me feeling loved and important to him.

20 comments:

  1. I'm glad he made the time for you and you're feeling better Dana. It's crazy how well that can work, isn't it?

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    1. It is funny Grace. If someone had told me a year ago that Steve going in late for work so he could spank me would make my day, I would have thought they were nuts. Now it makes perfect sense.

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  2. I used to get so worked up about the only times we could do maintenance due to the age of our kids. This alone causes me so much anxiety. Often he would forget. Or figure it is not needed...like apparently THIS week--oh but I digress.

    I completely understand about the feeling loved and important to him comment. So happy he realized what you needed.

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    1. Willie, it being delayed doesn't bother me so much as him not saying anything about it. I'm left assuming he forgot or didn't care enough to do it.

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  3. It is so difficult when you gear yourself up for something and then it doesn't happen. And if it keeps being delayed, the situation gets even worse.

    I admire you for your advanced use of implements. I've just had my first encounter with the HH and don't think I'd ever want to progress to either a cane (had it across my hands at school!) or a plastic coathanger (Willie said how much that one hurt!). So well done for endurance. Or a cast-iron butt!

    I'm glad you're feeling better now, and less stressed. Your HOH finally fixed the problem!

    Hugs,

    Ami

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    1. It does seem to make it worse the longer things are delayed which is why Steve does try to not put things off. Occasionally though he gets tired or forgets.

      I was wishing my butt was cast iron this morning. It was a good thing we were alone in the house because I definitely was not quiet.

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  4. When Ian forgets or doesn't do what he threatens or forgets about a maintenance time that he decreed would occur, at usually feel elated for a while.....then I feel challenging, then obstinate and finally down right difficult. But there is always that moment when I suppress the urge to do an air five - but it doesn't last. I problem need to be spanked....but I am not going to say so...he'll just have to figure that out for himself.
    hugs
    lillie

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    1. Exactly Lillie. I go through all those stages. Even if I know I need a spanking, I generally won't tell him. I want him to tell me.

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  5. Hey Dana - It seems as if you two might have a different definition of RA based on his reaction to you doing so well on Tuesday. Maybe you need to have a discussion?

    I'm so happy that Steve was able to make the time for you and that you are feeling better.

    Blessings,
    Cat

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    1. Cat, it is something I've been thinking about lately. When we first started RA, it was to reinforce our new roles, not only between each other, but also to ourselves. Now that we're more comfortable in our roles, maybe it's time to switch to doing it on an as-needed basis rather than every Monday. That way I won't get frustrated if it doesn't happen on schedule and he won't feel like a jerk for spanking even if I've had a good day. I'll talk to him tonight about it.

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  6. Hi Dana, It is hard when things get delayed, or don't happen. With RA, I guess the HoH may sometimes decide it isn't needed, but I think it's important that a discussion is held and that he communicates his decision, otherwise you are left wondering if it will happen, if he's forgotten etc.

    We used to have regular discussions about how we were doing, where we wanted to go etc and if he felt a spanking was needed, it would happen, otherwise we just talked. We found this alone did help to reinforce our roles and help make us feel connected. Things have been a bit different lately and we haven't done this for a while, but I think it's something we will get back to.

    I'm glad Steve was able to make the time for you and that you are feeling better.

    Hugs
    Roz

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    1. Roz, that's the issue we're having. Steve will decide not to do RA, but neglect to tell me he's decided that. We did talk about it and he said he would try not to do it anymore.

      I like the idea of sitting down on a regular basis to talk and then spanking only if he sees the need. I will talk to him about it tonight.

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  7. Sorry for your sore bottom but happy for you that he gave you the time you needed this am. Hope your day went well :)

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    1. Thanks Tricia. It did go well. There's something about starting the day with sore buns that is very motivating.

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  8. I'm glad he made the time for you, that's when we feel most special, when we know they have had to make time.

    Callie

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    1. Exactly Callie. We talked about it last night and I let him know how much it meant to me that he was willing to make time for me, even though he really didn't have the time.

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  9. Even when it's hard, the fact that they took the time is so much more important. I'm glad you got what you needed, Dana, and hope you're feeling better.

    (((hugs)))

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    1. Thanks June. I am feeling better.

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  10. Oh Dana, I am so glad that he took the time to set things right between you too. It's always important to feel loved and important by the man you love. And congrats on getting to the end of the laundry room! I think you deserve a treat for that! :) I hope your bottom is feeling better by now. :)

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    1. Es May, that laundry room was something I had been putting off for quite a while and it seemed like it took forever. Clearly we need to get a system in place to make sure it never gets that bad again.

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