We've had smooth sailing around here for a bit. Aside from a spanking the week before last that was more reset than punishment, I hadn't got spanked since last month. I was on a good streak and determined to keep it going as long as I could.
The thing that had both of us surprised about this is that we hadn't been doing role affirmation for a couple weeks. Normally when role affirmation doesn't happen, I start slipping a little and then move on to seeing how far I can push. I didn't do that this time around. Instead when Steve chose not to do role affirmation, I took it as a sign that we were on track and he didn't feel like we needed that reinforcement. Things were going great.
Until yesterday. I woke up with a headache and feeling cranky. I managed to keep things under wraps until around lunchtime. Then I got snappy. I might have got away with only a stern warning, but my mouth got away from me and I muttered "bite me" as I walked away. To be honest, I didn't really think he'd hear me say it. The memory of what happened the last time I said that is still pretty fresh in my mind.
Unfortunately, Steve did hear it. He asked "What did you say?" It was said in that tone that lets you know they know darn well what you said and are just wondering if you're going to be foolish enough to try to play it off like you didn't say it.
He came stalking towards me with a determined look and I backed away, sitting down fast just before he reached me. I didn't try to deny what I said since obviously we both knew it. I did, however, apologize for it. He let me know that it would be handled later when we didn't have little eyes watching us.
That should have been the end of it, but it wasn't. I was aggravated about breaking my streak. I knew he was disappointed in me. I was even more disappointed in myself. That all came out in more snapping. He didn't say anything else about it, but from the look in his eyes, it was pretty clear that he was keeping track and there would be hell to pay later.
My headache kept getting worse so a few hours later, I told Steve I was going to lay down. He took our daughter out for a while so I could rest. By the time they got back and I woke up again, it was supper time. He even fixed supper so I didn't have to bother with it.
I was feeling pretty guilty about my disrespect earlier in the day so I apologized again. He was really sweet about it, but made it clear that he had no intention of letting it go. So after our daughter was in bed, I followed him to the bedroom.
We laid there for a while just snuggling and watching TV. My head was still hurting a little so he rubbed my neck to help ease it. Finally he asked if I just wanted to put things off until today. He was afraid of making my headache worse if he spanked me.
I told him my head wasn't hurting that bad and I'd rather not have it hanging over my head for another day. He asked me if I was sure and then got started. It wasn't pleasant. Spankings never are when you haven't been spanked for a while. Add in how disappointed I was in myself for doing it in the first place and I got to tears pretty fast.
So now I'm back to the starting point. I don't think I'm quite ready to tackle a year without punishment so I'm starting small. My goal is to make it a month. Of course this time I will be starting with some role affirmation because after yesterday Steve decided that it's needed again.