After Steve being off for two weeks and assigning little to no chores on the days he was home, it was really hard for me to adjust back to a full chore schedule once he went back to work. When he wasn't working, he didn't think it was fair if I had to, but now that's he's back at work, he thinks I should be too. He works hard to support our family so I can't really argue with that.
By Wednesday, it was clear that I was struggling. Submission was leaving the station and picking up speed as it headed out of town. I even told him I felt off, something I normally only say when I feel like I'm headed for trouble. Either he was being extremely patient with me or he didn't recognize the importance of what I said because he didn't do anything.
It all came to a head Friday. I procrastinated for most of the day before doing my chores. It was obvious that I didn't put a lot of effort into them though. As Steve told me later, I half-assed them.
After we ate supper, he went to visit a friend who's been under the weather. I waited up for a while, but got tired and went to bed. He woke me up when he got back, something I wasn't too pleased about, especially when he told me I was getting spanked.
I had a hard time submitting to the spanking. While I knew he was right about my efforts towards the chores, I was angry at having my streak broken. I wanted to blame him for not stepping up and redirecting when I told him I was struggling. But it wasn't really his fault. It was mine. Once I saw that he didn't get what I was trying to tell him, I should have asked for what I needed so he knew exactly what I was saying.
Anyway, about halfway through the spanking, something came up that had to be dealt with right away. It took a while to deal with so Steve said we'd finish up the next day. I grumbled a bit about it as I hate waiting on a spanking, especially one that's already been started, by as late as it was by that time, I understood why.
Needless to say, when I woke up yesterday morning, I wasn't exactly a ray of sunshine. I didn't help my situation any with my attitude. I got reminded a couple times of what was coming later in the day. Later came sooner than I expected when our daughter asked if she could visit her grandparents. Before I knew it, we were alone in the house.
We watched a little tv together then moved on to more pleasurable pursuits. While I enjoyed it, in the back of my head was the thought that I still had a spanking coming, one that I had made worse by my attitude earlier in the day. I kept waiting and waiting, but nothing happened.
Finally I worked up my nerve to ask about it. Steve said he'd decided not to do it. I should have just been happy to have avoided what was sure to be an uncomfortable spanking. But I wasn't. I was mad. I didn't really want to be spanked, but I knew it was needed. Aside from that, I hate having a spanking hanging over my head so I wasn't happy about worrying all day only to be told he wasn't going to do it after all.
I unraveled a bit after that and for a while, things were a little tense between us. I was digging myself into a hole and it didn't seem like either of us cared. After a while, I realized we weren't getting anywhere with this so I dialed back my frustration and started talking.
I let him know that just because I'm doing well doesn't mean my head is staying where it needs to be, that sometimes I'm slipping inside even before the effects start showing on the outside. I told him that for future reference when I tell him I'm feeling off, he should
We ended up talking after that and worked up some things. I still haven't been spanked, though, which is a problem because I still feel off. I don't know if he was planning on doing it last night, but he ended up falling asleep in our daughter's bed trying to get her down for the night so it didn't happen.
If he doesn't bring it up tonight, I plan to. And instead of just telling him I feel off, which he should know by now means trouble, I'm going to flat out tell him my head isn't in the right place and I need a spanking to get me back on track. I still haven't given up on my goal of making it a full month without punishment. I need a clean slate and a submissive mindset to get me on my way.