I couldn't sleep the other night so I spent a lot of time thinking. After I woke up from the few hours of sleep I managed, the same thing was on my mind. I had pretty much made up my mind to talk to Steve about it, but was trying to figure out how to do it.
When it comes to most things, I don't have a problem talking to Steve. I bring up the subject and we're off with me freely talking about whatever it is I want to talk about. I generally don't hesitate. I just dive right in.
But when it comes to DD, I seem to have a stumbling block. It literally took me over a year to work up the nerve to introduce the topic of DD to Steve. I was scared he'd think I was crazy. He didn't. If anything, he was flattered that I cared enough to want to change the way things were. Whenever I've needed to talk to him about something that's part of DD (say asking for a spanking that I need), I hesitate.
I'm not really sure why. I trust him completely. He's always been open and willing to hear me when I need to talk about something. He's even told me before that he appreciates it when I tell him what's on my mind so he's not left stumbling around trying to figure it out. Yet I still have trouble speaking freely when it comes to DD.
Anyway, I spent most of the day debating about how to broach the subject. I wrote a text and then deleted it without sending it. I wrote an email and then deleted it without sending it.
He noticed I was quiet, which is a sure-fire sign something is on my mind. He commented on me being quiet, but didn't push for a reason. I know he was probably wondering, but I appreciated that he was willing to let me have some space to work things out on my own before he started pushing.
As it turns out, Steve was the one that brought up the subject. That was enough to get me to admit that it had been on my mind as well. Then I started talking a little. Thankfully the man seems to be able to read my mind at these times because whenever I'd trail off, he filled in the blanks.
The funny thing about the whole situation is that what I had been thinking about and trying to work up to talking about was the exact same thing that was on his mind. So once we got past my initial hesitation, we were able to talk about it easily.
So basically I spent the whole day working myself into a tizzy over something that really wasn't so scary after all. Maybe I should take this as a learning experience and accept that I really can talk to him about anything and he's not going to run off into the woods screaming about the crazy lady that is his wife.