Friday, March 15, 2013

What We Have that They Don't

Last night, we attended a program at our daughter's school. She was really excited about it because she had two lines. Steve managed to get done with work early enough he could go and we picked up his mom so she could go as well.

There was a lot of people packed into the auditorium. In fact, they said that this was the best turnout they'd ever had for one of these programs. I love to people watch so I sat there looking around while were were waiting for the program and I noticed something.

There were a number of couples in the crowd. I had either saw them arrive together with a child in tow or noticed that they wore matching wedding bands. But I didn't see any intimacy between then. They weren't talking to each other. They weren't touching. Some were even clearly leaning away from each other.

When you looked at those couples, it was clear that there was a distance between them that was more than just the physical space separating them. They honestly looked like they couldn't stand being near each other and only were sitting together because it was expected. As soon as the program ended, they separated as fast as they could as if they couldn't stand being near each other for one second longer.

Meanwhile I sat close beside Steve. We were shoulder to shoulder and thigh to thigh. My hand rested lightly in his. His fingers stroked mine. Our heads were tilted together so we could hear each other over the crowd.

When the program was over, he took my hand and led me through the maze of people to find our daughter. After we congratulated her on a great performance, we walked hand in hand through the school and out to the car. As soon as we were all in and buckled up, he reached over and rested his hand on my leg. That's where it stayed all the way home, leaving only when he needed that hand to shift.

When some people look at DD, they look at it in shock and horror. He spanks you? You have to follow rules? Isn't that treating you like a child? How do you stand it? But they fail to see the one thing that we have that's missing in a lot of vanilla relationships. Intimacy and closeness.

If there is one change that has made all of this worth it for me, it's that we've grown closer as a couple. A year ago, we probably would have been like those other couples in the crowd last night. We would have been together physically, but not mentally or emotionally. Now we are.

So the next time someone makes a rude comment or sends an email putting down our lifestyle, I'm not going to get mad. I'm going to smile. Because obviously they're just jealous of what we have.

23 comments:

  1. I remember when Hubby and I were doing ttwd (not now due to other circumstances), that we both remarked at how close we were. We couldn't stop touching each other. We couldn't stop laughing. There was no end to the overwhelming love and trust we had for one another. Gosh I miss that!
    Glad you have it! ((hugs))

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    1. lilmisses, that has been one of my fears. If we ever decided to call TTWD off, I worry that the closeness might go away. Of course we've both agreed that there's no going back now so barring something unforseen, we'll hopefully never have to see.

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  2. A big AMEN and Hallelujah to this Dana!

    Blessings,
    Cat

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  3. I agree with everythibg you say Dana. It's lovely to feel that closeness, love Jan.xx

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    1. It is lovely Jan. It makes me wonder why we waited so long to find it again.

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  4. The closeness is amazing. I agree with everyone above. It's like an invisible rope linking you together.

    Hugs,

    Ami

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    1. I never thought of it that way Ami, but you're right. There is an invisible connection.

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  5. Couldn't agree with you more on this one Dana. Thanks so much for putting it into such a wonderful post.

    Callie

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  6. We notice and remark on that so very often, Dana. I would not trade the intimacy we share for anything in the entire world.

    (((hugs)))

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    1. Me either June. It's too precious to us to give up.

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  7. And THAT's what it's all about!

    Sara

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  8. Absolutely agree! Wonderful post Dana. It's amazing how ttwd makes us feel. If people could just experience a fraction of it they would totally understand :)

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    1. Exactly Tricia. Everyone is so focused on what they see as the negative, they fail to see the good it brings.

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  9. Totally agree Dana! It's quite sadly really watching those other couples, and since starting ttwd, boy do I tend to notice them even more! Funny huh?

    Hugs,
    Roz

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    1. I never really noticed before either Roz. But I certainly do now. It's so glaringly obvious I wonder how I missed it before.

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  10. I never used to notice this so much but I sure do now. It makes me sad to see couples so disconnected, especially when they have these little kids full of joy dancing around them. Makes me snuggle in a bit closer with mine.

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    1. It is sad to see those couples, Susie, especially when I realize that we were just like them not that long ago. But seeing those other couples makes me appreciate what we have even more.

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