Thursday, April 4, 2013

Naked

Every once in a while I come across a song that hits a nerve for some reason. Today was one of those days that it happened. I was listening to some Avril Lavigne and her song Naked came on. I listened to it, restarted it and listened again.

I never realized how much this song applies to me. I've always been the type of person that keeps the inner me hidden away from people. People just see the outer shell, the confident, strong woman that can handle anything. Some people have got a little bit under the surface, but I've never truly opened up and let someone get all the way in.

But there's been a lot of changes over these past months since we brought DD into our marriage. In that time, Steve's managed to peel back all those protective layers that I surrounded myself in. It's a vulnerable feeling knowing I'm that open to him.

It takes a lot of trust to keep me from grabbing those layers and piling them back on. While I know this openness between us is a good thing, that urge to protect myself, even from him, is still there. I trust him more than I've ever trusted anyone in my life, but having your heart and soul laid open is scary, terrifying even.

Sometimes I wonder if it will ever get easier. Will I ever feel comfortable being this vulnerable? Will the urge to protect myself ever go away?




Naked by Avril Lavigne

I wake up in the morning
Put on my face
The one that's gonna get me
Through another day
Doesn't really matter
How I feel inside
'Cause life is like a game sometimes

But then you came around me
The walls just disappeared
Nothing to surround me
And keep me from my fears
I'm unprotected
See how I've opened up
Oh, you've made me trust

Because I've never felt like this before
I'm naked
Around you
Does it show?
You see right through me
And I can't hide
I'm naked
Around you
And it feels so right

I'm trying to remember
Why I was afraid
To be myself and let the
Covers fall away
I guess I never had someone like you
To help me, to help me fit
In my skin

I never felt like this before
I'm naked
Around you
Does it show?
You see right through me
And I can't hide
I'm naked
Around you
And it feels so right

I'm naked
Oh oh yeah
Does it show?
Yeah, I'm naked
Oh oh, yeah yeah

I'm so naked around you
And I can't hide
You're gonna (you're gonna) see right through, baby
you're gonna see right through,

I'm so naked around you,
and I can't hide,
You're gonna see right through, baby

10 comments:

  1. We make ourselves so vulnerable with this. Having no control really strips me bare, too. I'm grateful that I have a man that I can trust with that power.
    Bea

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  2. I have only a place or two left, Dana, where I try to gather those layers back. Usually they have to do with my own need, and the fear that he will somehow disappear. Those are the times I fight hard to reach for him instead. It's a good feeling to know he is there, that he wishes to be my shield, my protector. It is humbling to let all artifice slip away before him.

    (((hugs)))

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That's something I struggle with June. Steve is a bit older than me and, odds are, one day I'm probably going to have to learn to survive without him. I think that's why I sometime want to keep my layers, to protect myself against that eventuality.

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  3. I think it's good to have the layers open, but it can be hard, but I do believe that the longer we do it, the easier it will be. I feel that in ten years we'll look back and wonder why we worried about opening up. :) Or I hope it's that way. :)

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    Replies
    1. It is hard sometimes. Hopefully in ten years we can look back and laugh at how much we feared opening up to our guys.

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  4. Hey Dana, being so vulnerable and open is hard. It does not come easily to most of us, Human nature conditions us to protect ourselves. The longer we do this and the deeper trust we develop I think it does get a little easier. At least, I hope so. I not sure if we ever truly stop stripping and rebuilding those layers though..

    Hugs,
    Roz

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It's something I struggle with on a regular basis, fighting the urge to rebuild those layers. Most of the time I'm successful at staying open, but occasionally I let fear get the better of me and start piling them back on. I'm grateful that Steve is alert to this and makes an effort to get me to open back up before the layers get too thick.

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  5. I'm still finding that as soon as I peel one layer away there is another layer beneath. I wonder if this will always be the case, because the layers have taken a full lifetime to grow into place.

    As Roz says, being so vulnerable and open is the hardest thing we do. It's almost hard to breathe, to look him in the eyes. But it feels so good when we do offer our naked vulnerability. It's like the afterglow of a hard spanking - you hate it at the time, but then you float on a cloud of light.

    Many hugs

    Ami

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You said it so well Ami. It is like that afterglow.

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