Thursday, May 30, 2013

The NewlyRED Game

We weren't getting along when this went around, but I wanted to do it so I saved it. I finally got Steve to sit down and answer his side.

Questions for Me

What would your husband say was the last thing you did, that made him give you 'the look'?
Dana: Probably snapped at him
Steve: Tried to talk me into a reprieve on her car when she'd already got spanked once over it. Yeah I did that too.

What part of his body does your husband discuss the most?
Dana: His back. He has back problems and his job is rough on his back so he's often complaining about it.
Steve: My back.

If I could burn one (non implement) possession of my husband's and get off Scott free, what would it be?
Dana: His phone. People are constantly calling him, interrupting our time together.
Steve: TV Once I told him my answer, he said he started to say that.

What shape would your HoH say your backside is: an apple, a pear, a pancake or never noticed...too distracted?
Dana: apple
Steve: apple

Nothing makes me sassier than.......
Dana: inconsistency
Steve: not following through Pretty much the same thing I said.

If my family knew we were in a Dd relationship they would A) Be mortified B) Be intrigued and ask questions C)High five my Hoh and tell him it was about time!
Dana: A
Steve: C I hope he never tells them because I think he's wrong about this one.

When my husband does (blank) I wish I could spank my mother in law.
Dana: wants to be babied
Steve: expects her to clean His mom is a neat freak and even vacuums the floor after company leaves so no footprints show on the carpet.

When making whoopee, my husband's theme song should be A)I will survive B)Dancing with myself C)Wake me up before you Go Go D)Shook me all night long....
Dana: D definitely
Steve: D

If (blank) was an Olympic Sport, my husband would take Gold....
Dana: fixing stuff
Steve: working

Two words that best describe my husband are _______ and ________.
Dana: hard-working and dependable
Steve: loving and caring He's those things too.

Questions for Him

What should your wife's theme song be?
Steve: You shook me all night long Blush. When I told him my answer, he nearly spit his drink so I think he's onto the fact I'm not as angelic as I think I appear.
Dana: Angel of course, although knowing him, he'll probably say Trouble.

Finish this sentence, even before ttwd I wanted to spank my wife when she did (blank)
Steve: let the dishes pile up Yeah, that's a major peeve of his and one of the first rules he made.
Dana: didn't clean the house

Never in my wildest dreams would I have thought a (blank) is something that I would spank with
Steve: wooden turner
Dana: hanger

My wife is so adorable when she (blanks)
Steve: submits
Dana: is trying to get out of trouble

If my wife never makes (blank) again for dinner, it would be too soon.
Steve: stuffed clams Oops! I thought he actually liked them. No wonder he thought I was mad at him the other day when I fixed them for supper.
Dana: chicken. It's not that I'm a bad cook. He just isn't a big fan of it.

Pick a bird to represent your wife. What type of bird do you see yourself as?
Steve: She's like an owl because she likes the night. I'm like a hawk.
Dana: For me, a swan because they mate for life and are very family-oriented. For him. an eagle.

When I give my wife 'the look' I am often thinking......
Steve: I'm going to spank you.
Dana: You better knock it off.

The two words that sum up my wife are _______ and _________.
Steve: sweet and sexy
Dana: sweet and sexy
 
If there was no chance of getting caught, where is one place you would like to make whoopee?
Steve: in an elevator
Dana: outdoors

Aside from her bottom, what is your wife's greatest asset?
Steve: her lips and tongue Blush.
Dana: boobs

Wednesday, May 29, 2013

That Darned Car

You see this car? It looks all innocent, doesn't it?


Well don't let it fool you. It's a lie. It may put on an innocent look, but underneath, it's like this.


That darned car got me spanked. And not for the first time either.

You see a few months ago the ignition switch in it was going out. When Steve didn't fix it in what I thought was a reasonable amount of time, I got a little snappy about it. And I got spanked.

And last night, it got me spanked again. You see my tag expired last month. Normally that's not a big deal. I get my inspection done, pay my property tax on it and then head to the tag office for my renewal sticker.

But we were broke. Really broke. Broke enough that we were rolling change to get Steve to work. So I parked my car and started driving our other truck. It wasn't ideal because I don't like driving that truck. It's not sporty like my car. It's big and hard to see out of. And it's just downright difficult to drive. But I had to have something to drive so I could get our daughter back and forth to school.

Then Steve got paid. When he handed me the money, he said he wanted my tag renewed first thing Monday morning. I reminded him that it was a holiday so he said first thing Tuesday morning then.

After being up for two days with very little sleep, I was exhausted Tuesday morning when the alarm went off. So as soon as everyone left, I crawled back in bed for a few more hours. Then once I got up, I was still tired and not at all motivated so I put it off, figuring I'd get to it later in the day.

When Steve came home from work, he didn't ask and I didn't tell. We played with our daughter, visited with each other and had supper. Then he went to put our daughter to bed (she's definitely a Daddy's girl).

As soon as he walked back into the room, he asked if I had got it done. I didn't have to answer. That deer in the headlights look did it for me.


Then he asked why. Was I working? Did some emergency come up? Was I busy doing a lot of chores? I tried to blame it on being tired, but he knew it was that I had procrastinated.

You're getting spanked tonight.

Ugh! That feeling settled in the pit of my stomach. We watched TV for a while, but I couldn't concentrate. Finally I went to check my email.

When I came back in the living room, he was nowhere in sight. Neither were the dogs. I quietly opened the bedroom door and saw he was asleep with them. So I tiptoed in, figuring I'd slip into bed, having dodged that bullet. I'm no dummy. I knew Steve wasn't happy with me and I certainly wasn't going to wake him up.

But I didn't have to. Either he wasn't as asleep as I thought he was or he heard me come in. As soon as I started to climb into bed, he told me to put the dogs out.

I knew it wasn't going to be pleasant when he started with a warmup. And it wasn't. After what seemed to be a very short warm up, he went straight to hard, rapid-fire swats. By the time he was done, I was in tears. I slept with the covers off last night.

This morning before Steve left for work, he reminded me to get the car taken care of. He also added that last night would seem like a warmup compared to what's going to happen tonight if it isn't taken care of. He didn't even relent when he found out that I was going to be babysitting today. So now I have to do all that stuff with kids in tow.

That darned car.

Friday, May 24, 2013

Drumming Up Good Behavior

Ever since we've got back in the swing of things with DD (no pun intended), Steve has been pretty consistent. There hasn't been a need for punishment spankings, but he's been doing role affirmation every other day just like he said he was going to.

Last night I was at the sink doing dishes when he told me he was going to bed. A minute later, I heard him call the dogs to come to bed with him. I was a little disappointed that he took the dogs because I know he doesn't spank when they're in the room because my little protector interferes.

It wasn't so much that I was wanting to be spanked. I just felt like he had forgotten about it, especially since it was supposed to happen the night before. It had been postponed because we were both tired from working (I had went with him again) and he knew I was sore because I had a run-in with a bee on the job site. While I normally don't have a reaction to bee stings, for some reason this time it made my leg swell up quite a bit and it was hurting.

He must have remembered about the time he got in the bedroom because I heard the door open again. A minute later he poked his head in the kitchen and told me to put the dogs out when I came to bed.

I finished up the dishes and headed for the bedroom, putting the dogs out when I came in. We snuggled and watch TV for a bit and then he asked if I was ready. I don't know why he always asks me that. Nine times out of ten, the answer is no.

But even as I was saying no, I was grabbing my pillow and getting in position. Nothing happened for a minute. Then he started and I busted out laughing.

You know that drumroll thing they sometimes do before a big announcement. Yeah, he was doing that on my backside. He had the paddle in one hand and his wooden turner in the other hand. Even though they're both wooden, it was a weird sensation because they feel totally different.

He stopped for a minute until I could get the laughter under control. Then he resumed and I cracked up again. He was still drumming, but was now humming along to the beat.

He quit playing after that and got down to business. Later as we were snuggling up, I asked if he was trying to drum up some good behavior. He smirked and said absolutely.

Monday, May 20, 2013

Update on Us

First, I want to thank everyone for your support, prayers and kind messages. It's truly a blessing to have such a supportive community of friends.

We have done a lot of talking this past week. We've talked about the fight. We've talked about us. And yes, we eventually talked about DD too.

After talking, we realized we both could have handled things differently. Steve was stressed and irritated about several things not related to us. Because his temper was already up, a minor issue got blew way out of proportion. He admitted he went overboard with his remarks. That's why he let me go when I started withdrawing and pushing him away, not realizing in leaving me alone, he was hurting me more.

And I have some blame in all this as well. I should have talked to him instead of withdrawing. If I had, I could have saved myself some heartbreak. It turns out the trust issue I thought was there wasn't exactly as I believed. I had heard about it from a friend, who had got it from someone else, and somewhere along the way it grew into something bigger than it was.

It's kind of like that childhood game Telephone. You sit in a circle and one person whispers a phrase in the ear of the person sitting beside them. You continue around the circle until the last person speaks the phrase out loud. Usually by that point, the phrase bears little or no resemblance to the original.

Once I realized the trust issue wasn't there and we had worked everything out, I debated about bringing up the topic of DD. I hadn't yet told Steve about being upset enough to want to throw away out implements, nor had I put them back.

It didn't seem like he had noticed their disappearance. I wasn't sure he would say anything even if he did notice. The DD area of our relationship has been floundering for a while. I was beginning to think he was just going to let it die a quiet death.

Then he threw me for a loop the other night by asking if we needed role affirmation and immediately following that with the statement that we did need it. That's when he finally realized that the implements were gone and I told him about being so wrapped up in anger and hurt that I nearly threw them away..

Steve must have been feeling pretty determined about it because he just pulled me into the bedroom and reminded me that he still had one implement. He did. He was wearing his belt the day I gathered the implements so I couldn't get it.

Then he reached for the buckle and I darted towards the door. It surprised us both because I've never ran from a spanking, role affirmation or otherwise. I may have sat down fast to avoid a swat or tried to talk or bribe my way out of it but I've never ran.

I think he set a new speed record. Even though I was closer to the door than he was, by the time I got there he was standing in front of it with his belt in hand. I backtracked, diving across the bed, but short of going out the window, there wasn't any other way out of the room. So we stood staring at each other across the bed.

I can't quite explain it, but there's something about his belt that affects me on a totally different level than any of our other implements. It's not the pain because they all hurt, some more than others. I guess it's more of an emotional or even psychological effect.

Steve must have saw something in my face because he dropped the belt. He held out his hand and told me to "Come here." I took his hand and he pulled me down on the bed, laying down beside me.

We talked for a long time. We even had a good laugh when it occurred to me that it wouldn't have done much good to throw away the hanger when we have a whole closet full of them. Clearly I hadn't thought that one through very well.

Eventually we did get around to role affirmation that night, although he didn't use the belt. I relented and told him where I had hid the implements. He went easy on me because it had been nearly a month since my last spanking, but it still hurt like the dickens. The one a couple days later did too. He's decided role affirmation will be every other day for now so it shouldn't take too long before I'm back to my usual buns of steel.

We're taking the whole experience as a learning experience. As much as we would all love for this journey to always be on smooth road, occasionally we're going to hit patches of rough road or other obstacles. But as long as we hold onto each other, we can get through it and find out way back to smoother ground.

Monday, May 13, 2013

Falling Together

Steve and I have never really been a couple that fights. It's rare for us to go more than a day or two without resolving things when we do fight. Usually we're tripping over each other in our haste to make up. This wasn't one of those cases.

It had been nearly a week since it all started. He continued to act like everything was okay, not realizing that he was just upsetting me even more by doing it. I still didn't trust myself not to say anything so I continued to avoid him. We were barely speaking. We weren't touching at all. I fell asleep every night hugging the edge of the bed and crying quietly.

The first indication that he was acknowledging my anger came about over one of the dogs. He called one over, only to have it ignore him and walk in the opposite direction. Steve said it was mad at him, just like everyone else. Our daughter piped up that she wasn't mad at him. I didn't say a word.

A little later that day we went to a local spring carnival hosted by the recreation department. They had inflatables, games, pool fun and tons of other stuff to do. It was all free. The only thing they charged for was food and drinks.

Our daughter headed straight for her favorite thing, a room full of inflatables. We stood together watching her. Even though we were side by side, it was obvious that we were miles apart.

She kept trying to get him to join her, but he kept saying no, he would just watch. Finally she convinced him to try out one of the things with her. It was basically two side by side tunnels. You strap on this belt that has a bungee cord attached to the back and attempt to run on the bouncy floor and get further than your opponent. It's kind of hard to explain so I found a video for you.



There's something about a man making a fool out of himself for his kid that never fails to make me smile. The expression on Steve's face when he went as far as he could and that cord snapped him back made me laugh so hard I nearly peed myself. He kept trying, as did our daughter, until their time was up. By the time it was, I was laughing so hard I was having trouble catching my breath.

She moved on to another inflatable. While we were standing there, I noticed he kept looking across the room. Finally I turned to see what had his attention. It was a jousting inflatable. Basically it was two pedestals on top of a bouncy mat. You stand on the pedestals and use a big padded stick to try to knock your opponent off of their pedestal. Helmets were provided in case someone decided to smack you in the head. Here's a video so you can see what I'm talking about.



He said we should do it. We, as in me and him. I thought about it for a minute. I'll admit I was tempted. I mean how often do you get to whack the crap out of someone that you're upset with. I didn't want to hurt him, but it did seem like something that would let me work out some frustration. I asked if he really was going to stand there and let me smack him with that stick. He looked me right in the eye and said sure.

Something loosened inside of me. It's one thing to make a fool of himself for our daughter. But he was willing to make a fool of himself, standing there while I pummeled him in front of probably 200 people, just for me. He told me later he would have done anything just to make me smile again.

I leaned into him and his arms went around me. He said he was sorry he had messed things up so bad and that he had missed me. My eyes filled up and I turned my face into his chest to compose myself before our daughter or anyone else saw the tears. The carnival ended a few minutes later and we walked out hand in hand. Afterwards, we stopped at the grocery store for sandwich supplies and headed for the park where we had a family picnic.

Later that evening after our daughter was in bed, we finally sat down and talked for a long time. We haven't talked about the DD aspect yet, but we are talking about us again.

Saturday, May 11, 2013

Falling Apart

Love, respect and trust. These are the foundation of any relationship-marriage, DD or otherwise. When one of those is missing, a rift forms. Let untended, the rift can grow. As it grows, that foundation grows shakier until the whole thing comes tumbling down.

A rift can be repaired if you care enough to make the effort. But it's important to move fast to preserve the integrity of your foundation. Wait too long and the rift takes more effort to repair, if it's even possible.

A crack formed in our foundation when something was said that upset me. Rather than let a small thing cause a big problem., I chose to fix the crack myself. I let go of what was basically a tactless remark and let the memories of feeling loved, cherished and taken care of while dealing with my toothache heal the breach.

Another thing was said a day later. It wasn't simply a tactless remark or even something that I took the wrong way. It was deliberate and cut deep. That's one of the problems with growing so close. Your partner knows exactly where to strike to have the most impact.

I was hurt and angry. Once again, I tried to rise above it, but this time I didn't succeed. A rift formed. I withdrew behind the wall that was going up fast. He made no attempt to fix things. The one time I tried to talk to him, he shut me down hard, basically telling me he didn't do anything wrong and I was just being grumpy.

Then I found out something he had did behind my back. He didn't cheat, but the issue is something that I feel strongly about. We had talked about it before and he had swore he would never do it. And yet I found out he had.

The hurt and anger grew. So did the wall. So did the rift. I didn't even try to talk to him. I just withdrew even deeper. I didn't trust myself not to lash out so I started avoiding him, leaving the room whenever he came in.

I wasn't feeling loved or respected. I didn't feel too trusting. That has no place in DD. So I took it out of the equation. I bagged up all of our implements and headed out to the bin on the curb, knowing it was due to be picked up soon.

But I couldn't do it. Maybe it was my inner frugality rebelling against the thought of tossing items we had paid for with hard-earned money. Maybe it was the hope that he would see what was going on and attempt to fix things. Whatever it was, I brought the bag back inside, storing it away where it wouldn't be easily uncovered.

It was Wednesday when I set out for the curb with that bag. It took me two days to even get to the point where I decided to post about it. To be honest, I felt kind of weird posting that things had gone so wrong when I was just posting last week about how good they were. But while I could talk to my offline friends about us not getting along, I couldn't talk to them about being hurt enough to call a halt to DD. So I came here.

Friday, May 10, 2013

Cleaning

She entered the room with purpose, a garbage bag in her hand. Working quickly, she gathered each one from its resting place, tossing them on the bed as she went. When they were all assembled, she started.

The first few went in the bag quickly. The memory of their sting and that brief moment of panic whenever they appeared making it easy to discard of them.

Others were more difficult as they were awash with memories. The first one she bought him. One they had bought together. Another that had brought laughter. One that had been bought for him as a gift.

When the final one went into the bag, she took one last look around the room. Only one was missing and that couldn't be helped because it wasn't there to add to her collection. Then she took a deep breath and walked from the room, bag in hand.

Yes, I did. No, he doesn't know. At least I don't think he does. No, I'm not ready to talk about why yet.

Saturday, May 4, 2013

Not Quite What I Imagined

As our anniversary approached, I began making plans in my head. Since it fell during the week this year, I figured we probably wouldn't be able to do something on the actual day so I made arrangements for our daughter to go to her grandparents' house the weekend before our anniversary. I figured we'd exchange cards, go out for a nice dinner, do a little shopping at the adult store and then come home for a couple hours of playtime before we had to pick our daughter up.

That's not quite what happened. A raging toothache started a couple nights before our planned date. Steve was very sweet about it, taking over for me whenever possible so I could rest since the only relief I could get was when I took enough medicine to knock myself out. Some major misbehavior by our daughter on the day she was supposed to go to her grandparents' led to her getting grounded. Since I was in so much pain, I didn't even really mind that we were missing out on our evening out.

The toothache steadily worsened as the weekend wore on. By the time our anniversary actually arrived, the whole left side of my face was swollen like a chipmunk and I had taken so much medicine that I made myself sick.

I started trying to find a dentist even though I knew we couldn't really afford it. I called the place I usually go to, only to find out that they were no longer taking adult patients. I called the health department dental clinic because I knew they worked on a sliding scale. Despite multiple calls, I never could get ahold of anyone there.

I started working my way through the dentists listed in the phone book, but none had an opening for at least a week. None would call in pain medication or antibiotics without seeing me either. I called my regular doctor to see if she would prescribe them, but couldn't get through to her so I left a message with her nurse

When Steve returned home from taking our daughter to school, I was in tears. It shocked him because I have a very high tolerance for pain. I didn't even cry while I was in labor with our daughter. I asked him to take over calling because the swelling was making it difficult for people to understand me when I spoke. I forget how he responded, but it irritated me and I snapped at him before leaving the room to lay down with an icepack.

A few minutes later, he came in the bedroom and told me to get up. I thought I was in trouble over snapping at him and I was ready to do battle over it. Instead he told me to hurry up because he'd found a dentist willing to see me right away. While the dentist hadn't said they would pull the tooth, they had promised to do something to make me more comfortable.

Two hours later, I was on my way home with one less tooth, a numb face, a prescription for antibiotics and pain medication and a referral to a traveling free dental clinic for another tooth that wasn't causing me pain, but would need to be repaired in the near future. Steve dropped me off at the house, got me settled with an icepack and left to fill my prescriptions and get me something to eat.

About an hour later, he returned, doled out my medicine and then we sat down to our anniversary lunch. I had hot and sour soup from the local Chinese restaurant (the only thing I want when I don't feel well) and he had fast food.

While it wasn't quite the anniversary I pictured in my mind, I can't say it was necessarily a bad one. Steve has been great through the entire experience. He kept calling until he found a dentist willing to take me right away. He's babied me, fixing my meals, making sure I take my medications on time, taking over my normal duties as far as the household chores and taking care of our daughter, and even getting up in the middle of the night for an icepack when the pain returned and it was too early for another pain pill. Of all our anniversaries, this probably ranks as the one I have felt most loved and cherished.