Wednesday, June 26, 2013

Ghost Town

I haven't been writing lately because we really haven't had much going on to write about. I have, however, been following the storm of controversy that has followed a certain article. I've saw prolific blogs suddenly go silent. I've saw some go private or disappear completely. Our little community has become a bit of a ghost town these days.

I debated about going private as well. I've shared a very personal part of my life here on this blog. I've found a lot of support from those who "get it." I have even shared emails with some of you. I really didn't want to risk someone coming along as a result of that article (or the ones that have followed it) and ruining this wonderful place I've found here.

But then I got mad. Really mad. Why should I go hide? Why should I allow a group of small-minded people to run me off because they aren't willing to open their eyes and see that whether they agree with our way or not, it's our right to choose how we live our lives?

I'm not going anywhere.

If you've come to this blog because you're looking to bash some poor beat down woman that's too stupid to leave her abusive husband, you're not going to find that here. Like many of us that practice DD, I was the one to bring it to the table. I wasn't forced into it. I asked for it.

I didn't do it because I'm weak, have low self-esteem, want to satisfy a kink, have Daddy issues or I have a screw loose in my head. It's not something I jumped into blindly. I researched and thought about it for over a year before approaching my husband with the idea. I did it because I strongly believe that what works best for our relationship and our family is to have one person leading.

That doesn't mean I'm a doormat or my husband sits back issuing orders and expecting me to follow them. He takes his responsibility as leader of our family seriously. He never asks anything of me that he isn't willing to do himself.

We do have a child in the home and she knows nothing of our arrangement. We don't hide it from her because it's wrong or we're ashamed. We keep it behind closed doors because it is something personal between the two of us, just like sex. The only thing she sees is that we fight less, laugh more and are madly in love with each other.

We do have rules. It's not a huge list, just a few things we agreed on together and a few that he implemented on his own. The rules all serve a purpose. They're either for my own good, the good of our relationship or the good of our family. Some overlap. I may grumble about a rule occasionally, but I can't deny that the rules have helped. Take my bedtime rule. Now that I get to bed at a decent time most nights, I'm not as run-down and I have a lot less migraines.

Do I get spanked? Sometimes. My husband doesn't spank over every little offense and he doesn't spank over stupid stuff. If I burned dinner, he'd just help me air out the kitchen and ask if I want him to order pizza.

A spanking is usually because I've broken a rule. While I know it isn't going to be pleasant (after all that's the point), I also welcome it because I feel guilty, not only for letting him down, but also for letting myself down. The spanking allows me to release that guilt so I can move on instead of beating myself up over a mistake. It allows me to get forgiveness from him, but also forgive myself.

Domestic discipline is not abuse. Like I said before, I asked my husband for this. We've both consented to this and we both have the right to withdraw that consent at any time. I have no doubt that there are some that go too far or use domestic discipline as an excuse for abuse, but that's not the case with us and you shouldn't condemn an entire group just because there's a few bad apples.

Our relationship may be a bit different than yours or even miles apart from what you're used to, but it works for us. We respect your right to live your life as you choose. We only ask for the same courtesy in return.

24 comments:

  1. Well said, Dana, and I'm glad you've elected not to hide. I only became aware of it the other day and the effect it was having today, when I clicked a few links.

    I entered my relation ship with Ward this way, I looked for a man who wanted this kind of relationship, a man who had the qualities of a leader, a man who could teach our boys how to be a strong and honorable man. I too sought this out. I could not have settled for less.

    Our children know nothing more than Ward is the head of the household. They know that he is fair, and they know that our family has a high standard for ourselves inside the family, and in our community.

    If any of that is wrong... I don't want to be what they consider right.

    (((hugs)))

    ReplyDelete
  2. Thanks for sharing Dana! You've echoed my sentiments completely.

    Callie

    ReplyDelete
  3. Great post. I got mad too. I wasn't going to let fear keep me away. This is my place :)
    I asked for it too, like you did. My husband had no idea what I was saying, lol. He was terrified at first I think! But he was open and saw how it works for us :)
    You said it perfectly. It's how we choose to live our lives.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Thank you for your honest assessment of this awful situation. As a new blogger and a new DD spouse, I appreciate the honesty and forthright slant your post conveys. Thank you, Dana
    Meredith

    ReplyDelete
  5. Thanks. I don't post about spanking much, or DD - at least nowadays. At present I'm on a philosophical jag. I haven't read, and don't intend to read, that article. I am not shy of spanking my wife, though, and in the context of sex play she seems to like it, quite hard, too.

    Sound carries. So probably our teenage (17) son knows something about it. He hasn't said anything, nor have I, but he is very observant; I wouldn't be surprised if he some day decided that his very nice girl friend needed spanking, and did it. I had a girl friend once, she slapped my face and then suggested I retaliate. At that time I had no idea of DD, spanking for sex play or any suspicion that my girl would have appreciated being bent over the nearest gate (we were walking in the country) and soundly switched. There were other clues I missed, too. I would have found some education on the subject useful, I think.

    I also think that it is wise never to assume your child knows nothing of what you think you are keeping private.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Right now our daughter is pretty young and spankings are carried out while she's asleep or out of the house so I feel pretty confident in believing that she isn't aware of it. Obviously once she gets older, we'll have to make some adjustments.

      Delete
  6. Hi Dana,

    Good for you for electing not to hide! This is such a great post, very well said!

    Hugs,
    Roz

    ReplyDelete
  7. So true and I agree completely. Thanks for stating what so many are thinking...

    ReplyDelete
  8. Hi Dana, I agree with everything you said. It was my idea too, he took a bit of persuading but now, life is good and I couldn't be further from an abused wife,
    love Jan,xx

    ReplyDelete
  9. It's a sexual fetish. Nothing wrong with that.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. While we don't consider it a sexual fetish, Anonymous, we appreciate that fact that you're open to the idea that some people might choose to live their lives differently than others and there's nothing wrong with that. Thanks for commenting.

      Delete
  10. I'm not the same anonymous, but it IS a sexual fetish. It doesn't matter how you choose to view it, it is what it is. You claim not to be ashamed, but you are, otherwise you'd admit to it.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. A sexual fetish is where someone is turned on by something (an object, situation, etc). Sorry to burst your bubble, but that's not the case here. I am not the least bit aroused by getting spanked for punishment. Sex is the last thing on my mind while I'm being spanked.

      As for being ashamed, I have nothing to be ashamed of because I'm not doing anything wrong. By your logic, I could say that you claim to not be a judgmental ass, but you are, otherwise you'd admit it.

      Thanks for commenting and please don't come again.

      Delete
  11. Oh Dana... Thank you for not going away. Thank you for taking a stand. This has been such a rough time and with everything going on, I was worried this would indeed be a ghost town. My hope through all of this is that maybe our community will grow because those that felt alone in their ttwd journey will know that they are not. This is such a loving, supportive group of wonderful people and I'm proud to be a part of it.
    Thanks for sticking around. (((hugs)))

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks lilmisses. I'm proud to be part of our little community as well.

      Delete
  12. Thank You for staying and sharing your stories with us , I am new to DD so I am thankful to find information and other woman to chat with , Your right know one has any business judging us this our life not theirs !!!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks KelliGirl and welcome. It's wonderful having others to talk to and get advice from, especially people that don't judge.

      Delete

We love to hear what you think, but please be polite.