I haven't been writing lately because we really haven't had much going on to write about. I have, however, been following the storm of controversy that has followed a certain article. I've saw prolific blogs suddenly go silent. I've saw some go private or disappear completely. Our little community has become a bit of a ghost town these days.
I debated about going private as well. I've shared a very personal part of my life here on this blog. I've found a lot of support from those who "get it." I have even shared emails with some of you. I really didn't want to risk someone coming along as a result of that article (or the ones that have followed it) and ruining this wonderful place I've found here.
But then I got mad. Really mad. Why should I go hide? Why should I allow a group of small-minded people to run me off because they aren't willing to open their eyes and see that whether they agree with our way or not, it's our right to choose how we live our lives?
I'm not going anywhere.
If you've come to this blog because you're looking to bash some poor beat down woman that's too stupid to leave her abusive husband, you're not going to find that here. Like many of us that practice DD, I was the one to bring it to the table. I wasn't forced into it. I asked for it.
I didn't do it because I'm weak, have low self-esteem, want to satisfy a kink, have Daddy issues or I have a screw loose in my head. It's not something I jumped into blindly. I researched and thought about
it for over a year before approaching my husband with the idea. I did it because I strongly believe that what works best for our relationship and our family is to have one person leading.
That doesn't mean I'm a doormat or my husband sits back issuing orders and expecting me to follow them. He takes his responsibility as leader of our family seriously. He never asks anything of me that he isn't willing to do himself.
We do have a child in the home and she knows nothing of our arrangement. We don't hide it from her because it's wrong or we're ashamed. We keep it behind closed doors because it is something personal between the two of us, just like sex. The only thing she sees is that we fight less, laugh more and are madly in love with each other.
We do have rules. It's not a huge list, just a few things we agreed on
together and a few that he implemented on his own. The rules all serve a
purpose. They're either for my own good, the good of our relationship
or the good of our family. Some overlap. I may grumble about a rule
occasionally, but I can't deny that the rules have helped. Take my
bedtime rule. Now that I get to bed at a decent time most nights, I'm
not as run-down and I have a lot less migraines.
Do I get spanked? Sometimes. My husband doesn't spank over every little offense and he doesn't spank over stupid stuff. If I burned dinner, he'd just help me air out the kitchen and ask if I want him to order pizza.
A spanking is usually because I've broken a rule. While I know it isn't going to be pleasant (after all that's the point), I also welcome it because I feel guilty, not only for letting him down, but also for letting myself down. The spanking allows me to release that guilt so I can move on instead of beating myself up over a mistake. It allows me to get forgiveness from him, but also forgive myself.
Domestic discipline is not abuse. Like I said before, I asked my husband for this. We've both consented to this and we both have the right to withdraw that consent at any time. I have no doubt that there are some that go too far or use domestic discipline as an excuse for abuse, but that's not the case with us and you shouldn't condemn an entire group just because there's a few bad apples.
Our relationship may be a bit different than yours or even miles apart from what you're used to, but it works for us. We respect your right to live your life as you choose. We only ask for the same courtesy in return.