These past couple weeks have been crazy. It seems like I've been running constantly trying to stay on top of everything. We've had birthday parties, company, a new baby in the family (not mine) and a ton of other stuff going on. It seems like every time I sit down to check up on Blogland, someone needs me for something and I never manage to get too far with my reading or updating.
But today is a special day so I'm carving out time for this post. Today marks one year since I first worked up the nerve to talk to Steve about domestic discipline and started us on this journey. It's been a bit of a bumpy ride at times, but the changes it has brought to us and our relationship make it all worth it. I can't imagine ever going back to the way things were before and neither can he.
I loved Stormy's post about her first year in review so I'm borrowing the idea.
Our Year in Review
Just getting started and feeling our way. I get my first spanking. While I'm impressed he stepped up, the spanking is surprisingly easy to take. We do a lot of talking about where we want our marriage to go. A few rules are set.
"Umm, hon, I think you need to spank a little harder if you want to get your point across."
We decide a clean slate spanking is needed for the past. Steve learns how to spank effectively. We have a fun weekend helping me find submission. I struggle with feelings of isolation and turn more to my blog for feedback from people that understand. More rules are added. Role affirmation begins.
"Ok, forget what I said about needing to spank harder. That hurts!"
Losing my grandmother hits me hard and DD takes a backseat. Steve struggles to help me deal with my emotions and keep us on track. I learn to lean on him.
"I can't deal with this right now."
Steve proposes a break until I'm back to normal. I turn him down. I realize I need the structure of DD. Things start getting back to normal. Date night gets derailed, but a later attempt goes better. I open up about the fact that sometimes I need a spanking to relieve tension and built up emotions. We get a new implement.
"Do we really need so many implements?"
I get two weeks of freedom while sick. Steve realizes the need for consistency. I dig in my heels and he does too. I get spanked for several days in a row because I refuse to let go of my stubbornness. He wins. I inadvertently give him a scare. I make the mistake of buying him another implement, a move I quickly regret. We realize I have buns of steel when I break the new implement.
"I didn't mean I wanted to call off DD."
I break two more implements. Steve tells me to order a cane. Spanking is on hold while I recover from shingles. Growing pains. He's getting more consistent and I'm still fighting it. I realize that I've been fighting to maintain control all along. I confess to it and open up about the wall I've put up. We have our first fight since beginning DD. Things are rough for a couple days, but we come through it having learned a valuable lesson in communication.
"When I showed you that site, I didn't mean for you to look at everything they had, just the one thing I was showing you."
Still struggling with not sneaking back control, but it's getting easier. The wall finally comes down. We do a lot of talking about how things were in the past and where we both want to see us going in the future. The dreaded cane arrives. We manage to stay on track without spanking while we battle the flu. Steve hits a major growth spurt in the final days of the year.
"I'm too sick to get in trouble."
A month of major growth for both of us. Both of our protective instincts go into overdrive when family members threaten our happiness. I confess to gambling on his inconsistency then up the ante by betting him he can't stay consistent. He wins the bet and I learn a surprising lesson in grace. A little research turns up a surprising benefit of spanking. He helps me handle a stressful situation without a single spanking.
"This gives new meaning to the phrase whipping someone into shape."
A scare early in the month brings us closer together. I manage to make it nearly three weeks without getting in trouble even without role affirmation. Steve makes a change to role affirmation. I decide to set a small goal of making it a month punishment-free.
"See? I can stay out of trouble."
A bumpy month. I come to a realization about role affirmation, but it doesn't stop me from spiraling without it. As the month nears the end, Steve implements daily role affirmation to get me back on track with weekly role affirmation to follow as soon as he thinks I'm where I need to be.
"I'm going to get spanked every day?!"
Daily role affirmation turns out to be not so daily. We hit a bit of a slump where DD seems to disappear, but manage to find out way back to each other. I get a toothache that leads to me spending the morning of our wedding anniversary in a dentist chair, but Steve's attention and care makes it a nice day anyway.
"The holidays hate me."
Things go downhill for a bit. Hurt and anger lead me to gather all of our implements and throw them away. Thankfully I change my mind, but they do get hidden away for a while. We do a lot of talking about us and eventually about DD. We make some changes and start anew.
"We really need to work on our communication skills."