Tuesday, September 10, 2013

A New Tactic

In the time since we implemented domestic discipline into our relationship, Steve has taken several tactics to deal with me when I get upset over something.

It's not a tactic he uses very often, but sometimes he just gives me a little space to work through my anger.


This approach is hit and miss. If it's a minor upset or I'm upset over something not related to him or our relationship, it will work. I spend a little time alone thinking and then I go talk to him about what's going on inside my head. If I'm really upset at him though, him giving me time alone to think (and build walls) is a very bad idea.

Sometimes he'll just talk to me. He may talk about what's going on that has me upset. He may talk about how my mood is affecting us. If I'm really pushing my luck, he may talk about how I'm going to end up bare bottom over his knee in the near future if things don't turn around.


As with space, this one can be hit and miss. If I'm in the right frame of mind to be open to what he's saying, a talk will usually do the trick. If I'm not, anything he says goes in one ear and out the other. On occasion, talking has backfired because he upset me even more with something he said.

Occasionally he'll spend some one on one time with me. He'll arrange for someone to watch our daughter so we can just be alone. We might stay home and just watch a movie. We might go out. We might see how far we can make it through the Kama Sutra before our time is up.


Since he only uses this tactic when I'm upset over not getting some alone time together, it always works. Once I get that one on one time, I'm over my mood and we can move forward.

It usually isn't his first line of attack against a mood, but if all else fails or I get really out of hand, he spanks. Sometimes a few swats is all that's needed. Sometimes more is necessary.


This one almost always does the trick. It's very rare that I come up from a spanking madder than I was before it. If I do, I usually end up going another round pretty quickly.

Between being in a funk and all the stress about a house lately, I haven't been myself for a few weeks. Steve tried several of his tactics, some more than once, but it just wasn't working. Then over the weekend, something happened that just put me over the limit and I was mad at nearly everyone. So he surprised me by trying something new.

After breakfast yesterday morning, he told me to go get my gun and meet him in the living room. I did and when I came back, he had the other guns and several boxes of ammo. We went outside to the truck where he loaded everything up..

Then we took off to the house of a friend that lives nearby but more out in the country than we are. Once we arrived, he set up targets, gave me a quick refresher (it had been a while since I shot anything) and then he let me go.


An hour and several shredded targets later, I had ran through every bit of ammo he had brought for my gun and part of the ammo he'd brought for the shotgun. And, to my surprise, I felt great. No stress. No ticked off at the world feeling. Just a blessed relaxed peace.

I doubt this tactic is anything you'd ever find on a website about domestic discipline, but it worked. And it had the added benefit of showing Steve that if, God forbid, someone is stupid enough to break into our house when I'm home alone, I can defend myself.

Once the stress was gone and I was calmer, we finally talked. We both agreed that a lot of the stress is coming from Steve's dad. While we understand that him cosigning means him accepting responsibility for our home loan if we can't make it on our own, he's using the offer to cosign as leverage to interfere in stuff that's none of his business. Stuff like where we choose to live, how many cars we have and whether or not I continue being a stay at home mom.

So even though it means putting our dreams of buying a house on hold for a bit, we've decided not to go that route. Instead we're going to do it ourselves, either by finding someone willing to owner-finance or by continuing to save and work on Steve's credit so we can qualify for a loan without any help. We still have two years left on our lease so it's not like we have to move right now anyway.

After our talk, the day got even better. Steve took me shopping to buy more ammo so we could go shooting again. When we got back home, he got a phone call from a friend about a car. We don't really need another car (we already have a car and two trucks), but this was an amazing once in a lifetime deal on a car I've always wanted.

Since he knew I didn't want to raid our house fund to get it, he asked if I would give him a chance to do some bargaining. I said okay and he left to see what he could work out. An hour later, I got a phone call saying the car was mine and it didn't cost us a dime. He managed to work out a trade on some other stuff. We are going to have to put a little bit of money into some minor repairs for it, but considering what the car is worth if we later decide to sell it, it's worth it.

It sounds bad, but I'm actually looking forward to telling my father-in-law that not only do we not want his help in getting a house, but we also got another car, a completely frivolous sports car at that.

16 comments:

  1. I don't think it sounds bad at all that you are looking forward to telling him.

    *evil laugh*

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. When I told Steve that I was looking forward to it, he said my smile was pure evil. LOL

      Delete
  2. I think it is right for you guys to tell him you won't be taking his money. Offers to help does not mean they get to gain control of your life. I am sorry that you were under so much stress. And GO STEVE for thinking of a way to help you destress! And without a sore bottom! I think that should be put in the DD books. ;) Sounds like a great way to spend an afternoon hanging out together too! :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks Es May. That's one thing I can say about Steve. He isn't afraid to try something out of the box. It was a great afternoon.

      Delete
  3. Hi Dana, :)

    Very creative of Steve to think of a way for you to work through your stress, in an activity that you both could get out and have fun doing together! Nice! It's not always about the spanking, ya know? Glad that you are feeling better! Hugs to you,

    <3 Katie

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks Katie. It was nice being able to get rid of all the stress and moodiness without a spanking.

      Delete
  4. I really like your blog!
    2 yrs is a good amount of time to get your credit together. Do it on your own!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks and welcome to the blog anonymous.

      Delete
  5. Hi Dana, I'm sorry you have been under so much stress and so glad that Steve found a way to help you release that stress. That was very creative, not to mention smart on his part. I love that he tries different approaches to help you when you are stressed.

    It sounds as though you had a wonderful day together and it also allowed you to talk things through. It sounds as though you have made the right decision not taking his Dad's help to buy a house.

    Hugs,
    Roz

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks Roz. I'm glad it worked too because we're back on steadier ground. When we're both stressed, it's hard on both of us. I think taking his dad out of the equation will help the stress levels immensely.

      Delete
  6. Well, I can certainly understand why that helped! It could become rather expensive though, what with the price of ammo these days. ;)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That's what Steve said. Thankfully the ammo for my gun isn't too bad.

      Delete
  7. Got a very creative man there Dana! So happy Steve knows you so well and knows what works. I go out in the backyard and shoot when I get frustrated...it really does help! :D

    BTW...don't think you are actually putting your dream of home ownership on hold...you are still working towards that but want to do it yourselves. That way, you can get exactly what you want, where you want! ;)

    Sending lots of positive energy your way.

    Blessings,
    Cat

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. He's definitely creative Cat. It certainly helped me work off some of my frustration.

      Delete
  8. well, I guess shooting the crap out of something is ONE way to deal with life...better then shooting your mouth off lol.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Absolutely. Having to buy more ammo is a lot less painful than ending up OTK for the second or third time in a week.

      Delete

We love to hear what you think, but please be polite.