Friday, November 29, 2013

Stitching Together Harmony

I recently got back into sewing. It's something I dabbled with in my youth, even entering a few sewing competitions, but I hadn't sewn in years aside from minor repairs. A few weeks ago, I got a new sewing machine. I pondered for a bit on what my first project was going to be and finally settled on curtains for our daughter's room since we couldn't seem to find the right curtains at the right price.

I did a little searching and found a tutorial online complete with pictures. The directions seemed pretty simple. I thought it would be fairly easy for my initial foray back into sewing. But like most things that appear simple on the surface, it wasn't.

First there was the matter of getting everything straight. Despite measuring carefully and double-checking before I cut, I still cut crooked. So I had to keep going back to even things up.

Then there was the ironing. I started to iron, taking great care to avoid burning my finger. I got it anyway, which required a break to visit my aloe for first aid. A couple breaks if you want the full truth. And then I managed to jab my finger a few times while pinning the fabric.

Once I got everything prepared, I figured I was home free. Just sew along my carefully pressed and pinned hems. Finally it was time to sew. The pedal was a little temperamental. At first, it went extremely slow. I began to wonder if I was ever going to get done at this rate. Then it took off like a jackrabbit. It took a bit of trial and error before I found the right speed, one that wouldn't take all day to sew and wouldn't sew my finger to the fabric.

Domestic discipline is a lot like my little sewing project. On the surface, it seems simple enough. One person makes the rules. One person follows them. There are consequences for not following rules. You grown closer. And you live happily ever after.

But DD is more complex than it initially appears. If things aren't going smoothly, you might have to make adjustments here and there for things to work out right. That might mean dropping a punishment option that triggers a bad reaction or submitting to a rule that you don't like because it's important to your HoH.

Sometimes no matter how careful you both are, there may be some pain. Opening up and giving your HoH your trust makes you vulnerable. An innocent-sounding remark may hit harder than it was intended. For the submissive part of the equation, that means letting your partner know if they inadvertently hurt you instead of withdrawing behind a wall. For the HoH, that means paying close attention to your partner's emotional state and recognizing that while that may not have been your intent, it did cause harm.

Finally, be aware that it may take some trial and error to find the right pace for your relationship. When starting out, especially if you're the one that brought DD to your partner, you may be wanting to move at a faster pace than your partner. Or after going for a while, you may find that your HoH is moving faster than you are comfortable with.

Be patient. It takes time to find the right pace. Even once you find the right pace for now, don't be surprised if it changes in the future. What works for you right now might not necessarily work a month or year from now. It isn't a race; it's a journey.

Last but not least, don't think of domestic discipline as a quick fix bandaid for your problems. It takes time and effort to get things right. You have to be willing to do the work to get the benefits. It may be hard at times, but it's all worth it in the end.

And if you're curious about how my curtains turned out, they came out great. Our daughter loved them. Steve is in awe of my mad sewing skills. I was so thrilled with my success that I decided to use the leftover fabric to make matching throw pillows, which also came out great. Now that I've got the sewing bug again, I'm already planning more projects. Next up is a baby blanket for my youngest niece.

12 comments:

  1. Congratulations Dana on regaining your mad sewing skills! It is so sweet that you can give your daughter such lovely gifts like that.

    Love your analogy and so very true! Thanks for sharing!

    Blessings...
    Cat

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks Cat. She's thrilled with them and I love that I was able to do it for her.

      Delete
  2. Very neat about the sewing project and curtains, Dana!! :) I bet that your daughter is thrilled!

    I like your analogy as well. I think that patience is a big part of it all!

    Have fun making the baby blanket! Many hugs,

    <3 Katie

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks Katie. She is. I'm hoping to get the baby blanket done by Christmas so I can give it as a present.

      Delete
  3. Pretty soon you will be sewing fancy dresses! I love the analogy!
    Kim

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. The way out daughter grows, being able to sew clothing will be a blessing. I swear she outgrows clothes as fast as I buy them.

      Delete
  4. Hey Dana, good on you for regaining the sewing bug. I'm glad your project was a success and that your daughter loved the curtains :)

    This is a great post and I love the analogy. You raise some very good points. I love what you said about pace, I think often we feel our pace is mismatched to our partner. It's about finding the balance that is right for you both and you are right too, that pace does change from time to time.

    Hugs,
    Roz

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks Roz. I definitely could relate to the difference in pace. At first, Steve moved soooo slow and I wanted to move faster. Then he started moving fast and I was saying slow down.

      Delete
  5. This is such a great post.

    First, I respect anyone who can use one of those blasted machines and make the end result look good. I tried once and ruined fabric. Never tried again.

    Besides, it's such a great metaphor/analogy.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks Anastasia. It's definitely an acquired skill. Thankfully when I was learning how to sew years ago, I had an amazing teacher

      Delete
  6. Dana, isn't that all just the truth? And I loved how you put your plans into how DD works, no matter how much prep work, we still have to adjust, in the beginning and even in the end. So glad that you impressed Steve, doesn't that feel great!!! :) I love it when I impress the Duke. :)

    {{{hugs}}} EsMay

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks EsMay. He kept saying how proud of me he was. He even showed the curtains off to our friends when we had them over for Thanksgiving. It was nice.

      Delete

We love to hear what you think, but please be polite.