Monday, November 18, 2013

Stuck on a Speed Bump

Back when I was in college, I was terribly homesick. I had just got engaged (to a guy previous to Steve) and I hated being away from him so every Friday after class, I would set out on the 4 hour trip home. Then I would attempt to cram as much time with him and my friends in before making the 4 hour trip back on Sunday night.

It was a lot of driving and a lot of wear and tear on my car. So it came as no surprise when something broke on it. One Sunday evening when I was returning to college, I started over one of the many speed bumps on campus and my CV joint fell out. I didn't realize what had happened at first. I just knew that no matter how much I pushed the gas, my car wasn't moving. Campus security showed up a few minutes later, diagnosed the problem and pushed me and my car into a nearby parking lot.

I feel like that's where we're at these days. We had been going along just great coming away from our amazing child-free weekend and we've stalled out. Just like back in college when I didn't know what had caused me to stop on that speed bump, I'm not completely sure why we're stuck now.

Coming off of that weekend, I was floating on a submissive high. Suddenly keeping my tongue in check was easy, things were getting done and staying out of trouble seemed effort-less. I barely even noticed that Steve skipped role affirmation that week.

He skipped it the second week as well. But things were starting to unravel. That submissive high was beginning to dissipate. My tongue started flexing a little. Snappy poked her head out and looked around. By the end of the week, I suggested to Steve that it might not have been a good idea to skip role affirmation two weeks in a row.

Week three it all went downhill. He skipped role affirmation yet again without saying why. After her vacation, Snappy was raring to go so I let her. I'm a bit shocked at the things she's said lately. She even said something majorly disrespectful in front of someone else the other morning.

Spankings have been threatened more than once, but not followed through. Meanwhile Snappy's going wild. Buttons are getting pushed. Submission has flown the coop. And I'm feeling majorly disconnected.

Steve has backed off and I'm not sure why. He isn't talking about it. I've been trying to give him some space to work it out, but it doesn't seem to be helping. And I'm left feeling just like I did years ago when my poor little car got stuck on that speed bump. I know something isn't right, but I'm not sure what it is. But I do know that until we diagnose the problem and do something about it, we're not going to be moving forward.

13 comments:

  1. Hi Dana,

    Sounds like it's been frustrating for both of you. I wonder if a time-out might help, to push the "pause" button on your dynamic? Sometimes when we have expectations for ourselves and others, we find it's hard to accept how they act in real life. Maybe if you didn't have the pressure of having to be "submissive" or for Steve to be (whatever you call it) "dominant," you might feel less frustration. Sometimes we push so hard that it makes things more difficult.

    At any rate, I hope you'll find a way to work through this speed bump. Best of luck.

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    1. Thanks Anastasia. I'll definitely give it some thought.

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  2. Tell him you need your spanking quota. DD takes two people, so I think that it is okay to let your husband know what you need. A spanking can clear the air for both of you. I hope Snappy gets lost soon.

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    1. Thanks Blondie. I've thought about just asking for a spanking, but have held back. I know he'll spank me if I ask, but nine times out of ten, it's not the spanking that's needed. If that makes sense.

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    2. I would say that I absolutely understand what you mean. It took Ty awhile to figure it all out. Now he finally can sense when a spanking is needed. I remember being so frustrated. An asked spanking is different than a noticed needed spanking

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  3. You know this happened here, sorta recently. I think at least in our case this is what happened- first off the submissive high spanking/weekend almost ALWAYS results in a disappointment later for me, ( not a sub drop) but no matter how hard I try to wrap my head around it the next time we venture into spanking, it is meh ( I know you haven't been spanked which brings me to Barney). After his HOHy day things were great between us for quite some time. He had promised r/a and did follow through, but neither of us really needed it. It was a bust. Why? well for me the reason I mentioned above AND because it was like being spanked with a wet noodle. His heart wasn't in it. There was no conviction behind it. He himself, didn't realize the issue until we discussed it later. R/a is fine for every normal day stuff, but when things are good, really good, then he looses his mojo.
    Flash forward to being feisty. There are threats, but no follow through, and feisty becomes disrespectful, and his mojo disappears even further but for different reasons.

    Blah, blah, blah Willie. My suggestion? First I agree with Blondie, but I also think you need to find your way to be soft again. I know that Snappy will still most likely be around, but what about acts of service to start? Finding respect in doing things until you can control your tongue. You may start to build his dominance 'snowball' if you start the roll on your own.

    Good luck lady....hopefully we will be like your security guards that helped push you over your speed bump! wink
    willie

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    1. Thanks Willie. I think you hit the nail on the head with the losing mojo thing. The problem is the more he loses his mojo, the more I spiral. I will try to talk to him about it and I'll see what softening I can do on my own.

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  4. Hi Dana, I don't know what it is but there really does seem to be a ebb and flow for both of us in our dominance and submission. I'm sorry you have hit a speed bump. Try feeding his dominance by small acts of submission as Willie said and talking to him.

    I hope things get back on track for you soon.

    Hugs,
    Roz

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  5. Dana,

    I agree with many of the commenters on here who mentioned doing acts of submission toward him without him asking. As a specific idea, perhaps as an act of submission you could tell him something along the lines of "Tonight I want to make your sexual dreams come true" - and do just that, as far as you are able and know how.

    Sometimes us men can also get ourselves into a funk, though usually this manifests itself through being cold and calloused toward our woman. If you offer yourself to him in this way I think it will have a positive impact on him, without you having to nag him or tell him overtly what you need. It sounds like maybe he KNOWS what you need, but doesn't feel like he's in the right frame of mind to give it to you. Perhaps sex will change that.

    Just a thought.

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    1. Thanks foothills. It's always nice to get a male view. I will definitely give that one a shot.

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  6. Hope you guys get everything figured out.
    Hugs,
    elle

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