Last night I was supposed to get a spanking. I had a pretty good idea it was going to happen even before he mentioned it earlier in the day. After almost two years in this lifestyle, you tend to recognize when you've crossed the line or pushed a particular button one too many times.
But it didn't happen. When we first started this lifestyle, he always had to put the dog out because he is pretty protective of me and would interfere with a spanking. Over time, we've learned that if we wait until he's sleeping under the blanket, he stays out of the way unless I start getting loud. So we laid there for a while watching TV until the dog went to sleep under the blanket.
Then Steve asked if I was ready. Something in his voice must have alerted the dog because he promptly crawled out of the blanket and laid down on Steve's chest. When Steve nudged him off of his chest, he crawled back under the blanket, but nudged up beside me, leaving his head hanging out so he could keep an eye on things. I have to admit I cracked up at his actions.
Now Steve could have just put him out of the bedroom, but he didn't. Instead, he decided to try to wait the dog out. Needless to say, the dog won. We both fell asleep before he did.
This morning Steve mentioned the spanking that didn't happen. I thought he was going to tell me he would make up for tonight, but he surprised me. He asked me if I had wrote about what happened last night. It surprised me because he's never really asked that before.
He has known about this blog from the very start. From time to time I'll read one of my posts to him or mention a comment someone made on one, but as far as I now, he has never read here.
While he's never really said anything one way or another, I always assumed he looked on this blog as my personal space and a place where I interact with friends. Just like he wouldn't listen in on a phone conversation with an offline friend, he doesn't peek over my shoulder here.
Now he has me wondering if he's subtly asking me to open up to him. I know he could just read what I write himself or insist I read him my posts, but he doesn't. Perhaps this is his way of asking if I'm okay with him doing it.
I'm surprised to find that I have mixed feelings about this. Yes, there have been times when I wished he did read here so he would know what was going on in my head without me actually having to speak the words. It might have made some of our bumpy patches a little smoother if he had saw what I wrote.
On the other hand, there's a freedom in being able to write whatever pops in my head without wondering what he might think of what I wrote. There are times when I sit down to write and it's just a purge of everything I'm thinking or feeling at the time. It's not until after I get it all out, sort through it, mix it up, toss some of it out and tweak the rest that I'm ready to go to him to talk.
So I'm throwing the question out to you guys. I know there are some of you that write together with your HoH, some that write with the knowledge that your HoH is reading and some that have HoHs that aren't aware that you even have a blog about this lifestyle.
What are the pros and cons?