Tuesday, January 21, 2014

Did You Write About That?

Last night I was supposed to get a spanking. I had a pretty good idea it was going to happen even before he mentioned it earlier in the day. After almost two years in this lifestyle, you tend to recognize when you've crossed the line or pushed a particular button one too many times.

But it didn't happen. When we first started this lifestyle, he always had to put the dog out because he is pretty protective of me and would interfere with a spanking. Over time, we've learned that if we wait until he's sleeping under the blanket, he stays out of the way unless I start getting loud. So we laid there for a while watching TV until the dog went to sleep under the blanket.

Then Steve asked if I was ready. Something in his voice must have alerted the dog because he promptly crawled out of the blanket and laid down on Steve's chest.  When Steve nudged him off of his chest, he crawled back under the blanket, but nudged up beside me, leaving his head hanging out so he could keep an eye on things. I have to admit I cracked up at his actions.

Now Steve could have just put him out of the bedroom, but he didn't. Instead, he decided to try to wait the dog out. Needless to say, the dog won. We both fell asleep before he did.

This morning Steve mentioned the spanking that didn't happen. I thought he was going to tell me he would make up for tonight, but he surprised me. He asked me if I had wrote about what happened last night. It surprised me because he's never really asked that before.

He has known about this blog from the very start. From time to time I'll read one of my posts to him or mention a comment someone made on one, but as far as I now, he has never read here.

While he's never really said anything one way or another, I always assumed he looked on this blog as my personal space and a place where I interact with friends. Just like he wouldn't listen in on a phone conversation with an offline friend, he doesn't peek over my shoulder here.

Now he has me wondering if he's subtly asking me to open up to him. I know he could just read what I write himself or insist I read him my posts, but he doesn't. Perhaps this is his way of asking if I'm okay with him doing it.

I'm surprised to find that I have mixed feelings about this. Yes, there have been times when I wished he did read here so he would know what was going on in my head without me actually having to speak the words. It might have made some of our bumpy patches a little smoother if he had saw what I wrote.

On the other hand, there's a freedom in being able to write whatever pops in my head without wondering what he might think of what I wrote. There are times when I sit down to write and it's just a purge of everything I'm thinking or feeling at the time. It's not until after I get it all out, sort through it, mix it up, toss some of it out and tweak the rest that I'm ready to go to him to talk.

So I'm throwing the question out to you guys. I know there are some of you that write together with your HoH, some that write with the knowledge that your HoH is reading and some that have HoHs that aren't aware that you even have a blog about this lifestyle.

What are the pros and cons?


  1. I've always discussed my blog with my husband since I value his opinion on the security of it and, since I'm talking about him, I wanted to make sure he's comfortable with it. I showed him the first couple of posts before I published, but now I'm pretty sure he never reads it. He keeps a professional blog and we've joked about guest posting on each other's blogs.

    I would go with whatever feels right to you and what you need from your blog. Those needs may change over time. I think there are a dozen ways to handle it so long as it is not a hindrance to your marriage.

  2. Dana,
    Great question! Jack reads my blog sometimes. He has written two posts. He has had me correct posts. He has told me to write posts that I have been unwilling to post. Because the blog is about us, he has some say. It is a difficult call.

  3. My Love know about my blog and has from basically the beginning. He has the URL saved and can have access whenever he wants...he just told me he read ever blog again recently and every comment, but for the most part he doesn't read my blog often and I'm trying really hard to write what I want openly without his voice in my head. ;)

  4. I chose to tell my hubby that I started my blog in December when we started officially moving ahead with DD lifestyle. I didn't want to keep anything from him. What I post here good or bad is "me" He has full access. Whether he reads every entry on his own or not, I'm not sure. If I think there is something of value I will mention it. He is not much of a reader or a writer so I doubt he would ever comment. One never knows though.

  5. My husband knows about my blog and before my blogging hiatus would ask me if I have written anything, though he can usually see when I am in writing mode.

    One time, I took it down because I didn't think I had anything valuable to offer the community - we were arguing a lot and don't practice DD or even ttwd the way most of you do.

    He noticed and texted me, asking why my blog was down. So I guess he checked in more than I thought. :)

    One good thing about this - I write when I am ready, he reads when he can concentrate, and we talk about the posts when we have time without kids.

    Just two days ago I blogged again. He was sleeping and I haven't told him because I would like to get a few posts up and find my way here again. Then he can read when he wants to, and we will go from there.

    This works for us. :)

    Elisa xo

  6. Hi Dana, Rick knows about my blog and has always taken an interest and been very supportive of my blogging.

    He does read and approve every post before it is published and reads a lot of the comments. We have actually found it to be a great tool in our relationship as it gives him an insight into my thoughts/feelings etc. It is also the catalyst for having those necessary conversations.

    There have been the odd occasion that I have wanted to write something but have been unsure how he will react, given that he reads every post. However, this has resulted in me opening up and discussing it with him first.


  7. Hi Dana,
    Barney has been reading my blog from the very beginning. I have never once edited what I have written - feelings wise, because I knew he was going to read it. I would probably say I delve deeper BECAUSE he is going to read it. I have to say sometimes what he pulls from my posts ( or any others I send him) can be completely different than what I did. We always have good discussions, ( although not always easy ones) because of my posts.

    He has said to me before, " Wow I look really bad in this post. But what can I say? I said/did those things" or my favourite, " Do you ever notice how the HOH's don't ever seem to have any negative comments? " ( I tried to explain to him that adding fuel to the fire doesn't help anyone THAT is why we don't attack other HoHys...NOT because we think they don't deserve it at times ...*wink*)

    All in all for *us* blogging/reading has been a fantastic tool to add to ttwd/Dd between Barney and I. You have always portrayed Steve in a rational light. I can't recall a time where I read that you were 'bad mouthing him'. Certainly there were times where his actions were difficult for you, but that is not the same thing as putting down your husband. The main thing I would suggest is to think about how Steve would interpret these times, if he read them in print. Barney is fairly objective, so it hasn't bothered him beyond the point that I mentioned above.

    Good luck figuring out what you would like to do here.

  8. Dana,

    My wife and I both blog, and both have free access to reading each other's posts. Although we practice DD and she submits to me, there has never been an issue with us sharing our minds on the blog. Sometimes she likes what I do, sometimes she doesn't, but she knows she has free reign to blog about it.

    There is an unspoken rule between us that we won't tear down each other in a post, even if we might be criticizing certain actions or attitudes.

    So far, none of this has caused any real tension. Although there are some potential dangers or difficulties, us both blogging honestly about the triumphs and challenges of our DD life has brought about so many positive things. We haven't regretted it yet.

  9. For me there have been no cons to Michael reading my blog. He has read every single post. He understands that it's my place to work things out and share things and treats it as such. I've always said that if he ever didn't want me to post something or if he wanted me to take something down I would. But he has never asked that of me.

    The pros have been many. It's been a great communication tool for us. There have been plenty of conversations started because of something I wrote about. It has also helped Michael understand where I'm coming from, what I'm thinking, how I'm feeling, etc.

    Yes, I write with the knowledge that Michael will read it, but there are many things I keep in mind when I'm writing. I really don't think I'd write much differently if no one ever read it though. *shrug*

  10. It was such a hard decision for me whether or not to include Colin in my blog. At first I wanted to write just for me. Something that couldn't be judged or commented on by him. A place to vent freely. Then I realized that I really wanted him to be a part of it. I wanted his opinion, his thoughts, his feedback. There are times when I wish I could just vent on here without him reading it, but there are many more times that I'm glad he does.

    Don't rush the decision. Really think about it, and do what's best for you. :)

  11. I never let myself think while writing a post that the Duke will be reading it, I just write how I feel, what I need to write about. The Duke does read every post, not necessarily the day I post, but he does read them all. I have never regretted him reading. To be honest, him reading my blog has really blessed us. I can often write more freely than I can talk. This has allowed us many conversations, and a way to see into why I think and act the way I do that has been a blessing to our marriage. Now I even will tell him when I have written just so he knows a new post is up. To be honest, I'd give it a try. :) You can always tell him later if it's making you feel nervous, or that you have to restrict yourself.

    {{{hugs}}} EsMay


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