Sunday, January 26, 2014

The Share Decision

I got a lot of great comments to my last post. You guys made some interesting points and gave me plenty of food for thought. I've been thinking about it all week.

I was really struck by the fact that many of you have found it a positive tool for communication. A post may open up discussions, sometimes even before the post is written. It can also give the HoH a chance to point out a view that you might not have considered.

Willie's comment about me always portraying Steve in a rational light, even when his actions were difficult for me, prompted me to go back and reread every post I've written here. I have always made an effort to be fair in my writing about him, but I wanted to be sure. Sometimes it was difficult because I was very upset with him, but from going back and reading, it appears I succeeded.

After a lot of thought and soul-searching, I made my decision. I was going to give him my blessing to read here, but on a trial basis to see if I could still write freely without his voice in my head. I waited until we had some time when we could talk without interruptions and I brought up the subject.

It turns out my worries were over nothing. In fact, there was a completely different intention than I thought when he made the comment. He was not asking if I was okay with him reading what I write, although he did say if I wanted him to read, he would make the time to do it.

Instead his comment stemmed from his concern over me. As most of you know, I hit a rough patch a while back. I'm getting better now, but Steve has been very worried about me. Since he knows that one of my ways of working through things is coming here to write and getting feedback from this wonderful community, he was just curious if I was doing that. When I admitted that I hadn't been doing a lot of blogging lately, he encouraged me to start writing again.

I know that he's not big on reading blogs, even if it is mine, so I'm not going to ask him to read all my posts. But since there are times when him reading here would help us, I will make more of an effort to invite him to read specific posts when it's an issue of me finding it easier to write the words than say them.


  1. Glad to see you have reached a decision you are comfortable with. I have had my blog since Dec, and told my hubby about it after the third posting. I felt I was being dishonest by not letting him know since the issues are about us both. The journey is mostly mine as I work to solve my own issues causing problems for us. However, how we manage and solve these affect us both. I felt he needed to know what my thoughts were regardless of the intensity. He is not a reader by any means, but he has read some if my blogs that I know of and possibly all of them. It definately stimulates conversations.

  2. There have been times where I have stopped writing and engaging. As it is I don't write as much as I used to that is for sure. Barney's reaction has been very similar to Steve's. Actually at one point a few months ago I had thought about giving up blogging all together, Barney 'vetoed' that idea. For the reasons Steve probably gave you. I am glad he did.

    I am not entirely sure why some of us wander off, but I have seen many not come back and others stop Dd all together. I often wonder if it is because they stop getting external support. In a perfect world we would all just figure things out between our spouses but sometimes a gentle shove/push from a different set of eyes is required.

    And hey, you got the 'should Steve be reading my blog' thought out of your head. That is good right?

    love willie

  3. Hey Grace...I find it interesting that you two had totally different thoughts in your head regarding the comment he made. Really brings home the necessity for good communication doesn't it. ;)

    Think you two are doing great.


  4. It's good you found a way through
    H does not read these blogs on his own although he will usually check in or skim through mine. I do very occasionally show him a particular post of someone else's.
    I think that writing down my thoughts and feelings has helped me a great deal and brought about some good discussions for H and I on topics I would have struggled to introduce to him verbally but was able to open through my posts.

  5. Yay, seems like the perfect solution. I think it'll be great when you ask him to read a particular post you write. :)

  6. Hi Dana, I'm glad you have come to a decision and also find it interesting that the two of you were coming from different points of view on this. I hope you do find Steve reading certain posts to be beneficial. I know it is for us.


  7. Dana, this sounds like a wonderful way to go about it. :) That way, when you do need him to understand you more, and you feel like a post has really helped portray how you feel, he can read along, and yet doesn't have to keep up with all the posts if he doesn't have time. I think you'll find this freeing as well, because then you won't have his voice in your head, because you know a lot of the time he won't be reading. :) I am so glad you were able to talk to him though. I feel that that was a big step in trust you took, and even if he never reads, I think you did a great thing by opening yourself up this way to your husband and showing your trust to him. :)

    {{{hugs}}} EsMay


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