Thursday, January 9, 2014

Update to the Purge

First off, thank you all for your comments.not just on the purge post, but also the one before it. I'm way behind on responding to comments and I'm still trying to catch up on all the blogs I missed so please don't think I forgot you.

I've been doing a lot of thinking since my purge post. That's the great thing about writing it all down. While it may not make sense at the time, it gets all those thoughts out there so you can start processing them. All that helped me get to the point where we could sit down and talk it out. And we did for a good three hours last night.

Steve doesn't think I'm depressed, but he does think I'm a little down and a bit overwhelmed because we've had a lot going on lately. Considering he's saw me go through depression twice-postpartum depression after I had our daughter and regular depression last year following the loss of someone very dear to me-he's in the unique position of knowing exactly what it looks like when it hits me so I'm inclined to agree with him. This stuff lately is similar in some ways but it doesn't feel quite the same.

While he can't really take the stress off of me, he is making efforts to help in other ways. The bedtime rule is back to ensure I'm getting enough rest. While it isn't a rule, he said he wants me eating more regular and healthier. He's after me to cut down on my smoking. And he's working towards being consistently consistent, something he's struggled with at times.

We covered a lot of other stuff in our talk. We even discussed the spanking failure the other night. He said when I kept fighting and pulled away, he decided to stop right then even though the spanking wasn't done because he didn't want either of us to get hurt in the struggle, plus it was clear that it was not helping the situation. In hindsight, I think he made the right decision.

I did eventually get spanked. It was part finishing up from last time and part clearing the slate. He asked before he started if I was going to fight him again. But this time I felt better about it. I wasn't so angry about it and I was in the right headspace. So off we went. He went a little easy and checked in with me several times to make sure I was okay. It ended up being a good spanking (which sounds strange I'm sure) and when it was over, I was happy to crawl into his arms and I actually felt at peace.

Steve is definitely taking the consistency thing to heart. I got woke up this morning to another spanking. I had forgot to pay the power bill and since he was home waiting for supplies to come in for his job, he answered the door when they stuck a disconnect notice in the door. Needless to say, he wasn't thrilled, especially since we had the money to pay it.


  1. Hey Dana...happy to hear that Steve doesn't believe you are suffering from clinical depression...being overwhelmed can feel like depression can't it. Looks like you two are back on track and that Steve is being consistent...nice!

    Oh goodness...forgetting to pay the power bill and receiving a disconnect notice? Oops! With everything you have going on, you might want to consider creating some to-do lists so that nothing falls through the cracks.

    Sending lots of prayers and positive energy your way.


    1. Thanks Cat. I hate feeling overwhelmed. Normally I'm better at coping with things as they come, but these past few months have thrown a lot at me.

      I'm going to have to go back to my system of putting post it notes everywhere. I don't know if it's all the stress I've been under or just getting older, but my memory isn't as good as it used to be. The sad thing about the power bill is that I had actually remembered it and mentioned it to Steve a few days before this, but got sidetracked before I actually paid it.

  2. Hi Dana, I'm so glad you posted this to let us know how you are doing. I'm glad you talked things through and that Steve doesn't think you are depressed. Glad to that you ended up feeling more at peace.

    Oh dear ... forgetting the power bill. Not surprising with all you have had going on and on your mind lately.

    I hope things continue to feel better. Thinking of you.


  3. You sound a bit better...yay. Sometimes just beginning to talk and know that they really are watching and trying to understand makes all the difference in the world.

    Bah, sorry about that power bill.

    1. I feel a bit better Susie. It definitely helps to know that he's in my corner and is going to do whatever he can to help.

  4. I am glad that you are doing a bit better, and glad that you both see that it may not be depression, though I know how easy it is to confuse the two, as I have done it myself. {{{hugs}}} Yeah on the consistency, and glad that Steve is there to help you through all this.

    {{{hugs}}} EsMay - had to move my blog, if you go looking for it when you look around blogland in the future, it's now at

  5. You do sound a lot better in this post, and I'm so happy to hear/read that. :) Being overwhelmed can be such a crappy feeling, but it seems like you'll get through it, and Steve will definitely help you do that!

    I'm sorry you got spanked, but I'm glad you're back on track. :)


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