First off, thank you all for your comments.not just on the purge post, but also the one before it. I'm way behind on responding to comments and I'm still trying to catch up on all the blogs I missed so please don't think I forgot you.
I've been doing a lot of thinking since my purge post. That's the great thing about writing it all down. While it may not make sense at the time, it gets all those thoughts out there so you can start processing them. All that helped me get to the point where we could sit down and talk it out. And we did for a good three hours last night.
Steve doesn't think I'm depressed, but he does think I'm a little down and a bit overwhelmed because we've had a lot going on lately. Considering he's saw me go through depression twice-postpartum depression after I had our daughter and regular depression last year following the loss of someone very dear to me-he's in the unique position of knowing exactly what it looks like when it hits me so I'm inclined to agree with him. This stuff lately is similar in some ways but it doesn't feel quite the same.
While he can't really take the stress off of me, he is making efforts to help in other ways. The bedtime rule is back to ensure I'm getting enough rest. While it isn't a rule, he said he wants me eating more regular and healthier. He's after me to cut down on my smoking. And he's working towards being consistently consistent, something he's struggled with at times.
We covered a lot of other stuff in our talk. We even discussed the spanking failure the other night. He said when I kept fighting and pulled away, he decided to stop right then even though the spanking wasn't done because he didn't want either of us to get hurt in the struggle, plus it was clear that it was not helping the situation. In hindsight, I think he made the right decision.
I did eventually get spanked. It was part finishing up from last time and part clearing the slate. He asked before he started if I was going to fight him again. But this time I felt better about it. I wasn't so angry about it and I was in the right headspace. So off we went. He went a little easy and checked in with me several times to make sure I was okay. It ended up being a good spanking (which sounds strange I'm sure) and when it was over, I was happy to crawl into his arms and I actually felt at peace.
Steve is definitely taking the consistency thing to heart. I got woke up this morning to another spanking. I had forgot to pay the power bill and since he was home waiting for supplies to come in for his job, he answered the door when they stuck a disconnect notice in the door. Needless to say, he wasn't thrilled, especially since we had the money to pay it.