Monday, March 10, 2014

Some Answers for You



Thank you for all the great questions. Steve has been crazy busy lately between work, job interviews and helping his friend renovate their kitchen so it took me a little time to catch him and get his answers.

Kimberly Pinkcheeks asked "Is there anyone irl that you would like to recommend DD to that you think could benefit from it?"


This one was a tough one. We know several couples that could benefit from the things we've found with DD-a stronger bond, more intimacy, less fighting, etc. However, I'm leery of suggesting it to these couples because of the husbands. I don't think they're capable of putting the needs of the wife, the relationship and the family before their own wants. I would be concerned that they'd abuse the authority they'd have as HoH.
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Es May asked "If you were to meet a new DDer, what would be one piece of advice you would give them? Steve? And to do all over again, is there anything you would change about how you went about it the first time?"


Dana: My advice is to be patient. And I mean that for both the submissive and the HoH. The submissive needs to be patient while the HoH figures out the right way for them to lead (which might not necessarily be what you pictured in your head). The HoH needs to be patient and understand that even if the submissive asked for this change in the relationship, we're still going to struggle with it (and even rebel against it) at times.

As for what I would change, that's a hard one. We needed to go through some of those bumpy patches so we could learn and grow from them. I guess if I had to choose one thing I'd change, it would be being more vocal. Instead of waiting and hoping Steve would figure out what I needed or wanted, I wish I'd spoke up more so he wasn't floundering around in the dark.

Steve: My advice would be to be consistent. As for what I would change, I would take my own advice and be more consistent.

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Katie asked "What is one thing that you have found the hardest to conquer on your DD adventure? What has been the easiest in both your eyes, and in Steve's?"


Dana: The hardest thing would probably be accepting a punishment I didn't agree with. We did talk about it first and he gave me a chance to explain why I thought I shouldn't get it, but in the end I accepted that it was going to happen. It doesn't happen very often though. Most of the time I'm in agreement.

The easiest thing was asking for his okay on things (well most of the time anyway). I've always made a habit of asking if he minded before I bought something expensive, invited company over or volunteered to do something so it wasn't a change to check in with him first.

Steve: The hardest thing is finding the time when I've got a lot going on. Sometimes DD has to take a backseat because I don't have time to do role affirmation or punish for a rule that was broken.

The easiest thing was finding my favorite implement. In his defense, he did think pretty hard on this one, but that's all he could come up with. And he does have a thing for wood, ugh.

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Cat asked "What is your favorite guilty pleasure (good, movie, tv show, etc)? "


Definitely books. I love to read and if I like a book, I want to keep it to read again later so I have a ton of books. While Steve isn't big on books (he doesn't have the time anyway), he doesn't say much about them because he knows I feed my addiction by buying used at thrift stores and yard sales. The only time he says anything about my reading is when the stack on the bedside table gets too high or I don't get my chores done because I was too caught up in a book. And yes, that's happened a few times.

11 comments:

  1. Hi Dana and Steve, :) I enjoyed reading your answers here. Thank you for answering my questions and sharing here. LOL on the fav implement! Wood. Ugh is right I'm thinking. I always think of Susie's quote, "Wood is bad!" Rob gets his point across well enough without anything more than a wooden spoon in that department. We have plenty of things that seem to prove his point. Not sure that I want to graduate to Blondie's paddles, etc. Though part of me kinda is curious. Did I say that? LOL. Have you considered a campfire, Dana??? Perhaps roasting marshmallows?? ;) Many hugs,

    <3 Katie

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    1. The first implement we got was a wooden turner (kind of a cross between a wooden spoon and spatula). He loved that thing. Then I got the bright idea to buy him a paddle. With holes since he had once mentioned a paddle with holes is better in his book. Now it's his favorite. I'm still regretting that impulsive buy.

      If i thought I could get away with it, I would definitely have a bonfire. Maybe I should invite all the girls over. I did find 4 bags of marshmallows yesterday while straightening out my pantry.

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  2. Books as a guilty pleasure, eh? ;). All the teachers I'm the world would probably love to hear that from the their students. :). And I loved your answers to my question, I believe both the Duke and I would answer in the exact same way. :)

    {{{hugs}}} EsMay

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    1. Yeah my English teachers and the school librarians loved me. I'll never forget the look on my high school English teacher's face when I asked her if she could recommend a good book because I was looking for new authors to try. I don't think anyone had ever asked her that and she'd been teaching probably 15 years at that point. She was even more delighted a few days later when I showed back up to return the stack of books and asked for more.

      And the school librarian quickly realized that her checkout limits didn't work for me. At the time, we could only check out books at our grade level or lower and were limited to two books a week. After the first year, she raised my limit to 10 books a week and would let me check out whatever I wanted.

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  3. Hey Dana,

    Loved reading your answers and seeing the growth. :)

    I'm a book-aholic too! But now I have a kindle, so the piles are not as obvious, lol.

    hugs,
    Cali

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    1. Thanks Cali. I thought about a Kindle, but I actually prefer real books. Plus the way I read, it could get expensive buying them. Right now, depending on where I buy them and whether they're hard or paperback, I can get used books for anywhere from 10 cents to $1 a piece.

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  4. I loved that both of you answered! So cute. I also agree, I'm leery to recommend DD to people, because I think it takes a really special man to be a good HOH! So glad you have one :)

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    1. Thanks Jennelle. It does take a really special man to be a good HoH, which is why I'm so leery of recommending DD to other couples. As much as I love Steve and think he's a great HoH, I'm not sure I would have recommended DD to us in the earlier part of our marriage. We both needed to grow some before we were ready for it.

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  5. LOL Dana...I have a book addiction also! I have read all of my books at least 3 or 4 times and most more than that and yes I have a lot of books. I would say about 10,000 books (not including cookbooks) and probably close to 3,500 e-books. I have been known to get lost in a book and unable to put it down. Oops! ;) Thanks for the great answers.

    Blessings...
    Cat

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  6. Hi

    Very good questions and I love the answers. I can particularly relate to the last one, I am an avid reader as well and there have been several times in the past couple of months (my partner and I are new to DD so these two months have been our first entry into DD), that I've let a book come between me and chores. As far as the consistency and patience go - well, we're working on that. I think for me letting go of the reins is the hardest part but I just have to say to myself that M (my partner) will never learn to lead if I don't step back and let him. I think we're on the right track though. Very good site overall, I will definitely come back to read more (if M lets me off the chores *grin*)

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    1. Letting go of the reins was definitely hard. Even when I thought I had, I realized later that I really hadn't. It has got easier to let go over time, but we're coming up on the two year mark and I still slip up occasionally.

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