Monday, April 28, 2014

Consistency Builds Trust

I was reading an article earlier today. While the article had nothing to do with domestic discipline. It was actually an article about productivity. But there was one line that immediately made me think of DD, especially since I had joined one of the chat rooms last night to find a discussion on consistency.

Consistency Builds Trust


Pick a blog about DD. Any one of them will do. I can almost guarantee that you will find at least one reference to consistency in it. Odds are, you will find several.

Consistency is a topic that is often discussed in our community. We bemoan the lack of it. We talk about the importance of it. Sometimes we might even half-heartedly complain about there being too much of it.

I have to admit I never noticed the relationship between consistency and trust until I came across that three word sentence in the article. But the more I think about it, the more I see that they are connected.

When Steve is being consistent, I can trust that our marriage is important to him. I can trust that he does care because he's obviously paying attention and is willing to do what's needed to head off any problems. I can trust that when I push against him, he's going to be rock solid.

But consistency is a two way street. In one of our bumpy off road adventures during our first year, Steve told that it wasn't fair for me to get upset over him for not being consistent in his role when I wasn't being consistent in my role. He was right. It wasn't fair. He needs me to be consistent just as much as I need him to be.

When I'm being consistent, I'm telling him I trust his leadership. He can trust that our marriage is just as important to me as it is to him. He can trust that I do care because my words and actions show it.

The more consistent Steve is, the more I trust him. The more consistent I am, the more he trusts me. As our consistency grows, so does our trust for one another, and with that trust, our marriage strengthens.

15 comments:

  1. You are so right about a two way street Dana!
    As for the trust thing, Barney began saying to that to me right at the beginning of ttwd, when he wasn't being consistent ( excuse me while I adjust my halo) We were mostly doing r/a back then and he wasn't following through with the consistency HE had laid out. He said to me one day, and many times after, " I know you don't trust me, and you have no right to, as I haven't been consistent enough to earn your trust" I am not sure I would have connected those dots if he hadn't for me. I was more just hurt, as you said, because it appeared that our relationship was not a top priority for him back then.
    I think that is what it is. Consistency in anything, shows that the individual cares enough to not only remember, but follow through. Goodness knows the best results in parenting comes with consistency. There is safety in boundaries, that are consistently there, for all of us.

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    1. I don't know why I never connected consistency with trust until now. I do remember telling Steve once or twice that inconsistency makes me feel like he doesn't care.

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  2. I love this. Whenever I feel that my husband isn't being consistent, I try to stop and think what *I* could be doing to be more consistent in my role. It's so easy to forget that sometimes, and think "why isn't he doing more for me." DD definitely works best when both people are doing selfless acts to encourage the other.

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  3. "Consistency builds trust"...that is so true for any relationship! I love the way you laid it out here...short, sweet and to the point! Great job Dana!

    Hugs and Blessings...
    Cat

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  4. This is a great post Dsna, and well said. I agree, consistency and trust go hand in hand.

    Hugs
    Roz

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  5. Very true. And now I feel ashamed because I can't seem to be consistent about anything except for that I consistently procrastinate when I shouldn't *looks embarrassed*. There is one thing that I am very consistent on though, and that is letting M know I love him, and he returns that. So while we're still learning about consistency in TTWD, we're at least consistent with the main foundation of our relationship - the mad, crazy things we do that let us know we love each other even more than saying the words does (and we say those several times a day at least). I loved and trusted M even before TTWD, but now I'm thinking, what can I do to increase that and, looking around, I could make more of an effort to follow the rules that we came up with. Maybe if I follow them more, he'll enforce them more. Does it work like that? I don't know, but I'm going to find out.

    Anyway, great post, very very thought provoking.

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    1. Don't feel bad Kitten. Procrastination is a tough habit to break. I should know. I've been trying to quit procrastination for years. Maybe I'll get to it tomorrow. LOL

      I have found that Steve seems more confident in his role when he does see me making an effort.

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    2. Thank you Dana for the advice. I'm feeling a lot more cheerful now, I actually managed to do something without procrastinating first! M only noticed after I told him *sigh* but he said that he wants me to tell him so that he doesn't miss a chance to say that I've done well. So that's nice. I'm just taking it one day at a time. Rome wasn't built in one day and I figure that procrastination will be broken the same way - one day at a time. From no procrastinating for one day to one week and so on. Hopefully I can stick with it.

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  6. Dana, I just found your blog and I am enjoying it very much. I agree with Ros consistency & trust go hand in hand for me. So glad I found your blog.
    honey

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    1. Thanks for commenting and welcome to my blog.

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  7. Great post Dana, you are so right consistency is a two way street. I think we all need that reminder from time to time :) Thank you

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