Tuesday, April 8, 2014

It's Not All About the Spanking

Last week was not a good week. I was stressed because I had a lot of big stuff going on (more about that soon). I wasn't feeling that great. I'd also got my hopes up about something important to me only to get those hopes dashed. It was a recipe for crankiness and I had got a full dose.


Steve was surprisingly patient with me. Instead of getting cranky back or spanking me, he took a different approach. While he did call me on some blatant disrespect, he chose to leave it at that and just encouraged me to talk to him.

On Saturday, he took our daughter to work with him, giving me an entire day to relax and unwind. Then he went one step further by arranging for her to spend the night with another family member so we could be alone. It doesn't sound like a lot, but it was a huge thing for us. I have almost always made our plans for alone time. I'm not sure if it's because Steve didn't recognize that I needed it or he just didn't want to deal with all the arrangements, but it bothered me. For him to arrange alone time for us all on his own meant a lot to me.

Despite finally having some alone time, we didn't really take advantage of it. It had been a long day and we ended up just watching a little TV and going to bed early. We both slept in the next morning, which was awesome. While our daughter has to be practically dragged out of bed on school days, she has a tendency to wake at the crack of dawn on weekends, which means that one of us has to get up with her.

I woke around ten to find myself alone in bed. When I walked in the kitchen to get a drink, I found Steve busy at the stove. I didn't really think much about it. I just figured he had decided to fix his own breakfast rather than wake me. So I headed back to the bedroom with my drink to relax for a few minutes before I got dressed for the day.

You could have knocked me over with a feather when he walked in a few minutes later and set a plate in front of me. Now Steve does not really cook aside from a couple easy things. On the rare occasion I have to be away from home for a few days, I usually prep his meals ahead of time so all he has to do is throw them in the microwave or oven. I also stock up on the few things he can make on his own.

He does, however, make an awesome omelet. Early in our relationship, he would make them for me quite frequently, but over time he quit making them as often. The one he set in front of me Sunday morning was probably the first one he's made in a few years.

He came in a few minutes later with his own plate and sat down beside me to eat. As we sat there eating, he told me that he knew that I had been stressed this past week, which had caused my crankiness, and he wanted to do something special to make me feel better.

I have to admit it did the trick, although him being so sweet did make me feel more than a bit guilty about how cranky I had been all week. When I told him that, he just gave me a kiss and told me to let it go because he already had.

I'm constantly surprised by the growth in Steve since we embarked on this journey. Had you asked me a couple years ago how he would respond to me being cranky for an entire week, the thought that he would get us some alone time and serve me breakfast in bed never would have crossed my mind. Even in the early days of DD, I wouldn't have expected him to do that.

But I think we've both come to see that while spanking is a tool in our relationship, sometimes a kind word or sweet gesture can be much more effective.

17 comments:

  1. :) Sweet post, I'm glad you got some extra TLC when you needed it! Grace can be such a sweet and unexpected gift.

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    1. Thanks Jenelle. It really is amazing the difference a little bit of TLC makes.

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  2. This is really lovely to hear. I think DD changes us in a wide variety of ways many of which we don't realise until we look back on it later from a little distance.
    H is not a cook either but surprisingly will also tackle an omelette and has been voted the best omelette maker by the children.

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    1. Thanks Janey. I agree that it takes some distance before we're able to recognize things we might not have before.

      As for Steve's omelet, it is hands down the best one I've ever had. The surprising thing about it is that it's a mushroom omelet and I hate mushrooms, but for some reason I can't get enough of those omelets. Maybe it has more to do with the fact that he makes it for me than the actual omelet.

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  3. First of all making plans for your daughter DOES sound like a big deal to me! I too love how ttwd has changed my husband. You know what else is great, that we allow ourselves to see the little things they do ( um not that breakfast was little). Before, at least for me, if he did something for me, it was more of the mindset of , 'well it is about time" rather than, " oh that is so sweet".

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    1. It really was a big deal for me Willie. I used to fall into that same trap. Once I quit keeping score in my head, it made it a lot easier to appreciate those little gestures.

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  4. That is so sweet. It does sound like DD is working at your house. The communication and growth in both of you is wonderful. I agree with Wilma, making plans for your daughter is a big deal. And recognizing kindness instead of being snarky about it speaks of your growth. I really loved this post, it is the inspiration that I need to see in others to keep me going when things get tough.

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  5. This is so awesome. I love how DD brings out the sweet gestures that were there in the early stages of the relationship, but may have declined in recent years. I think DD really brings out the caring, protecting, nurturing side of our HoH's, which is something that surprised me as well. Of course, I expected/wanted all of the firmness, dominant type things, but the sweeter things have been an amazing "side effect."

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    1. Thanks Autumn. Those "side effects" are pretty nice.

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  6. So very happy for both of you Dana. There are many times in a relationship where you need TLC rather than discipline. How awesome that Steve is wise enough to recognize that! Oh BTW...arranging for time away for a child...definitely a big deal! LOL

    Hope everything is getting much better for you.

    Blessings...
    Cat

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    1. Thanks Cat. I'm beginning to see that he's a lot wiser than I thought when it comes to me and my emotions.

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  7. So very sweet. M did something similar for me tonight, he didn't make dinner as I'm the chef of the two of us, but, long story short, I was majorly stressed over TTWD and feeling like I was a failure because what I wanted to do and what I actually did was miles apart. He just held me, kissed me, told me that I didn't need to be an overachiever to make him happy and I was still his "super Kitten", and that all I needed to do was to do the tasks he set me, and not to stress out if other stuff wasn't done. Very very sweet and like you said at the end, spanking is just one tool but a kind gesture or in my case, half an hour of cuddles and quietly talking through an issue while arriving at a solution is occasionally the better way.

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    1. Thanks Kitten. It sounds like you have a really great guy in M.

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  8. Dana, I am sorry you had such a hard week and am so glad Steve was able to give you what you needed. I love how much more in tune we become of each others feelings, needs etc.

    Hugs
    Roz

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    1. Thanks Roz. If we stopped DD today and could only take one thing away from our experience, I would hope that it would be how in tune we've grown with each other.

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  9. I think everything you describe was wonderful. The whole thing. I would hazard a guess that not many of us receive such care and attention when we are cranky. Steve is a very perceptive man. And very kind. (Wish Dan could even cook an omelette. Or breakfast. He tries, but by the time I have washed up every pan in the kitchen, it would be easier to do it myself.)

    I am glad you had such a lovely weekend and hope you are feeling better and less cranky now.

    Hugs
    Ami

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