Thursday, June 19, 2014

I Got It...Kinda

As most of you know, DD has been on the back burner for a while due to lack of time and privacy. It was still there in the background, just not really being brought out to explore. So it was like a book gathering dust on the shelf until the day that someone dusts it off and continues the story.

Our daughter left Sunday evening to go stay out of town with family. I had a brief moment of panic earlier in the day when the family member that would be keeping her said she wasn't feeling well. Given our luck with alone time these past couple months, it seemed par for the course and I'll admit that I was ready to throw the towel in and give up on the idea of getting some time alone with Steve.

Thankfully, it turned out that she was just tired and hungry and after eating and relaxing for a bit, she felt well enough to take my daughter with her when she left. Even so, I didn't truly believe that we were going to get our time until a few hours later when she called to let me know they'd made it to her house.

Nothing happened that night though. I'll admit I was a bit frustrated. Admittedly we'd had a very long day and were both tired, but after waiting so long for some time and privacy, I didn't want to wait any longer.

That frustration carried over to the next day and led to me making a slightly cranky remark. It was borderline really, but Steve called me on it. I might have muttered a "yeah right" following his warning, but I did settle down after that.

A little while later, he made an X-rated suggestion, which I was happy to agree to. After all, DD isn't the only part of our relationship that's taken a backseat due to lack of time and privacy lately. I turned my head for just a second and when I looked back, he had the new leather paddle sitting on the bed beside him. I still haven't figured out how he can retrieve implements so fast. It's like magic.

Needless to say, I was surprised. He had gone from an X-rated suggestion to holding an implement in less than a minute. I tried to play it off by saying I thought he wanted to do something else. He gave me one of those smiles and said he still planned on that, but it would be after we handled some things. I felt those butterflies in my stomach that had been missing for a while.

I don't know if it's the particular leather paddle I bought or if I'm just very tolerant of leather, but it didn't seem to be that big of a deal. It stung some, more so in some spots than others, but it wasn't as bad as I thought it was going to be based on what I'd heard from other people. We did notice that it is loud so it's definitely an implement that will require privacy to be used.

Steve used it for a bit and then moved on to his other paddle, the wooden one that never fails to get my attention. I got a bit squirmy after that. He used it for a while and then rotated back to the leather paddle. He went back and forth for a few rounds, lecturing the entire time.

Then he said something about the cane. Now I don't like the wooden paddle, but the cane is the one implement I avoid at all costs. Even though I know it's not my decision and it's not a good idea to try to direct a spanking, I tried to talk him out of using it. As it turns out, I did manage to dodge that bullet because the cane had apparently moved around in the drawer and he couldn't find it. So I got the hanger instead, which stings, but isn't quite as bad as the cane.

After the hanger, I thought things were over. We snuggled up for a few minutes and then I felt that darned wooden paddle again. The last round was fairly short. After some more snuggling and aftercare, we finally got around to his earlier suggestion.

I have mixed feelings about the spanking. It's not the lecture because that was one of his better ones and it was spot on. Maybe it's because I never really got outside of my comfort zone with the spanking so I could truly give in to it. Don't get me wrong. It was getting uncomfortable towards the end, but it never reached that point where it really hurts and I realize that it's totally out of my control so I just accept it. If that makes sense?

I know Steve held back somewhat because it's been a while He told me that he did and also added that he ended the spanking when he did because he saw a blister starting, something that hasn't happened since the early days of DD.

Or maybe it's because I built it up so much in my head. For us, spanking isn't just for punishment or maintaining our roles. It's also our way of reconnecting. After going so long with the disconnect due to his schedule and knowing that his schedule is still going to be that way after this week is over, I needed something big. Something that not only reconnected us now, but kept me feeling reconnected even after we don't have this alone time.

I guess my frustration is obvious. It's not just about this particular spanking, but the whole situation in general. Steve took this job because he wanted more time to spend with us and more money to do stuff with that time. The money is there. In fact, he just got a $2/hour raise. But the time we were hoping to get really isn't and, while it's nice to actually have money in the bank after paying our bills, that money doesn't make up for the fact that we barely get time together

We should be kicking up our heels this week since our daughter is gone for the entire week. But he still has to work and we still have schoolwork. So while we now have the privacy we needed, we still don't really have the time. Especially since as of today they are doing mandatory 12 hour shifts which means he'll be working even later.

12 comments:

  1. I understand your frustration with the time issue this is something that we also.struggle with. Balancing work and family can be difficult. Throw in school and you have a completely different beast.
    I often wish we could be ship wrecked on an island. No laundry, no vacuuming, no working for someone else. It could be bliss. Here's to hoping you find your deserted island.
    Alice

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks Alice. Right about now, being shipwrecked on a deserted island is sounding pretty good.

      Delete
  2. Hey Dana...happy you two were able to do some reconnecting. Now just breathe and enjoy whatever time you get together. Rather than wait for time when you can have longer sessions, you might want to find a way to have a bunch of 'quickies' to help you stay connected. Sending lots of positive energy that you two find ways to spend a bit more time together.

    Hugs and Blessings...
    Cat

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks Cat. I did half suggest smaller dailies this week, but nothing really came of it. He's just so exhausted from working so many hours right now. A few nights he's even fell asleep doing his schoolwork.

      Delete
  3. Well ( no disrespect to others as we are all different) leather? Pfft. Barney's hand hurts more. Oh wait a friend has a leather paddle that looks and feels like wood, and I'd imagine that would be most unpleasant- but other than that I have yet to find anything leather that is good for anything beyond a warm up or 'thaw' in between. If you are used to wood and a cane I can see why this might be for you too.

    Okay on to the post. For *me* all of the things you have listed here would have created a perfect storm for a 'failed' or lack luster reconnect. 1) the anticipation of a new implement that, well wasn't what you thought. 2) The maybe she is going to stay home, maybe she's not ( for me that anxiety doesn't leave my system once the issue is resolved) 3) the length of time between reconnects 4) the fact that Steve suggested fun first and then a spanking came- but for me it would have been the disappointment that we weren't going to reconnect with a spanking first ( see #2 and 3 for why) 5) the fact that it would appear in the future things are going to remain this new status quo and 6) the fact that SURE it was probably my mindset but I didn't get my release....

    Basically TOO much pressure surrounding the entire thing! At least that is what would have caused it here in our house. As for the blister- Gah all this time and I am STILL in that predicament. I love wood, but boy oh boy it doesn't go well with a stubborn heart! Sadly our cane sees more action in these times.

    So what to do? Besides muddling through? More sessions- with the cane that is quiet. Spankings for me can stop the slide backwards, but it doesn't mean it can instantly bring me back- which SUCKS because in the beginning...ah the honeymoon phase it was great for that. What we do ( and often FAIL at consistency here ) is talk every day for just 5 minutes about ttwd specifically. How we are feeling about it. Or even a post I have read. You would be surprised how it spurs other conversations. I know people say 'it is just part of our lives now' but for us we need to shine a light on it when Barney and I are living parallel lives.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Willie. Glad to hear I'm not the only one that didn't see the big deal about the leather paddle. The leather belt, on the other hand, does get to me, but I think it's more of a mental-emotional thing.

      I think you perfectly summed up my perfect storm. The problem is that now that I didn't get that release, I'm even more wound up than I was to start with. I've started getting headaches again because I'm so wound up and tense.

      I miss the early days when a spanking could bring me back. It does seem like the more time that goes by, the more it takes to bring me back. I'll have to give your daily talks a try or maybe even figure out where the cane scooted off to so we can sneak in some sessions.

      Delete
  4. Your paragraph on how you never got out of your comfort zone with the spanking, really hit home with me! I know EXACTLY what you mean by that. It can be such a frustrating feeling. I wish I had some better advice on how to deal with it, but all I can say is to try and not over-think it too much. He had a reason to stop when he did, so try and give in to that - if that makes sense. Other thing is, maybe talk to him and explain that you need to be pushed a little bit further? I know it's tough, so sending lots of hugs your way!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks Kenzie. Maybe I am overthinking it. I don't know.

      I understand he had his reasons for going easier on me and for stopping when he did. I'm not saying he was wrong to do that. I'm not even blaming him for what I see as a "failed" spanking. I know it's me. It's just a matter of working it out in my heart and head I guess.

      Delete
  5. Just adding some thoughts here, after going a period of time without being connected in whatever manner that is, your expectations are often much higher then you realize, and then when the actual event happens, sometimes it can be a let down from what we were thinking was going to occur. Sounds like there were several things on the agenda for you both, and most likely each one of you had a different process about what would and would not be occurring and when. It is hard when life's issues get in the way to find a happy balance. Try to focus on the time you did have, I agree with Kenzie about not over thinking the situation. Perhaps finding some time to talk about how things unfolded and expectations for the future will help smooth things for the next opportunity.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks Annabelle. I agree that my expectations were probably higher than either of us realized. We did talk a little about it last night so I guess we'll have to wait and see if it helped.

      Delete
  6. It is definitely frustrating when you have the time for it, but the time doesn't seem right... I guess you have to take what you can get, but there is a craving for something more. I hope you get exactly what you need soon!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks Autumn. I think you hit the nail on the head with the craving for more. Who would have thought I'd ever be craving more of a spanking? It sounds crazy, but that's exactly it.

      Delete

We love to hear what you think, but please be polite.