Friday, July 25, 2014

Spankings, Independence, Variety and Other News

Last night I got spanked. We got lucky and our daughter was gone for the night so we took advantage of being alone in the house. Unfortunately, in what is becoming the norm for us, it wasn't quite successful. It didn't get me there. Even though I told Steve, he decided not to continue the spanking because I was starting to mark. So after thinking on it for a bit, we talked instead.

Our problem is two-fold. Susie and MM talked about the control monster in a post a while back and it really hit home for me. With Steve gone so much, I've had to step into a role of authority. Even though he's still coming home every night, it's harder for me to turn over the reins, especially when I'm not feeling his dominance even when he's here.

So I build up a wall of independence that's harder for him to get through when he does spank. If he stops before he gets all the way through that wall, either because he's tired and needs to get to sleep or because he's afraid I'll bruise if he continues, he doesn't get me to that point where I soften.

So I'm left frustrated, which sets the stage for more problems.

The second problem is the wood paddle. Now I know that it's not up to me to pick the implement or how it's used. And I'm sure when I first mentioned that I thought it was part of the problem, Steve thought I was just trying to get out of it being used. But I truly think it might be part of the problem.

When I'm in a place where softness comes easier, the paddle is fine. But when I'm resistant, as I seem to be these days, it takes more to get me there. So the intensity level goes up, but the risk of marking goes up with it. I suggested to Steve that it might be helpful if he tried a lower intensity for a longer period of time or using other implements with the paddle so he doesn't have to rely on only the paddle to get me there.

He didn't say yes, but he didn't say no either. So I guess I'll have to wait and see what he does the next time.

He had planned to do a little more this morning, but unfortunately that didn't get to happen. He had set his alarm to get up a little early so he had time before he had to get ready for work. But he was tired and slept through the alarm. By the time he woke up, it was past the time he usually gets up and he had to rush to make it to work on time.

In other news, our discussion last night also included something I never thought we would consider. Boot camp. While we've been aware of the concept for a while, we didn't really think it was for us. But recent events have us reconsidering. Our daughter will be going out of town again in a couple weeks and we're debating about using the time to ourselves to do our own little version of boot camp to reconnect and get us both back to where we need to be.

He's asked me to put together some links for him to read up on and also wants me to make up a list of ideas for us to discuss.

Sunday, July 20, 2014

Communication


As you know, Steve and I took a class on communication this summer. When we started, my plan was to share some of what we were learning as we went. That didn't quite work out since I hadn't anticipated how much time I would have to devote to my classes and how that would take me away from blogland.

Now that the semester has come to an end, I have to say that taking this class together was probably one of the most beneficial things we've done for our marriage. We all know that communication is an essential factor in all relationships. Before this class, I thought our communication was pretty good. Now that we've spent the semester learning about communication and applying our learning to our relationship, I can see how far we've come.

Given how important communication is, not only to intimate relationships but all relationships both personal and professional, I highly recommend that everyone take a class on communication. You will be amazed at what you learn and the difference that comes when you apply your new skills.

Since I know that not everyone will be able to take a class like we did, I've decided to start a new feature here on the blog. I'm still working out the details, but I plan to start a series all about communication-what it is, the things we do to interfere with it, the things we can do to improve it. I hope you find this series as helpful to your relationship as the class was to ours.

Friday, July 11, 2014

A Little Comic Relief

I've decided to follow Ami's lead and post something a little lighter to balance out all the drama of this week.

So what would your kids say if they walked in on you getting spanked?


And is it just me, or is she going the wrong way if he's going to spank with that hand?

Tuesday, July 8, 2014

Ferhoodled

I love to read. Whenever I come across an author I like, especially one that writes series, I try to get my hands on every book they've written. Lately that author has been Beverly Lewis who writes Amish fiction. The first time I came across the term ferhoodled in one of her books, I wasn't sure what it meant. Thankfully the character explained in the next line so I now know that ferhoodled means confused or mixed up..

I'm feeling a bit ferhoodled myself right now. I've said before that trust is the foundation for any relationship. I think we can all agree that our trust has been shaken this week.

I don't trust easily. The past has taught me it's not good to do so because if often ends with someone, usually me, getting hurt. So I tend to take my time and look for signs that the person is deserving of my trust before I give it.

Over the last two years, many of you have slipped past the barriers I put up and made your way into my trust. While I haven't spoke to any of you on the phone or came to visit, I've shown my trust in you by opening up more here on this blog and, for a limited few, privately in email. I've shown my trust by taking your advice to heart, believing that you speak from experience.

I've shown my trust by letting you into my heart. I've felt your frustration when you stumbled. I've felt your confusion when things were all mixed up. I've felt your joy when you succeeded. I've shared in the good and the bad that life has thrown at you.

I wasn't close to Christina like some. My heart goes out to those that were. Having been through a similar experience with a chatroom friend in the past, I can somewhat understand what you're going through right now.

I was, however, an avid reader of Christina's blog and looked up to her as a role model. The image she portrayed as a strong, confident submissive woman was something I strive to be myself. The fact that she slipped up and landed in hot water occasionally made her human and helped me to see that my own stumbles were just part of the journey.

To find out that my trust was misplaced has rocked me to my core. I'm hurt and I'm angry. It's made me doubt myself and my instincts. And it's made me wonder what others might be lurking in our community pretending to be something they're not.

I'm not sure where to go from here. I'll be honest. My initial thought was to lock down the barriers, shut down this blog, and withdraw to the one person I know for sure is real-Steve.

For now, I've decided to hold off on any rash decisions, but I have to admit I'm leery. Every time I read a post or comment, I can't help but wonder "Is this person real?" I don't know if I can be as open as I have in the past knowing that the person on the other side of the screen might not be the person I believe them to be.

So consider me ferhoodled.