Last night I got spanked. We got lucky and our daughter was gone for the night so we took advantage of being alone in the house. Unfortunately, in what is becoming the norm for us, it wasn't quite successful. It didn't get me there. Even though I told Steve, he decided not to continue the spanking because I was starting to mark. So after thinking on it for a bit, we talked instead.
Our problem is two-fold. Susie and MM talked about the control monster in a post a while back and it really hit home for me. With Steve gone so much, I've had to step into a role of authority. Even though he's still coming home every night, it's harder for me to turn over the reins, especially when I'm not feeling his dominance even when he's here.
So I build up a wall of independence that's harder for him to get through when he does spank. If he stops before he gets all the way through that wall, either because he's tired and needs to get to sleep or because he's afraid I'll bruise if he continues, he doesn't get me to that point where I soften.
So I'm left frustrated, which sets the stage for more problems.
The second problem is the wood paddle. Now I know that it's not up to me to pick the implement or how it's used. And I'm sure when I first mentioned that I thought it was part of the problem, Steve thought I was just trying to get out of it being used. But I truly think it might be part of the problem.
When I'm in a place where softness comes easier, the paddle is fine. But when I'm resistant, as I seem to be these days, it takes more to get me there. So the intensity level goes up, but the risk of marking goes up with it. I suggested to Steve that it might be helpful if he tried a lower intensity for a longer period of time or using other implements with the paddle so he doesn't have to rely on only the paddle to get me there.
He didn't say yes, but he didn't say no either. So I guess I'll have to wait and see what he does the next time.
He had planned to do a little more this morning, but unfortunately that didn't get to happen. He had set his alarm to get up a little early so he had time before he had to get ready for work. But he was tired and slept through the alarm. By the time he woke up, it was past the time he usually gets up and he had to rush to make it to work on time.
In other news, our discussion last night also included something I never thought we would consider. Boot camp. While we've been aware of the concept for a while, we didn't really think it was for us. But recent events have us reconsidering. Our daughter will be going out of town again in a couple weeks and we're debating about using the time to ourselves to do our own little version of boot camp to reconnect and get us both back to where we need to be.
He's asked me to put together some links for him to read up on and also wants me to make up a list of ideas for us to discuss.