Friday, July 25, 2014

Spankings, Independence, Variety and Other News

Last night I got spanked. We got lucky and our daughter was gone for the night so we took advantage of being alone in the house. Unfortunately, in what is becoming the norm for us, it wasn't quite successful. It didn't get me there. Even though I told Steve, he decided not to continue the spanking because I was starting to mark. So after thinking on it for a bit, we talked instead.

Our problem is two-fold. Susie and MM talked about the control monster in a post a while back and it really hit home for me. With Steve gone so much, I've had to step into a role of authority. Even though he's still coming home every night, it's harder for me to turn over the reins, especially when I'm not feeling his dominance even when he's here.

So I build up a wall of independence that's harder for him to get through when he does spank. If he stops before he gets all the way through that wall, either because he's tired and needs to get to sleep or because he's afraid I'll bruise if he continues, he doesn't get me to that point where I soften.

So I'm left frustrated, which sets the stage for more problems.

The second problem is the wood paddle. Now I know that it's not up to me to pick the implement or how it's used. And I'm sure when I first mentioned that I thought it was part of the problem, Steve thought I was just trying to get out of it being used. But I truly think it might be part of the problem.

When I'm in a place where softness comes easier, the paddle is fine. But when I'm resistant, as I seem to be these days, it takes more to get me there. So the intensity level goes up, but the risk of marking goes up with it. I suggested to Steve that it might be helpful if he tried a lower intensity for a longer period of time or using other implements with the paddle so he doesn't have to rely on only the paddle to get me there.

He didn't say yes, but he didn't say no either. So I guess I'll have to wait and see what he does the next time.

He had planned to do a little more this morning, but unfortunately that didn't get to happen. He had set his alarm to get up a little early so he had time before he had to get ready for work. But he was tired and slept through the alarm. By the time he woke up, it was past the time he usually gets up and he had to rush to make it to work on time.

In other news, our discussion last night also included something I never thought we would consider. Boot camp. While we've been aware of the concept for a while, we didn't really think it was for us. But recent events have us reconsidering. Our daughter will be going out of town again in a couple weeks and we're debating about using the time to ourselves to do our own little version of boot camp to reconnect and get us both back to where we need to be.

He's asked me to put together some links for him to read up on and also wants me to make up a list of ideas for us to discuss.

18 comments:

  1. Hey Dana...I know that when Matthew and I had been apart for a while, I had trouble turning over the reigns...took a bit of conversation to my bottom. He always used multiple weapons of m'ass destruction as well as varying the speed and placement. I could always tell just how bad a spanking was going to be by the length and intensity of the warm-up...the longer the warm-up, the worse the spanking. As far as bootcamp goes...just remember that is should be different for each couple to meet their needs. Sending lots of positive energy your way.

    Hugs and Blessings...
    Cat

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    1. Thanks Cat. We talked some more last night and I think he understands better what I was talking about in our last conversation. I think he's going to try a more thorough warmup and mixing up the implements more.

      As for boot camp, we're working on designing a boot camp that's individual to us. We have a little time before our daughter goes off so we're taking the opportunity to really discuss it and figure out what's best for us.

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  2. One of the things you guys can do for you to stay softer and feel his dominance when you have to be "in charge" most of your day is to build in little reminders daily of his dominance. I'm sure you already know this.

    Ideas I have seen are receiving instruction before he leaves for some submissive activity (stand in the corner for meditative reflection, insert plug, masturbate to orgasm -- or not) or performing some task he wants done and having to imitate reporting when he gets home.

    This latter one works nicely for me. I asked for a task each day he would like done. If it's not done, the next day I'm not online. It's simply a small, daily way to feel submissive and connected.

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    1. Thanks Anonymous. When we were talking last night, I pointed out how in the earlier days of DD, he gave me daily tasks. I also mentioned the submissive exercises that we had started not too long ago and then let peter out. I don't think he realized how important those things were to help maintain my submissiveness until I pointed it out.

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  3. Dana,
    We did a boot camp before vacation and it melted my heart and burned my bottom. I did a post about it. Jack's way worked well for us.

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    1. Thanks Meredith. I remembered your post, but I went back and reread it. I'll add it to the list for Steve to look at.

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  4. Dana, I hear ya about Miss Independence, it's so hard to break down that wall once it goes up day after day...boot camp really helped us because we chose what we needed to focus on...such as new implements, finding time for 3 sessions each day even though he was working and kids were home, we had to get creative but it showed both us what was possible. The only other thing I can add is be patient with him Foreman is finally getting used to using a variety of implements and other consequences too. If you have any questions about how we setup our boot camp you can email me. ;-)

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    1. Thanks Sass. I'm adding your posts to the list for Steve to read. The consequences are definitely an area we could use some work on. Steve mainly spanks so if he doesn't have the time for spanking, he's not left with many options.

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  5. I've thought about trying a boot camp as well (also something I thought we'd never do), because I really think it would help to identify and practice roles. I hope you guys get to try it out--I'm sure you'll let us know how it goes if you do. If the boot camp doesn't happen, I hope you find another way of finding your roles and being able to let go.

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    1. Thanks Autumn. It's funny how things that you once thought was off the table suddenly find their way in. I didn't think we'd ever consider boot camp and yet here we are planning it.

      Once we get the details worked out, I'll probably post at least an overview of what we decided on. And of course a post about how it went once it's over.

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  6. Hi Dana, it is do hard handing over the reigns again after having to be in charge. Your thoughts on the paddle make sense. I think mixing implements, intensity etc is a good idea.

    We haven't done bootcamp, but I agree with Cat, each couple should adapt it to meet their own needs and goals.

    Hugs
    Roz

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    1. Thanks Roz. Boot camp is definitely new for us, but we're hoping that in putting together one that's individual to us, we'll see the benefits of it.

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  7. Hey Dana,
    I feel for you, i know how frustrating it is to not get that release. I need to get to that place to soften too.

    We have done a couple mini boot camp days here and there, and they are helpful. Just an increased attention to rules, we go over our lists and do some marriage enrichment activities. I think last time we did the love language test. He's pretty strict during this time, but it's a good way for us to get back on track. I wish you luck, I'm sure you'll both find it beneficial, you can do it anyway that works for you!

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    1. Thanks Jennelle. It looks like boot camp is on the horizon. After a lot of discussion, we've decided to go forward with it (our version of it anyway) when our daughter leaves in a few days.

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  8. I can relate to this post on SO many levels! I know that feeling too well of a spanking not getting you to THAT point. It can be so incredibly frustrating! I think you have some great ideas, and it's nice that he seems open to them.

    The boot camp really helped us a lot. One piece of advice.. make it your own. You don't need to follow every single instruction .. instead, change it up a bit so that it'll be effective for you two as a couple.

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    1. Thanks Kenzie. It is very frustrating not to make it to THAT point. And I am grateful that he's willing to listen.

      We've done a lot of discussion about boot camp lately and how we can work the concept around our particular needs. I think we're in agreement about how we want it to go, but I've left the plans up to Steve. I'm curious to see where he goes with it.

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  9. Hi Dana, :) It is extremely hard to pop in and out of our submissive roles due to physical distance. I know this well, and often have a tough time transitioning back home with Rob after being away. I often find myself getting spanked one way or another when we are back together again. Interestingly enough, more recently my transition included us going right to a weekend away with friends before returning home. It was a great way to step back into my submissive self- almost easing in. I have to think more about why that worked, but it did. Since I have been home, Rob has left me daily lists that have kept me pretty busy. I think that that has also helped.

    Some above mentioned submissive exercises while apart. I think that they help. Little messages that say what to eat, or some other directive really help a lot too.

    We've never done boot camp or anything formal really. We kind of have always "winged it". I know lots of people have spoken about its benefits. I agree with everyone, make it your very own. :) Many hugs,

    <3 Katie

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    1. Thanks Katie. We tend to wing things ourselves. But we both think the structure of boot camp might be helpful in getting us back on track. Of course, we're winging boot camp too since we're not following any specific program, but rather arranging it to fit our needs.

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