We seem to have hit a rough patch of road along our journey.
To me, that says we need to pull over, check the map and see if maybe there's an alternate route we can take. One that's a little smoother and not as likely to cause damage. At the very least, we should be slowing down so we can carefully navigate the obstacles.
Steve seems blind to the dangers of this road. He's just forging ahead like everything is okay.
But it's not. Normally, I would speak up and say something, but some things he's said lately have me feeling like I can't. So I've kept my mouth shut, held on tight and prayed that we don't hit disaster.
Unfortunately, we already have.
I've been quiet lately, which is always a clear sign that something is bothering me. I also haven't been sleeping well, another sign that something is on my mind. Instead of asking me what's wrong or making me feel comfortable to open up and talk to him about what's bothering me, Steve decided to put his own spin on things.
Yesterday morning, he accused me of cheating on him.
I was stunned. Once I regained my ability to speak, I assured him that I was certainly not cheating. I've been cheated on in relationships in the past and the last thing I would ever do is cause someone the pain that I felt.
I kept waiting on him to say he believed me or apologize, but he didn't. He just left for work without another word. He didn't even say goodbye. Since our daughter was up and I didn't want her to see me upset, I locked myself in the bathroom for a few minutes until the tears stopped, then held a cold rag on my eyes to minimize how red and swollen they were.
We didn't speak all day. He didn't text or call on his breaks like he usually does. He didn't even respond to the text I sent him. When he got home, he was acting like everything was just fine. But it's not.
Being falsely accused of cheating bothers me on so many levels. For one, it tells me he doesn't trust me. If we don't have trust, we may as well just call it quits because a relationship isn't going to survive without trust. Secondly, and I'm struggling not to put too much importance on this one, the last time a guy was accusing me of cheating on him, it was because he had a guilty conscience about doing it to me.
Last night when we went to bed, I curled up on my side of the bed as far away as I could get without leaving the bed. My little protector must have picked up on how I was feeling because he curled up against my back facing towards Steve so he could keep an eye on him. When Steve reached to touch my shoulder, he growled at him. I shook off his touch. He didn't try again.
This morning he was back to acting like everything was fine. He even commented that he's getting low on socks. Where yesterday I continued doing everything like I normally do, I'm not feeling so inclined to do so today.
It's one thing to make a mistake. Lord knows I've made my share of them along the way. But to ignore it and go on like nothing happened without even apologizing or acknowledging the hurt he's caused ticks me off.
Please send some prayers our way. We're stuck in this pothole and until something changes, we're not going anywhere.