Thursday, September 18, 2014

Potholes

We seem to have hit a rough patch of road along our journey.


To me, that says we need to pull over, check the map and see if maybe there's an alternate route we can take. One that's a little smoother and not as likely to cause damage. At the very least, we should be slowing down so we can carefully navigate the obstacles.

Steve seems blind to the dangers of this road. He's just forging ahead like everything is okay.


But it's not. Normally, I would speak up and say something, but some things he's said lately have me feeling like I can't. So I've kept my mouth shut, held on tight and prayed that we don't hit disaster.

Unfortunately, we already have.



I've been quiet lately, which is always a clear sign that something is bothering me. I also haven't been sleeping well, another sign that something is on my mind. Instead of asking me what's wrong or making me feel comfortable to open up and talk to him about what's bothering me, Steve decided to put his own spin on things.

Yesterday morning, he accused me of cheating on him.


I was stunned. Once I regained my ability to speak, I assured him that I was certainly not cheating. I've been cheated on in relationships in the past and the last thing I would ever do is cause someone the pain that I felt.

I kept waiting on him to say he believed me or apologize, but he didn't. He just left for work without another word. He didn't even say goodbye. Since our daughter was up and I didn't want her to see me upset, I locked myself in the bathroom for a few minutes until the tears stopped, then held a cold rag on my eyes to minimize how red and swollen they were.

We didn't speak all day. He didn't text or call on his breaks like he usually does. He didn't even respond to the text I sent him. When he got home, he was acting like everything was just fine. But it's not.

Being falsely accused of cheating bothers me on so many levels. For one, it tells me he doesn't trust me. If we don't have trust, we may as well just call it quits because a relationship isn't going to survive without trust. Secondly, and I'm struggling not to put too much importance on this one, the last time a guy was accusing me of cheating on him, it was because he had a guilty conscience about doing it to me.

Last night when we went to bed, I curled up on my side of the bed as far away as I could get without leaving the bed. My little protector must have picked up on how I was feeling because he curled up against my back facing towards Steve so he could keep an eye on him. When Steve reached to touch my shoulder, he growled at him. I shook off his touch. He didn't try again.

This morning he was back to acting like everything was fine. He even commented that he's getting low on socks. Where yesterday I continued doing everything like I normally do, I'm not feeling so inclined to do so today.

It's one thing to make a mistake. Lord knows I've made my share of them along the way. But to ignore it and go on like nothing happened without even apologizing or acknowledging the hurt he's caused ticks me off.

Please send some prayers our way. We're stuck in this pothole and until something changes, we're not going anywhere.

22 comments:

  1. So sorry your sinking Dana. Jordan and I are in a similar place for a different reason. He likes the just pretend like everything is fine game. So not that it helps much but I understand. ♡ Lilly

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks Lilly. Hopefully we can both get past these massive potholes.

      Delete
  2. Dana,
    You know the way out of this .................. you and hubby need to just plain talk. Ttwd/dd is so much about communication and it sounds like little of that is being done. Right? Let us know.
    Meredith

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I know Meredith. He's off tomorrow and our daughter will be gone at school so hopefully we can talk then.

      Delete
  3. Hi Dana, I am completely with Meredith here. You two have to talk this through. That is the way to figure things out. Don't allow yourselves to drift further apart. It will just get harder.

    You two are in my prayers. Go to him. And please do let us know how you are doing. Many hugs,

    <3 Katie

    ReplyDelete
  4. So so sorry Dana. :( what a horrible situation. Coulda shoulda.. He "should" apologize, but we can't control others' decisions. You need to tell him that you are hurt. The longer we distance the higher the walls the tougher they are to come down. Talk to him. Hugs!

    ReplyDelete
  5. This is SO strange...I'm hoping and praying you both get through this. I can't imagine what would have made your husband think that, but I hope it's just a big misunderstanding.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It is strange Autumn. He's never said anything like that before.

      Delete
  6. Hey Dana...DD/TTWD doesn't not mean that you don't discuss. I've always had a voice and know how to use it...respectfully. I also listened to someone question and then accuse me of cheating...turns out he was. Not saying this is what's going on with Steve but I do understand the churning stomach.

    You two need to sit down and talk...you need to tell him that his accusation hurt you badly and he needs to tell you why he accused you and then he needs to apologize!

    I totally agree...there has to be trust! I don't care how much love you have for someone, without trust, there will always be a wall that will continue to grow until you aren't even cordial roommates.

    Talk to him as soon as you possibly can and please let us know how things are going. Sending lots of prayers and positive energy.

    Hugs and Blessings...
    Cat

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks Cat. I probably should have clarified my statement about not being able to talk to him. He didn't tell me I couldn't come to him. His comments were more along the lines of how busy he is and how he feels like no one is ever happy with him because they want more. As a result, I was worried that if I went to him with what I was feeling, he would think I was saying he wasn't meeting my needs or feel guilty because he didn't have a lot of time for me. So I kept my mouth shut.

      Delete
  7. I could be WAY off here, but here goes nothing....after reading what you said to Cat I recognize some of the same issues from the past with Barney. He hasn't accused me of cheating, but the male distancing~ which to me is 'cruising' in Dd. Whenever Barney has been overwhelmed in the past outside of our relationship, especially through work or our sons, 'no one happy with him' it makes his conviction of his position inside our house weaken at best.

    Perhaps Steve's ego ( for lack of a better word, as this doesn't seem right ) is hurting. He feels that he is not enough and the cheating accusation is more about how he sees himself at the moment. That he isn't giving enough, at work or at home, so why wouldn't you look elsewhere? Rather than him not trusting you.

    Regardless somethings cannot be unheard, and I am sorry for that. Whoever made up the rhyme, 'Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me" LIED.

    Good luck Dana.
    willie

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks Willie. Maybe that is where it came from, but I won't know until we actually sit down and talk.

      And yeah, the person that came up with that rhyme was nuts.

      Delete
  8. Oh Dana, I am so very sorry. I hope you two are able to talk things through and resolve things soon.

    Sending lots of (((hugs)))
    Roz

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks Roz. We did manage to talk it out. I'm putting up an update post now.

      Delete
  9. Grace love, you just have to sit down and talk to your husband about how hurtful you've found this. You both need to explain how you feel deep inside. At the moment, in a way, you are both putting up walls.

    I remember when I was finding it difficult to ask Dan to spank me, right back in the beginning, I was very quiet too, and not myself. His first thought was that I wasn't happy with him and wanted to leave him. How wrong he was.

    If you can manage to really have a good talk with each other, you will be able to resolve things and move along. I just know it.

    Many hugs and supportive thoughts,
    Ami

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks Ami. That's one of the comments that Steve made when we did sit down and talk. Since I was quiet and pulling away, he thought he was losing me. His accusation wasn't so much that e really thought i was doing it, but rather than he was scared that I would because I was pulling awayl.

      Delete
  10. Hey there Dana. I just read this and my heart feels for you. This is quite serious and you need to get to the botyom of this before it destroys you. My inclination would also be to shut down, put my head in the sand but that is just delaying the inevitable. As others have shared, you need to talk this out. Hopefully what you are imagining is simply not true. We are all here for you refardless of the outcome. Let us know how things go.


    ReplyDelete
  11. Dana
    I totally understand. I too have been cheated on and unfortunately I accused him recently. It started a downward spiral of chaos and confusion. This was compounded by doctors telling me I had some STD that I couldn't possibly have. It was hard to trust him this time as the past was still struggling to be let go. Two weeks later, a doctor proven wrong and some serious US time got us past this problem. Not completely resolved but I know the past is the past. I can't imagine what I did to him in that accusation. The pain I know I caused. I'm sorry you even had to feel a smidgen of that heartache. Be strong & talk to him.
    Erika

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'm sorry you guys hit a rough patch. I can certainly understand where you were coming from with the doctor saying you had an STD. I'd be upset too

      Delete

We love to hear what you think, but please be polite.