Thursday, October 23, 2014

The Kind of Man He Is

All this lately has got me thinking. I wonder if outsiders would so quick to judge our relationship if they truly knew the kind of men Steve and other HoHs are. So I'm going to tell you a little bit about the kind of man Steve is.

When I got a really bad toothache the weekend before our anniversary and had to cancel our plans, he didn't complain. Instead, first thing Monday morning, he started working the phones to find a dentist that could get me in that day. He badgered them into taking me in as soon as we could get there so I didn't have to be in pain any longer. Then he pampered me for the rest of the day.

Because that's the kind of man he is.

A few weeks ago, we had to rehome one of our dogs, one of my favorites. I knew it was going to be hard, but I didn't expect giving her up to hurt so bad. I mostly kept it together while giving her to her new family, but I fell completely apart once we got home. When Steve saw how upset I was, he offered to go get her back for me. Mind you, the family that now has her lives over an hour away and he would somehow have to convince them to give back the dog we had just gave them.

Because that's the kind of man he is.

Last year, I got caught in a snowstorm while visiting my family and ended up spinning out in the snow when I tried to drive home. Rather than risk me getting back in the car on icy roads to try to find a motel for the night, he drove three hours through the snow in the dark to come get me. Then when the snow cleared a couple days later, he went back to get my car for me.

Because that's the kind of man he is.

When I was pregnant with our daughter, we lived about 15 minutes outside of town. I craved two things when I was pregnant-strawberries and a particular menu item at a restaurant in town. It never failed that a craving for that restaurant menu item would strike just before they were due to close and about the time Steve was ready for bed. But he never complained. He just jumped in the car and went to get it for me every single time.

Because that's the kind of man he is.

Last weekend, I babysat my sister's kids so she could go out of town. Between trying to take care of the kids, one of which got sick shortly after being dropped off, and not getting much sleep because of a major assignment for one of my classes, I was a bit frazzled. So Steve offered to go pick up some pizza for dinner AND take all three kids with him while he did it so I could have a few minutes to myself. I don't think he fully understood the challenges of taking three kids anywhere by yourself, but he was willing to do it.

Because that's the kind of man he is.

When we were dating, I once made an offhand comment about how I thought it would be neat to get a bouquet of roses that had one of every color. When our first wedding anniversary rolled around, he let me sleep in that morning while he drove to every florist in the county to get me my roses. This from a man that usually can't remember what he had for supper the night before.

Because that's the kind of man he is.

Our daughter didn't like to sleep so I spent most of her first year in a sleep-deprived haze. One day she actually decided to take a nap so I joined her. A friend of Steve's was working on the mountain that overlooks where our house was. When he saw smoke near our house, he called Steve to let him know. Since I was asleep and didn't hear the phone when Steve called, he dropped everything, jumped in his truck and sped home. The road was closed to traffic when he got close so he left his truck sitting in the middle of the road and ran the rest of the way to make sure we were safe.

Because that's the kind of man he is.

When my grandmother was in her final days, he drove all night to get me there to see her. He did it on no sleep after he'd already put in a full day of work. And a week later, he did it again so I could attend the funeral.

Because that's the kind of man he is.

Every time I'm sick, he makes a trip to the local restaurant to pick up the soup I like when I don't feel good. He's gave up things he wanted (and sometimes needed) when we haven't had the money to spare. He's even borrowed money before when we've been broke just to make sure I got my soup.

Because that's the kind of man he is.

When I think about other (non-DD) couples I know, I can only think of a few husbands that would do some of these things that Steve has done. I can't think of a single one that would do all of these things. But I can just about bet that you girls can tell these same stories and others like them.

Because that's the kind of men our HoHs are.

Monday, October 20, 2014

Followup to My Life or Something Like It

For those that responded to my last post, I wanted to say thank you. Many of you pointed out potential pitfalls that I was concerned about myself. Ultimately, I chose to keep the DD part of my life private, even if it means my paper falls flat without it. Had I read Rick's comment before I submitted my paper, I probably would have taken the middle ground he suggested. Basically, sharing the underlying theme of us having a traditional marriage, but leaving out the nuts and bolts of how it works.

I'm not ashamed of being a submissive woman. I'm actually pretty open about it. While I haven't told everyone in our lives, close friends and family know that Steve and I do have a more traditional marriage where I'm submissive and he leads our family. It's not a big secret.

The funny thing is that in some ways, I was submissive long before I even heard of domestic discipline. I've always checked in with Steve before making decisions that affected us both. Whether it's wanting someone to come visit or spending money that I normally wouldn't, I've always asked him if it was okay.

It's the discipline and rules part that gets sticky. If it was just a matter of getting some raised eyebrows or a rude comment, I could deal with it. But when it involves risk to me or my family, I have to stay quiet. I can't risk my education being jeopardized or my husband being put in jail on bogus charges of abuse.

There are abusive relationships. I've been in one myself in the past. I've had loved ones that were in them. I have a loved one in one right now. And yes, I absolutely without a doubt believe that something should be done about abuse. No one should have to live in fear of another person and that's what abuse boils down to.

But with DD, it comes down to choice. I chose to live this lifestyle. I asked Steve if we could have this style of marriage. If I were to ever choose that I didn't want it any more, he would respect my decision. And I say this with absolute certainty because a while back I did tell Steve I was quitting DD and even though he was about to spank me just before I said it, he stopped right then. While I did end up agreeing to continue DD after we talked, it was a choice I made on my own because it was what I wanted, not because he talked me into it or forced me to agree to it.

It's really sad that we are forced to keep this part of our lives hidden. If people weren't so quick to jump to conclusions and would take the time to really explore what DD is, we wouldn't have to hide. Yes, my husband spanks me and it does hurt. But when it's over, it's done and we move on. I'd much rather deal with the temporary pain of a spanking than the lingering pain of harsh, angry words or withdrawal.

Wednesday, October 15, 2014

My Life or Something Like It

I'm in the process of writing a paper right now for my cultural anthropology class. It's supposed to be a typical day in my life with an explanation of how my life connects to others on a holistic level. I'm struggling with it.

I'd been working on it for over a week (she assigned it a couple weeks ago) before it hit me what the problem was. There's a huge gaping hole in my paper. I don't think I truly realized how much DD permeated until I tried to write about my day and found myself having to edit that part out.

I can say that I do my chores, but not that my husband assigns them. I can talk about having time as a couple, but not that some of that time is spent OTK. I can talk about interacting with online friends, but not that the point of connection for some of those friends is the DD lifestyle. I can say I do the dishes every night before bed, but not that it's a rule and I'll get spanked if I don't.

Without including all that, my paper falls flat. It's boring. It's not a true representation of who I am and what my typical day is. It's just a watered down version. Or at least it seems that way to me.

I have to admit there's a temptation to include that part of my life in my paper. After all, this is a cultural anthropology class where we are learning to study and understand other cultures. At its roots, the DD lifestyle is a culture.

But do I really want to open up that part of my life?  It's one thing to talk about that aspect of my life here where I have the cushion of anonymity. It's a whole different thing to talk about in a paper that has my name on it.

I just don't know. And I'm running out of time to decide.

Thursday, October 2, 2014

The Workout

Since we all like to keep in shape, I thought I'd share a new workout that I recently learned. I already had everything needed for it, but you might have to pick up a few things to do it. It will work every muscle you have. The great thing about this workout is that it's spontaneous. You don't plan for it. It just happens.

Are you ready?

Ok now you take one big, muscular dog with a knack for slipping his collar.


Wait for him to perform his trick, which will no doubt occur when the little dogs are out in the yard. You can usually tell this exercise has begun by the high pitched barks.



Spend five minutes chasing down all the little dogs so they're out of the way while you deal with the big one. This part is critical because it gets your heart rate up. They will help by waiting until you're close enough to grab them before darting away.


Once all the little ones are stowed away, head back out to corral the big dog. By this time, he's found a good hiding spot so you'll spend some time searching. If you want to work out your brain, try to figure out how a 125 dog can hide in an open yard so well.

Find big dog when he appears out of nowhere and tries to jump in your arms because for some reason, he thinks he's still the size of a puppy. Your core really gets a workout as you attempt to stay on your feet and avoid falling in the mud.

Struggle to get new collar on him while he licks you and rubs his head against you.

Attempt to lead him over to the chain to attach the collar.

Chase him around the yard when he figures out what you're up to and breaks free.

Try to open stubborn hook on chain with one hand while firmly gripping the dog's collar with the other to keep him from starting a new round of hide and seek.

Fail miserably at holding onto him one-handed. Let him go while you keep working on hook that apparently requires superhuman strength to work.

Give up on the hook and decide to just slip old collar that's still attached to the chain back over his head. After all, it came off by slipping over his head so it shouldn't be that difficult to get it back on the same way.

Participate in another round of hide and seek that ends when he once again appears out of nowhere to leap into your arms.

Stagger back to chain while giving dog a full body hug to keep him from escaping again.

Attempt to slip old collar back over his head while he alternately licks you and tries to escape. Congratulate yourself when you finally succeed ten minutes later.

Do a few quick jumps when he decides to try a new game. This one consists of him winding the chain around your ankle before taking off for the opposite side of the yard at a rapid pace.

Wait for the perfect moment to run back in the house.

If you're not too exhausted to think, wonder why this only happens when your husband is at work.

Congratulations! You've completed the workout.