Monday, October 20, 2014

Followup to My Life or Something Like It

For those that responded to my last post, I wanted to say thank you. Many of you pointed out potential pitfalls that I was concerned about myself. Ultimately, I chose to keep the DD part of my life private, even if it means my paper falls flat without it. Had I read Rick's comment before I submitted my paper, I probably would have taken the middle ground he suggested. Basically, sharing the underlying theme of us having a traditional marriage, but leaving out the nuts and bolts of how it works.

I'm not ashamed of being a submissive woman. I'm actually pretty open about it. While I haven't told everyone in our lives, close friends and family know that Steve and I do have a more traditional marriage where I'm submissive and he leads our family. It's not a big secret.

The funny thing is that in some ways, I was submissive long before I even heard of domestic discipline. I've always checked in with Steve before making decisions that affected us both. Whether it's wanting someone to come visit or spending money that I normally wouldn't, I've always asked him if it was okay.

It's the discipline and rules part that gets sticky. If it was just a matter of getting some raised eyebrows or a rude comment, I could deal with it. But when it involves risk to me or my family, I have to stay quiet. I can't risk my education being jeopardized or my husband being put in jail on bogus charges of abuse.

There are abusive relationships. I've been in one myself in the past. I've had loved ones that were in them. I have a loved one in one right now. And yes, I absolutely without a doubt believe that something should be done about abuse. No one should have to live in fear of another person and that's what abuse boils down to.

But with DD, it comes down to choice. I chose to live this lifestyle. I asked Steve if we could have this style of marriage. If I were to ever choose that I didn't want it any more, he would respect my decision. And I say this with absolute certainty because a while back I did tell Steve I was quitting DD and even though he was about to spank me just before I said it, he stopped right then. While I did end up agreeing to continue DD after we talked, it was a choice I made on my own because it was what I wanted, not because he talked me into it or forced me to agree to it.

It's really sad that we are forced to keep this part of our lives hidden. If people weren't so quick to jump to conclusions and would take the time to really explore what DD is, we wouldn't have to hide. Yes, my husband spanks me and it does hurt. But when it's over, it's done and we move on. I'd much rather deal with the temporary pain of a spanking than the lingering pain of harsh, angry words or withdrawal.

12 comments:

  1. Dana,
    I defend our lifestyle. It is sad that it is not more accepted when for some of us, it works so well.
    Great post
    Meredith

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  2. Hey Dana...I do think you made the best choice to protect you and Steve. I agree, it is a shame that we cannot be open regarding our lifestyle...there is a huge difference between abuse...been there, done that, got the t-shirt and getting a barn burner...been there, done that, got that t-shirt also! :) Bottom line...you did what you felt was best for you and your man...good for you!

    Hugs and Blessings...
    Cat

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    1. Thanks Cat. When I boiled the decision down to protecting my family or not, it was an easy choice to make.

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  3. Like you, I try to be fairly honest about who we are, except that we do leave out the how-to's, nobody's business. And it really works for us, so I don't even feel defensive about it anymore.

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  4. Hi Dana, I think you did the right thing to protect yourself and your family too. It is such a shame we can't be more open about this part of our lives. I don't think it's much of a secret that I defer to Rick to most people, but as for the rest ... that is between us.

    Hugs
    Roz

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  5. Glad it all worked out for the best!

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  6. I think that I would rather someone think that my husband is controlling. He is controlling in your own way. I would just leave out words that actually mention any type of punishment. cannot remember the actress who wrote the book where she described herself as submissive to her husband. Do it that way. But also include the love and support that he gives you. And how happy you are at the end of the day when you are loving being in his arms knowing that he is taking care of you and your household

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    1. Thanks Blondie. It's a shame most people get caught up in the word submissive or punishment and fail to look deeper to see that love that we have and how he takes care of me.

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