Wednesday, October 15, 2014

My Life or Something Like It

I'm in the process of writing a paper right now for my cultural anthropology class. It's supposed to be a typical day in my life with an explanation of how my life connects to others on a holistic level. I'm struggling with it.

I'd been working on it for over a week (she assigned it a couple weeks ago) before it hit me what the problem was. There's a huge gaping hole in my paper. I don't think I truly realized how much DD permeated until I tried to write about my day and found myself having to edit that part out.

I can say that I do my chores, but not that my husband assigns them. I can talk about having time as a couple, but not that some of that time is spent OTK. I can talk about interacting with online friends, but not that the point of connection for some of those friends is the DD lifestyle. I can say I do the dishes every night before bed, but not that it's a rule and I'll get spanked if I don't.

Without including all that, my paper falls flat. It's boring. It's not a true representation of who I am and what my typical day is. It's just a watered down version. Or at least it seems that way to me.

I have to admit there's a temptation to include that part of my life in my paper. After all, this is a cultural anthropology class where we are learning to study and understand other cultures. At its roots, the DD lifestyle is a culture.

But do I really want to open up that part of my life?  It's one thing to talk about that aspect of my life here where I have the cushion of anonymity. It's a whole different thing to talk about in a paper that has my name on it.

I just don't know. And I'm running out of time to decide.

14 comments:

  1. Hi Dana, I can feel your dilemma. It's do hard having to keep this part of your life private at the best of times.

    Hugs
    Roz

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  2. if you don't want any rude comments or questions about,,,how could you let your husband spank you,,than don't say a word,,,better yet,,do what your husband wants you to do in this situation.

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    1. Thanks anon. My husband was also on the fence about it so he left it up to me whether or not I shared that part.

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  3. Dana,
    Chelsea puts herself out there. However it would be diificult to get her advice in a short span of time. you might consider taking a deep breath and writing about who you really are. It is worth considering.
    Meredith

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    1. Thanks Meredith. I actually thought about Chelsea while I was debating. I admire her for being so open. With that said, if I'm not mistaken, she lives in a much larger city than I do. When you live in a small town, word tends to get around and I'm not quite sure I'm ready for that.

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  4. Hey Dana...I feel your frustration...have you discussed your dilemma with Steve? If I were you, I would be very careful about who I reveal my lifestyle to...depending on where you live, Steve could be arrested and charged even if you refuse to press charges. Even if he’s not arrested, he could be ostracized…so I would definitely discuss this with him before making any decision. Not trying to scare you darlin'...just please be careful. I will also throw this into the mix...I personally know of one man who lost his job due to the fact that his employer found out he spanked his wife...he also lost some 'friends' and his wife had several people approach her about a 'rescue' and then turn their backs on her when she refused. Please let us know what you decide.

    Hugs and Blessings...
    Cat

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    1. Thanks Cat. I did talk about it with Steve and he left it up to me. I ended up not including the DD part of the my life. I can handle a few negative remarks, but I was worried about the effects it might have otherwise.

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  5. Hi I have been reading your blog for a while but I am a shy lurker. Don't do it. I say this as someone who has a lot of family and friends in academia. I have taught college classes as well It is really too risky. Your prof/teaching assistant likely has very set ideas about gender roles and you will go completely contrary to this Go boring if necessary. You don't want to risk a. getting a failing grade b. being called in for an intervention c. being reported as an abused woman.
    I say this as someone very very familiar with academic culture. Don't do it.

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    1. Thanks for unlurking to share your experience anon. I did decide to go boring. If I knew the professor well enough to be sure of her reaction, I would go ahead. But since I don't, I don't want to risk coloring her opinion of me for the semester and any future courses I may take with her.

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  6. Dana

    Sorry to be late for the party. I think it way too risky to completely come out and expose your Dd activities, particularly in a college setting. Most likely there are others in your class that have a similar lifestyle, but there is also the possibility of young, intent, and naive feminists present who will be so offended as to report you and your husband as an abusive relationship. as much as i would like to cheer GO FOR IT!!, it is simply not prudent at this time. It will be in the future, but not yet. Rather I would suggest a middle course of you and your spouse enjoying a "traditional" relationship in which he is HOH and you function as "co-pilot". Liberally weave in commentary as to how it has been beneficial for both of you and that you are happy with the path you have taken. This way you can express your inner feelings without extreme risk or others screaming abuse!! Even so, expect some flak (remember the hockey players wife?) but at least they won't be trying to drag you into the local magistrate, or worse, Jerry Springer!!
    Good luck with the paper!!

    Rick

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    1. Rick, thank you for commenting. It's a shame I already turned in the paper because I love the middle ground you suggested. I admire Candace Cameron Bure for being so open about her submissiveness. If it was just a matter of getting a little flak, I'd go ahead and do it. My main concern was other effects.

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  7. I agree that it may be too risky. While you are comfortable with DD fully, those that do not may be quick to judge. Even if nothing came of it, just having the plice investigate possible abuse could have huge ramifications. I don't think it is wrong to say that you have chosen a marriage with more traditional roles, with your husband as the head of the household and the results. You both have expectations of your relationship and work hard on making those a priority. The accountability portion should be private. It is very empowering as a woman to support your husband's role. I think that is very misunderstood and this paper is a good way to express that. Good luck!

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  8. If you don't specifically mention the spankings or punishment, you should be okay

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