Tuesday, January 19, 2016

Update

A few mornings ago, Steve asked me a question. It was one I hadn't heard in a while, the question being a regular part of our check-ins and even occasionally serving as a warning to me when DD was in full swing.

Who's the boss?

At one point in time, my answer was easy. He was. If my answer was anything different, he would ask again to pinpoint whether I was just being feisty or if we needed to sit down and talk to be sure we were on the same page.

But things have changed since those days. When DD was put on the back burner as a temporary thing, we could maintain those roles. Spanking or any other punishments were off the table, but he was still in charge.

When Steve decided to take it off the table indefinitely, I had a hard time with it. After several talks that went nowhere, I had to make a change to keep my sanity. I had to put it it all behind me and that meant he could no longer be my gauge for behavior and attitude. I was the boss of me. It's the only way I could move forward.

I still talked decisions over with him. After all, I did that long before we added DD to the mix. We've had a few bumps here and there, but for the most part, we worked through them. Eventually, we found a happy medium that wasn't the couple we were before DD but also not the couple we were with DD. That probably makes absolutely no sense.

So when he woke me out of a dead sleep and asked me that question, it threw me. I knew the answer he expected, but I just couldn't give it to him. My answer seemed to surprise him.

Have you ever practiced a conversation in your head over and over until you reach the point where you almost feel like you've already had the conversation? I have done it a couple times and I remember feeling surprised that the other person wasn't on the same page because we hadn't actually had that conversation. I think that's what happened.

So he repeated the question and got the same answer. He quickly responded with a swat and asked again. Apparently our communication and being in sync has suffered since DD was taken off the table because it took a few rounds of this before we figured out this could go on for hours without us getting anywhere. So we did what we should have done in the first place. Talk.

Moving forward, we're going to try to make DD work. We can survive without it, but we're a lot better with it.

It's not without its challenges though. My sister and her kids are still living with us so we're not only having to work around them, but also deal with the stress them being here has brought. I guess we're just going to take it one day at a time.

8 comments:

  1. I hope you can make this work in a way that benefits you both Dana. I know first hand how sometimes life just makes things more challenging. You know in regard to the 'back burner' saying, I just read a quote the other day, ( I wish I could give credit to the actor or character who said it) " Things can still get burned on the back burner".

    Good luck to both of you. Life is too short to just exist in it.

    willie

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  2. Wishing you the best as you try this again.

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  3. We've gone through phases with DD. We're better with it. Good luck!

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  4. Wishing you and Steve the best Dana. I know what you mean about being 'better' with dd. I hope you find a way forward that works for you.

    Hugs
    Roz

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  5. Hey Dana...wishing you and Steve the best as you move forward. Just remember that you are different from who you were when you began DD the first time and are at a different place in your lives...so try not to expect things to be the same. Just roll with the flow. Sending lots of positive energy.

    Hugs and blessings...Cat

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  6. Good luck Dana and Steve with trying DD again. Hope everything goes as you wish it to.

    Hugs Lindy

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  7. Good luck to both of you. Hope everything goes well.

    Love,
    Ronnie
    xx

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  8. HI Dana, good luck to you both, hope everything works out well
    love Jan,xx

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