Friday, June 29, 2012

A New Twist

Yesterday we ran into our first puzzle with DD, something we didn't really anticipate. You see I actually forgot a chore. I remembered that was something I was supposed to do, but for the life of me, I couldn't remember what it was. And I had a good excuse.

I was diagnosed with migraines when I was 12. Over the years, I've tried various things to control and treat them. Some worked for a while, some didn't work at all. My latest regimen is a daily pill to prevent them from occurring with another medication to treat them if one does occur (because I still get an occasional one even with preventative medication).

I've been kind of lax on taking my medications lately so it shouldn't have been a surprise that I got a migraine the day before yesterday. It was a really bad one, probably making the top 10 list of migraines I've experienced in my life. I took an Imitex once I felt it coming on. In most cases, an Imitex and a nap is enough to head one off.

It didn't work. A few hours later, I took a second Imitrex. When it didn't bring relief, I did the only other thing I could. I turned out the lights, turned up the A/C (I get crazy hot when I get a migraine) and crawled into bed to sleep it off. Eighteen hours later, I felt halfway human again.

Steve and I always agree on the chores for the following day at night before bed. Thanks to the migraine, I wasn't operating on all cylinders when he gave me my one chore to do, something that would take all of 5 minutes to do and leave the rest of my day free. He reminded me again yesterday morning before he left for work, but since I was still half out of it at that point, it didn't connect.

As the day went on, I remembered that I was supposed to do something, but I just couldn't pinpoint what it was. So when Steve asked me yesterday evening why I hadn't done the one little chore he had asked me to do, I didn't have an answer. I finally admitted I knew there was something but thanks to the migraine, I was having trouble remembering what it was.

This put a bit of a twist on things. Since we're still fairly new to DD, this was the first migraine I'd had since we started. He was at a bit of a loss. On one hand, he didn't want to punish me for something beyond my control. But on the other hand, since I did remember there was something, I should have called him to explain the situation and ask what it was.

We talked about the situation. He wanted to be fair, but he also felt the need to be consistent. I could see his struggle and, while I didn't want to get spanked over it, I told him I'd respect his decision either way.

After some debate, he decided to spank. Ultimately, it came down to the fact that I had remembered there was a chore, but chose not to call and ask him what it was. If I had forgotten there was a chore at all, I probably would have gotten off the hook. Even though he did decide to spank me for it, it was a fairly easy as far as punishments go. While my bottom was stinging while he was swatting it, the pain was short-lived.

Since it was still fairly early, he sent me off to do my forgotten chore, promising that if it wasn't done by the time he got up in the morning, I would start the day with a sore bottom. Obviously, I did it. It's silly to risk a second, harder spanking over something that was done in just a couple minutes. And yes, he checked as soon as he got up to make sure it was done.


Monday, June 25, 2012

Company's Coming

My sister called yesterday and asked if it was okay if she came over with her daughter for a few days. I made sure Steve was okay with it and then told her to hurry up, I missed her. She'll be arriving any time.

In my excitement over her coming, I didn't really consider our new dynamic. It hit me around bedtime last night. Even though Steve's been encouraging about everything I've brought up in regards to DD, I was having trouble expressing myself. So instead of me just saying I was worried about how it would work with someone else in the house, it came out as "either I'm going to have to behave or you're going to have to wait."

Not the most tactful way to put it, but thankfully he understood what I was trying to say. He did say I still had to behave (no hall passes being issued here) and promised to be discreet. If the need for discipline comes up, he'll make sure we have privacy to deal with it. So I feel much better about that.

I am curious to see what her reaction is going to be to the changes. Most of the time when she visits, the house isn't as neat as I would like it to be because I always procrastinated on doing the household chores. While the house isn't totally cleaned up, the two weeks I've spent working on it one little chore at a time has definitely made an improvement.

She'll probably also notice the difference in how we react with each other. We've never really argued with each other when people are around, but we have got moody with each other on occasion. And I have griped to her about how he was being a total jerk (even if he wasn't, but I just wanted sympathy). Now that DD is a part of our lives, that has stopped. I'm more careful to think things through before words come flying out of my mouth. He's more careful to ask me to do something, rather than automatically get aggravated that it wasn't done to begin with.

We touch a lot more now. I don't mean in a sexual way (although that has definitely improved), but in the simple ways. Holding hands when we go somewhere together. Stopping in the hall to just give each other a hug. A kiss before one of us walks out of the room.

It's going to be interesting.


Saturday, June 23, 2012

You Save Me

I've long been a fan of Kenny Chesney. I don't think there's a song he's released that I haven't liked. Not long after Steve and I got married, the album The Road and the Radio was released and there was one song on that album that really spoke to me.

It's called You Save Me. It says everything I believe about my relationship with my husband. I loved it so much I even made it the ringtone on my phone for when he calls. Today I was listening to it again and I realized how much it says about what I'm finding with our newly begun DD relationship.

Every now and then I get a little lost
My strings all get tangled, my wires all get crossed
Every now and then I'm right up on the edge
Dangling my toes out over the ledge
I just thank God you're here

Sometimes I start to stray off the path we've chosen together. Even though I know it's not good for our relationship or family, I get a little mixed up. I'm thankful Steve is here to catch me before I go too far.

'Cause when I'm a bullet shot out of a gun
'Cause when I'm a firecracker comin' undone
Or when I'm a fugitive ready to run, all wild-eyed and crazy
No matter where my reckless soul takes me
Baby you save me

Sometimes the things I do are reckless. Even though I know I need to slow down and think about what I'm doing, I'm quick to act (or react). Rather than deal with the issues, I run. My body may still be here, but I'm locked away behind a wall I've built. He saves me from myself.

It's hard lovin' a man that's got a gypsy soul
I don't know how you do it, I'm not sure how you know
The perfect thing to say to save me from myself
You're the angel that believes in me like nobody else
And I thank God you do

While the song is written for and sang by a man, I could easily substitute woman. I know it's sometimes difficult to live with me. But he always knows the right thing to say (or do) to keep me from harming us. He believes in me, that I will eventually come around and do the right thing. And I'm thankful every day that he doesn't give up on me, on us.

I know I don't tell you nearly enough
That I couldn't live one day without your love

When I'm a ship tossed around on the waves

Up on a highwire that's ready to break
When I've had just about all I can take
Baby you, baby you save me

I'm not always good about saying it (or showing it), but I can't imagine going through life without Steve. When life throws me for a loop or I'm stressed to the max, he's always there to help me through it. Like Stormy says, he's my shelter in the storm. He always saves me-from myself, from my destructive actions, from life getting to me.

I was truly blessed the day God brought my husband into my life. Even though we've had our ups and downs, he's always been there for me. He's never given up on believing we could make it through the storms that have rocked our lives.

When I first approached Steve about bringing DD into our lives, I was worried he would think I was crazy. He didn't. Instead he saw my email for what it was-an admission that my behavior wasn't good for us, an apology for hurting him through my words and actions, and most of all, a plea for help in getting us back where we needed to be.

And although I may push against the limits he's set for us or not like the tactics necessary to bring me around, I'll forever be grateful that he cares enough and is strong enough to be the leader in our marriage and in our home.

Friday, June 22, 2012

We Talked (Or How a Too Easy Spanking Brought me Peace)

If you read yesterday's post, you know that I had got my first real punishment spanking the night before last. While Steve had the lecturing and comforting parts down pat, the actual punishment aspect was a little lacking, something we both realized. We did talk about it afterwards and then I went to find some links that would be helpful for him.

But it still didn't feel resolved for me. I had trouble sleeping that night and it was still on my mind when I woke up the next day. That's what led up to yesterday's post. I didn't know whether we should consider it a learning experience or if I should ask for another punishment since the first one didn't quite get the point across.

I kept thinking about it and finally ended up seeking the advice of Clint at Learning Domestic Discipline. He thought I was right to ask for another punishment as long as the request was made respectfully. So I decided that I would.

When Steve came in, I let him know the links were in his email and that I would like an opportunity to talk more about it later. I wanted to make sure he had time alone to read and really digest the material so I took our daughter off to the store to pick up a few things. Even though we were only going for a few things, we took our time and browsed to give him some time alone.

He did read all the links I sent him, including most of the comments, but it was several hours later after our daughter was down for the night before we were able to talk. Steve said he had a better idea of what I was expecting (needing) from a punishment, but he didn't see the need to repeat the punishment from the night before. He did give me an opportunity to share how I felt, but ultimately he decided that it was a learning experience for both of us.

At first, I was a little frustrated. After all, I was the one that had brought this to him in the hopes of getting help with the things I was doing to weaken our marriage. I was the one willing to get a sore bottom so our marriage would be stronger. Why wouldn't he give me what I needed?

When I turned away from him, I saw the prayer that I had saw in a post on Annie's Woodshed the other day and printed because it had spoken to me. I had hung it beside the bed so I would see it daily. The post was about the Slave's Prayer. which the blog's author had modified to be a Wife's Prayer. Two lines caught my eye. Let me open myself up to him and trust him. Let me accept his correction and admonishment with the grace of a Godly woman.

That's when it hit me. I had opened myself up to Steve, but I wasn't trusting him to lead in his own way. I wasn't accepting with grace his decision to administer correction and admonishment in the manner he thought fit.

So I said a brief prayer for guidance and then I turned my attention to breaking down the wall I had already started building between us. As I chipped away at each brick, the feelings of guilt eased. When the wall had been demolished, a feeling over peace came over me and I turned back to him. I curled up in his arms and told him I loved him.

I think this was a learning experience in more than one way.

Thursday, June 21, 2012

Ambivalence on a Spanking

Yesterday, I had one of those days where I just didn't want to do anything at all. Maybe I was testing because Steve had been letting me slide on a lot. Or maybe I was just feeling a bit rebellious after finishing one of the two books I bought on submission the other day (ironic I know). Whatever the reason, I gave in to it.

I only had four chores yesterday. It really wasn't that much. All I had to do was call and set up two appointments, find a lighter blanket to replace the quilt on our bed (which he actually asked me to do the day before) and start cleaning up the den. I didn't even have to clean the whole room, just do some work on it.

Steve is very careful to not give me too many chores. He doesn't want to overwhelm me. He wants to be sure I have free time to pursue my own interests. In all honesty, if I did my chores as soon as he left in the mornings, I'd be done by lunchtime at the latest and have the rest of the day free.

I procrastinated for a while before calling to set up one of the appointments. The other one completely slipped my mind. Then I procrastinated some more, debating about whether I really felt like getting up and doing the rest of the chores.

I procrastinated right up to the point I heard his car come in the driveway. All of a sudden, I felt an urgent need to finish the chores (the ones I remembered anyway). It was too late to start the den because there was no way I could show enough progress in the time it took Steve to come inside so I shot off to the laundry room to throw one of the light blankets in the washer.

Even though he quickly saw that I had not done my chores, he didn't say anything. We went off to Lowes because he needed to replace one of his work tools and since he knows my daughter and I love walking through the garden center, he patiently walked around with us looking at all the plants. He even bought me a new hanging flower basket for the front porch. I felt guilty. I don't like that feeling.

As the evening went on, he still didn't say anything and I got a little cocky. I even briefly argued with him over a parenting issue in front of our daughter. In hindsight, it wasn't the smartest thing to do but I was floating on an air of invincibility.

After I got her to sleep, I did my dishes, then came to the bedroom where he was watching a movie and laid down with him. That feeling of invincibility fled when I saw him reach over and grab the wooden spoon from his dresser beside the bed. In my most innocent voice, I asked what he needed that for.

Steve answered that I knew and had me list the chores I was supposed to have done and what I had actually done. At least I could admit I did one of the chores (two if he had counted the blanket I washed, which he didn't because it wasn't on the bed where it was supposed to be).

After a brief lecture, it was over his lap. When the first few swats came, they weren't bad. I was still fully dressed so I assumed maybe he was warming up. A few stung a little and I squirmed a bit, but they never really hurt. The lecture continued through the spanking. One of the things that stands out most is his statement that he didn't want to have to do this, but he was doing it because he loved me and I needed it.

Then he lifted me back up, sat me down beside him and told me to think about what I had done (or rather didn't do). At this point, I was still assuming the previous swats had been a warm up and I was getting a little worried about the real spanking I was sure was coming. But I knew I had it coming so when he pulled me to him again, I didn't fight him.

To my surprise, he pulled me down on the bed beside him (he had laid down while I was thinking and had been rubbing my back), wrapped his arms around me and told me he loved me. Apparently what I assumed was the warmup was the entire spanking. I laid there thinking for a bit and then asked him to turn down the tv when a commercial came on.

It was hard to get the words out. Who really wants to tell their husband they need to spank harder, make more of an impression? After a few false starts, I was finally able to tell Steve that I appreciated him stepping up when I pushed and not letting me get away with it, but... Thankfully he realized what I was getting at and filled in the blank for me. I needed more. I needed to feel like I had been punished, not just a few light swats over my clothes.

We talked some more about it. There were two issues at play. The first was that he doesn't like to see me in pain. Honestly, I think giving birth to our daughter was rougher on him than me. I repeated what I had told him in my email when I asked him to consider DD-that it was more painful for me to know I had failed him and that I would rather take a punishment, get forgiveness and move on from it.

The second issue was the line between erotic and punishment spankings. We experimented with erotic spankings early in our marriage and he still occasionally gives me a few playful swats in the heat of the moment. The reason he had chosen to spank over my clothes was that he was worried that by spanking on my bare bottom, he would inadvertently give me pleasure. Unfortunately, he didn't figure on the fact that the clothes definitely dulled the impact.

As with the first issue, I had mentioned this in my email. It was the reason behind our decision for him to not spank by hand for punishments. I'm used to his hand being for playful swats. Instead, we had decided on the wooden spoon and belt, both of which I have a healthy respect for, and any other implement he thought was appropriate.

After talking a little more, I went off to get him some links to check out. When I first brought up DD in an email, I had given him links to three sites that explained what I was looking for and how to go about it. Between work, spending time with our daughter and taking care of stuff around the house, he just hasn't had the time to read any of it yet. Even without it, Steve has the general idea from his own thoughts and from what I've told him.

So we decided that rather than him wade through the three sites and any others I might come across, I'd pick a few posts or articles on specific issues for him to read. Since our current issue is how to perform a good punishment spanking, I focused there and after some digging, found three things for him to read, one of which has links to videos. This evening when he comes in, I plan to take our daughter off to the store so he has some uninterrupted time to look at them.

On a side note, we really need more HoH's posting their thoughts. The majority of information on DD that I find is written from the female perspective, which is great for me. But I think something written from the male perspective would be more helpful for Steve. It's not like there are a lot of tutorials on how to spank your wife when she misbehaves.

Now I'm left with another decision. We both know part of yesterday's disobedience was me testing him. While he did step up, it feels unresolved for me and I still feel guilty. I debated about it last night and had a lot of trouble falling asleep. It's still on my mind today.

Do I accept last night's punishment as a learning experience? Even though it didn't hurt, I did learn that he's willing to step up and get me back on the right path when I stray. He does seem to have the lecture part down pat though. He learned that he doesn't have to be scared of breaking me and I need more for the lesson to be effective.

Or do I wait until he's read the links I sent him last night and ask him to try again because I still feel guilty about it? I don't want to tell him how to do his job. That defeats the purpose of me asking him to lead. But on the other hand, I don't think I should mostly get away with it just because we're new at this.


Tuesday, June 19, 2012

Lessons from an Overdraft

Yesterday I had to go to the bank to make a deposit. And by had to, I mean I had overdrafted the account and needed to fix it ASAP. I had miscalculated the amount of money left in the account and came up $20 short. The sad part about it was that I had the money to make the deposit when I did it. I just had procrastinated about going to the bank. So for the first time in 4 years, I had an overdraft.

I went to the bank to make the deposit. While I was there, I happened to notice the Christian bookstore next door was papered with "going out of business" and "everything 50% off" signs. I've known the store was there for a while and had been planning to go in to see what they had, but had never quite got around to it. But since I'm never one to pass up a sale, especially a sale that feeds my love of books, I went in.

My plan was to get a new women's devotional Bible. I've had the same Bible since my teens, a teen devotional my parents bought me. Even though it's geared more towards teens than an adult, it was an old friend. Pages which held scriptures significant to me were marked so I could find them easily. There were notes interspersed within the pages from sermons that really spoke to me. I loved the comprehensive subject index in the back that helped me find verses on any topic I could think of.

But since I'm pushing thirty, I figured it was time to upgrade to a woman's devotional. I checked the section for devotional Bibles, but didn't see anything I liked so I started wandering around the store to see what else I might find. The marriage and relationships section caught my eye so I went there to browse.

Two books practically jumped off the shelf into my hands. The first is You Can Be the Wife of a Happy Husband by Darien Cooper. The second is Liberated Through Submission: God's Design for Freedom in All Relationships by P.B. Wilson. I flipped through them to get an idea of what they were about, put them back on the shelf and walked off to look at some other things. But they kept calling me back so I finally ended up buying them and bringing them home.

Both of the books are about submission, both to God and to your husband. I started the first one yesterday. While I don't agree with everything it suggests (and I'm pretty sure Steve feels the same), it has offered some good information. The book is a combination of the author's words, stories from couples she has worked with and scriptures that go along with her words and the stories.

I haven't started the second book yet, although I'll probably get to it before the end of the week at the rate I'm going. Judging from the table of contents, it's not just for married women. It also has sections for singles and married men. I may end up asking Steve to read the sections for married men after I finish it.

When Steve came in from work, I showed him my purchases. Even though I paid more than I usually do for books (my book addiction is usually fed by thrift store and yard sale purchases or gifts from family and friends), he approved of my choices. I think he even liked the idea that even though I had a day free to do whatever I wanted, I chose to spend the time purchasing and reading books to improve myself and our relationship.

He told me that I could go back and buy a few more once he gets paid again. I've been browsing Amazon for ideas of what to get on my next trip and if anyone is reading this, feel free to offer suggestions.

And if you're wondering how the overdraft situation turned out, I got off easier than I expected. When we went to bed last night, I told Steve that I had overdrafted the account because I hadn't made the deposit right away and even confessed to going over on my smoking because I was nervous about it. Then I apologized and waited for his decision.

At first, he was unhappy that I had put off telling him instead of letting him know right away. In my defense, I wanted to wait until our daughter was in bed so we had privacy to deal with the situation

I got a lecture. Then he asked how much the overdraft fee was. Thankfully, I was able to tell him there wasn't one. I don't know if the bank forgave it because it was the first one since we've been banking with them and it was a small amount or because we have overdraft protection, but for some reason, they didn't charge a fee for it.

The lack of an overdraft fee saved my bottom. Literally. He let the smoking slide because he had smoked more than usual himself yesterday and he knows I smoke more when I'm nervous. But Steve made it clear that if an overdraft fee is charged or he finds out I put off making the deposit again, I will not be sitting comfortably for a while.


Monday, June 18, 2012

No Chores

I just love this sign.  I'm not a big fan of housework, which is why I tend to procrastinate when it comes to chores. I know it needs to be done, but since I don't like it, I put it off as long as I can.

You could say my philosophy on housework is this:

Unfortunately, Steve has a different philosophy on housework. Since he works his butt off every day so we can afford for me to be home with our daughter, he doesn't think it's unfair to expect me to do some household chores during the day.

So each morning he gives me a chore or set of chores that must be done by the time he gets in from work. There is a little wiggle room in the timing. If he knows I had a lot going on outside the house that day and he can see that I at least made some effort towards my chores, he'll extend the deadline to bedtime.

This morning, though, he didn't assign any chores. I don't know if he forgot (and if he did, I'm certainly not reminding him) or if he's giving me the day off since we did some major cleaning outdoors yesterday (which by mutual agreement is chore-free since it's our family day). That means I'm chore-free today other than the dishes, which have to be done by bedtime daily as a rule.

Either way, I'm taking full advantage. My plan is to kick back in my comfy chair, put my feet up and lose myself in a good book. Maybe I'll treat myself to a Jeopardy marathon since I have a couple week's worth of the DVR.

I feel like a schoolkid with an unexpected snow day.


Saturday, June 16, 2012

Date Night

Last night was date night. Date nights are a rare occurrence with us. It seems like every time we plan one, something comes up and we have to cancel. So this is the first time I've had my husband to myself in a couple months.

It was a big change from our last date night. The last time didn't go very well. I made all the decisions about what we were going to do and how we were going to do it. When things didn't go the way I wanted, I got moody and more than a bit snippy with Steve, at which point we ended up having an argument.

This date night was amazingly different. With Steve in the lead, we had a nice evening. Even though he chose the restaurant, ordered for me and literally led me around by my hand, I didn't feel controlled. I felt cherished.

And even though he took two calls during our dinner (a major peeve of mine), I held my tongue. Normally, I would have got mad about it and we would have argued. Instead, my husband apologized for the interruption, thanked me for being patient and we continued our evening.

Later that night, after we had picked up our daughter, spent some times with her and then got her to bed, we laid in our bed talking. That's when Steve said something ominous. You guessed it. He said "over my knee." He didn't have to say why. I already knew I had went over the limit he set on smoking, although only by one.

I could make excuses and say that the limit was a lot less than I had been smoking or that I had had one of those days which always leads to me smoking more, but to be honest, I was disappointed in myself. So even though I was a bit scared of what was to come, I did as he told me to.

Ultimately, he pretty much let me off the hook other than a few stinging but not overly painful swats with his hand. He told me he could see that I was trying to do better, not just on the smoking, but also taking care of the house and being more respectful, and that he was proud of me. Then he took me in his arms and drove all thought from my head other than the pleasure of his touch.

Afterwards, just before I drifted off to sleep, a thought occurred to me and I voiced it to him. When we got married, I insisted on my wedding vow being "to love, honor and cherish." Maybe we would have been better off if I had promised "to love, honor and obey" instead. Steve smiled, gave me a kiss and agreed.


Friday, June 15, 2012

Progress and Some Rules

Lately I've been finding and exploring some blogs written by others in DD relationships. I wanted to get a clearer picture of it in practice and maybe get some advice. One of the amazing blogs I came across was Shelter In the Storm. Stormy has a way with words, vividly painting a picture of a scene and usually often making me laught in the process.

Yesterday she posted Let's Call it Domestic Harmony. I read it several times because it spoke to me. More than anything else I had came across so far, it described the very essence of what I was hoping to find when I brought up the subject of DD with my husband. So when he came in yesterday evening, I asked him to read it.

After Steve read Stormy's post, he gave me a hug and then we went to lay down on the bed for a while and talk. There was a lot of honesty and even a few tears from both of us. He admitted that he hadn't liked the way things were going, but nothing he had tried to fix things had worked so he hadn't known what else to do.

I admitted I hadn't liked the way things were either and I wanted them to change. I also told him about coming across DD a year and a half ago, but struggling to work up the nerve to bring it to him. And we were finally able to put the past behind us and move on to hopefully finding that domestic harmony Stormy talked about.

Then we talked about moving forward. Together we came up with some rules we could both live with. He's not big on rules so there isn't a lot of them-1) No disrespect 2) No disobedience and 3) Dishes must be done daily.

Every day I also have a household chore (or several) that Steve wants me to do. I tend to get overwhelmed and shut down when faced with too much of a mess (and unfortunately our house is a wreck right now thanks to my procrastination). When that happens, nothing gets done. Since he knows this, he's decided to give me specific tasks rather than a general clean the house. The exception is Sunday, which is chore-free other than my dishes, because that's our day to spend together as a family.

After our talk, we went to smoke (a habit both of us are trying to quit) and another rule was added. I hadn't done so well on cutting back yesterday. In fact, I had smoked more than usual. So the new rule is that he sets a number as the limit and if I smoke more than that, I pay the consequences. I'm probably not going to like it if I go over, but it's a good thing for many reasons (my health, our daughter, finances).

Just so you don't think Steve's an meanie, he has to stay within the limit too. Hopefully with us stepping down at the same rate, we'll be quit at the same time and not have to worry about starting back up because the other one is still smoking. Both of us have tried to quit on our own at various points in our relationship. So it's best for us to quit at the same time so neither is tempting the other.

I wish I had found Stormy's post a year and half ago when I first started trying to get up my nerve to ask Steve about DD. Maybe if I had, we could have already reached the point of domestic harmony. Instead we're just starting out and are still in our very first week. 


Thursday, June 14, 2012

Not a Morning Person

I've never been a morning person. Even as a child, I liked my sleep and fought getting up in the mornings. This morning was no different. When the alarm went off, I gave it a glare and debated about turning it off and going back to sleep.

Then Steve asked where the clothes I had did the other day were because they weren't in his dresser like they were supposed to be. Oops! I hopped out of bed and said I'd go get them. And he asked if they were still in the dryer with that tone (eek! less than week of being HOH and he already has the tone down). Thankfully, I was able to answer that no, they weren't still in the dryer.

It's not a rule yet (although that will probably be changing soon), but I know from remarks he's made in the past that he hates having to dig his clothes out of a basket. He hates having to dig them out of the dryer even more. This time they weren't in either place. So I scurried off to the laundry room, where they were sitting folded on top of the dryer.

As I was passing through on my way to the laundry room, I noticed the garage door was open so when I got back to the bedroom I asked him if he'd been out this morning already. He hadn't and then he reminded me that I was the last one to come in last night, which meant that I had left it open. In my defense, he almost always is the one to close the garage door because it's a manual door and being short, I can barely reach the handle to pull it down when it's open.

So I got a look (yep, he has that down too already) and a brief lecture. See me leaving the garage door open all night was problematic in more than one way. First, because we rarely lock the door between the garage and the house, someone could have came in while we were sleeping. Second, his tools and work equipment are stored in the garage so they could have been stolen by anyone walking by.

Given how the morning was rolling along, it's a wonder that I hadn't already found myself dealing with more than a certain tone, a certain look and a lecture. All I can say is that I'm grateful that our child was already up for the day, which is probably the only reason I'm sitting comfortably right now.

We sat down at our mutual computers (we each have our own as does our child), which is where I was a few minutes later when I got an honest to goodness warning. You see Steve's computer has been acting strange and he had asked me a few times to take a look at it. The man is a wonder when it comes to hardware. If you need a component replaced or even an entire computer built from scratch, he's your man.

But when it comes to software issues, he's in the dark. That is the area where I shine. He had asked me before to take a look at his computer and see if I could fix the problem. I kept saying I would and then I'd get busy (or procrastinate) and it never got done. Since I felt bad about that, I told him I would take the time to do it today or I'd give him my laptop until I had finished it.

His response? After taking a quick look to make sure our daughter wasn't within earshot, he said you WILL do it today or you're getting spanked. I'd like to say I accepted this warning gracefully, but apparently my brain wasn't firing on all cylinders yet. So instead of saying "yes Steve" like I intended, I said "I'd rather you take the computer."

Needless to say, I now have to work on his computer or I get spanked AND lose my laptop.

Did you hear that crack?

That's the thin ice I'm standing on right now.


Wednesday, June 13, 2012

Almost Doesn't Count...Usually

Steve is fond of the expression "Almost doesn't count except in horseshoes and hand grenades." So when he came home from work earlier than I was expecting and I wasn't completely done with the chores we had agreed on, I was worried.

Admittedly, I had procrastinated a tiny bit during the day. But I also had to go grocery shopping (always an adventure with our child) and my mom called wanting to talk. I could blame my failure to be completely done on those things, but to be honest, I probably would have been finished despite all that if I hadn't procrastinated.

Surprisingly, I got a reprieve. Maybe it was because he knew I wasn't expecting him home so early. Maybe it was because when he walked in, I was on the way to the washer with the load of clothes I was supposed to have washed. Maybe it was because it's our first day and I had clearly tried to some extent because everything else on my list had been done (and yes he checked).

Whatever the reason, he didn't push the issue although I did have to finish the load of clothes. He did offer a subtle warning though. Apparently, the job site he just started on is close to our home and it has strict hours for when contractors are allowed to be there. So he'll be coming home earlier than I'm used to every night until this job is done and there's a good chance he'll show up unexpectedly for lunch while he's working there.

I've definitely got to get this procrastination under control.


Tuesday, June 12, 2012

And So It Begins

Last night I took a step. Not a baby step, but a huge potentially life-changing step. It took me a while, but I took it. I told my husband Steve (name changed for privacy) that I wanted to take the road less traveled, in our case domestic discipline.

There is a very long story behind my decision to ask for this and I may share some details later, but for now, suffice it to say, this is needed. Nothing we have tried to date has worked.

So last night, I finally did it. I hit send on an email I had been working on for a week, an email of close to 3000 words explaining everything I felt and why I wanted to give this a shot. To say I was scared would be an understatement. To tell the truth, I was so worried how he'd react that after hitting send and alerting Steve to the fact he had email, I immediately skedaddled for the shower and took the longest shower of my life.

I guess I spent all my courage on hitting the send button because it took me forever to get up the nerve to walk out of the bathroom. It's kind of silly because if I hadn't came out, he would have eventually came in there after me, if only to make sure I was okay.

Thankfully, he doesn't think I'm crazy and he appreciates the fact that I care enough that I would be willing to take such a wild leap. So today begins a new stage in our marriage.