Monday, July 9, 2012

Giving In

Let me weave you a story. You see once there was a man and his wife. Together they had came to the conclusion that change was needed in their marriage. So they decided to add domestic discipline to their relationship. They sat down to come up with some rules (which have been added to as the husband saw fit) and the wife agreed to follow them with the knowledge that failure to do so meant consequences. The husband agreed to issue the consequence as needed.

Then one day the wife didn't do one of her assigned chores. The man, feeling benevolent, let her slide, telling her she could take care of the chore the next day. When the end of the next day rolled around, the chore was still not done. In fact, due to the delay, it had grew larger. When the husband approached the wife about it, her response was that she didn't want to do it.. It was at this point that someone gave in.

Do you know who it was? I'll give you a clue. It wasn't me.

I don't know why I'm surprised. Nearly every DD blog I've read has at least one post bemoaning the lack of consistency. But for some reason (I don't know why), I didn't see that happening with us. It turns out I was wrong.

The chore in question wasn't a big one. It could have been done in less than ten minutes. But I kept putting it off, right up until the point it got late and I was too tired to bother with it. And he let me off the hook. The next day the chore grew bigger, to the point it would take a bit longer to complete, but I procrastinated on it again. Then when Steve said something about it, I flat out told him I didn't want to do it. He let me off the hook again.

Now here we are on the third day. After getting off the hook for two days straight, I'm feeling a bit rebellious and fighting the temptation to not only skip my overdue chore, but also the chores I have for today. I'm feeling the lack of consistency.

I love the fact that Steve is a sweet guy. The kind of guy that will let me off the hook when I'm tired or sick, or when we've been busy. The lack of consistency in those situations doesn't bother me. It doesn't leave me feeling like he's giving in.

But when he lets me off the hook without me having a good excuse for not one, but two days in a row, it leaves me feeling unsettled. Even though I know it's not the greatest idea, I find myself wanting to push the issue, wanting to see how many times he'll let me off the hook before he does something about it.

Logically, I know that this is a time when I should embrace my submissive role. I should do the chore because he asked (told) me to. Because that's the role I agreed to for the good of our marriage. Because it would make him happy. I know I should do it regardless of whether there's a punishment coming if I don't.

I need to feel his strength when I push. I need to know that he's a nice guy, but he isn't going to let me walk all over him. I need to know that he's going to step up and do something when I start slipping. And even though I don't want to be spanked, I need to know he'll turn me over his knee and paddle my bottom when I need it.

I know we're still new at this and it's an ever-changing learning experience for both of us. I know things will get better as time passes and we both become more adjusted to our roles. But I need that consistency from him. I need it so I can be consistent about doing the things that I should be doing.


  1. You are certainly not alone, Dana. I have felt this way a few times myself and I know that others have as well. Just try communicate to him the things that you've expressed above (which was very clear and concise, imo). Let him know how it feels to you when he lets you off the hook with no good excuse. However, may I humbly suggest that you take care of that chore BEFORE you do so? Maybe that would help to show him that you are serious about holding up your end of the bargain and then you could take that opportunity to respectfully explain to him how you need to him to hold up his end by being consistent? Just an idea!

    1. Thanks Tess. I was feeling very frustrated when I wrote this post this morning. I was frustrated at him for not stepping up when I needed him to. Then after writing the post and thinking about it some more, I got frustrated at myself for digging in my heels on something minor AND for taking advantage of him being nice enough to let me off the hook the first time.

      I did end up doing today's chores and will be doing the overdue chore as soon as I finish my lunch. I'm going to talk to him about it. Maybe I'll just show him this post since I seem to be better at writing my thoughts than saying them.


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