Thursday, July 26, 2012

What Is Domestic Discipline?

Grace at Enjoying the Journey posed an interesting question. What is domestic discipline? Since one of the very things that makes DD such a great tool for couples is that it is customizable to each individual couple, I'm sure there is going to be a wide variety of answers.

This is my definition of domestic discipline.

Domestic discipline is a relationship built on love, trust and respect in which the head of household has the right and responsibility to set and enforce guidelines for the good of the relationship, the family and the home with the full consent of his partner.
Now I'll break it down. Since most DD relationships, including mine, are male-led, I'm writing from that point of view.

A relationship built on love, trust and respect

These three things are necessary for any relationship, not just a DD relationship. Whether you're in the head of household or submissive role, there needs to be love for your partner.

It takes a huge amount of trust on both sides. The head of household has to trust that his partner isn't going to run screaming to the police the first time he spanks her. Or take advantage of the dynamic to satisfy a kink. The submissive partner has to trust that her HoH isn't going to take advantage of his role. That he'll set rules for the benefit of them, not himself. That he will be strict, yet fair with his punishments.

Respect is also huge. The woman must respect her husband's right to lead, to set the rules necessary for their happiness and safety, to enforce those rules when needed. The man must respect that his wife has given him a very valuable, very fragile gift in her submission and that her submission does not in any way means she's less than him..

The right and responsibility to set and enforce guidelines

I think some get caught up in the rights of a HoH, but forget it's also an awesome responsibility. Just like a ship with no captain will roll in the waves, a DD relationship will flounder if the HoH doesn't take responsibility for setting the rules needed and for enforcing those rules when necessary.

For the good of the relationship, the family and the home

It's easy to get caught up in being in a position of authority. There are some that even abuse this authority by setting guidelines to benefit themselves. A true head of household avoids selfishness and sets rules that benefit their partner, their relationship and their family.

With the full consent of his partner

Domestic discipline requires equal effort from both sides. Both partners need to be on board. Without consent, it's abuse.


  1. Great post Dana! Thanks so much for sharing your viewpoint! :)


We love to hear what you think, but please be polite.