Saturday, September 29, 2012

Date Night Revisited

After last weekend's disaster of a date night, I was a little leery of trying for another date night so soon. But my sister was over for the weekend and she offered to babysit so we could go out. As an added bonus, we wouldn't have to rush back to pick up our daughter before bedtime because she would already be at home.

We ended up eating at home instead of going out. Earlier in the day I had tried a new crockpot recipe, completely forgetting that we were supposed to go out. Steve was already hungry when he came in from work so we ended up going ahead and eating.

Then we took off to visit the adult toy store. I don't like going to it alone because there are some skeevy characters that frequent the place and a woman alone in that type of store tends to draw unwanted attention. So we went together and had fun browsing the selection.

It was clear the store had caught on to the 50 Shades craze because they had one whole section set aside for stuff mentioned in the book, as well as some other things of a similar nature. Steve was showing a surprising interest in nipple clamps. Thankfully he was a bit shocked at the price so I was able to drag him away to another part of the store before he found something else that interested him.

A little while later, he got a phone call so I wandered back over to that section and discovered a small selection of implements. Unfortunately I wasn't paying attention to him because his call ended a little sooner than I expected and he joined me to check out my discovery. He ended up finding a new implement that wasn't too expensive.

Since we had already ate, we were at a bit of a loss when we came out of the store. Here we had the whole evening free, but couldn't think of anything to do. Neither of us are the type to go to bars or clubs.

As it turns out, my car ended up deciding things for us. My ignition switch is going bad. Since my car has headlights that come on automatically when the car is cranked, that meant they were affected to. After the headlights went out a couple times, we decided to just head home. Other than one scary moment when they blinked out again on the interstate, we made it home without incident.

He still hasn't got to try out his new implement yet because of our company. Since we don't really have a guest room, we usually put guests in our daughter's room and let her sleep with us. Needless to say, between having company in the next room and a child in our bed, there wasn't much chance of anything happening.

Now that our company has left and our daughter will be back in her own bed tonight, I have no doubt that it will be making an appearance tonight. Especially since I landed myself in some trouble yesterday and he had to postpone spanking because of the sleeping situation.

Friday, September 28, 2012

Pain Threshold and the Female Cycle

I got spanked last night. It started out as role affirmation (which had been put off since Monday for various reasons), but turned to punishment after I confessed to a slip. While we were still in the role affirmation part, I asked Steve if he was spanking harder than usual because it seemed like it hurt more. He said no and I said well my pain threshold must be lower.

This morning I was trying to pinpoint why it hurt more last night and an idea occurred to me. Could it be because a certain aunt we all know and hate is visiting this week?

I decided to do some digging. My first step was to check my fertility charting software to find out exactly when previous cycles occurred (mine are irregular so I rely on charting to keep track) so I could see if they lined up with more painful spankings. Unfortunately, the cycles I have had since beginning DD lined up with spanking-free weeks so it was back to the drawing board.

Next I put my medical background to work by researching pain threshold and the female cycle in medical journals. I found something interesting. Research has found a link between estrogen and pain tolerance.

Researchers looked at why this occurs. When the body senses pain, opioids called endorphins and enkaphalins are released. These bind to receptors called to mu-opioid receptors, which are found throughout the brain. This results in the person's perception of pain being altered, making them more able to tolerate it.

When estrogen levels are decreased such as they are at the beginning and end of a menstrual cycle, fewer opioids are released and fewer receptors are activated. This has the effect of lowering the pain threshold, which is why spankings that occur during these times seem to hurt more than ones carried out in the middle of the cycle when estrogen levels are at their peak.

Saturday, September 22, 2012

Date Night Derailed

Since we brought domestic discipline into our relationship, Steve and I have been making more of an effort to spend one on one time together. Now that we're communicating better, he has realized how much I need that time and how it affects my mood when I don't get it.

So we've been scheduling date night roughly every other week. We send our daughter to Grandma's house for a few hours and I get my one on one time. Sometimes we go out. Sometimes we stay in and watch a movie.

With everything that's been going on recently, we haven't had a date night in nearly 2 months. So when our daughter mentioned going to Grandma's, we jumped at the chance. The plan was to drop her off, then head a few towns over to pick up a few things from the adult store and go out to eat.

It was a good idea in theory. It didn't work so well in practice. Steve's boss called and said he was bring his paycheck over so we decided to wait on him. We waited and waited and waited some more. After a while, I gave up the idea of going out to eat or shopping because I knew there wouldn't be enough time to do all that and get back in time to pick our daughter up by bedtime.

There's a grocery store right around the corner so I went to pick up a few steaks to grill, figuring I'd at least get a good dinner out of the night. When I came back, the neighbor was here. He's okay, but company was the last thing I wanted to see when I pulled in the driveway, especially when it's someone who always stays forever and is incapable of taking a hint.

Wouldn't you know as soon as the steaks were done, Steve's boss finally showed up. I ended up eating alone. By the time we got rid of everyone and both of us ate, it was past time to pick up our daughter.

Despite our date night derailment, there were some good things that happened. One, it didn't cause an argument. In the past, I would have got mad over this type of situation. While I know there wasn't really anything Steve could do, I would have took out my frustration on him. Instead of focusing on my frustration, I respectfully let him know that I was disappointed our night didn't go as planned because I was looking forward to time alone with him.

The second good thing is that I finally opened up to Steve about my realization that sometimes I need a spanking to release tension and built up emotions, not just because I'm in trouble. Up until now, I've kept quiet in the hopes that he would realize it himself. However, this often resulted in me getting frustrated because he didn't, which led to me getting myself in trouble because my mindset wasn't where it needed to be. While it got me the spanking I needed, I didn't like the cycle.

So when Steve jokingly asked if I wanted to get spanked while we were waiting, I said yes, let's go right now. He didn't end up spanking me right then, but we did start talking about how I was feeling really bottled up at the moment, which was affecting my mood and my mindset. And I confessed that I thought a spanking would help me get everything out.

So much later after everyone was gone and our daughter was asleep for the night, we headed to the bedroom. We talked some more and I tried to explain things a little better. I'm not sure if he completely got what I was saying, but he did say that whenever I felt like I needed a spanking, he wanted me to come to him and let him know. Then he spanked me.

Friday, September 21, 2012

20 Signs You Might be in a DD Relationship

You might be in a domestic discipline relationship if:

  1. You try to steer your HoH away from any sections of the store that might have something to spank with.
  2. You call your HoH while they're at work and the first thing they ask is "What did you do?"
  3. You sit down quickly whenever your HoH unbuckles his belt.
  4. You've ever used the excuse of a fall or a hard workout to explain why you're sitting gingerly.
  5. While redecorating a room you have no problem picking coordinating fabrics because you're intimately familiar with what the carpet looks like.
  6. You have no wooden spoons in the kitchen because they're all in the nightstand beside the bed.
  7. You spend more time in the corner than your kids do.
  8. You blush any time the word shed is mentioned.
  9. You're better at finding loopholes than a lawyer. 
  10. You soundproof your bedroom before unpacking when you move to a new house.
  11. The only thing that comes out of your HoH's woodshop is paddles.
  12. You're going somewhere new and the first thing you think of is how you will handle spankings while away from home.
  13. You avoid getting in trouble before or during a long trip because you know you will be sitting a lot.
  14. Instead of receiving jewelry or chocolates for holidays and anniversaries, you get spanking implements.
  15. Your letter to Santa includes items such as numbing cream or a hall pass.
  16. When buying a new swimsuit, one of the things you consider is how well it will cover any marks or redness if you get spanked before going to the beach or pool.
  17. After sleeping on your back all your life, you now find it more comfortable to sleep on your stomach.
  18. Your HoH has tennis elbow and he doesn't play tennis.
  19. All of the wooden seats in your house have magically disappeared and been replaced by thick cushioned seats.
  20. You've finally found that marital bliss you always hoped for.

 Feel free to offer more suggestions to expand the list.

Wednesday, September 19, 2012

Finding Forgiveness

Since bring domestic discipline into our relationship, finding forgiveness hasn't been a problem. I make mistakes, take the consequences, get forgiveness and move on. Until now.

Last night Steve and I were talking and I admitted to him that I still felt bad over why I got spanked Monday night. In a move that surprised both of us, I had lied to him. It wasn't a whopper of a lie, but a lie nonetheless. He had asked if I did my chores for the day and I told him yes because I honestly believed I had done everything I was supposed to.

Then he went down the list asking about each specific chore and it was then that I realized I had forgot one. Instead of admitting it, I lied. Our conversation went something like this:

You did your chores?


All of them?  


The dishes?  


The laundry?  


The dusting?  

(hesitation) Sure.

So you found the duster? (I had mentioned that morning that it wasn't where I usually keep it so I had to find it)

Ummm. No.

Then what did you dust with?


You didn't dust, did you? 

No, I forgot. I'm sorry I lied about it.

He spanked me for it, making it crystal clear that lying to him was unacceptable and would not be tolerated. It was not an easy spanking, but rather one that seemed to go on and on and on. When it was over and I was curled up in his arms, he said I was forgiven.

That should have been the end of it. But it wasn't. Steve may have forgiven me, but I'm having trouble forgiving myself.

I'm not normally someone who lies. For one, I'm terrible at it. I nearly always give myself away. If you and I met in person today and I told you a lie, chances are you would be able to tell right away. Even if you didn't, I'd feel so guilty about lying that I'd probably confess immediately.

The second reason, the more important one, is that I've always believed that lying to someone shows a lack of respect for that person. I respect my husband so there's no reason to lie to him.

So even though I got punished for lying, I'm still having trouble with the fact that I did it in the first place. Mainly because it's not something I typically do. When I told Steve how I was feeling, he just said that he had already forgiven me. He also reminded me that this is part of why I brought DD to him, so I could stop the guilt cycle by dealing with the consequences of my actions, get forgiveness and move on to do better in the future.

He didn't offer to spank again and I didn't ask for it. To be honest, I don't think another spanking is the answer. This is something I need to get right in my mind.

Do you ever have trouble forgiving yourself for a mistake after your HoH has forgiven you for it?

Saturday, September 15, 2012

The Rules

As promised, I'm sharing our rules. We started out with only three rules (the first three). The others have been added as Steve sees the need for them. It's a process and we're still learning what we need to keep things going smoothly.

No disobedience
This covers a lot of ground. It includes disobeying something he told me to do (or doing something he told me not to do). It also covers not doing chores on the chore calendar we agreed to. Nine times out of ten, if I'm in trouble, it has to do with this rule. It's not that I intend to deliberately disobey him, but I have a tendency to procrastinate and I end up not getting things done in time.

No disrespect
This covers the basic disrespectful actions-talking over him, ignoring him when he talks, rolling my eyes, raising my voice to him, etc. We've also chosen to include dishonesty in this rule because we both feel that lying shows a lack of respect.

Dishes must be done daily
This is a major peeve of Steve's. I had a tendency to let dishes build up until I had a huge load to do and then do them all at once. Of all our rules, this is the one he's quickest to notice me slipping on so I try to keep them done up now although occasionally if I'm really tired, I'll forget them and end up in trouble.

Deposits must be made as soon as the bank opens
I don't know why, but I always put off going to the bank when we get money. It was never a problem until a couple months ago when I ended up overdrafting the account because I hadn't made the deposit and mistakenly believed there was enough money in the bank to cover my transaction. As a result, Steve made it a rule.

No "sulking" or refusing to speak when I'm upset
I have a tendency to withdraw and not speak to Steve when I'm angry at him over something. I guess some couples would call it distancing. Whatever you want to call it, it's not good for our relationship and Steve didn't like it so it became a rule.

Medications must be taken as prescribed
I'm generally pretty good about taking my medicines so this rule wasn't originally on the list. It came about after I ended up with a really bad migraine as a result of skipping my pills for a few days. Steve doesn't really check to see if I'm taking my medicine aside from asking me once in a while so he relies on me being honest about this one.

Bedtime is 11:00
This is our newest rule. I tend to be a bit of a night owl so I usually won't go to bed before 1. Since I have to be up in the mornings to get our daughter off to school, this caused some problems. The rule came about when I laid down during the day, slept through the alarm and was late picking up our daughter from school, which cost us money. There is some flexibility. I can stay up later if Steve is up (like on weekends) and I can ask to stay up later in certain cases (company, a movie ending later, etc).

There was a rule about smoking, but it ended up getting dropped because Steve didn't feel right punishing over smoking when he smoked himself. He does still spank over smoking if he feels like I'm smoking too much though.

Friday, September 14, 2012

Fun With Search Terms

It's always interesting to see what search terms bring people to my blog. Today, I'm looking at them and sharing.

domestic discipline marriage rules

We do have rules and I've spoken about them here and there, but I've never written a post listing all of them. Since this was one of the most popular search terms, maybe it's time I sit down and list them all out. Look for a post in the next few days.

almost doesn't count except for horseshoes and hand grenades

I bet the people searching this were surprised when they ended up here. This is one of Steve's favorite expressions. I've mentioned it a time or two, usually in reference to a spanking I received because he didn't feel that "it's almost done" was an acceptable answer to why a chore wasn't finished.

bumps after spanking

Apparently I'm not the only one that's run into this issue. I wrote about it back in July and you can read about it here. It showed me that blistering a bottom is not just a phrase.

mission accomplished spanking

This one kinda tickled me. While I write my posts with an eye of what not to do, I guess you could use them as a template for what to do to get a spanking.

morning spankings

I wrote about a morning spanking here. I rarely get spanked in the mornings, usually because we're too busy running around trying to get out the door. Personally, I don't care for morning spankings because it means my bottom will be sore all day. I'd much rather be spanked in the evening because then I have all night for my bottom to recover and sitting is a little easier the next day.

the hardest part of spanking

It may come as a surprise, but the hardest part of a spanking for me isn't the actual spanking. It's knowing that I messed up enough to deserve a spanking. For Steve, I think the hardest part of spanking is causing me pain. Even though we're three months into a DD relationship, he struggles with this.

Thursday, September 13, 2012

One of Those Days

You ever have one of those days where you just feel off? Well I'm having one today, which is probably why I found these funny. Enjoy!

Wednesday, September 12, 2012

The Ritual

Lillie over at A New Life for Lillian had an interesting post about rituals. She encouraged other DD couples to share their own rituals. My first thought was that we don't have a ritual. But after thinking about it for a bit, I realized that we actually do.

I'm rarely sent to our bedroom to await a punishment. However, if I know I'm in trouble, I often find myself gravitating there in the evening. Steve doesn't usually spank right away upon entering the room. The exception to this is when he sends me to our room to wait for a punishment.

Usually, though, he comes in and we snuggle up in bed to talk about our days or watch TV together. Between his job and spending time with our daughter, we don't get a lot of one on one time so he makes an effort to spend time with me.

When he's ready, he asks me if I'm ready for my spanking. Sometimes I am, sometimes I balk. Once I even asked if he wouldn't rather have a blowjob. Not my finest moment. Of course, he ended up getting one afterwards.

If I haven't already undressed, I get up and take my clothes off. I tend to drag my feet with it even if I'm accepting of the need for a spanking. Then I get in whatever position he tells me to. Sometimes it's over his lap. Sometimes it's flat on my stomach. Sometimes he sends me to get the big pillow so I can lay across it.

Once I'm in position, we talk about why I'm being punished. This is my opportunity to share my side of the story. During this time, he lectures and asks questions. I've learned over time that "I don't know." is not an acceptable answer. He always assures me that he is doing this out of love.

He will sometimes send me after an implement at this point, but most of the time he's already retrieved whatever he plans to use. Then the spanking begins. He lectures while he spanks, punctuating certain points with a harder swat. Most of the time I'm pretty good about staying in position. When I'm not, he just tells me to get back in position and I get a couple harder swats as punishment for moving. He generally doesn't restrain me at all unless I get my hands and/or feet in the way too much. Then he does it for my safety.

I stay in position after the spanking while he comforts me. He rubs my back and reassures me of his love for me. Once I'm calmer, I curl up in his arms and lay my head on his chest. I apologize again and he tells me I'm forgiven.

Tuesday, September 11, 2012

I Don't Want to Brag, But...

Yesterday I went out to lunch with a friend that recently moved back to town. We've got together a few times since she's been back, but haven't really had the chance to talk because our husbands and kids were around. Since the guys were at work and all but one of the kids were at school, we took the opportunity to catch up.

Talk turned to our guys. She said "I don't want to brag, but..." and then commenced to bragging on her husband for a while. I'm happy for her. When we first met, she was in a bad relationship. I found out later it had gotten even worse after she moved away. Now she's found a good guy and they've been married a couple years.

It got me thinking though. Shortly after we brought DD into our relationship, Steve surprised me by telling me he'd been bragging on me to his friends and family. It really meant a lot for me to hear that because for once, he was bragging about me being the perfect wife, not just a good mom, cook, tax preparer, etc.

But as I listened to my friend brag on her husband, it occurred to me that I hadn't really been doing much bragging on mine. Sure, I've told him what a great husband I think he is. Sure, I've mentioned a few things here and there to family and friends. But, I haven't bragged like he did (or my friend did).

So I'm fixing that now. I don't want to brag, but...

I have an amazing husband.

I have a caring husband. He's stuck with me through ups and downs. He's there when I'm sick. He's there when I'm well. He stands beside me no matter what life throws at us. When I'm weak, he holds me up. When I'm strong, he lets me know how proud it makes him.

I have a husband who's a family man. When he's not working, he's spending time with me and our daughter. When work takes him away, he's always checking in to see how we're doing and to let us know how much he loves and misses us.

I have a strong husband. When I brought DD to him, he stepped up and has shown me that he's one heck of a leader. He's strong enough to lead our family through life's up and downs. He's strong enough to keep us on track, even if it means being the bad guy sometimes.

I have a husband who works hard to provide for his family. He gets up every morning and goes to a job that he hates to keep a roof over our head and food on the table. He's worked when he was sick and when he was hurt. There's been times when he went back to work the day after he was released from a week-long hospital stay.

I have a supportive husband. Even when he doesn't understand my dreams, he supports me achieving them. He picks me up when I have a temporary setback and applauds me when I reach my goals.

I have a husband who is an amazing lover. We've been together 7 years and the sex these days is just as good as it was in the beginning, if not better. Without me saying a word, he knows when I need him to drive me to new heights and when I need the tenderness of slow caresses and gentle love-making. He's not a selfish lover either. Most of the time, my orgasms outnumber his 5 to 1.

I don't want to brag, but I have the best husband a woman could ask for. And he's all mine.

Monday, September 3, 2012

A Break? No Thanks!

When I first brought the idea of domestic discipline to Steve, I suggested we do it on a trial basis. My thinking was that he might be more willing to try if it was something we were just trying rather than committing to. And maybe in the back of my mind, I was wanting an out in case I found out it wasn't what I really wanted.

He said it was all or nothing. If we truly wanted it to work, we both had to commit fully and as long as we knew it was a temporary thing, we wouldn't be giving it our full commitment. He was right so we both committed.

Knowing that, you could have knocked me over with a feather when we were talking the other night and he suggested that we take a break from DD. Basically, he was offering me an extended hall pass until I'm back to normal. His thinking is that I have a lot going on right now and he can't change most of it so he would change the one thing he could.

I understood what he was saying so I thought about it for a bit. While I was thinking, we kept on talking about what was going on with me, how he unintentionally hurt me with what he said the other day and what he was thinking. Then I made my decision.

I turned him down flat.

Life is going to throw us some curveballs occasionally. While it would be easy to let things go while we deal with those curveballs, we need to learn how to handle them. We'll never learn how unless we try.

Before DD, I went through cycles of guilt. I would mess up. Steve would fuss at me over it or we'd fight about it. And I'd feel guilty. Then because I was focused on my guilt, I'd end up messing up again, which started the whole cycle over again. DD put an end to that. Now if I mess up, we talk about it, I deal with the consequences, he forgives me and we move on. I'm human and I'm going to mess up at times. I don't want to fall back into those old cycles of guilt.

DD has brought so many changes to our marriage, changes I'm not willing to give up. Better communication, more intimacy, a return to spirituality, more respect and attentiveness. These are all things that came about once we brought DD to our marriage. Even though I know that we should be able to maintain these without DD, I worry that they will get lost.

Last, but not least, even though it doesn't seem that way, DD has been helping me through all this stress. With everything going crazy, our relationship is the one stable thing in my life right now. I know the rules. I know the consequences. I know what to expect. I feel secure.

And while I've had some missteps lately and Steve has thought that him spanking me wasn't having an effect, it has. It helps me feel more centered and connected. It reminds me that even though everything around me is going crazy, he has us in hand. It helps me focus so I can keep going rather than give in to the emotions and let everything go.

And it was for those reasons that I turned him down. Because I know that no matter what life throws at us, we can get through it if we face it together.