No, I don't mean I broke another implement, although a girl can hope. That would be better than what I did. You see a couple weeks ago I came to the conclusion that I hadn't quite given up control like I thought I did. Or rather that I had, but I kept stealing it back.
So I've been working really hard at it. I've been trying to let Steve lead as he sees fit and not constantly put my two cents in about how he should be doing it. And I thought I was doing well.
Until last night. Last night was role affirmation, a time when I should be reminded that he is in charge and my role is to submit. But I wasn't. Instead I kept stopping him to tell him how he should do it. I wasn't consciously trying to take back control, but that's what happened.
Between healing from the shingles and everything else we have going on at the moment, spanking has taken a bit of a backseat. There has been a few swats here and there, but they've been fairly quick and light. As a result, my bottom is a little out of shape.
So when the first swat landed last night, I immediately went into "get me outta this" mode. First I tried to distract him. While my efforts were appreciated, they didn't stop the inevitable. When he resumed, I flipped over on my back and told him he should take it easy since it's been a while.
I have to give Steve credit though. He didn't back down. He just reminded me of why we do this. Then he waited for me to roll back over so he could continue. When I was still having trouble submitting to it, he kind of laid halfway down and cradled me against his chest while he continued. Surprisingly, that made it easier for me.
When it was over, I realized something. My respect for him had grown. He recognized I was having trouble last night. When we first started this, he probably would have backed down. Instead he looked for a solution to help me submit. I think he's finally hitting his HoH stride.