Friday, November 29, 2013

Stitching Together Harmony

I recently got back into sewing. It's something I dabbled with in my youth, even entering a few sewing competitions, but I hadn't sewn in years aside from minor repairs. A few weeks ago, I got a new sewing machine. I pondered for a bit on what my first project was going to be and finally settled on curtains for our daughter's room since we couldn't seem to find the right curtains at the right price.

I did a little searching and found a tutorial online complete with pictures. The directions seemed pretty simple. I thought it would be fairly easy for my initial foray back into sewing. But like most things that appear simple on the surface, it wasn't.

First there was the matter of getting everything straight. Despite measuring carefully and double-checking before I cut, I still cut crooked. So I had to keep going back to even things up.

Then there was the ironing. I started to iron, taking great care to avoid burning my finger. I got it anyway, which required a break to visit my aloe for first aid. A couple breaks if you want the full truth. And then I managed to jab my finger a few times while pinning the fabric.

Once I got everything prepared, I figured I was home free. Just sew along my carefully pressed and pinned hems. Finally it was time to sew. The pedal was a little temperamental. At first, it went extremely slow. I began to wonder if I was ever going to get done at this rate. Then it took off like a jackrabbit. It took a bit of trial and error before I found the right speed, one that wouldn't take all day to sew and wouldn't sew my finger to the fabric.

Domestic discipline is a lot like my little sewing project. On the surface, it seems simple enough. One person makes the rules. One person follows them. There are consequences for not following rules. You grown closer. And you live happily ever after.

But DD is more complex than it initially appears. If things aren't going smoothly, you might have to make adjustments here and there for things to work out right. That might mean dropping a punishment option that triggers a bad reaction or submitting to a rule that you don't like because it's important to your HoH.

Sometimes no matter how careful you both are, there may be some pain. Opening up and giving your HoH your trust makes you vulnerable. An innocent-sounding remark may hit harder than it was intended. For the submissive part of the equation, that means letting your partner know if they inadvertently hurt you instead of withdrawing behind a wall. For the HoH, that means paying close attention to your partner's emotional state and recognizing that while that may not have been your intent, it did cause harm.

Finally, be aware that it may take some trial and error to find the right pace for your relationship. When starting out, especially if you're the one that brought DD to your partner, you may be wanting to move at a faster pace than your partner. Or after going for a while, you may find that your HoH is moving faster than you are comfortable with.

Be patient. It takes time to find the right pace. Even once you find the right pace for now, don't be surprised if it changes in the future. What works for you right now might not necessarily work a month or year from now. It isn't a race; it's a journey.

Last but not least, don't think of domestic discipline as a quick fix bandaid for your problems. It takes time and effort to get things right. You have to be willing to do the work to get the benefits. It may be hard at times, but it's all worth it in the end.

And if you're curious about how my curtains turned out, they came out great. Our daughter loved them. Steve is in awe of my mad sewing skills. I was so thrilled with my success that I decided to use the leftover fabric to make matching throw pillows, which also came out great. Now that I've got the sewing bug again, I'm already planning more projects. Next up is a baby blanket for my youngest niece.

Thursday, November 28, 2013

Happy Thanksgiving

Thanksgiving only comes once a year, but all year long I'm thankful for the gifts I have in my life.

My wonderful husband

My beautiful daughter

Family (although they drive me crazy at times)

Friends that are near

Friends that I know only through the computer screen

I'm truly blessed to have so many wonderful people in my life. Happy Thanksgiving everyone.

Thursday, November 21, 2013

Off the Speed Bump and Rolling Again

When I was frustrated and trying to find a way to get Steve to put his HoH hat back on, I didn't really expect it to go the way it did. But I guess that's the way it works. If I could direct how things go, he wouldn't really be in the lead.

It all started with a phone call yesterday afternoon. It wasn't a good one. Someone is trying to stir up trouble for us and unfortunately, they succeeded in it. As if the situation wasn't bad enough to start with, I inadvertently made it worse.

I called Steve to let him know what was going on, including confessing to my part in making it worse. Needless to say, he wasn't happy. When he got home from work, I was still pretty upset about everything so I kept looking to him for support, waiting for him to tell me it was going to be okay. But he didn't.

Instead he withdrew. I'd be lying if I said it didn't hurt. He's always been my rock, the one I lean on when things get crazy, and not being able to lean on him and have his support hit me pretty hard. I tried to keep it together and mostly succeeded. At one point, my emotions (and tongue) threatened to get the better of me so I told him I needed a few minutes and went to another room until I could pull myself together. That's a point towards progress at least.

He didn't say much through the evening. I guess he could tell I was worried about the situation and felt terribly guilty over my part in making it worse. When we went to bed, each of us on our own side of the bed, neither of us could sleep.

Finally he relented and curled up against me. He still didn't say anything, just wrapped his arm around me. We laid there for a while not talking. Some of the tension drained from me and all of a sudden I was exhausted.

I had just drifted off to sleep when the first swat landed. It wasn't one of those easy warm up swats either. It was a doozy, one of those that tells you right away that it's going to be a hard spanking to take. I debated about telling him he should take it easy because it's been a while since I've been spanked, but then I thought better of it (probably a good thing in hindsight).

The ones that followed were even worse. He doesn't often spank with his hand, but it definitely carries a wallop. Last night was the first time he's ever brought me to tears spanking with his hand, which was surprising considering I still had my panties on (not that they offered a lot of coverage or protection). And he didn't say a word, not that he really needed to.

Normally he stops pretty fast once I start crying, but that didn't happen. Instead he peeled down my panties. Considering I was already in tears from being spanked with them on, I was not exactly looking forward to feeling his hand against my bare bottom.

That feeling in the pit of my stomach got even worse when I heard the dresser drawer open. Those swats by hand over the panties were nothing compared to what the paddle on a bare, already sore bottom was like. Barely ten swats in and I was chanting steady I'm sorrys.

Steve spoke up then, telling me I wasn't sorry enough yet. It's the only time he spoke through the entire spanking. The swats got even worse from there. I've got some bad spankings since we started this journey, but this one was definitely the worst.

When it was over, he let me go, dropped the paddle back in its usual resting spot and laid down. I kept waiting for him to wrap his arms around me and tell me it was over and I was forgiven, but he didn't. Finally I readjusted my clothing and climbed back up in the bed since I had somehow wound up at the foot of the bed during all the activity. I lay there on my stomach stealing glances at him from time to time, but it was clear that he had withdrawn again. Eventually I fell asleep.

This morning I got our daughter off to school and then waited for Steve to get up. Once he did, I asked the question that had been rattling around in my head since the night before. Was he still upset with me? He said he wasn't, just disappointed, which of course is even worse than him being upset with me. That put an ache in my heart that matched the ache in my bottom.

He took the day off to help me deal with the situation the trouble-maker had stirred up. It wasn't until we were eating lunch that I finally got around to asking him about the other thing that was bothering me-his failure to comfort me after the spanking. When he said he wasn't exactly in the comforting mood, I came close to losing it. This whole situation has my emotions running pretty high.

Since I know his are running high as well and the last thing I want is us to end up fighting because we're both wound up, I excused myself for a few minutes to pull it together. Once I had calmed down, I came back and we talked some more. I told him that his failure to comfort me left me feeling like he was still upset with me and hadn't forgiven me. He listened to what I had to say and then apologized for the way he'd handled it.

The rest of the day went a bit better after that. We're not out of the woods yet, but thankfully it seems like we've made some progress at getting out of the situation we're in. We should know before too long whether it's over or not. Then we can deal with the troublemaker.

It seems hard to believe that only two day have passed since I was talking about speed bumps. One thing about it, when Steve decides it's time we get off the speed bump, he does it. While the sore bottom I'm sitting on is probably going to linger for a few days, I feel better now knowing that he's got us.

Wednesday, November 20, 2013

Progress, Maybe

Thank you all that responded to my last post. I took your advice.

I tried to let go of expectations so neither us felt pressured..

I tried to find little acts of submission that came from my desire to make him happy.

I tried softening towards him.

I tried to seduce him.

Finally we talked a little about what's been missing lately.

So he said tonight we would get back on track.
We'll see what happens.


Monday, November 18, 2013

Stuck on a Speed Bump

Back when I was in college, I was terribly homesick. I had just got engaged (to a guy previous to Steve) and I hated being away from him so every Friday after class, I would set out on the 4 hour trip home. Then I would attempt to cram as much time with him and my friends in before making the 4 hour trip back on Sunday night.

It was a lot of driving and a lot of wear and tear on my car. So it came as no surprise when something broke on it. One Sunday evening when I was returning to college, I started over one of the many speed bumps on campus and my CV joint fell out. I didn't realize what had happened at first. I just knew that no matter how much I pushed the gas, my car wasn't moving. Campus security showed up a few minutes later, diagnosed the problem and pushed me and my car into a nearby parking lot.

I feel like that's where we're at these days. We had been going along just great coming away from our amazing child-free weekend and we've stalled out. Just like back in college when I didn't know what had caused me to stop on that speed bump, I'm not completely sure why we're stuck now.

Coming off of that weekend, I was floating on a submissive high. Suddenly keeping my tongue in check was easy, things were getting done and staying out of trouble seemed effort-less. I barely even noticed that Steve skipped role affirmation that week.

He skipped it the second week as well. But things were starting to unravel. That submissive high was beginning to dissipate. My tongue started flexing a little. Snappy poked her head out and looked around. By the end of the week, I suggested to Steve that it might not have been a good idea to skip role affirmation two weeks in a row.

Week three it all went downhill. He skipped role affirmation yet again without saying why. After her vacation, Snappy was raring to go so I let her. I'm a bit shocked at the things she's said lately. She even said something majorly disrespectful in front of someone else the other morning.

Spankings have been threatened more than once, but not followed through. Meanwhile Snappy's going wild. Buttons are getting pushed. Submission has flown the coop. And I'm feeling majorly disconnected.

Steve has backed off and I'm not sure why. He isn't talking about it. I've been trying to give him some space to work it out, but it doesn't seem to be helping. And I'm left feeling just like I did years ago when my poor little car got stuck on that speed bump. I know something isn't right, but I'm not sure what it is. But I do know that until we diagnose the problem and do something about it, we're not going to be moving forward.

Tuesday, November 12, 2013

Loving Me Some Lurkers

If you haven't heard the news already, today is Love Our Lurkers Day. For the uninitiated, this is the day where we celebrate our lurkers and invite you to delurk and leave a comment. If you want to know more, you can check out the LOL8 FAQ here.

We know you're out there. We want to hear from you 

Not sure what to say? Here's a few ideas.
  • Just say hello. We're a friendly bunch.
  • Tell us a little about you. We love meeting new people.
  • Ask us a question. It can be about DD or anything.
  • Offer a suggestion for a future post. I'm always looking for inspiration.
  • Share your favorite recipe. I love to cook.
You don't even have to use your name. Anonymous commenters are welcome. And if you're worried about deciphering one of those annoying captchas, have no fear. We don't have those here.

When you get done commenting here (because I know you're not going to leave me hanging), please be sure to stop by Bonnie's blog, My Bottom Smarts, to say hi as well.

Wednesday, October 30, 2013

An Unexpected Turn of Events: Part 3

If you missed part one and two, be sure to check them out.

I was still reeling from those orgasms when Steve moved back, easing his cock out. I felt his hands on my hips, pushing my butt even higher in the air. I heard him comment on the redness fading, which was the only warning I had before another flurry of swats landed. These weren't as hard as the previous ones and it was clear that they were more in play than for punishment.

I waited to see what he was going to do next. Minutes ticked by. I felt the bed shift again and he pulled down on my hips until I was practically sitting on his face. I jumped when I felt his tongue, but he just tightened his grip, holding me in place. After a couple minutes, he loosened his grip to grab the plug and start working it in and out. Needless to say, he had me climbing the walls.

Just when I thought I couldn't take any more of this exquisite torture, he moved again. He removed the plug and then I felt the head of his cock at the entrance of the spot recently vacated by the plug. Despite the plug already loosening things up a little and the fact that I was still floating on the orgasms I'd had, I tensed.

Now I have to admit I have a love-hate relationship with anal. It's not something I offer very often, although I generally don't turn him down if he asks for it. I have to be pretty relaxed and in an accepting frame of mind for it to work. If everything is just right, I can even enjoy it. But no matter who initiates it, it's definitely an act of dominance on his part that takes me to my submissive core every time.

Just like with the plug, Steve was gentle, easing it in a little at a time. When he was about halfway in, I told him it was too much. He stopped for a minute and rubbed my back while telling me I was his good girl, how proud he was of me for trusting him this far and how much he was enjoying this whole experience.

I heard the bag rustle again and a minute later I felt the cold metal of our other purchase-a vibrating bullet-against my clit. Even though I knew it was coming, I still jumped when he turned it on, pushing him deeper in the process.

I pretended not to notice his delighted rumble of laughter. His free hand came around to tweak a nipple, which sent a whole wave of new sensations through me. He took advantage of my distraction to push the rest of the way in. The sensation of being full from his cock, the bullet on my clit and his fingers on my nipples pushed me right over the edge.

Steve started out with slow strokes, taking the time to let me adjust to his size. Once I started moving with him, he picked up speed. With everything going on, I was on sensory overload  That's when it happened.

For the first time ever, I'm pretty sure I hit subspace. Or if it wasn't subspace, it's definitely a place  want to visit again. It's hard to explain exactly what it felt like. It was almost like I was high and then the whole world fell away and there was nothing but me and Steve and waves of warmth and pleasure went through me. It was awesome.

I don't think he realized anything had happened right away. After he had his orgasm, he let go of my hips and I collapsed down on the bed with most of my upper body hanging over the edge (apparently we'd moved quite a bit while all this was going on). He got up to go clean up and when he came back, I was still hanging off the bed. It wasn't until he asked if I was okay and started pulling me up so I didn't fall off on my head that I finally snapped out of it.

Once I was back up in the bed, curled up against him with my head on his chest, exhaustion set in. I conked out almost immediately and slept for twelve straight hours.

Tuesday, October 29, 2013

An Unexpected Turn of Events: Part 2

If you missed part 1, click here to catch up. Fair warning for the faint of heart, this next part gets a bit explicit.

It seemed like nothing happened for a while. I could still hear the rustling of the bag and a new sound, packaging being removed from a toy was my guess. The feeling of vulnerability returned and I felt surprisingly submissive.

After what felt like an eternity, I finally felt Steve's hand on my bottom as he began to rub it. It seemed to intensify the sting and soothe it all at the same time. His hand dipped lower teasing for a minute before moving back up to rub.

After a few times of this, I was starting to get turned on, which surprised me. While we may have sex after a punishment spanking, it usually isn't immediately afterwards. I generally need some aftercare in the form of snuggling for a bit before I can even think about sex.

His hands kept roaming and teasing. Before long, the pain in my bottom was the last thing on my mind. Then his hands spread my cheeks and all of a sudden, I knew exactly why he had wanted the bag from the adult store. I jumped a little when I felt the coldness of the lube and struggled to relax as he started pushing in the plug.

We've played with plugs before. In fact, we had two before we went on our shopping trip. The first was labeled small, but was ridiculously tiny. The other was labeled medium, yet seemed awful big. The difference between the two was huge.

We had talked about buying a new one in the hopes it would fall somewhere between the two. I'm still not sure how it happened, but the idea of using a plug as something to reinforce submission was also talked about. Little did I know, Steve's been plotting on it ever since then.

I was doing fine until he got to the widest part. Then I tensed and moved away. His free hand caught my hip, pulling me back while he spoke soothing words. When I continued to struggle, he swatted and told me to stay still. He reminded me that I had told him I was his and he could have me whenever and however he wanted.

I had told him that. More than once in fact. And while he might occasionally ask for something I wasn't necessarily offering at the time, he's never taken advantage of the gift I offered. Even in that moment, I had no doubt that I could tell him I didn't want it and he would stop immediately.

But I wasn't saying no and he recognized that. So he slowed things down a little, focusing on distracting me with his hand on my clit. Before I knew it, he had the plug all the way in. Then I felt the bed shift as he moved back a little to admire the view.

I had my eyes squeezed shut to avoid catching a sight of myself in the mirror, but even without seeing it, I have to admit I blushed, the warmth flooding my face and then moving down my body. I can just imagine the view before his eyes, me with my chest down on the bed, bright red bottom up in the air with a plug nestled between the cheeks, and my legs spread clearly showing I was aroused by all this.

My eyes flew open when I felt his cock between my legs. He's above average if you know what I mean (and if you're curious about what average is, check out this link) and a tight fit normally. With the plug already making me feel pretty full, I wasn't exactly sure he was going to be able to make it all the way in. But he kept easing in, reaching around to stroke my clit whenever he felt resistance, until he finally made it all the way in and I felt fuller than I've ever been in my life.

It only took a few strokes before the first orgasm hit. It's a good thing he hadn't decided to include orgasm control in the night's events because there was no way I could have stopped it. The first one hadn't even ended yet when the second one hit.

To be continued...

Monday, October 28, 2013

An Unexpected Turn of Events

When I last wrote, I was facing a day of waiting on a spanking for accidentally getting our car insurance canceled because I didn't make the payment in time. Even more than being in trouble, it bothered me that I would be starting a child-free weekend with a spanking. But things turned out a lot differently than I expected.

I waited until we had dropped our daughter off and were on our way home (a 2 hour drive) before bringing up the topic. Steve didn't say much about it, just that he understood that I hadn't intended to get our insurance canceled, but he was still planning on spanking for it because our finances are my responsibility. Neither of us talked much on the way home. I was lost in my thoughts. He was focused on driving in the dark.

As soon as we arrived at our house, I headed straight for the bedroom. After having a punishment looming over my head all day, I was ready to get it over with. But he said no, he wanted to eat first since neither of us had ate since lunchtime and it was beyond the time we normally eat supper.

I fixed us something to eat, figuring the faster we got that out of the way, the faster I could get this spanking behind me and move on to enjoying some rare time with just the two of us. But he was in no hurry to rush things. Finally I decided to take a shower, figuring that would help occupy me so I wouldn't be so antsy.

I heard the bedroom door open as I was stepping out of the shower. The thought that spankings on a wet butt tend to hurt more flashed through my head so I hurriedly dried. A few minutes passed and he didn't call me into the bedroom so I slowed down and took the time to do my usual after-shower routine.

When I finally exited the bathroom, Steve was sitting up in bed watching TV. I brushed my hair and then laid down with my head in his lap. He started rubbing my neck and back, easing the tension from the long car ride. His hands are magic and it didn't take long before he had me feeling like goo. I was so relaxed, I didn't even notice him pulling up my gown until I felt his hand connect with my backside.

It was a leisurely spanking for the most part. He'd swat and then talk for a minute before swatting again. The swats were hard, but the break while he talked made them easier to take. Finally with a flurry of swats that had me squirming, he stopped.

He took me by surprise by asking where the bag from our recent shopping trip was. We had visited the adult store not too long ago, but with both of us feeling a bit under the weather lately, we hadn't even tried out our purchases. Toys have never been part of our punishment dynamic, but since he hadn't moved into aftercare, which normally denotes the end of a punishment, I began to wonder what he had planned.

I didn't have to wait long. Steve ordered me up on my hands and knees before moving behind me. He pressed my chest down to the bed and urged my legs further apart. Minutes ticked by and I could feel his eyes on me. This position was completely new for a spanking and I was surprised at how vulnerable I felt.

I jumped when a swat landed. It was followed by another fairly quickly and then the rapid-fire swats that I hate started. He seemed determined to cover every inch of my backside and sit spot and from my side, it sure felt like he was succeeding.

Then there was silence again. Finally I heard the rustle of the bag. We had only bought two items when we went shopping and I wondered which it would be.

I know I'm leaving you with a cliff-hanger here, but this post was getting ridiculously long so I broke it up.

Friday, October 25, 2013

Big Trouble

Things had been going pretty smoothly this week, at least DD-wise. I'd managed to stay out of trouble all week. Steve even decided to postpone role affirmation since I was doing so good. That all came to a screeching halt very late last night.

We've been pretty tight on money since Steve got in the wreck. He's still healing from his injuries and going to the chiropractor three times a week so he hasn't been able to work his usual hours or at his usual pace. As a result, I've had to put off paying some bills.

One of those bills is our car insurance. They have a little grace period on the due date. Even if you don't pay by the grace period, you get a warning letter that gives you a little bit longer to come up with the money before they cancel. I thought I knew how far I could push it but I must have miscalculated the days because when I logged in last night to pay the bill, I found that it was canceled.

I was horrified. Aside from the potential financial issues that would have arose had we got in a wreck, our state requires car insurance and fines you if you have a lapse. If it isn't taken care of within a certain amount of time, they'll revoke your driver's license and tags as well.

Since it was around midnight and the local office obviously wasn't open, I called the 1 800 number. I assumed it was at the most one day late so they would probably just take a payment and reinstate the policy. But then I found out that it had canceled over a week ago. The CSR said they could reinstate without a lapse if I made a payment AND if I signed a statement saying that we hadn't got in a wreck in the days since it canceled. The only problem is that the statement had to be signed in an agent's office which couldn't be done until the morning.

I worried over it for a while before going to bed. I knew I had to tell Steve and that he wasn't going to be happy about it. Since we were supposed to leave as soon as he got off work to take our daughter to her aunt's house for the weekend, I figured I'd wait until we were on our way home before I told him.

When I finally went to bed, he woke up. I guess he must have had an inkling that I had did something wrong because he asked if he needed to spank me. I tried to play it off like he was being silly, but I felt so guilty I just couldn't do it. So I confessed.

At first, he was quiet. I almost thought he'd fell back asleep and hadn't heard me. Then he started asking questions. He never really raised his voice, but it was clear that he was not at all happy with me or the situation. But he made no move to spank me so finally I fell into a restless sleep.

This morning Steve had me up bright and early with my marching orders. I was to go get it straightened out right away. Since our daughter is out of school today, he would deal with the punishment part tonight.

I knew I was going to be in trouble even before I told Steve. Hearing him say it and realizing that I'm going to have to wait all day with a punishment hanging over my head sucks. I hate waiting on a punishment. And knowing that my mistake means we'll be starting off our child-free weekend with a punishment really stinks.

Tuesday, October 22, 2013

The Right Friends

Have you ever had one of those moments where someone says something and all of a sudden something you should have realized already becomes crystal clear? Well that happened to me last night.

Yesterday we had dinner with a couple we're friends with (Bobby and Tina). After dinner, we moved out on the front porch to talk while the kids played in the yard. Eventually the conversation landed on another couple that we're friends with and had introduced to them (Jamie and Missy). I had picked up a few hints that Bobby wasn't a big fan of Jamie so I wasn't surprised when he said that he didn't like him. I was, however, surprised when I heard the reason.

Bobby said the reason he doesn't like Jamie is that he tries to stir up trouble between me and Steve. At first, I didn't see it. I'll be the first to admit that I don't care for Jamie; I just tolerate him because he's married to my friend.

Then Bobby mentioned something that had happened a couple weeks ago and all of a sudden it made perfect sense. The more I thought about it, the more I realized it wasn't the first time Jamie had deliberately tried to cause problems between us. It's been going on for a while.

I talked to Steve about it last night and it was on my mind all day today. Marriage can be difficult enough at times without someone deliberately trying to sabotage your relationship. And it just ticks me off that someone would do that to us when we've been nothing but nice to them.

If it wasn't for my friendship with Missy, I'd turn my back on them in a heartbeat. We worked too hard to build our marriage to where it is now to let some idiot jeopardize it for no reason other than he likes stirring up trouble. So Steve and I compromised. I'll continue to be friends with Missy and hang out with her when it's just her and the kids. But we're no longer hanging out with them as a couple.

I'm just grateful that we do have good friends that recognize that we have a happy marriage and want to help us keep it that way. Otherwise, we might still be going along not realizing that some jerk that gets his kicks out of causing misery was working against us.

Monday, October 21, 2013

Words of Wisdom from Dana: Round 5

Some more pearls of wisdom for you guys. If you're new to the blog or missed one of the earlier rounds, be sure to check them out.

Round 1
Round 2
Round 3
Round 4

If you're a kicker, it's a good idea to avoid getting in trouble while your leg, ankle or foot is hurt. Otherwise you may find that the pain caused by you kicking something is a lot worse than the spanking that made you kick.

When discussing new implements, rules, etc, it's a good idea to have a poker face. Otherwise your HoH may make his selection based on your reaction because the one you don't like is probably going to be the most effective.

If you're tempted to gift your HoH with a new implement, ask yourself if you're going to still be as happy about the idea after it's been applied to your backside on several occasions.

A little playful sass is okay, but when it reaches the point that your HoH is threatening to pull the car over on the side of the interstate so he can spank you, it's a good time to shut up.

When asking your HoH to fix something, it's a good idea to make sure there's nothing near whatever he's fixing that might get you in trouble. Otherwise your honey do might turn into a honey please don't.

If your HoH asks you to do something, it's not a bright idea to tell them you'll get to it later because you haven't been on the computer yet.

When you walk in a room to find your HoH holding a paddle in one hand and a cane in the other, it's probably not because they just wanted to look at them.

Making a sassy remark while your bottom is within swatting distance isn't the best idea.

Thursday, October 17, 2013

Just Call Me Sassy

Yesterday we ended up with an unexpected day together, a rare occurrence. Normally we're lucky if we get a couple hours to ourselves so having all day up until our daughter got home from school was a welcome surprise. Steve was supposed to have gone to work with his boss, but his boss never called or came to get him. We found out later that it was because the woman that works in the office had failed to order the materials they needed (something that happens on a frequent basis) so he ended up not going at all.

I don't know exactly why, but I was feeling a bit sassy. Maybe it's because I was giddy over getting so much alone time with him. Maybe it was the fact that I hadn't been getting a lot of sleep lately (something that always seems to interfere with my brain to mouth filter).

At first it was mostly in fun. Steve was joking about it, saying he was going to start calling me Sassy. We spent the day tackling projects that we had been putting off. He helped me rearrange the laundry room. He fixed the dryer that had went out again (for some reason, the wire that goes to the heating element keeps breaking). He helped me dismantle our bed so I could deep clean it and even pitched in on vacuuming the frame, box springs and mattress.

Since we had swapped where the washer and dryer were when we rearranged the laundry room, he said he needed to go to Lowes to get a longer vent hose. I volunteered to go with him. I love going to Lowes. I like looking at all the different stuff and mentally designing my dream house. Despite the fact that he's more of a in and out kinda shopper, he usually gives me time to wander because he knows I do this.

On the way to Lowes, I finally crossed the line between fun and trouble. I knew it right away because Steve threatened to pull the car over on the side of the road and spank me. But I was on a roll and didn't really think he'd do it (after all we were on the interstate with tons of other cars) so I said yeah right.

As soon as I saw him hit the blinker and felt the car slowing down, I started backtracking. I quickly threw out every reason I could think of why he shouldn't do what he threatened. Once he turned off the blinker and picked up speed again, I breathed a sigh of relief.

We ended up having a good time wandering around Lowes. We spent some time in the appliance section. Just last week, he surprised me with a front loading washer (something I've wanted for a while because short people and top loading washers don't work well together) that he'd got at an amazing price. We looked at the dryers and he said he was planning on getting me a new one when he gets paid again. I also showed him the new fridge I want when ours croaks (which will probably be soon as he's already had to fix it three times).

I did end up getting spanked a little later, but it wasn't too bad. Steve decided to do role affirmation rather than a punishment. He had put it off earlier in the week since I was doing good, but figured I was getting a little too feisty for my own good so it was needed. I did get two swats with the cane at the end, though, for the remark that prompted his threat to pull the car over.

Tuesday, October 15, 2013

Growth and Change

Ever since our talk not too long ago, things have been changing. It's like a switch was flipped inside of Steve when I told him that the HoH I had imagined and tried to mold him into wasn't exactly the HoH I needed. Now it seems he's made it his life goal to become the HoH that I need.

But change does not come without some growing pains. I've got spanked quite a bit lately. Things that before he was content to let slide by are now being dealt with. Rules are being enforced. Lines are being drawn in the sand. I even got spanked over a safety issue, the first time that's ever happened.

The changes in Steve go beyond just enforcing rules and spanking more though. He's more attentive. He's opening doors for me, a little thing but something he knows I like. When we've had to go out, he's offered his arm for support since I'm hobbling around on a sprained ankle right now (which is what resulted in the spanking over safety). He's showing appreciation for the little things I do that normally go unnoticed.

He checks in with me frequently. As soon as he sees I'm getting quiet, he's right there asking what's wrong. He won't let me brush him off by saying that I'm fine or building a wall to hide behind. He pushes until I tell him what's going on in my head. Then we talk about it or, if talking doesn't seem to be working, he gives a few swats to get things back on an even keel.

He even stood up to his dad on my behalf. For nearly as long as we've been married, Steve's dad has carried on a campaign that I should be working. When they were talking the other night and his dad brought up the topic for the umpteenth time, Steve told him flat out that he liked me being home for our daughter and for him.

In hindsight, I wonder if he would have got to this point a lot faster if I had just left him alone in the beginning. I'm not sure. In the beginning, he wasn't too confident in himself as a HoH. Maybe he needed all the ups and downs of the last year and a half to get to this point.

Thursday, October 10, 2013

More About Me (Another Meme)

I saw this one over at Hermione's Heart and realized I had missed this one going around. Since the post I've been trying to write all week doesn't want to cooperate yet (still processing I guess), I figured I'd give it a shot.

The phone rings. Who do you want it to be?
Steve. I love it when he gets off early and can come home for a couple hours of alone time before our daughter gets in from school.

When shopping at a grocery store, do you return your cart?

In a social setting, are you more of a talker or a listener?
Definitely a listener.

Do you take compliments well?
Depends on the compliment.

Are you an active person?
Not as much as I used to be, although we're trying to get back into hiking.

If abandoned alone in the wilderness, would you survive?
Probably. Thanks to Steve's habit of watching all those survival type shows, I've picked up quite a bit of tips. Plus I know that he would come find me.

Did you ever go to camp as a kid?

What was your favorite game as a kid?
Scrabble. It still is.

A sexy person is pursuing you, but you know that he/she is married, would you?
No. For starters, I'm married. But even if I was single, I wouldn't want to be the cause of turmoil in another woman's relationship.

Are you judgmental?
No. As long as someone isn't shoving it in my face, I'm more of a "to each their own" kinda woman.

Do you like to pursue or be pursued?
I like to be pursued.

Use three words to describe yourself.
Smart, caring, family-oriented.

If you had to choose, would you rather be deaf or blind?
This is a tough one. Probably deaf because I'm klutzy enough when I can see where I'm going.

Are you continuing your education?
Always. I take online classes and read how-to books all the time. I'm also getting ready to enroll in college again.

Do you know how to shoot a gun?
Yes and I'm a pretty good shot.

How often do you read books?
Every chance I get. I'm a major bibliophile.

Do you think more about the past, present or future?
While I occasionally think about the past or future, I try to focus on the present because once it's gone it's gone.

What is your favorite children's book?
Mrs. Piggle Wiggle. I was so disappointed when I bought it for our daughter and she didn't love it like I always did.

Where is your ideal house located?
An old farmhouse somewhere out in the country.

Boxers, briefs, thongs, panties or grannies?
Depends on the day.

Last person you talked to?

Have you ever taken pictures in a photo booth?
Not that I remember.

What are your keys on your keychain for?
Everything. I have keys to each of our vehicles, our house, our bedroom door, several padlocks, the safe and my filing cabinet.

Where was the furthest place you traveled today?
Half a mile to Walmart. We live in town so everything is pretty close..

Do you like mustard?
As part of a recipe, yes as long as it's not overpowering. As a condiment by itself, no.

Do you prefer to sleep or eat?

Do you look like your mom or dad?
I favor my dad more, although my hair and eyes comes from my mom's side.

How long does it take you in the shower?
Depends on if I'm washing my hair (it's down to my butt). Just washing me, five to ten minutes. Washing my hair, fifteen to twenty.

What movie do you want to see right now?
Grown Ups 2

What did you do for New Year's?
If I remember right, both of us were tired so we ended up going to bed before midnight.

What was the cause of your last accident?
A spasm in my hand made me dump a drink down my shirt.

Thursday, October 3, 2013

Changing Gears

When we started this journey, I don't think either of us expected the many adventures it would bring. We started out lost with a general idea of where we wanted to go but no real idea how to get there. Once we got going, we hit a few bumps here and there. We've went off roading a few times. At one point, we even went in circles. But lately I've been feeling that something isn't right and it's time for a change.

Before you start thinking this is my farewell post, let me assure you it's not. Domestic discipline has changed us, both individually and as a couple, and I can't see us ever going back to the way things were before. I'm pretty sure Steve would agree.

In the beginning, I had this idea of what the perfect HoH would be. When Steve didn't magically transform into that guy, I launched a subtle campaign to turn him into that. It took a while for me to recognize what I was doing (you can read about it here), but once I did, I confessed. We had some rough days following my confession, but we eventually came out of it stronger. I won't deny I still occasionally fall into that trap, but now I recognize when I'm doing it and can stop it.

Back in those early days in my misguided attempt to mold him into the HoH I imagined, I used his lack of knowledge against him (and in hindsight us). Knowing that he didn't have time to read a bunch of blogs like me, I made sure he only saw the stuff I wanted him to. On the rare occasion he clicked beyond the page I asked him to look at and found something I didn't want him seeing, I was quick to talk him out of it. .

I also used the fact that he was unsure of himself as HoH and his desire to make me happy to make him fairly lenient. Whenever he got strict, I fussed and complained about it to the point he felt bad about being so "mean."

Unfortunately, my efforts succeeded and have lingering effects even today. Although there are several punishments that would probably be as effective (or even more so) than spanking, Steve doesn't know about them. The few he is aware of, he doesn't use because I put up such a fuss about them when he heard about them that he dropped the idea. In hindsight, those alternatives would have came in handy at times when he let me off the hook because he was tired or sick, or when he felt that it wasn't bad enough to warrant a spanking..

I've also come to realize that while I like his leniency at times, it's not what I need. I do best when he is strict with me, when he holds me to the same standards that he holds himself to. When he lets me off the hook because he thinks that's what I want him to do, it makes me spiral. Because even though that's what I want (or at least I thought I wanted), I need the reassurance that he cares enough to follow through.

In my efforts to transform him into my perfect HoH, I inadvertently kept him from growing into the HoH I need and probably the HoH he wants to be. For a while now, I've felt like something wasn't quite right. It wasn't until yesterday that I finally could put it into words.

I spent all day yesterday trying to figure out exactly how to go about telling Steve all this. We've had a couple major communication malfunctions on our journey and I wanted to avoid that possibility by choosing my words with care.

When we went to bed last night, I took my laptop with me with the intention of sharing some links with him that I had previously kept to myself. Since I very rarely bring my laptop in the bedroom, he noticed immediately. That combined with me being quiet all evening (something he knows means I have something on my mind) had him asking what was up.

I clammed up. I'm generally not shy about speaking my mind, not even about intimate matters like sex. But for some reason, even after having a DD marriage for over a year, I'm still shy when it comes to talking to him about certain aspects of it. I guess because it requires a huge amount of vulnerability.

Anyway, Steve chose to let it go for the moment. He started talking about other things like his doctor's appointment that morning (see the note at the bottom of this post about how he's doing) and his day at work. Then he asked if I would rub his back.

I rubbed it for a while and then lulled by the darkness of the room and him facing away from me, I finally started talking. He didn't say a whole lot. He pretty much just listened aside from asking a couple questions. By this point, it was really too late to get into the links I was finally ready to share with him so he said we'd look at them together tonight.

He does seem to have taken what I said to heart. This morning he outlined the chores he wanted done for the day and made it explicitly clear that he would not accept any excuses for them not being done. When I didn't seem too motivated to get out of bed (Mother Nature's little gift has arrived and I feel crappy), he gave a little motivation in the form of a few swats.

He even called shortly after leaving this morning to remind me about the chores and the consequences if they weren't done. He also added that he might be stopping in for lunch and if he doesn't see any progress when he does, I'll get spanked for procrastination.

Update on Steve: When he didn't seem to be improving any following the wreck, I was worried. Our local hospital isn't the greatest and I was concerned that they had missed something. I scheduled an appointment with one of the local chiropractors, figuring they have more experience with back and neck injuries than an ER doctor does.

As it turns out, the hospital did miss several things. His entire spine is out of alignment. He has several compressed discs that are pinching nerves. He also has some deterioration in his spine (not caused by the wreck, but definitely made worse by it). They estimated it would take several months of treatment to get him back to normal. I am so ticked off at our hospital right now because if they'd just bothered to do an X-ray, they would have saw these things (in theory anyway) and he could have already been getting treatment instead of just now starting.

Thursday, September 26, 2013


I've had my share of meltdowns since we started this journey. Even though I asked for this type of relationship, it still took some time to adjust and I didn't always handle things well while I made those adjustments. However, in over a year of living in a domestic discipline relationship, I have never had a meltdown like I did earlier this week. It was a meltdown of epic proportions.

Rather than relive the whole meltdown, I'll just sum it up for you. It started with some snapping and ended shortly after Steve sent me for the paddle with me telling him he could get it himself and where he could stick it when he got it. Yeah, not one of my finest moments.

Now you would probably think that the next thing that happened was me getting the spanking to end all spankings. Even though I knew that was probably what was going to happen, I was beyond the point of caring so I just stomped off. He followed a few minutes later and I could tell he was ticked, but he didn't say anything other than he had to get to work.

Not ten minutes after he left, sanity returned. I was horrified. Not because of the spanking I no doubt had coming, but because of the way I had spoke to him. We've had our share of fights over the years, but I don't think I've ever went that far before. I called to apologize and he said we'd talk about it later.

All day long it was on my mind. I felt terrible. The guilt was eating me up, literally making me sick to my stomach. I couldn't even stand to look at myself.

When Steve got in from work, our daughter asked to go to a neighbor's house to play with their kids. We got her off to their house and then he started working on one of the cars. Even though he was busy, I took the opportunity to talk to him about what had happened that morning. He didn't say much, but what he did say hit me hard.

The one line that kept ringing in my head was that he didn't deserve to be treated like that. He was absolutely right. We started this because I asked for this. While he has his struggles with consistency at times, he's a good HoH. That aside, he's a wonderful husband, father and provider.

He was on the phone when I came to bed that night so I just laid my head in his lap and waited quietly. Once his phone call was done, I wasn't at all surprised when he inched up my gown and landed several stinging swats with his hand. Then he stopped. I figured he was wanting to reposition because we were going to be a while or maybe that he was reaching to grab an implement out of the drawer, but he just rolled over and went to sleep.

I was stunned to say the least. I lay there for a little while trying to wrap my head around what had happened, or rather what had not happened. I couldn't go to sleep after that so I got up for a while. It was the wee hours of the morning when I finally fell asleep and I slept so crappy that I was up before the alarm even went off.

Steve got up a little while later and started getting ready for the day. Finally I just couldn't take it any more and asked him flat out why he let me off so easy. He just said he was tired. But even though I knew he had plenty of time before he had to leave, he made no effort to do anything about it.

I spent the whole day struggling with emotions. I still felt terribly guilty about what had transpired. On top of that was the fear that he had given up on TTWD. I mean if telling your HoH he can shove his paddle up his, well you know, isn't reason enough for a spanking, then what is?

When we went to bed that night, I once again laid my head in his lap. After a little while, he slid my gown up, but then he just rubbed my lower back and the upper part of my butt (for some reason he likes rubbing my butt now). I raised up my head to look at him and asked if I was off the hook. He said yes.

I digested that for a bit and then popped my head up again. I was mad and hurt and really struggling to keep it together so I didn't have another meltdown. I took a deep breath and laid it all on the line for him. I told him I felt awful about the way I had handled things and what I had said. I told him I was hurt that he just didn't seem to care. I even told him I was mad at him for letting me talk to him that way and for leaving me hanging with this cloud of guilt over my head.

As it turns out, Steve hadn't heard my comment about the paddle. Once he did, though, there was no way he was going to let that go. Before I knew it, he had pushed me back down on his lap, his paddle had magically appeared in his hand and he was raining down fire on my backside.

After what seemed like forever but was probably only a few minutes, all those emotions that I had been struggling with finally let loose and I started crying. Normally he stops once he sees tears, but he didn't this time. He just shifted position to pull me into his chest and kept right on going. I was a blubbering mess by the time he finally laid down the paddle and wrapped his arms around me.

Even once he stopped, the tears kept coming. I haven't cried that hard in quite a while. Over the past couple months, he's been hit and miss about getting me to that point where I truly let go, but this time he definitely hit the mark.

Later after I calmed down, we talked some more. Then we made love. I went to sleep with my still flaming bottom nestled against him and his arms around me. And I slept like a baby.

Saturday, September 21, 2013

Kenzie's Spanking Survey

1.) Was there a certain event from your life, that sparked the spanking interest? If so, feel free to share:
I can't pinpoint any specific event. Early in our relationship, we dabbled a little in erotic spankings and realized we both enjoyed them. The domestic discipline part didn't come until later and grew out of my desire for a more traditional marriage.

2.) What do you most often call your HOH/Spanker? (Sir, Master, etc.)
Usually Steve or hon. Occasionally a Sir will slip out, but it's more something that happens than anything intentional.

3.) What does your HOH/Spanker most often call you? (Young Lady, Girl, etc)
Hon or mama.

4.) We're building a big spanko bonfire, which one implement are you bringing to toss in?
This one's a no brainer. That infernal cane would be the first thing to go.

5.) We all know how many punishments there are to choose from; spanking, lecturing, corner time, etc.. but what about rewards? Do you have a favorite 'reward' that is used? If not, what's something you'd like used as a reward?
We don't really do rewards. The best reward he gives me is appreciation for what I've done. Of course, hearing him brag to other people about what a great wife I am is nice too.

6.) What's that one phrase, that when it's used, you know you're in trouble?
Since we usually can't handle things right away, it's "We'll deal with this later." If we have the privacy to deal with it right then, it's "Bend over." Sometimes he'll just give me a look and I know right away that I went too far over the line.

7.) What's something you'd like to cross off your spanking bucket list? Being shy is not an option here people. ;)
Getting a hall pass? Although Steve says that's never going to happen.
8.) Someone comes to you, and says they just started practicing domestic discipline. What's the biggest piece of advice you can give them?
Don't get so caught up in doing things the way they are on a specific blog or in your head. If you're truly going to let your partner lead, that means letting them lead in their own way, even if it's different than you thought it was going to be. That was one of the hardest things for me to learn.

9.) Where is the craziest place you've been spanked?
This one was a tough one because we generally only spank when we have privacy which means at home in our bedroom. If I had to choose one, I guess it would be the laundry room. Number one, because I was leaning over the washer (a real feat for someone short like me). Number two, because we could have got caught easily. 
10.) We talked about a spanking bucket list, now let's get a little more into it.. what about a BDSM style bucket list? What's something you'd like to cross off of that?
Nipple clamps. Steve likes tweaking my nipples during sex and it's a huge turn on for both of us.

11.) Is there a punishment you thought you'd never try, but ended up trying and finding effective?
We mainly do just spanking. He did once threaten to take away my internet, something I never expected him to do. While it was unexpected, it was effective because I didn't want to give up my internet.

12.) What is something you wish you knew before you started DD/TTWD?
That sometimes you spend more time off roading than actually on the path. DD is sometimes messy and you have to take the rough patches with the good ones. In all honesty, I think the rough patches are the ones where we grow the most.

13.) If you could take a break from one rule, for one week, which rule would it be?
This one was a tough one. I would say the bedtime rule, but since it's rarely enforced, it's not a huge deal. I guess the dishes rule. They're one of my most hated chores and it's a rule that they have to be done every night before bed.

14.) This might sound like a no brainer at first, but really think about it. If you could only have one sort of spanking in your dynamic, would you rather it be discipline or fun?
Discipline. While the discipline ones aren't any fun, they return much more than the fun ones. They help me let go of the guilt and Steve let go of his frustration so we can move on instead of dwelling on the past.

15.) If your HOH/Spanker messed up, and offered to let you spank them, would you? Why/Why not?
No. He's offered to let me spank him before. Not because he messed up, but so he could see what it was like on my end of the implement. It just didn't feel right.

16.) What is your favorite form of aftercare?
Snuggling. I curl up in his arms and he strokes my hair. Sometimes sex follows, but not always.

17.) How was DD/spanking brought up to you, or how did you bring it up to your partner?
I came across it online while looking for something else. At first I wasn't at all interested, but the more I read, the more it made sense. It took me over a year before I worked up the nerve to tell Steve. I spent several days writing all my thoughts down in an email and then sent it to him. Then I high-tailed it to the bathroom and took the longest shower of my life while he read it.

18.) If your spanker could use only one implement from here on out, what would they use?
Probably the paddle. He really likes it.

19.) Do you have a favorite pair of panties to wear when you know you're going to be spanked? If so, what are they?
I've been thinking about ordering some made out of steel, but I'm not sure how well that's going to go over with him. I don't really have any specific ones I wear for spankings.

20.) Unfortunately/fortunately (depending on how you look at it) mind reading hasn't yet been perfected. What's something you want your HOH/Dom/Spanker to know? (For example, don't be afraid to spank harder, or something along those lines.) Don't be afraid, spill!
I'd be in a lot more trouble if he could read my mind. I already let more slip out of my mouth than I should. As for what I would want him to know, I'd tell him that I know that this isn't always easy on either of us, but I love him for caring enough to do this. I'd also let him know that I'm not breakable and it's okay to spank a little harder and be more strict.

*Bonus Question (just because it's fun)- Is there a picture (spanking, dd, Ds, etc related) that you just really love? If so, let's see it!*
I came across this one the other day. It's obvious by his stance, the belt in his hands and him rolling up his sleeves that he means business. The words make it even more real.

Thursday, September 19, 2013

Update on Steve and the Wreck

After keeping Steve in the emergency room for most of the night running tests, the hospital released him to come home this morning. He was more banged up than we thought with some injury to the muscles in his neck and back. He came home with a prescription for pain killers and orders to avoid strenuous activity until they heal, which pretty much means no work since he's in construction.

He got our daughter off to school while I called his boss to tell him the bad news. Then since neither of us got much sleep last night, we crawled back in bed. He slept for most of the day. He hasn't said much since he's been up, but judging by how slow he's moving, he's hurting.

The car he was driving when he got hit (the one he just got me by the way) didn't fare so well either. It damaged the driver's side and front end, as well as busting the windshield. It can be fixed, but it sucks because we just put it on the road. I hadn't even got to drive it yet because he wanted to make sure everything was perfect for me before he handed over the keys.

On top of all this is the financial issue. I've started a claim with the other driver's insurance company (both the witness and the accident report agree it was their fault), but who knows how long that's going to take. In the meantime, we still have bills to pay. Since Steve's the sole provider of our family, it puts us in a mess if he's not able to work.

He's already stressed enough over being injured and having the new car tore up so I didn't want to add any stress by bringing up finances. Either it was on his mind too or my face is easier to read than I thought. About the time that I realized the only solution was to raid our house fund to pay bills until he's back on his feet or I can find a job, he brought up the subject himself.

He said his boss had called asking if he was up to working tomorrow. Needless to say, I was not happy. He knows Steve is injured. I just called this morning and told him what the doctor said.  Once I finished venting my irritation at the utter gall of that jerk, it got worse. Steve told me he'd told him yes, he'll be there in the morning.

I begged and pleaded with him to at least give it a few days before he went back, but he'd already made up his mind. He promised to take it easy and use a helper for any lifting, but it doesn't make me feel any better about it. He's going to be hurting because he won't be able to take anything stronger than Tylenol while he's working. Not to mention, since he's not giving his injuries enough time to heal, there's a possibility he's going to make them worse.

I know where his decision is coming from. He takes his role as provider for our family very seriously and he doesn't want to raid our house fund to provide for us while he's hurt. But if it comes down to him being healthy or having to wait a little longer to get our house, I'd much rather have him healthy. Unfortunately, after letting me have my say, he said his decision was final and he didn't want to hear anything else about it. I just have to pray that he doesn't hurt himself more.

Thank you all for the prayers and kind thoughts. Please continue to keep him in your prayers.

Wednesday, September 18, 2013

Prayers Please

I don't normally post twice in one day, but I am right now to ask for prayers. Steve got in a wreck earlier. He seemed okay at first, but started hurting pretty bad so he decided to go to the emergency room to get checked out. I couldn't go with him because he didn't want me to wake up our daughter so he had a friend take him. Please keep him in your prayers.

Off Roading and Getting There

Lately my submission switch has been firmly in the off position. Steve has been so busy between work and getting my car on the road that he let me go a lot longer than he should have. Even though I knew in my head that his lack of attention was because of everything going on rather than a lack of interest, I started spiraling.

The first sign that he was aware of my off roading and not happy about it came the night before last. I had been on the phone and it was late when I came to bed. I figured he'd be asleep, but he was sitting up in bed with his laptop when I came in. When he put it away, I moved in to snuggle, only to have him say he was tired and roll over, pulling the blanket up over him. Then he said over his shoulder that I was lucky I had been on the phone so long because he was too tired to light me up like he had planned.

You would think a comment like that would have set me back and made me rethink a few things. But submission had flown the coop. So I just said Pfft! and continued my off road expedition.

We talked a little yesterday on the phone but we were both busy so we really didn't get too far. So I have to admit I wasn't really expecting anything when I came to bed last night. To my surprise, after watching TV for a bit, Steve told me to get the cane.

I wasn't exactly thrilled at his choice because I hate that thing, but I didn't complain, just got up and got it for him. It wasn't as bad as I expected. Maybe he was taking it easy on me because the cane hadn't been used much lately or maybe he was just too tired to realize that he was going easy. Afterwards we snuggled for a bit and then he went to sleep.

I couldn't sleep so I laid there thinking for a while. As much as I hated to admit it, he hadn't got me there, that constantly moving point where I truly let go and open up so he can get through. Some days he gets me there in just a few swats or words; other days it takes more effort. The more I thought about it, the more I realized that he had missed that point a few times lately. In hindsight, that's probably why I've been struggling so much.

I knew I needed to talk to him about it, but I wasn't looking forward to it. It's a delicate area and required some tact. I needed to figure out how to tell him without leaving him feeling like I was blaming him for not getting me there.

To my surprise, Steve took the issue right out of my hands this morning. First he mentioned something about getting his paddle out. Then he asked me point blank if the night before had been enough. I was quiet for a minute before telling him no, it hadn't been. He said that's what he figured, but he wanted to hear what I thought.

After I got our daughter off to school, I came back in the bedroom. I knew he was planning on going in to work late because we had to run some errands this morning. Since there was a couple hours before the places we needed to go opened, I figured he'd probably take care of things while we had the house to ourselves. But he just snuggled for a while before getting up to shower. I guess he wanted some time to think about things before he decides on a course of action.

So that's how things stand right now. While I'm tempted to start telling him what I think he should do, I'm staying quiet for now. Me telling him what to do makes me the leader, not him. I want need him to work it out. He knows me well, better than I know myself at times, and I need to trust that he will figure out how to get us both where we need to be.

Friday, September 13, 2013

Spanking Survey

I saw this survey over at Rules to Love By and realized I'd never filled it out. So here goes.

Have you ever gotten spanked?

Are you spanked bare bottom, over panties, or over clothes?
All the above, although it usually ends bare bottom. To be honest, my favorite is over the quilt. That sucker is thick and padded and you barely feel a thing. Unfortunately Steve doesn't like it as much as I do..

What is the best thing about being spanked?
Being able to put things behind us so we can move on. I used to get hung up on my guilt over stuff and he'd be resentful because we never actually dealt with anything. Now we handle it and we can both move on.

What position do you get spanked in?
Whatever one Steve decides on. I've been spanked over his knee, over his lap, over a pillow on the bed, laying flat on the bed, over the side of the bed, over the couch, standing up.

Have you ever gotten spanked in public?
He might give me a playful swat in front of friends, but any serious spanking is done in private.

What do you get spanked with the most?
For a long time, it was the wooden spoon, but lately it's been the paddle..

On a scale of 1-10 how much does the average spanking hurt?
5. If I've did some serious rule breaking or get too out of hand, they're a lot worse.

Have you ever been spanked for something you don't feel you deserve?
Only once, but by the time it was over and I had truly "heard" what Steve was saying, I was in agreement that it was deserved.

Have you ever been spanked with a hairbrush?
No. There's a reason I only have plastic-backed hairbrushes.

Have you ever been spanked so hard you started to cry?
The pain isn't what gets me to tears. It's what is said during the spanking and my own guilt over what led up to the spanking.

Were you spanked as a child?
Very rarely.

Do you think spanking is fun?
It can be if that's the intent.

What does your HoH say to you before your spanking?
He usually tells me what I'm getting spanked for. Sometimes he'll lecture a little bit. Then it's "over my lap" or "bend over."

Have you ever gotten spanked for bad driving (speeding ticket, etc)?
No, but I've been told that a speeding ticket is guaranteed to get me one heck of a spanking.

Have you ever got a spanking for no reason at all?
He always has a reason, even if I don't realize that at the time.

Have you ever gotten spanked by a teacher?

Is your butt spankable?

Is spanking your hobby?

Are you currently in trouble?
I hope not.

Do you get lectured during the spanking?
Yes. For some reason, I tend to hear him better when I'm in that position.

Have you ever seen someone else get spanked?

Have you ever gotten spanked for cursing?
Not so much for cursing as I don't do it much, but once for cursing at him. If I get wound up and start letting too many 4 letter words fly, he will tell me to knock it off though.

Have you ever gotten spanked for lying?
Once and it was a memorable one, not one I ever hope to repeat.

Have you ever been spanked with more than one spanking implement in a spanking session?

Do you hate spankings?
No. I may not be happy about it when it's going on, but I know it serves a purpose and I nearly always feel better afterwards.

How many people spank you?

Have you ever gotten spanked with your butt in the air?
That's usually how it works. I haven't yet convinced Steve that my bottom should be pointed down and away from whatever implement he's holding.

Have you ever gotten spanked so hard your butt was purple?
Not all purple, but I have bruised. I don't worry too much about it as I bruise easily.

Do you think that spanking is a good punishment?
In general, yes, but there are some occasions when other punishments are more effective.

Do you believe spanking has made your relationship better or worse?
Definitely better. It's brought us closer and now we can handle things and move on, rather than dealing with them over and over again since they were never truly dealt with.

Is your butt red and sore afterwards?
That seems to be the point.

Have you ever gotten spanked with a sneaker?
Umm no.

Have you ever been spanked twice in one day?
Unfortunately yes. I even have one really bad day where I got spanked three times.

Have you ever asked to be spanked for something you did wrong?
I usually don't have to ask, but I have before.

Would you talk about spousal spankings to your friends/family members?
I doubt they would understand.

Have you ever been caned?
Ugh! Yes and I hate the cane.

Do you cry?

Have you ever gotten spanked with a wooden spoon?
Yes. That was Steve's first implement and, for a long time, his favorite.

What do you get spanked for?
Breaking the rules. Most of the time it's disrespect in the form of attitude or disobedience because I procrastinated and didn't get something done that he asked me to do.

How many times, per month, do you get spanked on average?
It can vary widely between months. Some months, none at all. Other months, two or three times a week.

How many swats do you get for the average offense?
I never counted. I don't think Steve does either.

Do your friends know that you get spanked?
Only the ones here in Blogland.

On a 1-10 scale, how hard would you get spanked for something serious, such as speeding?
Probably a 10 because it would be something he would not want to have to repeat.

Have you ever gotten spanked with a belt?
Yes, but it's rare.

Have you ever gotten spanked with a paddle?
Yes and it sucks.

After your spanking is over, how long before you repeat the same offense?
It depends. If I'm being stubborn about something, it could very well be the same day. I generally try not to repeat stuff right away though as subsequent punishments tend to be worse.

Does your spouse enjoy spanking you?
Yes and no. Obviously he enjoys the playful ones, as do I. With role affirmation and milder spanking, he sometimes gets aroused by it. The harder spankings are rough on both of us because he doesn't like to see me in pain, but he knows that it's needed so we can both move on from whatever happened.

When is the last time you got spanked?
Over the weekend.

Have you ever spanked yourself?
Steve seems to keep up with it pretty well without any help from me.

What is the worst thing about being spanked?
Knowing that I disappointed him enough to be getting a spanking.

Does anyone other than your spouse/significant other spank you?

How long does the spanking last?
Until he decides it's over. It may be just a minute or it may be ten or more minutes. If I'm being stubborn, it can go on for quite a while.

Do you get spanked hard?
Depends on the reason for the spanking.

Do you like to be spanked?
If it's a playful spanking because those have more touching than actual spanking.

Would you describe yourself as a rule follower or a rule breaker?
I generally don't set out to break rules, although if I'm mad at him, I will sometimes do stuff to push his buttons. I'm not proud of it and it's something I'm working on. For the most part, though, I'm a rule follower. I don't like to disappoint Steve and I know the rules he has made for me are for the good of me, our relationship and our family.

Tuesday, September 10, 2013

A New Tactic

In the time since we implemented domestic discipline into our relationship, Steve has taken several tactics to deal with me when I get upset over something.

It's not a tactic he uses very often, but sometimes he just gives me a little space to work through my anger.

This approach is hit and miss. If it's a minor upset or I'm upset over something not related to him or our relationship, it will work. I spend a little time alone thinking and then I go talk to him about what's going on inside my head. If I'm really upset at him though, him giving me time alone to think (and build walls) is a very bad idea.

Sometimes he'll just talk to me. He may talk about what's going on that has me upset. He may talk about how my mood is affecting us. If I'm really pushing my luck, he may talk about how I'm going to end up bare bottom over his knee in the near future if things don't turn around.

As with space, this one can be hit and miss. If I'm in the right frame of mind to be open to what he's saying, a talk will usually do the trick. If I'm not, anything he says goes in one ear and out the other. On occasion, talking has backfired because he upset me even more with something he said.

Occasionally he'll spend some one on one time with me. He'll arrange for someone to watch our daughter so we can just be alone. We might stay home and just watch a movie. We might go out. We might see how far we can make it through the Kama Sutra before our time is up.

Since he only uses this tactic when I'm upset over not getting some alone time together, it always works. Once I get that one on one time, I'm over my mood and we can move forward.

It usually isn't his first line of attack against a mood, but if all else fails or I get really out of hand, he spanks. Sometimes a few swats is all that's needed. Sometimes more is necessary.

This one almost always does the trick. It's very rare that I come up from a spanking madder than I was before it. If I do, I usually end up going another round pretty quickly.

Between being in a funk and all the stress about a house lately, I haven't been myself for a few weeks. Steve tried several of his tactics, some more than once, but it just wasn't working. Then over the weekend, something happened that just put me over the limit and I was mad at nearly everyone. So he surprised me by trying something new.

After breakfast yesterday morning, he told me to go get my gun and meet him in the living room. I did and when I came back, he had the other guns and several boxes of ammo. We went outside to the truck where he loaded everything up..

Then we took off to the house of a friend that lives nearby but more out in the country than we are. Once we arrived, he set up targets, gave me a quick refresher (it had been a while since I shot anything) and then he let me go.

An hour and several shredded targets later, I had ran through every bit of ammo he had brought for my gun and part of the ammo he'd brought for the shotgun. And, to my surprise, I felt great. No stress. No ticked off at the world feeling. Just a blessed relaxed peace.

I doubt this tactic is anything you'd ever find on a website about domestic discipline, but it worked. And it had the added benefit of showing Steve that if, God forbid, someone is stupid enough to break into our house when I'm home alone, I can defend myself.

Once the stress was gone and I was calmer, we finally talked. We both agreed that a lot of the stress is coming from Steve's dad. While we understand that him cosigning means him accepting responsibility for our home loan if we can't make it on our own, he's using the offer to cosign as leverage to interfere in stuff that's none of his business. Stuff like where we choose to live, how many cars we have and whether or not I continue being a stay at home mom.

So even though it means putting our dreams of buying a house on hold for a bit, we've decided not to go that route. Instead we're going to do it ourselves, either by finding someone willing to owner-finance or by continuing to save and work on Steve's credit so we can qualify for a loan without any help. We still have two years left on our lease so it's not like we have to move right now anyway.

After our talk, the day got even better. Steve took me shopping to buy more ammo so we could go shooting again. When we got back home, he got a phone call from a friend about a car. We don't really need another car (we already have a car and two trucks), but this was an amazing once in a lifetime deal on a car I've always wanted.

Since he knew I didn't want to raid our house fund to get it, he asked if I would give him a chance to do some bargaining. I said okay and he left to see what he could work out. An hour later, I got a phone call saying the car was mine and it didn't cost us a dime. He managed to work out a trade on some other stuff. We are going to have to put a little bit of money into some minor repairs for it, but considering what the car is worth if we later decide to sell it, it's worth it.

It sounds bad, but I'm actually looking forward to telling my father-in-law that not only do we not want his help in getting a house, but we also got another car, a completely frivolous sports car at that.