Saturday, January 12, 2013

Grace Returned

I woke up yesterday morning with a headache. It wasn't a migraine, but after years of suffering from them, I can usually tell when a regular headache is going to turn into one. Unfortunately this was one of those cases. By the time I got our daughter off to school and Steve off to work, it was already worsening.

While I have migraine pills, I'm trying to not take them unless I absolutely have to because I need to make them last as long as I can. Our health insurance recently ran out so I now have to pay full price for that prescription rather than my copay. At nearly $10 a pill without insurance (for the generic), they're not really affordable so unless I get really desperate and we have the extra money, I'm probably not going to be refilling that prescription any time soon.

Mini rant alert. Whatever genius prices medicines that high needs their head examined. If they had to live on our budget with no insurance for just a month or two, they'd realize how unreasonable their prices are and how many people go without needed medications simply because they can't afford it. There's just no excuse for them letting people suffer so they can line their pockets. End rant.

Anyway, rather than take one of my pills like I usually do when I feel one coming on, I decided to go lay down and try to sleep it off before it hit full intensity. This sometimes works to head one off so it was worth a shot before I broke down and took one of the few pills I had left.

I ended up sleeping pretty much all day until it was time to pick our daughter up. The sleep had helped some as the headache was only slightly worse than it had been before I laid down. So I decided to just stick it out as long as I could.

Unfortunately, since I had slept most of the day, I still had chores that I needed to do. I did the best I could considering the circumstances, but wasn't able to get everything done. Rather than wait for Steve to find out when he checked after getting home, I told him as soon as he came in the door. He didn't say anything about it, just went to play with our daughter so I could cook supper in peace.

Later it occurred to me to ask if I was in trouble. I was really hoping he would say no but figured with our little bet still going, he might not want to back down. He surprised me by offering me grace. He said he appreciated me doing as much as I had considering how I felt and even if it meant losing our bet, he wasn't going to punish me over it.

You know sometimes I forget how suited he really is to the role of HoH. He could have been a jerk about it and insisted on following through all in the name of winning our silly bet. But he realized that this was a unique situation that needed to be handled differently, that it was more important for him to do the right thing rather than make his decision based on a bet.

I'm proud of him. These past seven months have brought an amazing amount of change and growth in both of us. But I have never felt more convinced that I made the right choice in asking him to lead than I did yesterday. He showed me what a true HoH is.

And for what it's worth, I told him he didn't lose the bet over his decision. Tomorrow is the last day of our little wager and I have no doubt that if needed, he will step up. As far as I'm concerned, he's already won. Of course so have I because I've got the consistency I wanted with the grace I needed. And that's what this really is all about, finding the balance that works for us.


  1. Neat post Dana. I'm sorry you were feeling lousy and hope you are feeling much better now. Migraines just plan suck.

    Good on you firstly for carrying on and doing the best you could. I agree, a win/win, and that Steve didn't lost the bet by not spanking you. He did the right thing. Extenuating circumstances like this crop up and a good HoH takes them into account and acts accordingly. Sometimes that means offering grace.

    You have both come a long way. Good on you!


    1. Thanks Roz. I still had a little bit of a headache today, but nowhere near as bad as it was yesterday. Stress is one of my major triggers for migraines so I wasn't all that surprised that it did happen.

      I feel like we've both hit a bit of a growth spurt lately and I'm really liking the direction it's taking us.

  2. This is a really nice example of real leadership, Dana. Steve's understanding of the circumstances and his ability to have empathy for you are indicative of a man who is really suited to his role in your marriage. Congratulations on having such a sweet husband.

    1. Thanks Lillie. He is a really wonderful man. I was truly blessed when he came into my life.

  3. Hooray for grace and wisdom! Great post.

  4. An awesome HoH :)
    I have been fighting off a migraine for four days! I'm about to lose my mind. It lessens, then gets worse.
    So sorry about your insurance too. It's so ridiculous how much all of that costs =\

    1. Thanks Elle. I hope your migraine eases soon. Those lingering ones are a real pain.

  5. Lovely post, Dana, it exemplifies my favorite things about this lifestyle- grace, reciprocity and balance.

    You know - sometimes if I catch a headache at the point you're describing, take four Excedrin Migraine and lie down it helps. Also, most of the drug companies have assistance programs for uninsured people. If you email me the name of the drug manufacturer I'll see what I can find out.


    1. Thanks June. I had completely forgot about the prescription assistance through the drug manufacturer. My husband used to get part of his medication that way. I checked and there is a program for my Imitrex so I'll call the doctor today and ask if she can do the paperwork for me.


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