Wednesday, March 27, 2013

Not So Scary After All

I couldn't sleep the other night so I spent a lot of time thinking. After I woke up from the few hours of sleep I managed, the same thing was on my mind. I had pretty much made up my mind to talk to Steve about it, but was trying to figure out how to do it.

When it comes to most things, I don't have a problem talking to Steve. I bring up the subject and we're off with me freely talking about whatever it is I want to talk about. I generally don't hesitate. I just dive right in.

But when it comes to DD, I seem to have a stumbling block. It literally took me over a year to work up the nerve to introduce the topic of DD to Steve. I was scared he'd think I was crazy. He didn't. If anything, he was flattered that I cared enough to want to change the way things were. Whenever I've needed to talk to him about something that's part of DD (say asking for a spanking that I need), I hesitate.

I'm not really sure why. I trust him completely. He's always been open and willing to hear me when I need to talk about something. He's even told me before that he appreciates it when I tell him what's on my mind so he's not left stumbling around trying to figure it out. Yet I still have trouble speaking freely when it comes to DD.

Anyway, I spent most of the day debating about how to broach the subject. I wrote a text and then deleted it without sending it. I wrote an email and then deleted it without sending it.

He noticed I was quiet, which is a sure-fire sign something is on my mind. He commented on me being quiet, but didn't push for a reason. I know he was probably wondering, but I appreciated that he was willing to let me have some space to work things out on my own before he started pushing.

As it turns out, Steve was the one that brought up the subject. That was enough to get me to admit that it had been on my mind as well. Then I started talking a little. Thankfully the man seems to be able to read my mind at these times because whenever I'd trail off, he filled in the blanks.

The funny thing about the whole situation is that what I had been thinking about and trying to work up to talking about was the exact same thing that was on his mind. So once we got past my initial hesitation, we were able to talk about it easily.

So basically I spent the whole day working myself into a tizzy over something that really wasn't so scary after all. Maybe I should take this as a learning experience and accept that I really can talk to him about anything and he's not going to run off into the woods screaming about the crazy lady that is his wife.

Monday, March 25, 2013

Your Most Burning Questions Answered

This was fun. I even talked Steve into answering some questions

Question from Grace: What area have you seen the most improvement in since incorporating DD into your relationship (either in yourself, Steve, or your relationship as a whole)?

Dana: I would say I'm more balanced. Before I got overwhelmed easily when faced with a big project and I'd shut down. Now that Steve gives me specific tasks to do, it's easier to focus. There's also more balance in my mood. I've always been a bit moody, but I used to let the cranky or down moods get away from me. I still have the ups and downs, but they don't go as far because Steve is there to redirect if I get carried away.

Steve is more attentive than he used to be. He pays attention to my tone and expression and notices when I get quiet. In the past, it seemed like he didn't notice those little clues or, if he did, he didn't care enough to comment on them. Now he's quicker to realize when something is going on and encourages me to open up.

For us as a couple, we're more affectionate and make it a point to show each other we care. Over the years, we got to a point where we rarely touched. We still had sex, but the little touches weren't there. Now it's rare that we don't touch each other several times a day, whether it's a big hug, a pat on the butt as he walks by or holding hands walking through a store.

Steve: I would say I've become a stronger person, not just at home, but outside the home as well. I'm a nice guy, something people sometimes take advantage of. I have a hard time saying no. But now I've learned to put my foot down at times.

Dana gets a lot more done these days. She doesn't procrastinate as much and makes more of an effort to do things that I ask her to do.

In our relationship, we've grown a lot closer. We talk more and it's not just about basic household or parenting issues. We talk about what's going on with us, the changes that we like and things we want to work towards together.

Question from Callie M: If you had to explain bruises on your behind to a medical professional, what would you say?

Dana: I actually came pretty close to having to have this conversation a while back when I had shingles. The shingles blister came up on the middle of my left butt cheek and had a bruise from a spanking on the bottom part of the same cheek. I was careful to only pull my pants down enough for the doctor to see the blister, but not the bruise.

As for explanations, it would depend on the size and location of the bruise. Some I could probably get away with saying I bumped into something or fell. My doctor knows I take a daily aspirin and I've complained before about bruising after the slightest bump so she probably wouldn't bat an eye if I told her that.

For larger bruises or ones that can't be explained away as bump or fall, I'd just tell them I'm in a consensual spanking relationship and the aspirin makes me bruise easy.

Question from Tricia: If you could be any animal, what would you be? What would Steve be?

Dana: I'd like to be a giraffe. I'm short so I'm constantly having to climb on chairs or ask someone to reach stuff for me. It would be nice to be tall so I could get things myself and see whatever I've been missing that's currently over my head.

Steve: I would like to be a dog.

If you didn't get a chance to send us a question, there's still time. You can email us your questions at or comment here.

Sunday, March 24, 2013

Didn't See That Coming

My streak was nearly at three weeks. I'd like to say it's because I'd been a perfect angel, but that wouldn't exactly be true. In all honesty, it had more to do with Steve's recent change in leadership than good behavior.

I've struggled since he did away with weekly role affirmation. Shortly after he made the change, I realized that the reason it made things easier when we were doing it is that it meant that I didn't have to try as hard to maintain submissiveness on my own. If I felt like I was heading in the wrong direction, I didn't work that hard at reversing the trend because I knew that Monday would be rolling around soon and would nip whatever was going on in the bud.

Then it wasn't there and I had to try to maintain submission on my own. I started floundering. Between that and another change, I was in over my head and sinking fast. You see since we started, things had a set order. If I messed up, I got punished. The slate was clear and we moved on to a fresh start.

About the same time that weekly role affirmation disappeared, Steve decided to try a new tactic. Instead of punishing for every offense, he wanted to try talking and/or lecturing to see if it would be enough to redirect. If I was in a more submissive frame of mind, it might have worked. There have been times that a simple lecture was enough.

But in my current frame of mind, he was just adding fuel to the fire. Instead of taking his new tactic as an opportunity to learn how to redirect without having to be punished first, I started feeling like he had given up on TTWD, that he wasn't interested in leading any more. So I spiraled even more.

I wasn't oblivious to my destructive behavior. I tried to tell him over a week ago that I needed something to get me back on track. That didn't go as well as I had planned. I was left frustrated that I had tried to tell him, only to have nothing happened. And I kept spiraling faster and faster.

Yesterday I reached the point where I knew something had to happen. I was feeling frustrated and adrift. So keeping in mind what you all commented on my post about asking for it, I decided to give him a clear signal something was needed. After some internal debate, I settled on throwing all the implements on his side of the bed and pulling the blanket up over them. I figured that Steve would see them when he came to bed and do something. I mean it wasn't like he was just going to say "Hmm. I wonder how these got here." and then put them back in the drawer.

I was right about that. He did something. First we talked about half an hour with him asking questions and not giving up until I gave him a real answer. Then he spanked and spanked and spanked some more. He spanked through my struggling, my assurances that I had learned my lesson, my apologies and my tears. I didn't think it was ever going to stop.

The entire time he would lecture for a minute then stop to ask a question. I don't think the guys realize how hard it is to come up with a reasonable answer to a question when we're in that position. But I managed to answer all his questions, surprising both of us at one point by adding "sir" to my answer, something I have never done. 

I'm not sure how it happened. The word just popped out but it didn't feel as strange as I would have thought. I think the added "sir" might have been the turning point in the spanking because it ended shortly after that.

Afterwards as I laid curled up in his arms with him stroking my back, we talked some more. It turns out he had already planned to spank even before he pulled back the blanket to see my signal. He made it explicitly clear that it was punishment, not a reset or role affirmation, so my streak must begin again.

He talked about his role in my downward spiral. He apologized for not following through when I told him I needed something to get back on track. He apologized for letting me go so long without acting.

Then in a move that left me shocked (and wondering if he had been reading Willie's blog), he said we would be doing daily role affirmation until he felt like I was fully back on track. My thoughts on that must have shown on my face because he was quick to explain that it wouldn't stop the first day I did well, but would continue until he saw a clear pattern that I was doing well. He's also bringing back weekly role affirmation since I didn't do well without it.

I think I'll wrap this up now because this post has grown a bit larger than I planned. In the meantime, pray for my bottom. It's pretty tender today and with daily role affirmation starting tomorrow, it's going to need all the help it can get.

Wednesday, March 20, 2013

The Perfect Day

Waking up in his arms.

A good morning kiss

 Fun times as a family

Walking hand in hand

Cooking together

Alone time

Falling asleep on his chest

Sunday, March 17, 2013

Snappy, the Fall and Love Notes

You're probably wondering what all these things have in common, but I promise they're related. Just bear with me for a few and it will all make sense.

As you may recall, Steve sent Snappy on her way the other night. Unfortunately, Snappy can be a bit persistent. She snuck back in yesterday and said a few things that were borderline. I shooed her away, which is probably what saved me.

She popped back up again today. I could tell she was really starting to irritate Steve so I tried to shut her up. That lasted a little while, at least until I took a tumble right after we got back from being out. Somehow Steve and our daughter missed the fact that I had fell and went in the house without me.

When I fell, I banged myself up pretty good. Nothing was broke (at least I don't think it was), although I'm skinned up in a few spots and managed to sprain my wrist and ankle. It wasn't until I tried to get up that I realized I couldn't. So I sat there on the ground and waited for someone to notice that I was missing and come looking for me.

By the time Steve came out, I was pretty ticked off and Snappy was back and ready to fight. She chewed him up one side and down the other. When he tried to help me up, she even told him to leave me the h*ll alone. He was surprisingly patient with both of us, not saying a whole lot although he did say he didn't know what was going on with me, but we needed to fix it.

Finally once she realized that there was no way I could get up without his help, she relented. He helped me up and I hobbled into the house, at which point Snappy disappeared. I went into the bedroom,flopped down on the bed, curled up in a ball and started crying. I don't know if it was this emotional storm I've been caught in for the last couple days or the pain from the fall, but I could not stop crying. I was still crying when Steve came in a few minutes later to check on me.

He didn't say anything, just rubbed my back until I calmed down. Then he offered to make me lunch, which kind of surprised me because he very rarely cooks for me. He's been pampering me ever since. He's been taking care of our daughter, bringing me things so I don't have to get up and urging me to rest.

This evening we went out to dinner. It wasn't anything fancy, just fast food, but it was a meal I didn't have to cook (or do dishes from). As we sat at the table waiting on our order to be ready, I was looking at the hot sauce packets. I always get a kick out of reading them. Then I found one I liked and slid it across the table to him.

He read it and smiled. A few minutes later, a hot sauce packet came sliding across the table to me.

I looked up to see that mischievous smirk that I first fell in love with years ago. I know sayings on a hot sauce packet aren't your typical love note, but that silly exchange was great for us.

I think I'll send Snappy on a long vacation. Do you think she'd like the Bermuda Triangle? Maybe Scrappy and TOG would like to go with her.

Saturday, March 16, 2013

Meet Snappy

I've been sharing a lot here, both about myself and our journey. I think it's time to introduce an old friend. This is Snappy.

We've been friends for a long time, probably because we're so much alike.

We both have a hard shell to protect our inner softness. It makes people think we're a lot tougher than we actually are.

We both tend to withdraw if we don't like how things are looking outside.

And last but not least, if you irritate us, you're probably going to get bit. Snappy tends to go for fingers or toes. I'm more likely to bite your head off.

As I'm sure you can guess, Steve doesn't care for my good friend Snappy. He says Snappy is a bad influence on me. Something about it being better to talk things out instead of withdrawing and snapping not being a respectful way to express irritation. He tends to send her on her way pretty quickly when she makes an appearance.

Snappy snuck back this week. At first she was a discreet visitor. She kept her snapping to a minimum, leaving the room or grumbling under her breath. But she wasn't as discreet as she should have been. It turns out Steve hears a lot better these days and he caught a few of those mumbled snaps.

When we went to bed last night, he started trying to get me out of my shell. I wasn't having it. Finally I weakened and moved a little closer, eventually laying across the bed with my head in his lap. We laid there for a while and then his hand came down on my bottom hard. It wasn't awful, but it definitely had an edge to it that indicated it wasn't exactly a playful swat.

A few minutes later, it happened again. This went on for about fifteen minutes with a hard swat and then a break for anywhere from 30 seconds to 2 minutes. They were starting to really sting, but the breaks made them easier to take.

Then came a flurry of swats that weren't so easy to take and I started squirming. Steve is over the squirming so he quickly shifted position and then I couldn't squirm. He made it clear that it wasn't a punishment, just a reset, but Snappy needed to go.

I decided to give in. After all, it was just a reset with his hand. If Snappy stuck around, it could easily turn into a punishment with the paddle (or worse). So I sent Snappy on her way, happy to maintain my punishment-free streak.

Friday, March 15, 2013

What We Have that They Don't

Last night, we attended a program at our daughter's school. She was really excited about it because she had two lines. Steve managed to get done with work early enough he could go and we picked up his mom so she could go as well.

There was a lot of people packed into the auditorium. In fact, they said that this was the best turnout they'd ever had for one of these programs. I love to people watch so I sat there looking around while were were waiting for the program and I noticed something.

There were a number of couples in the crowd. I had either saw them arrive together with a child in tow or noticed that they wore matching wedding bands. But I didn't see any intimacy between then. They weren't talking to each other. They weren't touching. Some were even clearly leaning away from each other.

When you looked at those couples, it was clear that there was a distance between them that was more than just the physical space separating them. They honestly looked like they couldn't stand being near each other and only were sitting together because it was expected. As soon as the program ended, they separated as fast as they could as if they couldn't stand being near each other for one second longer.

Meanwhile I sat close beside Steve. We were shoulder to shoulder and thigh to thigh. My hand rested lightly in his. His fingers stroked mine. Our heads were tilted together so we could hear each other over the crowd.

When the program was over, he took my hand and led me through the maze of people to find our daughter. After we congratulated her on a great performance, we walked hand in hand through the school and out to the car. As soon as we were all in and buckled up, he reached over and rested his hand on my leg. That's where it stayed all the way home, leaving only when he needed that hand to shift.

When some people look at DD, they look at it in shock and horror. He spanks you? You have to follow rules? Isn't that treating you like a child? How do you stand it? But they fail to see the one thing that we have that's missing in a lot of vanilla relationships. Intimacy and closeness.

If there is one change that has made all of this worth it for me, it's that we've grown closer as a couple. A year ago, we probably would have been like those other couples in the crowd last night. We would have been together physically, but not mentally or emotionally. Now we are.

So the next time someone makes a rude comment or sends an email putting down our lifestyle, I'm not going to get mad. I'm going to smile. Because obviously they're just jealous of what we have.

Wednesday, March 13, 2013

Asking for It

One of the hardest things for me in this journey is asking for a spanking when I want/need one. Steve and I have discussed it in the past and I know he's okay with me asking, but I have a hard time doing it. It should be simple. It's just four little words-I need a spanking-and yet I find myself stumbling over them.

It was easier for me when we were doing role affirmation every Monday night. Even if I couldn't get the words out, I knew that eventually Monday would roll around. That would usually take care of things.

It's funny. When we first talked about role affirmation, I was adamantly against the idea. I wanted nothing to do with it. Then Steve decided it was needed so I made the adjustment. For the most part, it helped, although on my good weeks we both had a hard time with it. But now that he's switched to doing it on an as-needed basis, I feel adrift.

He doesn't always see the need for it when I do. He tends to wait until there are clear signs I'm headed in the wrong direction before he acts. Little signs like slacking a little on chores or borderline disrespect. But I know a few days before these signs pop up. I can feel it inside me that I'm not in the right place mentally or emotionally.

That's why it's a problem that I have trouble telling him I need it. If I could get the words out, he would know that I need it. Then we could stop the cycle before it gets to the point signs are showing.

I've been struggling with this all week. I knew Sunday night that I wasn't in the right place. I'm still not there today. I wanted to tell him, even started to a couple times but lost my nerve before I could get the words out. There's something very humbling about asking for a spanking.

Today I finally sent a quick text to let Steve know. Even then, I couldn't say the words. I texted "I need role affirmation." As soon as I hit send, I wished I could bring that text back. I knew he wouldn't see it for a few hours because he's working on another job with no cell service, but as the hour approached that he would be getting off and heading home, nerves set in. I knew the moment he finally read my text because I got a return text that simply said "OK."

Nothing was said about it when he arrived home. I anxiously watched the clock because I knew he was tired from work and would probably want to get things out of the way as soon as our daughter was out for the night.

About a half hour before she was due to head for bed, he came in to tell me he was leaving and would be back later. Apparently a friend had bought tickets for him and his girlfriend to go to a concert but she couldn't go so he called Steve and told him if he wanted to go, he needed to get to his house ASAP. So he grabbed his stuff and took off.

I'm a little peeved about it. It's not that I mind him going to a concert without me because I don't. Any other time I probably would have told him to go for it. It isn't every day that you get to see a band you like for free.

But he knows how hard it is for me to ask for a spanking. He's not going to get home from the concert until very late, at which point I'll have been in bed asleep for at least a couple hours. I have to get up early to get our daughter off to school and he knows it so he most likely won't wake me up, not that I want him to anyway.

It all comes down to communication. While I understand he had to hurry, would it have really been that hard to stop for a minute and say "I didn't forget. We will take care of this in the morning." I would have been fine with that. Instead I'm left feeling a bit neglected.

Monday, March 11, 2013

9 Months

The other day when I worked with Steve, I commented on the fact that we'd been at this nearly 9 months. He responded that he didn't think it had been that long. So I counted off the months on my fingers and, sure enough, today makes nine months. If this was a pregnancy, we'd be welcoming a new bundle of joy right now.

In many ways, these past nine months have been like a pregnancy.

The First Trimester

There's small changes here and there, mostly inward ones that others can't really see. We're both a little nervous about this new way of doing things and trying hard not to mess anything up while we're learning.

The Second Trimester

We're finally getting past the initial nervousness. Things are starting to change more. Still a lot of inward changes. but things are starting to show outside as well.

The Third Trimester

We're getting used to things now and settling in for the long run. Lots of growth, both inside and out. We're excited to see what we've made together.

Saturday, March 9, 2013

Everything I learned About Submission, I Learned From Cartoons

If you haven't figured it out already, I'm not very good at submission. I want to be, but it's an uphill battle.

You see submission can be an elusive creature. You think you know what it is, but then something comes along to get you off track. Remember poor Elmer Fudd. He was hunting wabbits and he was pretty sure he found one in Bugs Bunny. But lo and behold Bugs snookered him. One time he told Elmer that he wasn't a rabbit and pointed to a duck and called it a rabbit. Another time, he told Elmer that the rabbit was down a hole, and even peeked down the hole with Elmer.

Sometimes I'm like Elmer Fudd. I think I know what submission is, but I get led astray. What leads me astray? A lot of times it's stubbornness and independence. Sometimes it's rebellion. Then when I realize I've been snookered, submission is like Bugs, saying "What's up Doc?" before going merrily on its way. And the hunt begins again.

Other times I'm more like Wile E. Coyote and submission is the road runner. I know what I'm looking for. I have a plan to get it. My plan never works out the way I expected. Sometimes it even blows up in my face.

But just like Wile E Coyote, I never give up. He orders yet another thing from ACME. I keep coming up with plans. I talk to Steve about the changes he wants to see. I read blogs and books. I do some thinking. I did a little deeper. I know if I can just come up with the right plan, I'll get my road runner (submission) in the end.

Sometimes I'm more like Scooby Doo. Submission is the mystery I'm trying to solve. When I'm faced with something new or scary, I may make excuses to avoid it. I need encouragement to take that first step. That encouragement may come in the form of Steve talking to me about where he wants to leads us or it may be a meeting with the wooden spoon or other implement.

And you know how Scooby is always running around trying to avoid the monsters and manages to stumble across a clue? That's me at times. I get all independent and do whatever I can to avoid submission. Yet in the process I end up learning how to find submission and I find out that what I'm running from isn't really as scary as I thought.

Thursday, March 7, 2013

Working With Steve

Shortly after we got engaged, Steve trained me to work as a helper for him. Even though we were working, it was still nice because it allowed us to spend time together that we normally wouldn't get. I worked with him pretty frequently up until a few months before our daughter was born. Once she came along, I went from working with him several times a month down to just a few times a year, mainly if he was in a bind and needed to get a job done quickly.

Over the weekend, he mentioned me possibly going with him one day this week because he was trying to get his current job done before the payday cutoff and he didn't think he'd be able to without help. The company only pays twice a month so if you miss the cutoff, even by just one day, you have to wait another two weeks to get paid. Since this job had already been delayed two weeks waiting on materials, that wasn't something we wanted.

Yesterday was the day he planned to take me to work with him. The night before I checked the weather and was a little concerned because it was calling for snow. While snow doesn't stop Steve from going to work, if school was called off due to the snow, it would stop me from going. Thankfully when he was talking to his mom that night, he mentioned it and she graciously offered to let our daughter spend the day with her if school was called off.

It turned out to be a good thing as my phone rang at six yesterday morning to let me know school had been cancelled due to the snow. Steve dropped our daughter off at his parents' house while I got ready, then we loaded the truck up and set off.

I know Steve has a hard job, but I sometimes forget how hard it really is until I'm on the job with him. Unlike some places I've worked with him, this house was still in the process of being completed so there was no electric, no heat and no water. With freezing temperatures, a bitter wind and snow still coming down, it wasn't ideal. Thankfully there was an electric box up by the road that he could tap into so he ran a 100 foot cord from the road down to the house to power a small heater and work light. We still had to go across the road and up a little hill to fill buckets of water and lug them back though.

We worked together for a while. Since we were the only ones on the job, we talked about anything and everything, including DD. Even though we were working, it was nice because we don't often have time to talk uninterrupted.

Once we reached the point that there wasn't enough room for us both to work in the same room, he set me up to work in one room while he went to work on another one. Even though we were working separately, I could still hear him singing along to the radio so it was still nice. Afterwards, we cleaned up and loaded all his stuff in the truck before heading home.

It was getting late by the time we finally got everything done and started towards home. I wasn't looking forward to having to cook once we got home after working all day, but he said I didn't have to. Instead we stopped to eat. Once we made it home, he went off to pick up our daughter while I dealt with all our critters. Then after settling our daughter down for the night, we watched a movie. By the time it was over, I was so exhausted I could barely keep my eyes open so I headed for bed.

All in all we had a good day. We got the job finished so he could get paid. I managed to stay out of trouble. We had a good time talking and spending time with each other. The only bad thing is how sore I am today. But I'd do it again because even if we're working, I like the time alone together.

Wednesday, March 6, 2013

Settling Up and Getting Back on Track

As you may recall, my good girl streak derailed on Friday. The spanking got interrupted and then after waiting nearly the entire next day for it to be finished, I was told it wasn't happening. I planned to ask Steve to settle up and get me back on track Sunday but he fell asleep that night before I could.

Things went downhill from there. Monday wasn't a good day, but he didn't say or do anything. Never one to stop while I'm ahead, I pushed a little lot harder Tuesday. That didn't end well for me. Last night, we were on our way to the bedroom to lay down for the night and he told me to put the dogs up. When I questioned why, he just gave me one of those looks. I hated to give up my little protector, but could see it wasn't going to end well if I refused so I did as he said then slowly walked back to the bedroom.

I knew it was going to be bad and even though I knew I had earned it, I wanted nothing to do with it. So I'll admit I tried to get out of it. As soon as we laid down, I reached over and started giving him a back massage. I was hoping to delay the inevitable and half hoping it would put him to sleep as it sometimes does.

But my efforts were in vain. While Steve appreciated the massage, he was not going to be put off. Once he realized what I was up to, he thanked me and rolled over to reach in the drawer. The time of reckoning had come.

It was one of the worst spankings I've got to date. Or maybe it just felt like it because I've had very few spankings in the past couple months. I could not stay still no matter how hard I tried. After telling me to stay still and get back into position a few times, Steve pinned my legs with his and pulled me in tight to his chest so I couldn't move, although that didn't stop me from trying.

The swats were coming fast and hard. It was obvious that he wasn't happy and I had pushed too far When they finally stopped, I breathed a sigh of relief, only to have him start back up after lecturing for a minute. He did that more than once. After the second or third time, I gave up on fighting the spanking and just buried my face in his chest while I cried.

When it was finally over, I was a puddle of tears and didn't even attempt to move when he released my legs. I just stayed wrapped up in his arms with my face buried in his chest while he talked quietly. My head did come up to give him a shocked look when he informed me I would be getting a reminder spanking tomorrow before he leaves for work just to make sure I'm not tempted to backslide.

The only reason I'm not getting that reminder this morning is that I'm going to work with him today so I won't be home to do chores. While I usually enjoy going to work with him due to the uninterrupted time we get together, I'm a little nervous about it as well. One, I'm going to be squatting a lot while we're working, which is bound to make my bottom even more sore. Two, I'm going to have to be extremely careful to maintain a respectful tone with him because there probably aren't going to be people around at the jobsite today due to the bad weather so he won't be shy about flipping me over his knee if I get mouthy.

Tuesday, March 5, 2013

Have Questions? We Have Answers

It appears that March is Q&A month here in Blogland. Since I was still in the lurking stage at this point last year and hadn't even let Steve in on my thoughts about giving DD a go, I didn't get to participate last time around. This time we're in.

So send us your most burning questions and we'll post the answers in a future post. Questions can be for me, for Steve or for both of us. Regular visitors, lurkers and anons are welcome. Comment on this post or email us and

Sunday, March 3, 2013


Nearly two weeks into my month-long challenge of no punishments, the train has derailed. I got in trouble on Friday.

After Steve being off for two weeks and assigning little to no chores on the days he was home, it was really hard for me to adjust back to a full chore schedule once he went back to work. When he wasn't working, he didn't think it was fair if I had to, but now that's he's back at work, he thinks I should be too. He works hard to support our family so I can't really argue with that.

By Wednesday, it was clear that I was struggling. Submission was leaving the station and picking up speed as it headed out of town. I even told him I felt off, something I normally only say when I feel like I'm headed for trouble. Either he was being extremely patient with me or he didn't recognize the importance of what I said because he didn't do anything.

It all came to a head Friday. I procrastinated for most of the day before doing my chores. It was obvious that I didn't put a lot of effort into them though. As Steve told me later, I half-assed them.

After we ate supper, he went to visit a friend who's been under the weather. I waited up for a while, but got tired and went to bed. He woke me up when he got back, something I wasn't too pleased about, especially when he told me I was getting spanked.

I had a hard time submitting to the spanking. While I knew he was right about my efforts towards the chores, I was angry at having my streak broken. I wanted to blame him for not stepping up and redirecting when I told him I was struggling. But it wasn't really his fault. It was mine. Once I saw that he didn't get what I was trying to tell him, I should have asked for what I needed so he knew exactly what I was saying.

Anyway, about halfway through the spanking, something came up that had to be dealt with right away. It took a while to deal with so Steve said we'd finish up the next day. I grumbled a bit about it as I hate waiting on a spanking, especially one that's already been started, by as late as it was by that time, I understood why.

Needless to say, when I woke up yesterday morning, I wasn't exactly a ray of sunshine. I didn't help my situation any with my attitude. I got reminded a couple times of what was coming later in the day. Later came sooner than I expected when our daughter asked if she could visit her grandparents. Before I knew it, we were alone in the house.

We watched a little tv together then moved on to more pleasurable pursuits. While I enjoyed it, in the back of my head was the thought that I still had a spanking coming, one that I had made worse by my attitude earlier in the day. I kept waiting and waiting, but nothing happened.

Finally I worked up my nerve to ask about it. Steve said he'd decided not to do it. I should have just been happy to have avoided what was sure to be an uncomfortable spanking. But I wasn't. I was mad. I didn't really want to be spanked, but I knew it was needed. Aside from that, I hate having a spanking hanging over my head so I wasn't happy about worrying all day only to be told he wasn't going to do it after all.

I unraveled a bit after that and for a while, things were a little tense between us. I was digging myself into a hole and it didn't seem like either of us cared. After a while, I realized we weren't getting anywhere with this so I dialed back my frustration and started talking.

I let him know that just because I'm doing well doesn't mean my head is staying where it needs to be, that sometimes I'm slipping inside even before the effects start showing on the outside. I told him that for future reference when I tell him I'm feeling off, he should probably definitely take that as a sign I need some redirection. I told him that when he sends mixed signals by saying something and not following through, it makes it hard to keep my head where it needs to be and believe that he will follow through if it's needed.

We ended up talking after that and worked up some things. I still haven't been spanked, though, which is a problem because I still feel off. I don't know if he was planning on doing it last night, but he ended up falling asleep in our daughter's bed trying to get her down for the night so it didn't happen.

If he doesn't bring it up tonight, I plan to. And instead of just telling him I feel off, which he should know by now means trouble, I'm going to flat out tell him my head isn't in the right place and I need a spanking to get me back on track. I still haven't given up on my goal of making it a full month without punishment. I need a clean slate and a submissive mindset to get me on my way.