Tuesday, October 15, 2013

Growth and Change

Ever since our talk not too long ago, things have been changing. It's like a switch was flipped inside of Steve when I told him that the HoH I had imagined and tried to mold him into wasn't exactly the HoH I needed. Now it seems he's made it his life goal to become the HoH that I need.

But change does not come without some growing pains. I've got spanked quite a bit lately. Things that before he was content to let slide by are now being dealt with. Rules are being enforced. Lines are being drawn in the sand. I even got spanked over a safety issue, the first time that's ever happened.

The changes in Steve go beyond just enforcing rules and spanking more though. He's more attentive. He's opening doors for me, a little thing but something he knows I like. When we've had to go out, he's offered his arm for support since I'm hobbling around on a sprained ankle right now (which is what resulted in the spanking over safety). He's showing appreciation for the little things I do that normally go unnoticed.

He checks in with me frequently. As soon as he sees I'm getting quiet, he's right there asking what's wrong. He won't let me brush him off by saying that I'm fine or building a wall to hide behind. He pushes until I tell him what's going on in my head. Then we talk about it or, if talking doesn't seem to be working, he gives a few swats to get things back on an even keel.

He even stood up to his dad on my behalf. For nearly as long as we've been married, Steve's dad has carried on a campaign that I should be working. When they were talking the other night and his dad brought up the topic for the umpteenth time, Steve told him flat out that he liked me being home for our daughter and for him.

In hindsight, I wonder if he would have got to this point a lot faster if I had just left him alone in the beginning. I'm not sure. In the beginning, he wasn't too confident in himself as a HoH. Maybe he needed all the ups and downs of the last year and a half to get to this point.


  1. Grrr to people constantly commenting on 'going back to work'! Every time Barney and I get in a 'funk' that is something people say to me. You need a hobby or you are lonely or are you going back to work soon....HONESTLY people I have plenty, don't even know what lonely is ( aside from those times during our funk) and pffft...never for the same reasons Steve has for you! Sorry I digress, it is just so many of us hear this , it drives me nuts!

    Okay, so I still stand by what I said last time, of course this is just based on our experiences in Bedrock, things happen when they do for a reason. Barney is reading this book, Spank Her! A Top's View of TTWD by Devlin O'Neil, and he said he is gaining a lot from it, but admits that 6 months ago he probably wouldn't have. Our pasts experiences really do shape where we go I think.

    I am happy for you Dana. Ttwd is not for sissy as Zoe is constantly telling me. It is a lot of work, for both parties. Sometimes we have to go over the same speed bumps over and over again before things 'click'.


    1. It drives me up the wall too. It's not like I randomly decided that I wasn't going to work. It's a decision that we came to together after weighing all the pros and cons. And despite what some people think, I don't just sit around twiddling my thumbs until my husband and daughter get home.

      The more I think about it, the more I think that things did unfold the way they did because they needed to in order to get us to this point.

      I'll have to let Steve know about that book.

  2. It sounds like quite a turning point for both of you. I'm happy for you both! :)

  3. Hi Dana,

    Wow, it sounds as though the talk worked wonders and that Steve has listened to you and taken on board your point of view and feelings. Sounds like a wonderful change, it shows the commitment you both have to ttwd. I'm happy for you both!


    1. It is really great Roz. Even though I'm getting spanked more these days (hopefully that will settle down soon), I think we're both in a much better place. Now that I have truly put it all in his hands, I feel so much lighter.

  4. I think it is pretty neat that these guys not only listen to what we need but they hear it and really try to lead in a way that benefits us. I know you will understand what I mean, but what you talk about here in this post is so different from when we manipulate them to try to get them to do things "our" way. No, this is real communication which helps them to be better leaders. LOL...go Steve! Yes, I am this cheesy sometimes, but it is so encouraging to read. :)

    1. Thanks Susie. It amazes me sometimes how much Steve really gets me. At times, I think he gets me better than I do myself.

  5. Congrats to both of you Dana! Very happy to hear that Steve is finding his HoH feet and you are accepting. Ya know, I do believe everything happens for a reason so maybe you both needed to go through all the ups and downs of the last year and a half to get to this point. You both needed to find out what exactly you needed in him as an HoH and in you as a TiH. Just my opinion. ;)

    Hugs and Blessings,


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