Friday, November 29, 2013

Stitching Together Harmony

I recently got back into sewing. It's something I dabbled with in my youth, even entering a few sewing competitions, but I hadn't sewn in years aside from minor repairs. A few weeks ago, I got a new sewing machine. I pondered for a bit on what my first project was going to be and finally settled on curtains for our daughter's room since we couldn't seem to find the right curtains at the right price.

I did a little searching and found a tutorial online complete with pictures. The directions seemed pretty simple. I thought it would be fairly easy for my initial foray back into sewing. But like most things that appear simple on the surface, it wasn't.

First there was the matter of getting everything straight. Despite measuring carefully and double-checking before I cut, I still cut crooked. So I had to keep going back to even things up.

Then there was the ironing. I started to iron, taking great care to avoid burning my finger. I got it anyway, which required a break to visit my aloe for first aid. A couple breaks if you want the full truth. And then I managed to jab my finger a few times while pinning the fabric.

Once I got everything prepared, I figured I was home free. Just sew along my carefully pressed and pinned hems. Finally it was time to sew. The pedal was a little temperamental. At first, it went extremely slow. I began to wonder if I was ever going to get done at this rate. Then it took off like a jackrabbit. It took a bit of trial and error before I found the right speed, one that wouldn't take all day to sew and wouldn't sew my finger to the fabric.

Domestic discipline is a lot like my little sewing project. On the surface, it seems simple enough. One person makes the rules. One person follows them. There are consequences for not following rules. You grown closer. And you live happily ever after.

But DD is more complex than it initially appears. If things aren't going smoothly, you might have to make adjustments here and there for things to work out right. That might mean dropping a punishment option that triggers a bad reaction or submitting to a rule that you don't like because it's important to your HoH.

Sometimes no matter how careful you both are, there may be some pain. Opening up and giving your HoH your trust makes you vulnerable. An innocent-sounding remark may hit harder than it was intended. For the submissive part of the equation, that means letting your partner know if they inadvertently hurt you instead of withdrawing behind a wall. For the HoH, that means paying close attention to your partner's emotional state and recognizing that while that may not have been your intent, it did cause harm.

Finally, be aware that it may take some trial and error to find the right pace for your relationship. When starting out, especially if you're the one that brought DD to your partner, you may be wanting to move at a faster pace than your partner. Or after going for a while, you may find that your HoH is moving faster than you are comfortable with.

Be patient. It takes time to find the right pace. Even once you find the right pace for now, don't be surprised if it changes in the future. What works for you right now might not necessarily work a month or year from now. It isn't a race; it's a journey.

Last but not least, don't think of domestic discipline as a quick fix bandaid for your problems. It takes time and effort to get things right. You have to be willing to do the work to get the benefits. It may be hard at times, but it's all worth it in the end.

And if you're curious about how my curtains turned out, they came out great. Our daughter loved them. Steve is in awe of my mad sewing skills. I was so thrilled with my success that I decided to use the leftover fabric to make matching throw pillows, which also came out great. Now that I've got the sewing bug again, I'm already planning more projects. Next up is a baby blanket for my youngest niece.

Thursday, November 28, 2013

Happy Thanksgiving

Thanksgiving only comes once a year, but all year long I'm thankful for the gifts I have in my life.

My wonderful husband

My beautiful daughter

Family (although they drive me crazy at times)

Friends that are near

Friends that I know only through the computer screen

I'm truly blessed to have so many wonderful people in my life. Happy Thanksgiving everyone.

Thursday, November 21, 2013

Off the Speed Bump and Rolling Again

When I was frustrated and trying to find a way to get Steve to put his HoH hat back on, I didn't really expect it to go the way it did. But I guess that's the way it works. If I could direct how things go, he wouldn't really be in the lead.

It all started with a phone call yesterday afternoon. It wasn't a good one. Someone is trying to stir up trouble for us and unfortunately, they succeeded in it. As if the situation wasn't bad enough to start with, I inadvertently made it worse.

I called Steve to let him know what was going on, including confessing to my part in making it worse. Needless to say, he wasn't happy. When he got home from work, I was still pretty upset about everything so I kept looking to him for support, waiting for him to tell me it was going to be okay. But he didn't.

Instead he withdrew. I'd be lying if I said it didn't hurt. He's always been my rock, the one I lean on when things get crazy, and not being able to lean on him and have his support hit me pretty hard. I tried to keep it together and mostly succeeded. At one point, my emotions (and tongue) threatened to get the better of me so I told him I needed a few minutes and went to another room until I could pull myself together. That's a point towards progress at least.

He didn't say much through the evening. I guess he could tell I was worried about the situation and felt terribly guilty over my part in making it worse. When we went to bed, each of us on our own side of the bed, neither of us could sleep.

Finally he relented and curled up against me. He still didn't say anything, just wrapped his arm around me. We laid there for a while not talking. Some of the tension drained from me and all of a sudden I was exhausted.

I had just drifted off to sleep when the first swat landed. It wasn't one of those easy warm up swats either. It was a doozy, one of those that tells you right away that it's going to be a hard spanking to take. I debated about telling him he should take it easy because it's been a while since I've been spanked, but then I thought better of it (probably a good thing in hindsight).

The ones that followed were even worse. He doesn't often spank with his hand, but it definitely carries a wallop. Last night was the first time he's ever brought me to tears spanking with his hand, which was surprising considering I still had my panties on (not that they offered a lot of coverage or protection). And he didn't say a word, not that he really needed to.

Normally he stops pretty fast once I start crying, but that didn't happen. Instead he peeled down my panties. Considering I was already in tears from being spanked with them on, I was not exactly looking forward to feeling his hand against my bare bottom.

That feeling in the pit of my stomach got even worse when I heard the dresser drawer open. Those swats by hand over the panties were nothing compared to what the paddle on a bare, already sore bottom was like. Barely ten swats in and I was chanting steady I'm sorrys.

Steve spoke up then, telling me I wasn't sorry enough yet. It's the only time he spoke through the entire spanking. The swats got even worse from there. I've got some bad spankings since we started this journey, but this one was definitely the worst.

When it was over, he let me go, dropped the paddle back in its usual resting spot and laid down. I kept waiting for him to wrap his arms around me and tell me it was over and I was forgiven, but he didn't. Finally I readjusted my clothing and climbed back up in the bed since I had somehow wound up at the foot of the bed during all the activity. I lay there on my stomach stealing glances at him from time to time, but it was clear that he had withdrawn again. Eventually I fell asleep.

This morning I got our daughter off to school and then waited for Steve to get up. Once he did, I asked the question that had been rattling around in my head since the night before. Was he still upset with me? He said he wasn't, just disappointed, which of course is even worse than him being upset with me. That put an ache in my heart that matched the ache in my bottom.

He took the day off to help me deal with the situation the trouble-maker had stirred up. It wasn't until we were eating lunch that I finally got around to asking him about the other thing that was bothering me-his failure to comfort me after the spanking. When he said he wasn't exactly in the comforting mood, I came close to losing it. This whole situation has my emotions running pretty high.

Since I know his are running high as well and the last thing I want is us to end up fighting because we're both wound up, I excused myself for a few minutes to pull it together. Once I had calmed down, I came back and we talked some more. I told him that his failure to comfort me left me feeling like he was still upset with me and hadn't forgiven me. He listened to what I had to say and then apologized for the way he'd handled it.

The rest of the day went a bit better after that. We're not out of the woods yet, but thankfully it seems like we've made some progress at getting out of the situation we're in. We should know before too long whether it's over or not. Then we can deal with the troublemaker.

It seems hard to believe that only two day have passed since I was talking about speed bumps. One thing about it, when Steve decides it's time we get off the speed bump, he does it. While the sore bottom I'm sitting on is probably going to linger for a few days, I feel better now knowing that he's got us.

Wednesday, November 20, 2013

Progress, Maybe

Thank you all that responded to my last post. I took your advice.

I tried to let go of expectations so neither us felt pressured..

I tried to find little acts of submission that came from my desire to make him happy.

I tried softening towards him.

I tried to seduce him.

Finally we talked a little about what's been missing lately.

So he said tonight we would get back on track.
We'll see what happens.


Monday, November 18, 2013

Stuck on a Speed Bump

Back when I was in college, I was terribly homesick. I had just got engaged (to a guy previous to Steve) and I hated being away from him so every Friday after class, I would set out on the 4 hour trip home. Then I would attempt to cram as much time with him and my friends in before making the 4 hour trip back on Sunday night.

It was a lot of driving and a lot of wear and tear on my car. So it came as no surprise when something broke on it. One Sunday evening when I was returning to college, I started over one of the many speed bumps on campus and my CV joint fell out. I didn't realize what had happened at first. I just knew that no matter how much I pushed the gas, my car wasn't moving. Campus security showed up a few minutes later, diagnosed the problem and pushed me and my car into a nearby parking lot.

I feel like that's where we're at these days. We had been going along just great coming away from our amazing child-free weekend and we've stalled out. Just like back in college when I didn't know what had caused me to stop on that speed bump, I'm not completely sure why we're stuck now.

Coming off of that weekend, I was floating on a submissive high. Suddenly keeping my tongue in check was easy, things were getting done and staying out of trouble seemed effort-less. I barely even noticed that Steve skipped role affirmation that week.

He skipped it the second week as well. But things were starting to unravel. That submissive high was beginning to dissipate. My tongue started flexing a little. Snappy poked her head out and looked around. By the end of the week, I suggested to Steve that it might not have been a good idea to skip role affirmation two weeks in a row.

Week three it all went downhill. He skipped role affirmation yet again without saying why. After her vacation, Snappy was raring to go so I let her. I'm a bit shocked at the things she's said lately. She even said something majorly disrespectful in front of someone else the other morning.

Spankings have been threatened more than once, but not followed through. Meanwhile Snappy's going wild. Buttons are getting pushed. Submission has flown the coop. And I'm feeling majorly disconnected.

Steve has backed off and I'm not sure why. He isn't talking about it. I've been trying to give him some space to work it out, but it doesn't seem to be helping. And I'm left feeling just like I did years ago when my poor little car got stuck on that speed bump. I know something isn't right, but I'm not sure what it is. But I do know that until we diagnose the problem and do something about it, we're not going to be moving forward.

Tuesday, November 12, 2013

Loving Me Some Lurkers

If you haven't heard the news already, today is Love Our Lurkers Day. For the uninitiated, this is the day where we celebrate our lurkers and invite you to delurk and leave a comment. If you want to know more, you can check out the LOL8 FAQ here.

We know you're out there. We want to hear from you 

Not sure what to say? Here's a few ideas.
  • Just say hello. We're a friendly bunch.
  • Tell us a little about you. We love meeting new people.
  • Ask us a question. It can be about DD or anything.
  • Offer a suggestion for a future post. I'm always looking for inspiration.
  • Share your favorite recipe. I love to cook.
You don't even have to use your name. Anonymous commenters are welcome. And if you're worried about deciphering one of those annoying captchas, have no fear. We don't have those here.

When you get done commenting here (because I know you're not going to leave me hanging), please be sure to stop by Bonnie's blog, My Bottom Smarts, to say hi as well.