Tuesday, April 29, 2014

Liebster Award

Julia over at My Personal Thinking Spot was kind enough to nominate me for the Liebster Award. Thanks Julia.

Here are the rules:
1. Thank the person who nominated you and post a link to their blog on your blog.

2. Display the award on your blog-- by including it in your post and / or displaying it using a "widget" or "gadget".

3. Answer 11 questions about yourself which will be provided to you by the person who nominated you.

4. Provide 11 random facts about yourself.

5. Nominate 5 to 11 blogs you feel deserve this award, who have less than 1000 followers. (Note that you can ask the blog owner this since not all blogs display the widget that lets readers know this information.

6. Create a new list of questions for the blogger to answer.

7. List these rules on your post. Once you have written and published it, you then have to :

8. Inform people/blogs that you nominated that they have been nominated for the Liebster Award and provide a link for them to your post so they can learn about it (they might not have heard of it!)

Julia's Questions:

1. What is your favorite sex toy and why do you recommend it?
A vibrating bullet. It's just so versatile. It can be used solo or with a partner, inside or out.

2.What is the weirdest thing you enjoy watching  on TV?

I'm not big on TV. 

3. Do you have pets?

Yes, more than I would like actually. Steve and our daughter keep bringing home animals.

4. What is the color of your vehicle?

I have several cars, but the main one I drive is teal.

5. What was the best part of your day today?

Snuggling with Steve before he got up for work

6.What is the weather like where you live?

Wet and windy at the moment

7. What is your partner's favorite pair of panties on you?

He's not picky about color, but he seems to prefer my tanga panties. They're cut similar to a thong but the fabric comes a little further down the cheek, leaving the bottom part of the cheek exposed.

8. Have you read the Harry Potter series?
No, but I've saw the movies.

9. What was the last movie you saw on the big screen?
If I remember right, it was Rise of the Guardians. Our local theater did a free movie for kids and I took our daughter.

10. Your most and least favorite situations resulting in a spanking?

My most favorite would be whatever situation leads to an erotic spanking because those are fun. The least favorite is a situation where I've deeply disappointed Steve and I'm getting punished.

11. Do you have a personal thinking spot?

I tend to do some serious thinking when I'm across Steve's lap.

11 Random Facts About Dana

1) I'm claustrophobic and can only ride an elevator if I close my eyes and hold onto something or someone.
2) I can't sleep unless I'm on the side of the bed that is furthest from the door.
3) Steve and I met online, a fact very few people know. His parents don't even know.
4) My favorite snack is sunflower seeds, but I'm very particular about brand and flavor.
5) I can juggle.
6) I'm allergic to most household cleaners so I make my own.
7) My daughter and I were the exact same weight and length at birth.
8) I've been called a crunchy mama because I coslept, let my daughter self-wean (at 2 1/2), wore her in a sling, made my own baby food, etc.
9) Clowns creep me out.
10) I was going to join the Air Force until I found out they wouldn't let me be a pilot because I wear glasses.
11) I collect antique dishware.

My Nominees

It gets hard to keep up with who's been nominated after a while so if you've already did this, feel free to skip it. And if you haven't been nominated, but want to participate, consider yourself nominated.

EsMay at Submitting to be Led

Blue Bird at A New Road  

Elle at Elle & Fireman's World

Jennelle at A New Perspective

Wilma at Barney Married Wilma

My Questions

1) What are your most liked and least liked implements and why?
2) If you had to describe the difference DD has made in your marriage in only one sentence, what would you say?
3) Have you ever been watching a couple on TV or in real life and found yourself thinking "I would definitely get spanked for that."?
4) If you could be HoH for a day, what rules would you make?
5) What has been the biggest area of growth you've saw in your HoH?
6) If you could have any animal in the world as a pet with no restrictions, what would it be?
7) What are some of your hobbies?
8) If someone wrote a biography about you, what would the title be?
9) Can you whistle?
10) Are you right or left handed?
11) If money was no object, what would be your dream home and where would it be?

Monday, April 28, 2014

Consistency Builds Trust

I was reading an article earlier today. While the article had nothing to do with domestic discipline. It was actually an article about productivity. But there was one line that immediately made me think of DD, especially since I had joined one of the chat rooms last night to find a discussion on consistency.

Consistency Builds Trust

Pick a blog about DD. Any one of them will do. I can almost guarantee that you will find at least one reference to consistency in it. Odds are, you will find several.

Consistency is a topic that is often discussed in our community. We bemoan the lack of it. We talk about the importance of it. Sometimes we might even half-heartedly complain about there being too much of it.

I have to admit I never noticed the relationship between consistency and trust until I came across that three word sentence in the article. But the more I think about it, the more I see that they are connected.

When Steve is being consistent, I can trust that our marriage is important to him. I can trust that he does care because he's obviously paying attention and is willing to do what's needed to head off any problems. I can trust that when I push against him, he's going to be rock solid.

But consistency is a two way street. In one of our bumpy off road adventures during our first year, Steve told that it wasn't fair for me to get upset over him for not being consistent in his role when I wasn't being consistent in my role. He was right. It wasn't fair. He needs me to be consistent just as much as I need him to be.

When I'm being consistent, I'm telling him I trust his leadership. He can trust that our marriage is just as important to me as it is to him. He can trust that I do care because my words and actions show it.

The more consistent Steve is, the more I trust him. The more consistent I am, the more he trusts me. As our consistency grows, so does our trust for one another, and with that trust, our marriage strengthens.

Saturday, April 26, 2014

Doing the Happy Dance

I have big news. Two pieces of big news to be exact.

First up, after lots of research, discussion and prayer, I've decided to go back to school to get my degree. This won't be the first time I've attempted college. I went immediately following high school, but ended up dropping out due to family and financial issues. This time I'm determined to see it through.

Apparently my determination to get a degree sparked something in Steve because he's decided to join me in my return to school. Unlike me, he went to work straight out of high school so this is his first attempt at college. He's a little nervous about it because he's been out of school a lot longer than I have, but I've promised to help him. Who knows? Studying together might even be fun.

So we've spent the last couple months filling out paperwork, applying for financial aid, studying for and taking placement exams, meeting with our advisor (we got lucky and got the same one) to plan our curriculum and rearranging our schedules to make it all work. We start back this summer. Originally we both planned to stop once we got our Associate's degree, but after some thought and prayer, I've decided to keep going and get my Master's so I can be a counselor.

Now for the other big news, something that we've been hoping and praying for. After months of searching help wanted ads, putting in applications and going on job interviews, Steve got a call from one of the companies yesterday.

They want him to start this coming Monday!

He was a little disappointed to find that it isn't the shift he originally applied for. When he first interviewed, the position was a 12 hour rotating one. He'd work three days one week and four the next. We wouldn't see each other much on the days he worked, but he'd be off three to four days a week, which would be awesome.

Instead, they hired him on an 8 hour shift working 5 days a week. It isn't what we were hoping for, but I'm trying to get him to focus on the positives. An 8 hour shift is going to be easier on him than a 12 hour one. It means we'll still be able to spend time with him in the evenings instead of him coming home and going straight to bed. And he still gets two days off a week, which is more than he has with his current job, where he was lucky if he got one day off a week.

Thank you all for the prayers and good thoughts sent our way.

Thursday, April 24, 2014

Words of Wisdom from Dana: Round 6

It's been a while since I shared any words of wisdom so I thought it was time for another round. If you missed the previous rounds, be sure to check them out.

Round 1
Round 2
Round 3
Round 4
Round 5

If you happen to fall asleep before a promised spanking and your HoH is kind enough not to wake you back up for it, it doesn't mean you're off the hook. It just means it's going to be postponed.

When a spanking does get postponed, it's a good idea to stay out of trouble while you're waiting on it to happen.

The frequency of a particular implement being chosen for spankings is directly proportional to how much you don't like it. HoHs seem to think your dislike of an implement indicates how effective it is.

When your HoH calls you brazen, it's not a compliment.

Excuses that worked in the early days may lose their effectiveness over time.

If you get squirmy when your HoH gets anywhere near the drawer where the implements are stored, he's going to wonder what you've been up to that's making you so nervous.

When your HoH sends a text saying "I think you should come in here." from the bedroom after your kid is down for the night, it's probably not a good sign.

The odds that your HoH will hear a remark increase dramatically when you don't want them to hear it.

Friday, April 18, 2014

The Last Word

One of the things that makes DD so effective at reducing conflict is that it eliminates what I like to call the last word syndrome. Since I just made that term up, I'll go ahead and definite it for you. The last word syndrome occurs when a couple has a disagreement over something. Rather than come to a compromise or one person yield, both are determined to have the last word. So the argument goes on and on, sometimes until the last word is something that they regret.

DD does away with that. When we agree to put our HoH in the leadership role, we give up the right to have the last word. We understand that we will have an opportunity to share our point of view, but at the end of the day, the HoH makes the decision.

I'll admit that this took me a little while to wrap my head around. While I was happy to have Steve leading, I've been known to dig my heels in on things, especially if I feel that I am right. On some issues, it was easy for me to concede and let him have the last word. On other issues, not so much. I've gotten better with it over time.

But every once in a while, there's one of those disagreements that isn't really worth fighting over, but I'm irritated enough to want to have the last word. It doesn't matter that my last word isn't going to win anything. I just want an outlet for my frustration. In those cases, I tend to give my last word quiet enough that it's likely to go unheard or (the smarter move) wait until I'm far enough away that it will definitely go unheard.

This morning was one of those times. We've had an ongoing discussion about how something (non DD related) should be done. I already had my own way of doing it, which had working for me for a long time, so I wasn't interested in changing. Steve thought his way was better, but since he hadn't specifically told me I had to do it his way, I kept doing it my way.

This morning he basically forced the issue by starting the process before I did so I had to do it his way. In the process, he managed to hit two of my major pet peeves, one of which is people messing with a system I have that works just fine for me.

I was irritated enough about it to say something. At first, he just let me vent. I think maybe he recognized that the way he had went about it was not the best way to get me to try it. So he let me go. Right up until the point that I told him his idea was stupid. I was in the process of pulling a shirt over my head when I said it so I didn't see his eyes narrow, but considering the tone of his response, there's not a doubt in my mind that they did narrow. The exact words he said aren't really important, but the general gist of what he said is that his idea wasn't stupid.

I still thought he was wrong, but I didn't want to argue about it so I simply shut my mouth and walked off.  Unfortunately, this was one of those times when I needed that last word to vent my frustration. As I was exiting the room, I said very quietly "It is a stupid idea." To be honest, I didn't think he'd hear me say it.

He must have been waiting for me to say something (the man knows me well) because he did hear what I said. Before I could even get the bedroom door shut, I heard his response, which was "Unless you want me to put you over my knee and paddle your behind while we have a long conversation about what is stupid, you better drop it."

I guess he got the last word after all.

Tuesday, April 15, 2014

Hiding, a Spanking and Getting There

The other day Steve accused me of hiding. His comment was brought on by the fact that I never seem to be in the same room with him for very long. While I wasn't intentionally avoiding him, I do have a tendency to withdraw from everyone when I'm feeling stressed or hormonal or just plain cranky. While it may seem to others like I'm pulling away, I'm actually doing it because I care for them and I know I'm touchy and the last thing I want is to bite someone's head off when they don't deserve it.

The more I thought about his comment, the more I realized he was right. Although to be honest, he was right in more ways than he thought. I've been hiding inside my head too.

You see there's a lot of conversation that goes on inside my head that doesn't make it out of my mouth. In some cases, that's a good thing. It gives me a chance to process things so when I do start talking, it makes sense. It also gives me a chance to filter things so I don't say something I regret.

In other cases, it's not such a good thing. Like when I was feeling a bit neglected due to lack of time together (not to mention lack of consistency). I talked to myself so much in my head that I had myself convinced that he doesn't really want TTWD, that he only goes along with it because I want it, that I'm pushing him into being something he's not.

Now I have said these things to him before and he has assured me more than once that this is not the case. But it doesn't stop that self-doubt from sneaking in and telling me over and over again until I start to believe it. A few weeks ago, this nearly led to me calling this whole thing off. Thankfully, something held me back from doing that and we continued on our journey. I did, however, talk to Steve about where my head was and what I came close to doing because of it.

And then there's the times when I want need a spanking. I know I can ask for one if I need it. He has even told me that he wants me to ask when I do. But I struggle with it. I have never been shy about telling him in explicit terms what I want sexually or otherwise, but when it comes to the word spanking I get bashful. The longer it takes me to speak up (or for him to catch on to the fact it's needed) the more that little voice in my head yammers.

It tells me that if he knows me so well, he should be able to figure it out. It tells me that if he hadn't made the bone-headed move to do away with role affirmation, it wouldn't matter if I couldn't say it because Monday is always just a few days away. (For the record, I have mixed feelings about him doing away with RA and whether I think it's a bone-headed move or not depends on the day. He knows how I feel and we've been talking about it.)

The conversation in my head keeps going in this vein until I've worked up quite a mad over the whole situation. Meanwhile, Steve has no idea why everything has been fine and then all of a sudden I'm ready to rip his head off. All because he didn't hear the conversation that's been going on in my head all this time.

I could keep going with examples of how those internal conversations lead me astray, but you get the drift. Me working out something in my head before talking is fine, but when the conversation stays in my head, it gets to be a problem.

Sunday night, I had worked up quite a mad. Some of it was hormones. Some of it was frustration over spending the entire day alone because Steve and our daughter opted to go to friends' houses rather than have our family day. And a good chunk of it was spending so much time in my head.

I was a bit testy that evening. Steve chalked it up to PMS and chose to ignore it, which actually made things worse. The conversation in my head got even more heated. I was irritated enough to consider pushing his buttons by not doing the dishes before bed. Not only is it a rule that they have to be done each night, but it's also a major peeve of his to have dishes in the sink when he's trying to make his coffee or dump his cooler in the morning.

I spent some time reading through a few blogs in an effort to get my head back where it needs to be. It did help and I did rethink the decision to push buttons. Unfortunately, I stayed up so late reading and trying to get my head straight that it was late when I finally went to bed and I forgot all about the dishes so they still didn't get done.

Yesterday morning when I woke up, I knew I needed to talk to Steve to tell him where my head was and ask for a spanking to reel me back in. But again, I struggle with asking so I decided to wait until he went to work and then text it to him. He didn't go to work. Instead he went on a job interview (yay! keep your fingers crossed for us please.).

He called on his way home to let me know how it had went. I asked what his plans were for the rest of the day, trying to figure out if he had time for me when we got back. My plan was to send my text before he got home if he did. I guess my "oh" response said more than I realized when he informed me that he was going to eat lunch and then go do a side job.

He asked what was up. I backtracked and hemmed and hawed, but enough got through that he caught on and he asked flat out if I wanted a spanking. Once he broke the ice with that question, I could finally open up a little and talk about the fact that I'm feeling extremely moody, out of whack and a bit neglected and I thought it would help.

We had a nice lunch when he got home. About the time that we were finishing up, his phone rang. I could tell from his side of the conversation that it was his friend asking if he was ready to do the side job. Even though I hated to wait after I'd finally told him, I gave him my blessing to go on, telling him a few more hours wasn't going to make a big difference. Surprisingly, just telling him what was going on and hearing him say he would take care of things had helped and I went on to have a pretty good day.

Later that night, I curled up against him on the bed while we watched TV. After a bit, he said it was a shame to give me a spanking after I had did so well that day. Aside from the awesome lunch I made him when he got home from his job interview, I had also did quite a bit of laundry and made some calls that resulted in us saving nearly $800 a year on our bills. Even though it sounded like he had changed his mind about the spanking, I knew he was just saying he was proud of me and was still going to do it.

I have to admit that I was a bit dismayed when Steve pulled the paddle out. Somehow I had thought that he would start with something milder like his hand or the wooden spoon and maybe work his way up to the paddle, especially since I'm on my period right now and my pain tolerance is lower than usual. When I told him that, he reminded me that while I had asked for the spanking, the actual logistics of the spanking was his department and he liked the paddle and he thought I needed it.

In hindsight, I think he made the right choice. Sometimes what I want is not necessarily what I need. Not to mention by reminding me that it was up to him, not me, what was used for the spanking helped reinforce his dominance, something I've not been feeling a lot lately.

He did start fairly mild and let me keep my pajama bottoms on, which is rare. He usually insists on bare bottom from the start. However, my pajama bottoms are made out of a thin, satiny type fabric so it isn't like they offered much protection. He would spank for a bit and then stop to rub and talk. Then he would go again. After a while, he stopped, laying the paddle across my bottom.

About five minutes later, he realized that I still had the pajama bottoms on so he pulled them down and picked up the paddle again. Again, he started fairly mild, although it definitely had more of an impact, and would spank and stop to talk and rub before continuing on. About the time it was getting fairly uncomfortable, my internal resistance broke down and I started spilling everything that had been going on in my head. After a few more swats, he laid down the paddle and just listened.

When I told him that sometimes, especially these past few months, he stops before getting me all the way to the right point (you know the one I mean), he seemed surprised. He said since he hasn't been as consistent as he should and he knows I'm more sensitive when I'm not getting spanked regularly, he's been going a little easier on me, including in the spanking that had just occurred. But he hadn't really realized that in doing so, he was actually taking away from the effectiveness of the spankings.

I told him that perhaps those other spankings would have worked a little better if he had went on a little longer and pushed me a little further, especially since he has a tendency to stop when I start asking him to. Then before I really thought it through, I told him he should keep going with this spanking

So he did. And he was clearly listening to what I said while we were talking because instead of stopping when I started asking him to, he let my tone and the tension in my body guide him. When it was finally over, my bottom was on fire, but he had definitely got me there.

We snuggled for a bit and talked some more. Then, to both of our surprise, I closed my eyes and went right to sleep. I slept like a baby. It's amazing how I fight insomnia on a regular basis, but going to bed well-spanked puts me out like a light.

Wednesday, April 9, 2014

The Funny Side of DD

Our journey into DD has brought us a lot. Better communication, more intimacy, a stronger relationship, a cleaner house, just to name a few. And it has brought us some laughter.

Like the first time I broke an implement with my butt. The way Steve said "I can't believe you broke that with your butt." got me so tickled we had to call a halt to the spanking until I could get myself under control. The second implement I broke was even funnier. By the time the third one broke not long after, both of were laughing too hard to even finish the spanking.

Then there was the time that I decided to buy a paint stir stick thing to add to his arsenal. I was feeling quite smug about picking up something from Walmart that no one else realized was a spanking implement. At least I was until I nearly forgot the dang thing at the checkout and the lady behind me helpfully called "Don't forget your paddle!" I blushed several shades of red, grabbed it and beat a hasty retreat from the store. When I got home, I told Steve about it only to have him crack up because apparently those stir sticks are also called paint paddles. Who knew?

And we can't forget my epic retort when Steve informed me during a spanking that "This hurts me more than it hurts you." Before I could think it through, I told him he should try being on my end. That one actually worked out pretty good for me because he got so tickled by my response that he gave up on the rest of the spanking. While it has since become a running joke between us, sadly it no longer works to stop a spanking.

That brings us to this morning. Steve had been gone for a bit and I was just sitting down at the computer to check my email and blogland when my phone rang. It was him and he said he needed a favor. I told him sure and then he announced that he had forgot his paddle.

I'll have to admit he stunned me for a minute. While I would love to get rid of that darn thing, I just couldn't imagine why on earth he would need it if he was away from me. When I found my voice, I responded.

Oh really.

Yes, I ran off and left it this morning and really need it today.

Your paddle?

Yes. Can you meet me at (local store) with it?

Meet you with the paddle?

Yes, hon. I really need it.

You really need your paddle?

It was about this time that it finally dawned on him why I was so confused.

My mixing paddle, hon. The one I use to mix stuff at work. I brought the drill but forgot the mixing paddle.

Ohhhh. That thing that looks like an oversized version of the beaters on my hand mixer?

Yes, that paddle.

Well that makes more sense. Just tell me where it is and I'll be there in a few.

He was still laughing about the whole conversation when I met him. I have a feeling it's going to take me a while to live that one down.

Tuesday, April 8, 2014

It's Not All About the Spanking

Last week was not a good week. I was stressed because I had a lot of big stuff going on (more about that soon). I wasn't feeling that great. I'd also got my hopes up about something important to me only to get those hopes dashed. It was a recipe for crankiness and I had got a full dose.

Steve was surprisingly patient with me. Instead of getting cranky back or spanking me, he took a different approach. While he did call me on some blatant disrespect, he chose to leave it at that and just encouraged me to talk to him.

On Saturday, he took our daughter to work with him, giving me an entire day to relax and unwind. Then he went one step further by arranging for her to spend the night with another family member so we could be alone. It doesn't sound like a lot, but it was a huge thing for us. I have almost always made our plans for alone time. I'm not sure if it's because Steve didn't recognize that I needed it or he just didn't want to deal with all the arrangements, but it bothered me. For him to arrange alone time for us all on his own meant a lot to me.

Despite finally having some alone time, we didn't really take advantage of it. It had been a long day and we ended up just watching a little TV and going to bed early. We both slept in the next morning, which was awesome. While our daughter has to be practically dragged out of bed on school days, she has a tendency to wake at the crack of dawn on weekends, which means that one of us has to get up with her.

I woke around ten to find myself alone in bed. When I walked in the kitchen to get a drink, I found Steve busy at the stove. I didn't really think much about it. I just figured he had decided to fix his own breakfast rather than wake me. So I headed back to the bedroom with my drink to relax for a few minutes before I got dressed for the day.

You could have knocked me over with a feather when he walked in a few minutes later and set a plate in front of me. Now Steve does not really cook aside from a couple easy things. On the rare occasion I have to be away from home for a few days, I usually prep his meals ahead of time so all he has to do is throw them in the microwave or oven. I also stock up on the few things he can make on his own.

He does, however, make an awesome omelet. Early in our relationship, he would make them for me quite frequently, but over time he quit making them as often. The one he set in front of me Sunday morning was probably the first one he's made in a few years.

He came in a few minutes later with his own plate and sat down beside me to eat. As we sat there eating, he told me that he knew that I had been stressed this past week, which had caused my crankiness, and he wanted to do something special to make me feel better.

I have to admit it did the trick, although him being so sweet did make me feel more than a bit guilty about how cranky I had been all week. When I told him that, he just gave me a kiss and told me to let it go because he already had.

I'm constantly surprised by the growth in Steve since we embarked on this journey. Had you asked me a couple years ago how he would respond to me being cranky for an entire week, the thought that he would get us some alone time and serve me breakfast in bed never would have crossed my mind. Even in the early days of DD, I wouldn't have expected him to do that.

But I think we've both come to see that while spanking is a tool in our relationship, sometimes a kind word or sweet gesture can be much more effective.