Tuesday, May 13, 2014

Spatulas, Sirs and Other Such Things

I've been posting lately but not saying a whole lot about us or our DD journey. So I figured it was time to bring you up to date on what's being going on, including some interesting developments.

First up, for those who have been wondering, Steve loves his new job. It's turned out to a bit more than either of us expected, but we're adjusting. When he first started, the job was supposed to only be 40 hours a week Monday through Friday. His first day they asked him if he would be willing to work a little past his scheduled quitting time. Being the new guy and wanting to make a good impression, he said sure.

He's worked overtime nearly every day since, including a full extra day this past weekend. His first week he had 54 hours. He had over 60 hours last week. With him up early to get ready and then working late, we haven't got to spend much time together. Most evenings he has been coming home, taking a shower, eating supper and heading straight for bed. By the time I get our daughter down for the night, he's usually asleep.

Now if you've been reading here a while, you know that I don't do well when I'm not getting one on one time with Steve. That is especially true when DD has to take a backseat.  I get cranky and if it goes too long, submission flies the coop and I stage a rebellion. I keep spiraling downward until I find myself face down across his lap with a very sore bottom.

This one has been different somehow. It's almost like a switch in my head finally clicked. Instead of getting upset, I tried to be understanding and made an effort to do things to support him. Things like taking on chores that he normally does, rubbing his back without him asking, laying out a clean towel and clean clothes so they're ready for him when he showers, and packing his lunch the night before so he doesn't have to worry about it in the mornings.

Another clicky moment for me has been with RA. As you well know, I struggle with asking for it when I need it. I also have a hard time dealing with it when it is delayed. I did a lot better with all that this time around. When I recognized that I was feeling pretty disconnected at the end of the first week, I let Steve know. I made my request a little clearer a few days later when nothing had happened by that point.

For various reasons, it ended up delayed some more. It was nearly a full week after I had first requested it before it happened. But I somehow managed to keep it together and keep my attitude in check the entire time, which is huge progress for me.

Earlier in the day on Saturday, I was following links and managed to find myself on a page offering instructions on making implements. Despite the fact I've regretted every implement I've ever bought Steve, I found myself strangely fascinated by the idea of making one. Thankfully someone from chat talked me down from that idea, reminding me that I really didn't want to make the thing that would be used against me.

Unfortunately she wasn't with me a little later in the day when we went to the dollar store and I came across a silicone spatula/icing spreader thing. I don't know if I was attracted by the bright color purple (my favorite) or burning curiosity about it, but before I really thought it through, I tossed it in the buggy. After we got home, I second-guessed myself and was about to just put it in with my cake decorating supplies, but I ended up giving it to Steve with a brief "I saw it mentioned online a few times." comment so he knew what was up with it.

It made an appearance at RA that night. At first, neither of us were too impressed with it. I had to agree with his assessment that it was a bit wimpy. But he kept going and before long, he figured it out and I changed my mind about it. The point of impact seems to have a lot to do with it. He could swat the center part of my cheek all day and it wouldn't faze me. If he smacks the inner or outter edge of the cheek, it's pretty stingy. The sit spots just plain hurt. I actually yelped when he got them.

It did seem to be a good warmup for the paddle. While I do not like the paddle at all, I could take it a lot better after being warmed up with the spatula. When RA was finally over, we kept talking and I asked that it be brought back as a weekly thing instead of as needed. Since I seem to do better when it happens on a regular basis, he agreed and said we'd start back on Monday. I did grumble a little bit over having another spanking coming in only two days, but I think he knew it wasn't real grumbling.

Sunday night Steve surprised me by deciding to issue a reminder of the chores I have to do Monday. It was fairly mild for the most part and he just used his hand, which surprised me because he generally saves his hand for the fun spankings. It was decidedly one sided though. My left cheek took all of the swats, something I pointed out to him only to find out that was his intent. Apparently he wanted to focus his attention.

He threw me for a loop by insisting on the addition of "Sir" to my responses during the reminder spanking. While it has popped out occasionally with previous spankings, he's never insisted on it. It was a good move on his part, though, as it kept me fully focused on what he was saying and really reinforced his dominance.

Last night was our regular scheduled night for RA. Since I'd already got spanked the two previous nights, it was mostly talking with a few swats thrown in for good measure.

Today I'm feeling much more centered and connected. I'm happy with the progress I've made in not only asking for RA before I spiraled, but also keeping it together despite it being delayed.


  1. Congratulations Dana! I really enjoyed your post and think you are doing great! The way you are supporting Steve in his new job is awesome! And keeping it together when you had to wait...outstanding! Keep up the great work!

    Hugs and Blessings...

    1. Thanks Cat. Steve has commented a couple times that he's noticed a difference in me, which is wonderful.

  2. It is very hard when our men have to work "all hours". It seems though, that it is almost a right of passage in every marriage or partnership.

    Luckily we now know a way of dealing with stress - don't we (she says smiling sweetly)?

    I have a replica of your purple silica spatula/spreader in my utensil drawer. I was full of excitement when I bought it and showed it to Dan, but he said he didn't want to use it for some reason. Yet, of course, he is perfectly happy using an assortment of 'wooden' spoons and spatulas on my poor rear end! Men are funny sometimes!


    1. With Steve's old job, he sometimes had to work long hours,but it wasn't every day like it is now. Granted he doesn't have to work all the overtime, but being the new guy, he feels like he should, not to mention all the overtime means we have more money to save towards a house.

      Steve is usually willing to try new implements at least once. Some have rarely been used since their initial test run, but they're on hand in case he ever decided to try them again.

  3. "I get cranky and if it goes too long, submission flies the coop and I stage a rebellion" I love this line, that's been me many times before. So glad you were able to keep things together, and glad you were able to reconnect. :)

    1. That line pretty much sums me up. lol Thanks for stopping by Sassafrass

  4. I too get really cranky when I don't get enough attention. I never thought it was a problem until we started this journey. Now, the brat just intensifies until well.... You know! I need to learn to just ask for it. Thanks for sharing your story.

    1. Welcome to the blog and thanks for commenting Erika. Asking for it has been one of the hardest things for me. I don't like asking for help. Part of it's stubborn pride and part of it's shyness at admitting I do need it.

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  5. Hi Dana,
    I am just beginning my journey into a DD marriage. I was sent a link to your blog, it is fabulous!!!!
    I wanted to say thank you for writing as well as responding to comments. What you said above about asking for help, it really flipped a switch for me.
    I am in the process of researching and preparing what I want to say to my hubs. That switch that just flipped, it is going to help make this process a ton easier for me.

    1. Thanks for commenting and welcome to the blog Alice. I think asking for help was one of the hardest things for me to overcome. It was part of the reason I held off for so long before bringing DD to my husband (that and I was worried he'd think I was crazy lol). Even now that we're almost to the two year mark, it's something that I still struggle with at times. I'm glad you found this helpful and your own switch was flipped.


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