Saturday, May 11, 2019

I Jinxed Myself

I should have known better. In the past, every single time I've mentioned how well I was doing with staying out of trouble, I've end up spanked in a matter of days. I don't know why it happens. Maybe I get a little overconfident and cocky, which leads me to dance a little too close to the line. Maybe Steve recognizes that it's bound to come to an end at any time so he pays closer attention. Maybe his hands just get itchy.

Whatever the reason, it never fails. If I say I'm doing great at staying out of trouble, I'm going to end up spanked. This time was no different. I jinxed myself.

It was my own fault really. My rebellious side had come out earlier this week. I'd managed to rein it in before I got in hot water, but Steve had definitely noticed. He'd chosen to offer me a little grace because I settled down on my own and apologized.

But he was on high alert. So when he mentioned a chore he wanted me to do, he was paying close attention to see whether or not it got done.

And I blew it. I had my mind on something else and the chore completely slipped my mind.

Steve didn't call me on it right away though. He'd had a rough day at work and was not only exhausted but also sore all over. After dinner, I sent him off to shower and unwind, promising to come in later and give him a massage.

I gave him some time then joined him in the bedroom. He was watching a movie so I curled up beside him until he was ready for his massage. I think I was a little too successful with the massage because as soon as I was done, he was revived enough to reach over and open the bottom drawer of his night stand.

I immediately knew something was up. That drawer has only one purpose. Aside from the cane and his belt, all of our implements are stored there. Sure enough, a moment he was holding the wooden turner and asking if there was something I was supposed to have done today.

It took me a minute, but then it dawned on me. Crap! I'd forgotten all about it. To make things worse, as part of my mini-rebellion earlier this week, I'd pushed a few buttons. I knew what he had to be thinking-that I had continued pushing buttons by not doing that chore.

I swore up and down that that wasn't the case even as I slid into position. I'll spare you the details of what happened next. Let's just say it was ouchy and there was a stern lecture involved. It may have been a while since a spanking was necessary, but he hasn't forgotten how to go about it. Thankfully he tempered it a little since it had been a while.

And here's the irony of the whole situation. DD has been pretty mellow since we picked it back up again, but I've found myself missing some of the structure we had in our early days, particularly when it comes to the house since housekeeping is not my strong suit. I wanted to be careful about how I approached the topic, though, because there have been times in the past where I've inadvertently came across like I was judging his HoH skills or trying to dictate how things should be. That's what my mind was on instead of the chore he'd asked me to do.

Steve had already recognized that I needed that structure and had been trying to give it to me by assigning a few chores here and there. If my mini-rebellion hadn't happened when it did, I might have recognized what he was trying to do, in which case my mind would have been clear and I would have remembered that danged chore. The same chore, by the way, that is now on the schedule for tomorrow with dire warnings of what will happen if it doesn't get done.

Thursday, May 9, 2019

We're Still Going

Back in our early days of DD, I spent a lot of time over Steve's knee. I was lucky to make it more than a few days before getting spanked for something or another. I remember one memorable day when I got spanked three times. I can remember setting a goal to stay out of trouble for a month. At that time, it seemed like a huge goal.

When we brought back DD, I half figured it would be like that again. But to my surprise, something clicked right away. For the most part, I've managed to stay out of hot water. Strangely enough, it isn't something I deliberately set out to do. It just happened.

The real miracle of it all is that Steve was around most of the time. He got hurt at work the end of October, had surgery in December, then had some side effects from the surgery so he wasn't able to go back to work until the end of March.

Something you have to understand about me. I'm used to spending a lot of time alone. Normally Steve is at work and our daughter is at school, leaving me free to do my own thing on my own schedule during the day. So it was a bit of an adjustment having him here all the time.

To be honest, it was driving me bonkers at first. But we talked (yay for communication) and I explained to him that I function better when I get some alone time to recharge. So he made an effort to give me some space most days. He puttered in the garage or hung out with a friend that lives nearby.

There were some perks to him being home. He drove our daughter to school in the mornings, allowing me to sleep in. I'm so not a morning person so that was wonderful. Most days he did the afternoon pickup as well, leaving me free to do some things I normally wouldn't be able to because of the timing. It also gave him some much needed one-on-one time with our daughter, something he hasn't had a lot of over the years because he's always worked pretty long hours.

The problem came when he was finally able to go back to work. You would think that having things back to normal would make me happy, but instead I found myself cranky. And after stepping back into Miss Independent during the day, I was struggling to step back and let him lead when he arrived home each evening. Thankfully Steve showed a lot of patience and I got through the bumpy adjustment period with my hind end unscathed.

As for that goal I used to have about making it a month without getting in trouble, I not only hit it but exceeded it. It's been 4 months since I've been in trouble. I nearly messed that up this week when my rebellious side came out of hiding, but thankfully I managed to rein it in just in time.

Monday, January 28, 2019

New Year, New Us

I haven't wrote here in quite a while. The truth is I really didn't have a whole lot to say. To make a long story short, I threw in the towel on DD last summer. I told Steve I couldn't deal with the on-again off-again any more and that I was taking back my consent. He didn't argue or try to change my mind.

In some ways, it was freeing. I no longer had to worry about rules or consequences or whether we were off or on this week. In other ways, it was scary. It was a whole new world without the boundaries of DD.

It took a little time to adjust and I have to admit I found myself missing it. It wasn't quite the same without it. We still talked, but it was more superficial than deep like it had been. The closeness and intimacy weren't as deep either.

A couple times I found myself wanting to go to Steve and tell him I made a mistake and wanted it back. But I stopped myself. In hindsight, I think I was waiting for a sign that he really wanted it since in the back of my mind, there's always been this thought that he was only doing it because I wanted it. So I stayed quiet.

Then one day last month, completely out of the blue, Steve said he wanted DD back. He apologized for not making it more of a priority these past couple years, said he didn't like the way we were without it, and promised that if I gave it another chance, he would make it more of a priority.

As much as I wanted to say yes, I worried that if I did, we'd just end up going right back to the way things were when I threw in the towel. So I told him I needed some time to think about it. He gave me some space and just before we rang in the new year, I told him okay. We've now been back at it for a month.

I was a little worried that it would take time to readjust to our roles and find our rhythm but we seem to have slipped right back into it without much trouble. It's a less rigid DD than it was in our early days when we first started, but we've changed a lot over the past seven years and it fits us now.

There are still occasional mishaps. A couple weeks ago, I landed myself in hot water over a meltdown. It wasn't the meltdown itself that got me spanked, but rather putting up a wall and refusing to talk about what triggered the meltdown. Or, as Steve called it, for being stubborn.

Yesterday, I got a warning swat for putting myself down and a threat of a full spanking if I kept it up. I hadn't realized it, but apparently I've been doing it a lot lately.